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god I’m absolutely going to hell I’m sorry guys 

I was at my friend’s engagement party yesterday and everyone was about to do cheers with these nasty ass shots of blue tequila but I don’t drink and I especially do not drink tequila, blue or otherwise, so I grabbed a piece of bread from the basket on the table and just tapped it against people’s glasses like it was a legitimate beverage instead of a wheat byproduct 

and one of my friends was like ‘ho what in god’s name are you doing’ 

and I didn’t know how to say I would rather slice of my own foot than drink tequila so I just held my bread up and said ‘I’m toasting’ 

and in that moment I felt my soul descend directly into the eighteenth circle of hell

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Kanye dressed as a level 1 RPG character

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(tweet by Jasmine Milton)

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People losing it because of Taylor Swift.

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dentists. the dark. pretty girls. starting conversations.

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So I’m a 33-year-old man, and I say at least four or five times a day, just to myself, under my breath, “I don’t wike it.” You did a press junket and – It wasn’t intentional. It just happened. [x]

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literally my favorite video ever

THIS IS THE SMOOTHEST THING I’VE EVER SEEN HTE FRICK

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SO ONE DAY IN PHOTO EDITING CLASS I DECIDED TO TAKE THE YEARBOOK PHOTO FOR MY ROBOTICS TEAM AND REPLACE EVERYONE WITH DIFFERENT WALUIGI FACES

MY TEACHER PRINTED IT ONTO A HUGE BLANKET SAVE ME

AND IF YOU THINK IM PULLING YOUR LEG

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I’m DYIng someone has a waluigi blanket Help me

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im not kidding when i say this is my favorite picture i’ve ever taken

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If you’re feeling anything less than happy, Here’s Peter Dinklage on a scooter.

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everyone has that one text post that you suddenly remember and weirdly bark-laugh in the shower

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i wonder if my pets have like a proper language and when i try to speak back to them im just speaking jargon

like for example my cat always speaks to me when I come home and i meow back to her and she’ll meow again & even though i don’t think twice about it to her it’s probably a situation where it’s like

her, meowing: “im glad you’re home”

me, meowing back: “tax benefits”

her, meowing: “why do u always do this”

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Vine Snake

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*white parent voice* i cant believe kanye and kim named their baby North West!! thats ridiculous!! oh no, its almost 4:30, i need to pick up my kids Mackaylikiah and Ashleighyie from their water polo practice!

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*sees a really hot boy in English class*

me: romeo and juliet act 3 scene 5 line 176