mohhesham95

[mohhesham95]

New Beginnings

At the end of every year, I like to sit down and think about what went wrong and what went right in it. I've been thinking a lot about the past two years. 2023 was such a difficult year for me, I went through a difficult breakup, and I wasn't feeling like myself at all. 2024 was much calmer on the emotional side, but it was more challenging career-wise. I finally got my master's degree, which I've been working so hard for, and it was one of, if not the main, goals for my year. I'm very happy about that as it's something that I have been looking forward to for a couple of years. On the other hand, I have been exposed to a very toxic work environment from a sick minded boss. I have been unfairly targeted, and I felt I am not getting the appreciation I deserved. This has put me in a difficult position, it felt like a crossroad moment for me. I need to make a decision that will shape the next few years of my life and maybe more. It's fairly a big decision, I'd say. Throughout my life, I've always made the 'safe' decision. Starting from high-school, uni and ending with my speciality decision. It was always the sensible yet safe decision. But for the first time in my life, I think I'm not choosing the 'safe' decision. It's still very sensible for me, but it's such an 'out of my comfort zone' decision. I decided to quit my job and apply for a PhD, in Cairo. That's such a huge decision for me because I have been living with my parents in Alexandria for my whole life. Moving my life to Cairo wouldn't be easy, but I feel comfortable with my decision. I think it's time to quit my comfort zone and do something different with my life. I want to broaden my exposure and circle, see new places, meet new people, and learn more things. I have been feeling that things are going stale at work for quite a while and since I have already earned my master's degree, there is nothing that logically binds me to the this newly formed toxic environment at all. Life is already difficult on its own, so there's no need to hang around toxic people when you don't have to do that. I feel like staying would be a huge waste of time and effort. I do believe in destiny and that everything happens for a reason, so maybe in a few years time, I'll look at a toxic boss as the reason that gave me the push I needed to actually have a leap of faith and get out of my comfort zone. There is no absolutes in life, so I'm not saying it's a right or wrong decision, but it will give me peace of mind, which I think is a valid enough reason. After a lot of thinking, I decided to leave my comfort zone and challenge myself to be more like the person I aspire to be. I wanna work on my body, my soul, and my mind. 2023 was heartbreaking and a huge learning curve, 2024 was the year of healing, and now I feel like myself again. Hopefully, 2025 is the year of new beginnings. Get moving and do what makes you happy. As much of a cliché as this sounds, but 'new year, new me'. I truly mean it, though. Bring on 2025, the year of new beginnings.

[mohhesham95]

Human x2

'To deny people their human rights is to challenge their very humanity.'

Nelson Mandela

I wrote about this about 6 years ago, but now seems like a good time to write again. What makes a human human? Seems like a pretty basic question, but in that answer lies a lot of the world's issues. Some would say the brain, humans, are the smartest living creatures. Some would say the ability to evolve. Some others would say the sophistication. Some would say the inconsistency, hence the term 'human error'. In a world with so many technological advances, I believe the most important human quality is empathy. If you can not show empathy, you're drifting away from what makes you human. You're just turning into a robot that can be controlled. A cog in a huge machine that serves a greater purpose. This generation has seen so much trouble in the world that would make them question the purpose of life. The Palestinian war is the latest of those travesties. It makes you think, is it a life worth living? A world where innocent people are murdered every day in cold blood, and the so-called world leaders are trying to normalise that. They are trying to make you feel less empathy, to make these scenes like a usual occurrence. The 'civilised' western governments are not very bothered about murder when it comes to 'less worthy' people. Saying no to killing has become 'supporting terrorsim', and when they try to save face, it's 'all lives are sacred'. If all lives are really sacred, you wouldn't be turning a blind eye to blatant genocide. Are you really expecting a young boy who had his whole family wiped in front of his own eyes to be civilised? Are you expecting him not to feel anger and injustice? Are you not expecting him to want to do everything in his power to get vengeance? This is basic human emotion. How can I be logical in front of blind violence? Violence breeds violence. You can't kill innocent civilians and then be surprised that these helpless people will bite back. Everything was already taken from them, and you will not take their humanity as well. We, as Arabs grew up fascinated by the Western culture. Democracy, human rights, equal rights. Human rights are for only the people they think that they deserve it. It's not all doom and gloom, though. The free Western humans saw the truth. Protests in places like London, NYC, and Berlin to support Palestine. Not in your wildest dreams, you'd imagine that. There are never positives when people die, but the real victory of this war is the unmasking of reality. The people saw the truth because it's as clear as day. The false image has been exposed. They can't lie to your faces anymore. That's why they are desperate to shut you up. They don't want you to be heard. There are no two sides to this story. Governments want to brainwash you into being a cold robot that just follows their rules and accept their narrative. They want to make you feel hopeless and helpless. But you're not. Speak up, show support, and take a side. Being neutral in a situation like this is equal to supporting evil. These situations show you the real core of people. Don't normalise killing. Don't normalise genocide. These are people with stories, dreams, and lives. They deserve a fair chance at life. They are not just numbers. Don't lose what makes you human. Don't lose your empathy. Make them heard. Life might not be fair with no fairytale endings, and we might feel powerless, but I'd rather try to do what I think is right even if it seems pretty insignificant. Just making these people heard and letting them know that we see them as unique humans worthy of a stable life is the least we could do. We were born human, and we can't let anyone take that away from us, no matter how hard they try.

