monemuzzen

[monemuzzen]

Pink and teal.

Outta a swarm full of people.

You’re the only highlighted aspect.

A flow that I endlessly yearn for.

Tapping both of my heels outta pure excitement.

I’d split our reality into comprehending kisses.

Plastered and melting embrace.

Let me sink in this fantasy filled smile.

[monemuzzen]

Saturday.

An animal.

The suture stitched into a feral feline.

Lioness etched and craved from scraps.

Think about the tragedy.

Live within your own boundaries.

Sprawling around in symbolic sympathy.

I’d roar in an epiphany.

Collectively melting down the whole yesterday.

[monemuzzen]

Constant state of existence.

Like it’s the only thing I’ll ever do.

Succumb to my own delusions.

Only thing you’d ever conclude.

Every single cell is spent on a crumbling version.

Adore the cohesive idea.

Conclusively speaking on my own terms.

Breaking windowpanes.

Melted personalities.

Only thing I’ll ever remember.

Release the whole prohibited reality.

Harshly turning and spinning in his aromas.

I’d say it endlessly.

Hurling in the prominent soulful expression.

Scurrying around the embodiment of his passion.

Stained skin.

I merely suffice under his statement.

Lumber scented and gorgeous lush hair.

[monemuzzen]

The boy who murdered love.

I’ve considered.

Stirring an empty pot.

I’ve contemplated.

Lackluster performances.

Do you concentrate during a mental episode?

Or have you rethought all the other previous attempts?

Reconsidered how soon you’ll belong in my arms.

Squeeze and hold all the grime I possess.

I beg off you.

Recently do the bigger thing.

Proceed within my capacity.

Sincerely excuse everything that I’ve experienced.

And become a much more brighter version.

[monemuzzen]

Inner demons debating.

Sometimes you appear within my hazy mind.

Otherwise worldly known as my inner self destructive pattern.

Inside voices portray how cruel the universe has been to me.

Sometimes I find myself rotating between reality and twisted demons.

I’ve spun through many personalities.

Calculated the countless hours of passing by in inkognito.

Time and time again I discovered the frail spark I’ve left in the frozen cement.

I ain’t dumb.

But I do resent to never having that right experience.

Clocking into a horrible situation.

Counting down the hours till I can peacefully collapse at my own home.

Making sense of how I even ended up here.

But ultimately fading into obscurity of this constant insanity.

[monemuzzen]

Page 55.

Shouldn’t surprise me.

Nonetheless.

It did hurt.

Hurt to be reminded of how invalidated my whole relationship had been with him.

Hurt of how hard I believed that he’d do better for me some time in the near future.

Hurt doesn’t even compare to the pit in my stomach.

Yeah.

I could have done way better.

[monemuzzen]

Frozen fingers and somber thinking.

Wheels turning upon the uneven surface.

I’m done researching and exploring this rotten circumstance.

Brittle branches of sympathy.

Misspoken intrusive thoughts.

Next liable performance.

Collide and collapse in a matter of seconds.

Do you not understand how much I cry?

How I itch and sob every single time you’re displayed onto my screen.

A truth so utterly twisted.

And yet so dangerously tasty.

[monemuzzen]

I miss you.

Missing you is like missing the last breath that collided between yours and mine.

Missing out on your little precious glimmer in your gorgeous eyes.

Yearning for the next millisecond that I’ve devoted to the next exact moment I’ll meet you again.

Endlessly grazing on my last memory of you.

Enduring another day without whom I find the most endearing.

I crave and obsess over the next few days, upon having you rightfully in my arms.

Belonging in this starved sensation, just until you bring me salvation.

I.

Miss.

You.

[monemuzzen]

Page 52.

Whether if you’d swallow me whole.

I’d endorse the sheer feeling.

Welcoming the entire sensation.

Just to belong.

Just to evolve the bare thought of being less alone.

[monemuzzen]

You may grieve.

Refused.

Reused.

Scattered beliefs.

I’ve found bliss in someone else’s eyes.

Fashionably dressed for a brighter day.

A new much more complex destiny.

Taking pleasure over your destructive actions.

Soaring and floating above this circumstance.

Grieve everything that has happened.

I’ll smile at your own repercussions.

Ain’t got time for familiar despair.

Reluctant.

Restoration.

