monkeybusinessonatypewriter

[monkeybusinessonatypewriter]

Should make a Controversial Truths about ancient Egypt version that’s specifically about the medical papyri, with thrilling entries such as:

There is no evidence the ancient Egyptians used tampons to collect menstrual blood; this idea probably comes from misinterpreting the various recipes for vaginal suppositories in the medical papyri

The sometimes-cited “abortion” recipe from the Ebers papyrus is not an abortion recipe but rather a contraceptive treatment. The medical papyri do sometimes use ambiguous language in similar treatments, which have been cited by non-Egyptologists as referring to abortions, but these cases deal with contraceptive measures or stillbirths/miscarriages

Egyptian medicine didn’t “resort to magic only when purely rational treatments didn’t work”. While we do see an increase in treatments that invoke heka to effectuate a cure for ailments that may have been beyond the skillset of the Egyptian physician, heka does crop up in a lot of perfectly manageable situations such as treating a stuffy nose or untying a bandage. Heka was an integral part of medicine, not something that was “a last resort”

Egyptians didn’t have a form of proto-electroshock therapy for migraines/gout/other types of chronic pain; this idea comes from a paper that features a mistranslation of a recipe against migraines/headaches in the Ebers papyrus, which left out half of the remedy, imposed modern English idioms upon the original Egyptian, and ignored basically everything we know about Egyptian medical practices in order to make the electrotherapy claim hold weight

Yes, the Egyptians did have a pregnancy test that also doubled as a gender prediction test. A study from the 1960s found it fairly accurate when it came to predicting pregnancy, but it did not have a good track record for gender prediction. However, it is also true that we’re not altogether sure which grains respectively should be used for the gender prediction part of the test, so we can’t make any definitive claims

The Edwin Smith Papyrus makes mention of using the pulse as a measure of overall health, citing “if it (the heart) is weary to speak” as part of the diagnostic process. While there is some discussion on what the phrase used means exactly, it’s likely that the Egyptians knew of the connection between a strong pulse and good health roughly a millennium before the advent of Hippocratic medicine

Contrary to popular belief, the Egyptians didn’t think the brain was completely useless: they actually knew it was vital in life and that damaging it could lead to injury and even death, they just didn’t know exactly what it does. This knowledge becomes clear in the Edwin Smith Papyrus; this text contains the earliest known mention of a contrecoup injury and accurately ties the effects elsewhere in the body (a partially paralysed leg) to head trauma sustained after a fall

[monkeybusinessonatypewriter]

I’m paying to force seven thousand strangers to see a photo of my late husband having fun with his dog. Tumblr Blaze is totally worth it. XD

[monkeybusinessonatypewriter]

I love how here on tumblr dot website we regularly cast the greatest curse we can muster on each other by pointing our long creepy fingers and intoning "10,000 notes" in a voice that carries the winds of the mountain with it.

[monkeybusinessonatypewriter]

if this gets 100,000 notes then i, the worlds greatest space agency will personally shoot donald trump into the sun

[monkeybusinessonatypewriter]

LISTEN UP MOTHER FUCKERS

SEE THIS WEBSITE? 

ITS CALLED WOLFRAM ALPHA

THIS IS THE BEST GODDAMN WEBSITE FOR ACADEMIC SHIT. FUCK GOOGLE. 

THIS MOTHERFUCKER WILL LET YOU SEARCH “HOSPITAL BEDS IN CHAD VS. IRAN” 

AND IT GIVES YOU A STRAIGHT GODDAMN ANSWER 

MAYBE YOU’RE NOT INTERESTED IN DOCTORNESS OF THIRD WORLD COUNTRIES COOL SHIT 

HAVING TROUBLE WITH MATH?

HOLY SHIT

OR MAYBE YOU WANNA DICK AROUND

WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU WANT

[monkeybusinessonatypewriter]

i should wake up and automatically be restored to full health, that's how sleeping should work, what is this horseshit

[monkeybusinessonatypewriter]

I still haven't forgiven Netflix for cancelling Dark Crystal: Age of Resistance. Especially after it was Netflix themselves who suggested that it was turned from animation to live-action puppetry.

Do me a favour and reblog this with a show you like that was cancelled after only one season. I don't mean shows that were always meant to be miniseries or shows that work perfectly well as a standalone story, or shows that might still get renewed. I mean shows that are and will forever remain unfinished. The more obscure the better.

[monkeybusinessonatypewriter]

survival cannibalism is treated like such a monstrous spectacle of lost humanity but I think the vast majority of people would want their loved ones to accept their flesh as a gift of life before starvation. I know if my friends chose to starve rather than eat me I’d come back to fucking haunt them.

[monkeybusinessonatypewriter]

immortality as theft (you have to steal life from something else) immortality as parasitism (there is something else inside You that is keeping you alive and you become less of yourself more and more the longer it stays in you) immortality as violence (everything is trying to kill you because everything is supposed to die and the universe will always try to find a way to right the wrong that is You) you understand

[monkeybusinessonatypewriter]

beginning to suspect that if I ever want to have a published novel I will have to actually write a novel, which is frankly ghoulish

[monkeybusinessonatypewriter]

my phone: *rings* me: absolutely not

[monkeybusinessonatypewriter]

TOMORROW IS HALLOWEEN!!!

[monkeybusinessonatypewriter]

[monkeybusinessonatypewriter]

Creative writing is way closer to engineering than I think a lot of people expect. It takes creativity and imagination to decide what to write about. It takes a lot of honed dedication to craft to really make the word-to-word prose sparkle. But all the stuff in between? Knowing how long an idea should be, what medium it should be, how many characters, and how their motivations need to interact, all that shit is basically engineering.

[monkeybusinessonatypewriter]

“The old magic persists thanks to it’s unfathomable power.”

No, the old magic persists because the new magic can’t run the legacy spells I need to do my job, and keeps trying to install spirits I don’t want or need onto my orb.