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my therapist dalton will say shit like, “how are you feeling?”

and so i’ll say, “like oatmeal that’s been forgotten in the microwave for four hours” or “an achromatic kaleidoscope” or “like a hamster wheel without the hamster” or “like a whirlybird falling from the top of a tree” or “like a baby animal with spindly legs going viral on the internet because people think me looking stupid while learning to walk is hilarious” or “like someone is watching me walk downhill” or “like ikea furniture that didn’t come with instructions” or “like the ambiguous blue liquid being absorbed by a paper towel in a commercial” or “like the human equivalent of ¯\_(ツ)_/¯” or “like the sound a wet trout makes when smacked against a wall”

and then he’ll say some shit like “berklie we’ve been over this. you have to say how you feel not what you feel like.”

and then i’ll say something like, “i dunno. just like the way waluigi says ‘wah.’”

and then he’ll say some shit like, “berklie for the love of god you have got to give me an emotion and not a metaphor.”

and then i’ll have to say something like, “fine. i guess i feel bored. or listless. or apathetic, but only in regards to myself.”

and then he’ll say some shit like, “berklie, that’s depression.”

and then i’ll say, “how was i supposed to know?”

only i’m sisyphus and my emotions are a boulder and once a week a man who has an extensive knowledge of mules gees and haws me until i manage to drag out the government name of an emotion from somewhere.

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sometimes i feel ive got to

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Bird 1: oh no

Bird 2: don't worry, he only has one stone

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I've rarely seen a more validating sentence in my entire life.

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Hey guys?

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dead

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god i never told you guys but a couple weeks ago at work i heard a guy say, and i closely paraphrase, "So I was out with my partner--republicans hate it when i say that. My heterosexual partner Jessica--" and i was straight up crying before he finished his sentence. fully diegetic convergent linguistic evolution live in the workplace

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I call this the create a new problem technique

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There's just so much I don't know about Tolkien's work

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( Not my art) Pinterest I LOVE YOU

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The boyyys 🧊 🧊 🧊

I'm sorry I cannot be serious about these fellas, they're so freaking adorable !

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Daily Shark Fact - 4/7/2025

Today's shark is the viper dogfish!

The basics: the viper dogfish shark (Trigonognathus kabeyai) is a rare species of deepwater dogfish shark. Rarely encountered by humans except as extremely incidental bycatch of deepwater trawl lines, they are very small (under 2 feet long) sharks that mostly eat bony fishes. Like many other deepwater dogfish sharks, the viper dogfish has bioluminescent photophores along its belly, and though we don't know for sure thanks to its rarity, we know from related dogfish species that it might migrate up and down the water column, preferring very deep waters during the day and moving upwards (but still staying deep) at night.

Conservation status: least concern. Though the species is naturally rare and more research needs to be done, viper dogfishes have no commercial value and are rarely threatened by bycatch.

Today's fun fact: uniquely among dogfish sharks, viper dogfishes have evolved to swallow relatively large prey whole! Most dogfish sharks have jaws and teeth specialized for biting and tearing off chunks, but viper dogfishes have teeth specialized for grasping and holding on. They don't have a muslce in their jaws that most other dogfish sharks have that ordinarily controls pulling the jaws back in after biting - instead, one of the bones in their jaw is set up to swing their jaws down and forward, allowing them to shoot out their jaws to quickly grab prey! Viper dogfish sharks can swallow prey almost 40% of their own size.