[mohhesham95]

Reset Button

Hello there! It's been a while. I miss writing, I truly do. It gives me some inexplicable joy. The past three years have been very turbulent for me. Starting with a world pandemic and then health problems for my favourite person in the world which scarred me without realising at the time, a failed relationship where I thought she was the love of my life and ending with me failing a very important career exam, twice. Pretty smooth, huh? I'm not the kind of guy who likes to complain or dwell on things. I like to always move forward and do better. But I feel drained, mentally and physically. I guess I gotta get used to adulthood. Life doesn't stop for your misery, apparently. Life has been hectic recently, and I feel like I need a break. I miss uni days, where I could just take a break, travel and explore some exotic country and then come back refreshed with a new apetite for life. I can't believe I just said that I miss uni days. Pretty ironic, that. I'm not writing this to feel sorry for myself. I want to vent all the emotions out so I can move on from all this. Seeing my mother struggling for her life took a lot out of me without realising. I couldn't let it out at the time. Everyone around me was struggling. It was unfair to them. The one person I really wanted to talk to was barely living. I didn't realise how much it affected me at the time because I was so focused on her recovery. Which I'm so grateful for. It was nothing short of a miracle. At the time, I was lost. I felt alone. That led me to a relationship which was not suitable for me. Not a bad person, just not suited for me. I found comfort in that relationship. It gave me hope. It gave me support. Everyone around me was concerned with multiple issues. Ironically, I was not blinded to those issues. I just thought that every relationship has its struggles and you gotta compromise sometimes. Which is true. But you can't compromise yourself. Which I unfortunately did. I put all my energy into this relationship, so it barely gave me any energy for anything else. I got far away from my family, my friends, and even my career. I didn't realise it at the time. I was trying to convince myself that I was happy, but I wasn't. I didn't want to admit that I was wrong. I didn't want to let go of all the memories. I didn't want to feel the same way again, like when my mother was sick. I didn't wanna feel alone, lost, and broken again. I was scared. I was scared to be alone. I was scared not to find someone who loves me. Maybe I still am. But at least now I have clarity, that I'm making the right decision. I was willing to compromise my happiness just not to feel that I let my partner down. I hate to feel that I let down people and she knew that. She pressured me to continue, just so I have to keep my word to her. Maybe I still let her down now, but I believe that heartbreak now is way better than me living with her while not happy. It was one of the most difficult decisions of my life, but I just had to do it. I just felt like I'm losing myself in her. I had to get myself back. Because I don't fail exams twice, that's not me. I don't treat my parents badly. I'm not a distant person. A good relationship should make you a better person. I was decieving myself that it was helping me become better, but it wasn't. I feel drained, but I wanna be better. I wanna make my parents proud. They never gave up on me even during the hardest of times. I'm so grateful for them. They deserve so much better from me. I'm determined to give them that. I'm writing this to remind myself that it will get better. I wanna go back to who I am. I wanna reset and start over. It's time to take a break, recharge, and then come back stronger and work harder than ever. I hope to start writing more often again. Hopefully, the next time we meet, I'll be in a much better place. Time to hit the reset button. See you soon!

