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I yearn for both, tho.
See, this world can be very tiring sometimes and it's inevitable for a mere human like me to yearn for something - someone - whom I can rest to.
I yearn for a skin contact type of intimacy, because I want to have someone who will give me a warm embrace during the days where the sun rays don't reach my heart. I want to have someone who will hold my hand whenever I feel like giving up or whenever I am incapable of feeling anything at all. I want someone who can be physically present and just be there - existing with me, by my side. Of course, I will be there for them as well.
I yearn for a kind of intimacy that reaches the soul. I want to have someone who, with just a look, can already tell how I feel. A kind of intimacy with someone wherein I don't have to say anything for them to understand that I need an immediate hug, because I feel like breaking apart. I want to have a kind of intimacy with someone wherein something as simple as sitting beside each other can already be a source of warmth and comfort to one another - a source of peace.
I will be there for them, they will be there for me.
Being there for one another means having to try our best, yet it also means being the easiest.
I yearn for that kind of intimacy wherein nothing grand nor flowery words are needed - just genuine warmth, care, and peace coming from two people for one another.
I think all of us yearn for intimacy to some extent, may it be touch to skin or touch to the heart - the soul.
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I think all of us yearn for intimacy to some extent, may it be touch to skin or touch to the heart - the soul.
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V pretty 😔❤
FL❀WER BOY
cr. namuspromised, 0613data, jung-koook
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And if I ever dreamt of having a good life, know that I was truly happy during then - even for just a few minutes, even if it's all just a figment of my imagination and was probably vastly different compared to my real life - I was happy.
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Up.
Lately, I find it hard to get myself back up. Lately, it's been difficult to keep on going - yes, I used the 'd' word.
To be honest, I don't like saying that I'm having a difficult life when there are probably others who are having it way harder than I. However, I do sometimes empathize with myself by saying that just because others are having it harder doesn't mean I'm having it any easier.
It doesn't always work, tho.
I still feel useless sometimes.
Ungrateful.
Unworthy.
And it sucks because deep inside I know I shouldn't be putting myself too low, yet here I am writing this entry because it's too tiring already.
Months ago, someone asked me if I wanted to be happy. I remember inhaling the evening air and end up saying, "yeah, that's cool, I guess. But really, what I want right now is to find peace."
I meant it with all my heart. Still do.
The reason is because whenever I think of being happy, I can't help but to also think that it's temporary - that it would be taken away eventually and I'd end up getting hurt. Sad. Again.
That's why if there's something I truly want, that is to find peace. Because by then, I wouldn't have to write a journal at crack of dawn just to vent my feelings out. By then, I wouldn't have to muffle my ears with blasting music just to keep the voices away. By then, I wouldn't have to longingly gaze at the stars and the moon - wondering what it's like to be the same subjects in the night sky over the course of the decades yet still remains relevant - looked up to.
Shining.
Content.
At peace.
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— What if bumalik yung greatest 'what if' mo?
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