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holidays are dead around here

I’m sick and tired of my health. I’m sick and tired of my body dysmorphia, being in my own skin. I’m sick and tired of my living situation. I’m sick and tired of putting my self in situations with people that just don’t give a fuck. That’s all I've ever been. absolutely fucking nothing to anyone. family included. It’s the worst part about any fucking holiday. a reminder that I'm alone. a reminder that im nobody. a reminder that when things finally start looking up, you put your fucking soul into someone, you find your self finally seeing yourself getting married, having kids, being a fucking normal person like everyone around you  just for them to fucking shit on you run off and reminding you, you’re not fucking worth their time, this other person is. because she was right. I'm not worth anyones time. I never even wanted those things but for once I saw myself there. just being a normal fucking persons. 

I’ve always tried doing the right thing. I swear I'm a good person, and its never enough. 

I'm sick and tired of myself. no matter how hard, somehow someone just reminds me that you're not worth anything. 

all I want to do is sleep and I can’t even do that. The one thing that lets me not feel anything and I can’t even do that. 

I can’t fucking do anything right. I try and I try to do things right and it just doesn’t matter. I still end up right where I am. pathetic and alone.

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Nobody’ll ever give a shit about me. No matter how hard I try. I’m never enough.

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There nothing worse than knowing you don’t have true friendships with anyone. I just want to sleep. I just want to fall asleep and just not wake up. I’m sick and tired of myself. I deserve this.

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Nothing matters

No body cares

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Bad shit happens to me because I’m a shit person. I don’t deserve to be happy. I don’t deserve to be with anyone.

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I just wish I was anybody else but me

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Happy anniversary to me

everyone can fuck off

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I’ll never amount to anything

No one fucking cares

I just want to be gone

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I hate myself.

I hate my life.

There’s absolutely nothing I can ever do right.

I just want to sleep and I can’t even do that. I’m fucking tired of being tired. I’m tired of being a piece of shit

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Hocus Pocus

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Hocus Pocus House

Salem, Massachusetts

October 13th 2018

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