[mohhesham95]

Wake-up Call

We all started 2020 by the same old “New year, new me” but it took new to a whole new level. The globe has faced an unknown pandemic called Covid-19 or the Corona virus. At first we thought it was just a joke but as time passed by we realized it absolutely is not a joke. Sporting events getting canceled left, right and center, countries getting into total shutdown, airports shutting down, death tolls increasing. Shit has just got real. The whole world is in panic. That got me thinking, you know what is worse than the actual virus? The panic it brings. As the brilliant Christopher Nolan through -my favorite villain- The Joker says: “Nobody panics when things go “according to plan”. Even if the plan is horrifying!” A scary quote but very true. Humans like routines by nature, it’s safe and even if it’s not the best but it’s familiar. We find comfort in having a routine, having a plan, having a house to go to. Any change to how our life works usually brings fear. A fear of the unknown, and when the unknown is your life then the fear turns into panic. This panic brings the worst in humans, because humans are selfish by nature so when you’re afraid, you just care about survival and you lose empathy. Supermarkets are emptied of supplies, pharmacies are short of drugs, prices increase etc. So how do you deal with this? Easy, don’t panic. Very efficient, huh? My point is to perceive news with logic not emotion. You heard about increasing deaths? Stay at home, improve your personal hygiene, do what will actually be effective instead of storing tons of supplies. Acting based on logic makes you in control of your emotions and most importantly lets you keep the most powerful human emotion: Empathy. Only empathy will get us through this, be responsible and think of the consequences of your actions on others. Maybe this is nature calling for help and giving us a wake-up call. We got so consumed in technology, money, social media and we forgot to live our lives in the process. The modern day human is a selfish, consuming human. We got so used to our daily routines that we took it for granted. Our normal day was a blessing that we didn't appreciate, going to work with no worries, having dinner with your family, hanging out with friends, going out whenever you liked. All these things seem so far away right now. Maybe this pandemic can let us count our blessings and appreciate the gift of life once again. This is the time to give more, a time to reunite. Earth is calling for us, will we answer back?

[mohhesham95]

The Egyptian Paradox

Have you ever felt that you belong somewhere and you don't belong at the same time? I know it doesn't make sense but hear me out. This is what I call the 'Egyptian paradox'. Egypt is sure a damn special place. It gives you all sorts of feelings. I feel like I belong so much in many cases. Cracking a joke among my friends, during our daily gatherings in the usual spot with hookah smell everywhere, when something funny happens and you remember a part of a movie that fits, during Ramadan's family gatherings around the TV, the delicious food of my grandma and the warmth you feel at her place, the smell of the sea of Alexandria during winter nights, my mother's hug, enjoying my father's funny stories, watching my favorite football team with my brother and losing our temper together every single time, the feeling of pure joy during Ramadan when it's time to eat, summer nights by the beach with music and friends, singing out loud in your car to Amr Diab's old songs, the excitement you feel when you hear the sound of your mom or dad coming home with bags in their hands, going out at 1 am during summer because it always feels safe at home no matter the circumstances, the sight of absolute fascination you see on a foreigner's face when you tell them that you are Egyptian, watching the history, the rich culture, the pyramids and so many more of these moments that make you feel proud to be Egyptian. On the other hand, I feel that I don't belong on so many other occasions. When I see the garbage in the streets, when women get harassed in the streets daily, when people consider you a traitor or an idiot because you just have different political view, the judgmental look in everyone's eyes for someone who has done nothing except being different, the obsession with our 'image' in front of others, spending money to impress others instead of actually spending it to enjoy life, the corruption that has spread into every single place in this country, a place where dreams are killed because of corruption and berreucarcy, keeping on persisting with outdated rituals because they are 'traditions', I can also go on forever. There is a song that is titled 'I hate you, I love you.' This is how I feel about Egypt. Dear Egypt, I hate you because you have taken away my dream of living a decent human life with my people in my country, you have taken away my dream of seeing this country as one of the most civilised in the world. Dear Egypt, I also love you because you're my home, no where feels like home except here, it will always be where I belong, you have the memories, the places and most importantly the people. That's Egypt in a nutshell, it can take you from pure ecstasy to pure disappointment, and vice versa, in a flash. I consider myself a middle/high social class person here in Egypt. And in our country, this gives you some privileges. A nice car, a comfortable home, some people that can serve you, being able to afford fancy restaurants, a sporting club membership, affording decent schools etc. That's the kind of stuff that you will not get if you live abroad with the same amount of money. So here comes the tough paradox, are you willing to give up your middle/upper high class privileges in Egypt for a decent healthcare/better education/cleaner streets? The choice is yours.