Revolutionary tale plastering my whole face.

Sincerely evaporate.

[monemuzzen]

Vile circumstance.

Candy clogged thoughts.

Dropping to your knees.

Pleading and demanding someone that is ready to leave.

Faded handprint.

So sweet and yet so pessimistically intoxicated.

Fuming in what sugary plastered future you’d like to perceive.

Trade me.

Exchange everything within two whole years.

The crumbs are all fermented and sour from this inevitable rot.

Sugar sugar sweet prophecy.

And yet I stand with a neck covered in hardened caramel cement.

Breathing in replaceable toxins.

Misgendered and haunted body language.

I wish to melt.

To exist freely.

To seclude from this bittersweet experience.

[monemuzzen]

Can you let me know.

I love you.

But I don’t like you.

I’m sinking into a past memory of what you were to me.

Neck and collarbone soaked with panic of slushing deceit.

I’ve swallowed each and every flattered word that you spewed.

Concocted it all together for our false future plans.

Beyond sickening belief that you’ve plastered along the interior walls of my sanity.

Heavy breathing.

Physical exhaustion.

Muffled pillow yelping.

Not to mention the ward you’d let me experience all over again.

I don’t recognize whatever passion is behind your lackluster attitude.

I’m not loved enough.

And I am once more experiencing a plea with your own defeat.

Patterns upon guttering destruction that I must collect.

You want to mourn?

I wanted to not be scorned from another cowardly man.

Detonate your own goddam demise.

You promised me a universe.

So crush and melt it all in your own selfish palm.

Like a real man.

Like every shared kiss couldn’t linger.

Like our echoing giggles in my room wasn’t exuding enough happiness.

Man up and end your own suffering.

[monemuzzen]

Forgetful beautiful clouds.

I’m a fucking bomb.

Ticking off at all inconvenient moments.

This weekend is all about blowing up my skull.

Imaginary rain pelting around my wires.

Substitute and dazed medication.

Clicking down to the millisecond.

Blown off the circulation expansion in your frontal cortex.

Don’t say that I’m over dramatic.

I’ve fused any prospect of being myself again.

Clumping cords like yarn.

Insecure hunk of metal.

[monemuzzen]

Am I a good person?

Being good.

Being beyond scared for my own safety.

Stroking an ego so invasive and self destructive.

Good for a cost I never paid.

My moral compass was withered by the countless mistakes.

Marinading in whatever warm body I found.

I’m the embodiment of disgrace.

I’m not withstanding the temptation I relish upon my own disappearance.

I’ve been openly bleeding.

A casual vindictive visible traitor relentlessly denying their own existence.

Goodness doesn’t extrude to forgiveness.

So I’ve kept dusty receipts.

Brittle paperwork and a faded memory.

To prove my own insolence.

[monemuzzen]

I taste like salt.

Horse powered company.

Sought out and operated traumatic brain simulator.

Traitor fodder.

Laced up sympathy.

“I’m beyond disappointed.”

Snickering adults wherever I scope out.

Swallowed a whole bottle of psychedelic liquids.

A promise to sizzle up my organs.

Power and lucrative dreams.

- “…Please hurt me.”

Impeccable performance from an ordinary person.

Dissect these twisted images.

“Who are you talking to?..”

Layers upon layers of reality bending souls.

Crimson.

Vascular veins.

Hand picked expression.

- “… Do I need to beg?”

[monemuzzen]

Page 49 at 19:16

My mind and heart have never really been in unison.

Never really understood my need to blend in.

To be invisible.

To cause less disturbance in others universes.

Maybe it was foolish of me.

Foolish to pray upon a destiny that could never unfold before me.

All that I know.

All that I currently believe.

Is that.

Tomorrow doesn’t wait on my tragedy.

If anything.

It drowns and coats itself with every exhale.

Letting my tormented memories fester and linger.

On its figment tastebuds.

I was never deserving of belonging.

[monemuzzen]

Scribbled mistake.

Your revival enveloped together the day I lost you in the carnival.

Cementing facial features.

Hurling thoughts at a loss.

I’m destined within my own scattered membrane.

Cannot move forward.

Melting skin and bone to the floorboards.

- “No I ain’t depressed.”

Simply existing for others relief.

Simply something that I’ve concocted myself.

Simple yet traumatized.