moemochisame

[moemochisame]

20250629

It's been a while since I've written here. But nobody will see it anyways so I might as well talk here while I can. I don't have my journal with me right now too. So hi, I guess this will be where I talk about my feelings without fear of judgement.

But really, I feel really? Exhausted? I don't know why being around friends and giving equal attention to everyone feels like such a chore to me. That's why I love to self isolate so often? I guess? Which makes me feel like a bad friend. And it's true, really. I'm a bad friend to others. I'm bad at listening, I'm bad at giving attention. I'm bad at being there without making it about me.

Being around others is so exhausting but I feel so lonely all the time without them. I haven't been going through therapy lately either so I might have to discuss this then. For now I just want to crawl into a hole where no one can see me though. Or just continue to go outside and hope that someone that fits my standards suddenly decides that I'm the type of person they want y'know. Hahah.

I feel so broken every single day for being unable to work like everyone does. And when I tell it to my friends or my parents or something they just tell me I can, I'm just limiting myself. But how? How do I do any of that? How do I stop feeling exhausted? How do I stop feeling like I have to perform in front of everybody, or how do I have to stop from testing everybody? How do I stop being worried?

I just want to stop being human. If I cast away these feelings then I'll just be a lovable dog. Everyone can love me deeply while what I give back is big but shallow.

Listening to idol songs to cope.

Weight: 73.9kg

[moemochisame]

20250425

Don't forget to drink at least 2 liters of water every single day! Your body needs it for it to function. Ah, takes me back to my high school biology classes that I failed badly. Speaking of failing badly, I'm failing badly!! Every day I live with the constant stress of fucking up so bad that I do not deserve to live. I think this whole academics thing really isn't working out for me chat. Everyone insists on how important it is, and I guess they're right.

The other thing I'd want to do is to work as just an actor, but seeing the state of the film industry here, and seeing how I am, I realize I'm really not what they're looking for.

Anyways, have you all seen the new photos Jyu-chan posted? I can't believe it! He has muscles now!! What did they do to my princess!!

I don't find it changing my opinion him in anyway negative or positive way, I'm just surprised!! Like wah!! That's a drastic change!!

Other than that, I'm just contemplating whether or not to go to this event slash reunion thing my high school is holding tomorrow. It's pretty early in the morning so I might come just a little later to not have to attend the mass they're holding. I really hate attending religious events.

That's it for my update today! Hopefully I remember to update my blog later on cause wow I really skipped like three days huh. Oh well!!

EDIT: Forgot to say but the song of the day is Break it down by M!LK :3c

Weight : 78.1kg Steps : 10727

[moemochisame]

20250421

Hi there! I'm on Tumblr again.

I was thinking of making a blog or something of that sort to document my progress through life. I do have a journal but I feel like that's a little personal. I mean, it's not like some of the things I'll be talking about in here won't get personal though.

I hope whoever finds this has a nice time reading through! I'll try my best to update every day, but most days are better than others.

I walked 12K steps today. That's like 12 times more than I usually do. Which is good. I need to walk more often.

I failed two of my midterms today. For subjects I don't particularly care about. But it still got me feeling down. Like maybe I'm not as smart as I think I am. Or well, it is my fault for not studying. That's fine though. The more I'm in this degree the more I realize I don't really find myself being happy in it. I'm happy to work as an administrator or as a secretary!! Those jobs had been fun to me. But thinking of business... It hurts my head. I'd rather do all the boring work without the social aspect of it.

Tomorrow I'm thinking of getting Korean food. I'm not eating anything tonight. I need to lose weight.

My dream is to be a well known actor or maybe even an idol! I look ugly right now. Imagine being ugly AND stupid, right? Some people are happy like that. I'm not. I need to fix one or the other.

The song of the day is Freaking Happy by ONE N' ONLY!

I've been listening to a bunch of J-POP recently, especially ebidan groups. Big fan of M!LK!! I fell in love with them ever since Yamanaka Jyutaro starred as Zukyumpire in Kamen Rider Gotchard. Oh yes!! To anybody that sees. Keep this a secret but I'm a huge Zukyumpire yume and I have crazy embarrassing gachikoi for Jyu-chan.

Waughh okay!! That's rambling too far!!

I'll probably do an introduction blog some day. But for today I think I'll leave it at that. Thank you for reading!

Weight : 78.8kg Steps : 12394