[mohhesham95]

Persistence is peRFect

How can someone you’ve never met influence your life so much? That is what I asked myself while watching the great Roger Federer win his record 20th Grand Slam title with a smile of a proud little brother. I have been a huge Federer fan since early 2006, I was 11 at that time. And here I am entering my 24th year and that great ‘old’ man is going strong. I can hear you right now non-tennis fans, you’re definitely asking what’s so special about that Federer? Well let me give you a bit of a hint. Of course he is such a talented tennis player, so effective, so elegant in the way he hits the ball. No wonder he is called the Maestro. But I will not talk in tennis terms, because for me it is much bigger than that. Roger Federer is defying age and time, people were calling for his retirement FIVE years ago. Roger taught me that it does not matter what people think about you, what only matters is what you think about yourself. He never gave up and he thought that he was not done and boy he was damn right. Federer has all the talent in the world but without hard work and grit he would never have made it on the big stage. He is always striving to improve, he massively improved his game at the age of 36, an age where people retire in tennis but he is still out there winning on the biggest of stages. What drives Roger is the love of the game, he absolutely loves what he does. Every win means the world to him. Watching him tear up like a little kid after winning his 20th slam title the same way he sobbed after winning his first Slam was heart warming. To see that after all these years it still means the world to him, he still enjoys the game and embraces every moment. His parents were tearing up during his speech in Australia with a very proud look on their faces, Roger made me want to do the same to my parents. To make them proud of me, to strive to be better and to love what I do in life. Cherish Roger Federer everyone, not only because he is a great tennis player but most importantly because he is an inspirational person. Thanks for being a peRFect role model, Rog. Here is to many more years of kicking ass. Allez!

[mohhesham95]

Football is life

People always wonder why I love football so much, they see it as something shallow or not really important. I completely disagree. Football is a real life emotion roller coaster, which is basically what is life all about. Emotions. And the 8th of October 2017 proved me right. Let me tell the beautiful story of that day but from the very beginning. If you ask any Egyptian about the single thing that has eluded this country for so long they will reply with “World Cup” without even thinking. 28 years of disappointments, heartbreaks and false expectations. Every 4 years, all the country gets so hyped up and believe that this time it will actually happen and every time we get let down by a bizarre series of events. I remember the match in 2009 against Algeria. I was heartbroken and it was the first and only time that I cried because of football. Until the 8th October of 2017 happened. But this time it was tears of joy. Do you know the feeling when you look back at a day and you say I will be telling stories about today for years to come? This is what I exactly felt after the game vs Congo. Everything was in line for Egypt to finally qualify to the World Cup, the whole country was so hyped up. I decided to go to the stadium to witness this historic event, we just needed to beat bottom placed Congo at home to qualify. Sounds like an easy task, right? Never. Egyptians always do it the hard way. I went to the stadium 3 hours before the game and they never felt like 3 hours. We were dancing, singing patriotic songs and having all sorts of fun. It was a very timely reminder that we still love this country no matter how strong the tide gets. Then the players entered and the national anthem was played and it literally gave me goosebumps, more than 80 thousand people screaming their lungs out in one voice for this country. Beautiful scenes. The match went on and everyone was nervous, first half was over with no goals. Tension was starting to build up, people getting angry. Then came the 65th minute where the great Mo Salah put Egypt one to the good. Jubilant scenes took place, everyone jumping and screaming. “WE ARE GOING TO THE WORLD CUP” I can barely even remember watching the goal, all I remember is feeling over the moon. Everybody thought that this was it as the legendary El Hadary pointed to us that there are only five minutes left for the dream to finally happen. But two minutes later he was boiling with frustration as Congo equalized in the last minute of the game. The stadium was mute, you could hear a pin drop after that. Everyone was in shock, is the dream really over? I could not believe my eyes, I was thinking “This cannot be happening, not this time.” I heard a friend behind me saying “What did we do to deserve this?” And I thought “This is not the end, we WILL score.” I kept muttering this to myself. One voice in the crowd was like “COME ON! GIVE ME SOME NOISE! COME ON!” and everybody started to believe again. The extreme quietness that was there two minutes ago was not there anymore, noise was back. The crowd believes, the whole country believes and the players felt it. Then came the 94th minute where the referee points to the penalty spot. “PENALTY” everyone screamed, celebrations were wild for a few seconds and then we realized that we still need to score that. My eyes were starting to tear up at that moment. “Could we really do it?” I thought. Up stepped Mo Salah again and I really cannot imagine the amount of pressure he was under. One kick differs between triumph and disaster, 100 million people counting on you for their happiness. He went for it and he absolutely smashed the ball into the back of the net. “WE’VE DONE IT!!!!!” I went to the ground and I cried my eyes out, I was so relieved, so happy, so stressed at the exact same time. I looked around and everyone was screaming, crying, jumping. We have really done it! It’s not a dream, I witnessed history. 28 years of pain relieved in one day. The celebrations lasted until late at night. You could walk around in the streets and see the smile on everyone’s face, pride was evident. That day I realized that I still love this country so much, that we still care. This was the story of the 8th of October 2017, the day football reminded me of emotions that I thought were not there anymore. And you still ask me why I love football?

