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Maid cleaning a massive chateau surely belonging to the richest people you’ve ever seen, and as she’s walking from room to room you notice that every single portrait is of her

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"Do you ever dream of land?" The whale asks the tuna.

"No." Says the tuna, "Do you?"

"I have never seen it." Says the whale, "but deep in my body, I remember it."

"Why do you care," says the tuna, "if you will never see it."

"There are bones in my body built to walk through the forests and the mountains." Says the whale.

"They will disappear." Says the tuna, "one day, your body will forget the forests and the mountains."

"Maybe I don't want to forget," Says the whale, "The forests were once my home."

"I have seen the forests." Whispers the salmon, almost to itself.

"Tell me what you have seen," says the whale.

"The forests spawned me." Says the salmon. "They sent me to the ocean to grow. When I am fat with the bounty of the ocean, I will bring it home."

"Why would the forests seek the bounty of the oceans?" Asks the whale. "They have bounty of their own."

"You forget," says the salmon, "That the oceans were once their home."

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Infamous Right-Wing Journalist Apologizes For Confusion

Infamous Right-Wing Journalist, Hank Trukson, formerly employed by Fox News apologizes this Sunday for enormous confusion.

Hank Trukson told RealNews "When I said, 'Aliens are taking out jobs! Aliens are ruining the country!' What I meant was the little green men with big bulbous black eyes that come of flying saucers who've been abducting hard-working Americans using their tractor beams and using mind control to make politicians think that they somehow know better than everyone else. I did NOT mean the hard-working Hispanics who form the backbone of our workforce and economy."

Hank Trukson continued to explain that when he said that "Lizard People are controlling Hollywood" he was not referring to Jewish communities or any other human group, Trukson was instead referring to the Septerians of Aldebaran who recently converted to Protestant Beliefs and have been trying to heavily push Christian themes in film for decades.

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I think I'm addicted to puffy fat nipples. What should I do?

why not join the fighter's guild? i hear they're recruiting again. not a bad way to make some money, if you've got the stones for it.

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via @swatercolor [insta]

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Into the hands of the detective, journalist, investigator, or other kind of truthseeker they receive the treasured and fabled Truth. Whodunit, Whydunit, and Howdunit.

Held in the flawed human hands of the truthseeker is exactly what they've sought, after a long journey of searching. Now they are burdened with the question, "How should one use the truth?". Incarceration, Execution, Exile, or Freedom, which punishment suits? Is it a truthseeker's right to seek justice too? If not, is it alright to turn over a criminal who only accounted out of desperation to a system destined to misrepresent and torment them? To condemn that person to the prejudice of others?

No doubt the truthseeker must seek deeper truths beyond themselves and their beloved mysteries of what is right to do with truth. Whether they invest themselves in a god, selfishness, or another devotion.

No doubt, if the truthseeker finds the best way to use a single truth, they have no guarantee that the next truth may be solved the same way.

One of the most compelling things about detective fiction is how it forces the author to grapple with their conception of justice. The detective may be better than the cops, but they are still turning over the murderer to the same system. A detective might exhalt justice that transcends the system they participate in, but this gives them a role akin to judge, jury, and executioner. More fantastical depictions see the detective as literal ubermensch. It's all so narratively fecund.

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Here is your mission.

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PHI #1 PHI #1 PHI #1

PHI STAYS ON TOP

Letter Tournament: PHI vs LAMBDA

ɸ (Phi)

SEED: 9

CODEPOINT: U+0278 LATIN SMALL LETTER PHI

PREVIOUS OPPONENT: Blackletter E

BIO: the IPA symbol for the bilabial fricative (like F but not).

Ꟛ (Lambda)

SEED: 105

CODEPOINTS: U+A7D9 LATIN CAPITAL LETTER LAMBDA, U+A7DA LATIN SMALL LETTER LAMBDA

PREVIOUS OPPONENT: Bidental Percussive

BIO: it's really inconvenient to make the slides with this one, because of how it isn't in Noto Serif.

[link to all polls]

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mad scientist who creates increasingly more dangerous machines because she thinks the safety inspector is cute: what do you think :)

sleep-deprived safety inspector: how and why did you make a humidifier out of lawn mower parts and sawblades

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One of those goofy maid animes, except the viewpoint character isn't the hapless master or mistress of the house, but a regular-ass janitor who ended up on this crew due to a paperwork mixup at the temp agency and can't figure out what the fuck is wrong with her co-workers.

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they make the advertisements cringe on purpose so they stick in your mind. No one is gonna forget the grubhub dance for a long time and everyone knows why.

do not joke about the advertisements, do not engage with the advertisements in witty fashions, do not, fucking, mention the contents of the advertisements. as soon as an advertisement enters your mind, you kill it, dont care how cute it is, take it out back and shoot it. install adblock, ublock, mute the volume, look away, turn off the monitor, cover your ears, paint over it. evolve your mind, your modality, your instincts, to disregard the stimuli of advertisements before you can even process it. whatever it takes, you do not let them win. and thats an order.

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yooo this lowkey made my day somebody saw this in Seattle 😂😂😂

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"Will you free my Palestine"

Sticker spotted in Brunswick, Victoria

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true story