[mohhesham95]

Asian fate

You know when they say that something is meant to be? I think this was me with Indonesia. It was my fate to go there. Around a year ago I wrote about how I had the chance to travel to either Brazil or Indonesia and I chose Brazil. Guess what? This year I actually went to Indonesia! It was not really planned but it happened very quickly and I found myself booking my plane there. This time I was pretty excited to travel because I heard a lot of good stuff about the country and I was not disappointed. I have never been to Asia and living for 5 weeks in Surabaya, East Java which is a very conservative area was such a culture shock. But I loved it, I got so attached to the city, the Indonesians were such nice people and the whole atmosphere was just very cozy. (I still walk barefoot sometimes at home, I got used to it.) Our project too was a really unique one. Imagine traveling being your job? This was literally me for 5 weeks, just exploring East Java and taking A LOT of pictures and videos. Such a cool task to have! I consider myself very lucky because I had a great project and I met many awesome people. Our gang was inseparable from day one, you could see there was instant chemistry among the group. It made even the dullest of days so much fun. This was very helpful in the long bus trips we had and the amount of waiting we had to go through. Waking up everyday just looking for ways to have fun and enjoy your time. Isn’t that the ultimate dream? I lived that dream for 5-6 weeks and I am so grateful for it. I learned a lot of stuff about the Indonesian culture, I rode motorbikes in Bali (Or at least tried to and failed miserably), I ate spicy food everyday, I ate chicken legs at 7 am, I tried to speak Bahasa and I was almost always late in a typical Indonesian (and Egyptian) fashion! Indonesia now is a part of my memories, my character and my whole life. I will never forget those 6 weeks with all the fun, the laughing, the hiking, even the fights and most importantly the people. Those friendships are the number one thing I gained from this trip. If it wasn’t for this incredible group I wouldn’t have had this much fun. It’s been a blast and I am sure that this is not a goodbye it’s just a see you soon. Terima Kasih Indonesia!

[mohhesham95]

No where be like home

“No where be like Africa, no where be like home.” This is an African song that I used to listen to everyday when I visited Kenya. This is how I feel when I travel. They say home is where your heart is and I feel like home when I travel. Quite funny, right? I never thought that I would have so much fun in Kenya but to say it was an amazing experience is an understatement. Before traveling I was a bit tensed and I was not excited to travel at all to be honest, but what a difference two weeks can make! I had so much fun, made a lot of friends (saw a lot of wild animals too) and it seriously changed my whole mood. I felt like I was part of the Lion King movie but in real life. I honestly believe that traveling is the best thing you could ever do with your money. The memories, the experiences and that feeling of excitement when you are at the airport are priceless. I think that I am blessed with super cool parents that support me traveling, and I promised myself that I will do the same for my future children. 5 years ago it was my first time to travel without my parents but I was with my friends. But last summer I travelled totally on my own and I learnt that there is a huge difference between being a tourist and actually embracing the culture. For a month in Brazil I felt that I am Brazilian and for 2 weeks in Kenya and I totally felt like a true African. I lived their life, I ate their food and I tried speaking their language. It was the whole package. I cannot describe how these kind of experiences changed my personality, it made me a more social person, more patient and a lot wiser. I felt like a totally different person, I made tons of friends. Traveling sets your soul free, you feel like you are flying freely with no restrictions. Now when I come back from a certain trip, the next trip is already being planned in my mind. I got addicted to traveling, the sound of planes taking off, the bags being pulled on the floor, people running to catch their planes, the whole experience just makes me drool. I think that is an awesome addiction to have. (Not so awesome for my wallet though.) I have always thought that I was not passionate about a lot of things in my life, but I find myself so excited talking about traveling. It brings out the little passionate kid inside me and I love that. That rush of Adrenaline I get when I visit new places, see different people or meet new cultures or even talk about my travel experiences is the greatest feeling I have ever felt. It made me discover a lot of things about myself that I did not know. So my advice for anyone having trouble with his life is to travel. Anywhere will do the trick, set your soul free in the air and you will be astonished by what might happen. Maybe you can finally find “home”.

[mohhesham95]

The evolution theory

Do you believe in the evolution theory? There have been thousands of debates about this topic. I personally do, but not the traditional evolution theory. The evolution theory of life, we change, we evolve and sometimes without us noticing. The trick is to improve to the better, to be able to control this change. Have you ever seen a caterpillar mature and transform into a butterfly? Or a snake changing its skin every now and then? The process might be long and painful but the end result will astonish you. They all change to be able to fulfill their objectives in life.

Winston Churchill once said: “To improve is to change, to be perfect is to change often.” Changing is part of our life process, you were not the same person you were before and you will not be the same person 5 years from now. We mature, we gain experiences but the key thing is to face ourselves and be brutally honest. Change what really requires changing, that is when it is worth it. When you face yourself with what’s lacking and try to improve it. This when change will feel incredible and you will really embrace it. I vowed to try and be the best version i can be of myself, and if I did not succeed then I will try again. And again. And again. As life without a purpose is not a life worth living. Always have hope and never underestimate what you do in life no matter how small you think it is. One act of kindness might change the life of someone forever.

The only one constant in life is change. Quite ironic, right? We don’t physically evolve but we evolve spiritually and mentally. This is the real evolution theory. Be like a butterfly, find beauty in the ugliest of things. When you start seeing the beautiful butterfly colors in life, this is when you know you have truly ‘evolved’.

[mohhesham95]

The Brazillian experience

You know how they say the best things in life are always unexpected? This is what happened with me. 8 months ago, I decided to apply for college exchange in the summer. It was actually by chance, my friend told me one day that it is the last day to apply so I just thought why not, let me try that. I did the first written exam and my results were not so good I was sure I won’t get a country that I wanted. Then I did the oral exam and I did very well that my overall grade was much improved it got me the choice of either Brazil or Indonesia. I was about to choose Indonesia because one of my friends went there last year and he highly recommended it. But a voice in my head kept screaming “Brazil! Brazil!” So I went for it and chose Brazil. Although I don’t usually take decisions so spontanuoesly, but I promised myself that this summer I’ll do things differently. Less thinking, more enjoying. I wasn’t really convinced or expecting that it will be good but I just went for it. And I really feel lucky I decided to do that. What a trip it was! From the first minute I landed in Sao Paulo airport I knew this will be something special. The Brazillian people are awesome although many only speak Portuguese but they are always willing to help, so friendly and welcoming. The cities are beautiful, so many natural green areas, very relaxing scenes. The whole country just makes you fall in love with it from the first sight. They are not so organised but that’s kind of what makes here different from Europe. It’s beautiful chaos. (Noticed how I said 'here' while I am actually now back home. Brazil felt like home too.) I never expected to make so many friends from all over the world, we became like family in a space of one month. The memories we shared, the laughs, even the fights, I’ll always be fond of that. Exchange gives you a unique opportunity to see different cultures and meet a lot of people, and I feel so blessed that I met the right people. From the first week we got used to each other quickly and with every passing day we bonded more and more. The number one thing that I think I gained in this experience is the friendships I made. People that were so far apart and in one month they became like family. It’s really heart warming. I already miss that but I’ll always look fondly over it. The pictures bring what feels like a lifetime of memories, laughs and happiness. It was literally the perfect month. No matter how far the distance is but these friendships will last. I know that because this was not just an exchange it was a life changing experience. It’s incredible how much has happened in just one month, how difficult were the goodbyes. I always believe it’s not a goodbye, it’s just a see you soon. Till next time, Brazil. It’s been a pleasure. Ciao!

[mohhesham95]

Alone

“Language… has created the word ‘loneliness’ to express the pain of being alone. And it has created the word ‘solitude’ to express the glory of being alone.”

Paul Tilich

I really value the ‘alone’ time. The time where you just isolate yourself from everything, everyone and just be by yourself. No one will ever understand you like yourself, you do not need effort to communicate. There is no misunderstandings, you can just be comfortably silent. I have always been obssessed with the idea of love and finding the right one but I realised that you cannot force these kind of things. You just have to go with the flow until you find that spark. Do not settle for the ordinary in the fear of being alone. It will cause you more harm than good. Just be patient and believe me it will come, sooner than you think. And when it comes, it will be the best thing that has ever happened to you. You feel it, in your heart, in your mind so do not ever settle for less because you deserve the best. Until you find someone that you can even enjoy silence with, stay alone. It’s for the best. Treat yourself well, buy yourself gifts, love yourself. That will reflect to others, the way you look at yourself and how you treat it translates to people around you. When you know your soul deep down, you will be so sure when you find the ‘one’. Because you’ve experienced everything before alone, it feels different this time. That’s when you know you’re on the right track. Be yourself, free your soul and give it quality time alone, you deserve it.

[mohhesham95]

Human

We all grew up to the fairytales and stories of heroes and how good guys always win at the end and evil is defeated every single time. So you are often fond of the happy ending idea because that’s what keeps you alive. The hope. The hope that everything will turn out fine and you will have your happily ever after. No one wants to even entertain the possibility that it might not happen. I’m not trying to be negative but it just crosses my mind too often. Our world is so messed up at the moment that I cannot see it getting any better during my lifetime unfortuantely. Maybe years later on it will be but right now I just cannot see it. Too much violence, anger, hate and ignorance for my liking. We live in a world where innocent people are murdered every day and no one bats an eye. It became the usual, we are slowly turning into cold blooded monsters. Became an everyday routine to wake up to a mass murder or a disaster. No one really cares about the other and deaths just became a number. People using religion’s name to kill others. And what’s the reaction of some people? They are actually blaming the religon itself and people who follow it along with the actual terrorists. They are treating peaceful people and the murderers equally, just because they claim to be of the same religon as the others. Truly sickening. I am not talking politics because I hate it but this is beyond politics now. This is a basic human emotion and I’m seeing it gradually go away. Maybe I am overreacting but this whole situation irritates me a lot. To think that you might wake up one day and go to work or go out to enjoy your time a bit and lose your life in the process. Just because some idiot thought you deserved killing to prove a point or terrify others. Frightening thought. This generation was so consumed by technology and trying to make a modern electronic future that they forgot to protect our number one trait that keeps us different from machines that we make. Our humanity. Maybe the future is for the machines but if it involves humans behaving like actual machines then I don’t want to live in this future. What makes us unique is not our intelligence but our hearts. That we feel, we care, we love that’s what makes us humans. There is always artificial intelligence but there is never artificial humanity. There is still a lot of good in this world and I hope I don’t live to the day to see it all gone. Isn’t good meant to win at the end of our story? I hope humanity can find a way through all the darkness. This hope is what keeps us alive anyway, this is what keeps us human.

[mohhesham95]

GOAT

This summer I went to the States and visited the US Open tennis tournament for 2 days. I was so excited when I booked my tickets. Seeing players that I only see on TV in real life is the real deal! I am a huge Roger Federer fan and I was so happy to know that I’ll manage to watch him live. I knew Roger was such a joy to watch on TV but in real life it’s a totally different thing. I always tend to feel tensed when I watch Roger because I want him to win so badly but this time I was just in owe of the beautiful tennis in front of me. The way he smoothly moves along the court, the way he hits the ball, everything is so synchronized. It’s a thing of a beauty. At that moment I really realised he is the greatest of all time aka the GOAT. I watched a lot of players in these 2 days but no one has his aura on court. He is just too special and you know he is one of a kind. I feel really lucky that I witnessed him live, it’s something that I’ll be telling my kids about. Once in a life time experience. Thank you Roger for making one of my dreams come true. Allez and keep kicking ass, Maestro!

[mohhesham95]

Comfort Zone

Why do generally feel more uncomfortable in the dark? Because we can’t see what’s there so we don’t know it. Knowledge gives you comfort. But if you kept avoiding the dark will you ever know what it feels like? Will you ever know what to do in the dark? The answer is no obviously. Because you kept yourself in your comfort zone, you took no risks. You used your previous knowledge, you did not try to gain new experiences. So you stayed the same way you are. Even if you fail, you’ll gain the experience and know that this specific way won’t work out. So you try another thing and so on. We were meant to try new things in this world. Don’t ever waste that chance. Get out of your comfort zone. Doing the same thing will never get you a different outcome. Start thinking differently and the results will astonish you. You are capable of a lot of stuff that you don’t know about. Try out the ‘dark room’ for once, it may bring out the light in you.

[mohhesham95]

Power cut

Recently in our country, there has been a lot of power cuts. Everyday or two the electricity is not there for a couple of hours. We were annoyed at first but we started to adapt. This is exactly what I have felt lately. I feel that the lights had been turned off inside me, and what is scary is that I got used to it. Have you ever felt that you are not looking forward to tomorrow? Not literally tomorrow, but to the future in general. I have got this nagging feeling recently. It’s like something inside me has been turned off. The light inside is not there anymore. I just endure every day’s routine without any enthusiasm whatsoever. Slowly turning to a machine. A genuine feeling of emptiness. I am blessed with a lot of things and I know it, but life became really blackish for me nowadays. Haven’t felt genuinely happy in a long while. Been searching for the reason for a while and I have got nothing. So I thought maybe just writing what I feel would make it better. Why is this happening to me? I think I badly need to get out of here even for a couple of days. This routine is going to slowly bury me in a black hole that I might not get out of. Maybe you’d think that I am overly dramatic but I’m not. I really am depressed. Nothing makes me happy anymore. And it’s sad because I’m only 20 yet I feel a lot older inside. I want to get that light back inside me because it’s getting darker and darker by the minute. I think that I might need help but I don’t like to annoy others about my problems so that’s the only place where I get to release my negative energy out. I’ll try to look at life positively again, maybe it will be tough but losing that spark inside will be a lot tougher. I want to bring back the child in me, he was a much happier person. New day, new perspective, a brighter one. Maybe that will help. Hopefully when we meet next time, the lights will be back on.

[mohhesham95]

Right time, right place

Inspiration is one thing and you can’t control it, but hard work is what keeps the ship moving. Good luck means, work hard. Keep up the good work.

 Kevin Eubanks

Do you believe in luck? I thought about that question for sometime. Luck’s definition in dictionaries is: “a purposeless, unpredictable and uncontrollable force that shapes events favorably or unfavorably for an individual, group or cause.” or “events that influence one’s life and are seemingly beyond one’s control.” I mean can someone just get something by pure luck without working for it? Or can someone who fully deserves something not get it due to some unfortunate events out of his control? Yes, is my answer in both cases. In that case, that’s what I call a fluke, or a huge slice of luck/bad luck that you feel it’s came out of nowhere. But does that make it a usual trend? I would say no, this time. I believe that on the grand scale of things, you can actually make your own luck. Can someone make his own luck? Not literally, but yes you can. As long as you put your absolute best effort and dedication, I believe that your luck actually improves. Sitting there without making any attempt to change and blaming your own “luck” would not improve anything. Working hard will. Even if you believe that you are unlucky, at least working hard will make you feel satisfied that you did your the best. The rest is not under your control. I actually understood more about that luck thing from football, the thing I love the most. Last year, my favorite team, Manchester United, were coached by an incompetent coach that always lamented luck as an excuse for his poor management. And actually he was partially right. We were really unlucky, nothing was going our way last year. This year though, with a change of managers, there were some chances against us that I almost would have sworn that they would have gone in last year. But they didn’t go in this year. Attitude has changed and so has our luck. (Sorry for the football reference, but that’s what I know best. And yes, Manchester United are a ‘we’ for me.) I believe it’s a simple equation. The amount of believe, passion, dedication, hard work you put in is directly proportional to the amount of luck you get, even if not instantly but on the long run. (Physics reference now, I’m on a roll!) It evens itself out. How many times you’ve struggled and pushed yourself to the limit, is nearly the same amount of times that you’ll be at the right place at the right time. The perfect opportunity. They say opportunities come once in a life time, but I say even if you missed, you can create another and another. Keep going, you’ll eventually be “lucky” enough to win. That’s when you’ll realize that the lucky break you were waiting for all along was right there. It was just waiting for the right time and the right place.