monpersonal

[monpersonal]

My girl—it will happen when you least expect it. Not because you’ve stopped looking, or even if you have. You’ll meet him and you’ll know. You will hang on his every word, but still keep that fire of your own that makes him just as intrigued as you are. That silly spark they talk about in books and movies, you’ll feel it in the pit of your stomach, or when your hands first touch, or maybe even when your eyes first meet, but you’ll feel it, girl. And you’ll know. Because it won’t be forced, it’ll come out of the blue and it will make everything leading up to that moment worth it. Stop waiting, my girl, and start living.

-a.f.j.

[monpersonal]

“and he looked down, as I studied his profile, he asked “How are you real?” I smiled, and my heart panicked. Because I don’t remember the last time a boy has appreciated me, but I do remember the last time a boy used me. I remember how I hurt for months and didn’t know why, and I still longed to make him want me. I remember the last time I was lead on, I remember the last time I questioned my worth, I remember the last time I was vulnerable and I remember how it ended. I remember him driving with another girl in his passenger seat in the day time, while he only spent time with me in his apartment at night time. I remember my heart sinking and how my friends looked at me when I found out. I remember my laugh sounding hallow as I tried to act like it didn’t matter. I remember, and now I am scared. I am scared of being a fool and falling before I look again. I didn’t deserve that, not even at my worst, especially not then. No, I didn’t stick up for myself, I didn’t protect myself and I wish I could change how that hardened me. So this is me, months later, knowing what I didn’t know then - that some people will take advantage of your softness and will make it your weakness. I want to unlearn that, I want to hear him ask if I am real and I want that to make my heart skip a beat in excitement rather than fear.”

-n.c. // i didn’t realize how hurt i was until i was angry

[monpersonal]

The timing wasn’t wrong. Who we were at the time was wrong.

[monpersonal]

Feeling safe in someone's energy is a different type of intimacy. That feeling of peace and protection is really underrated.

[monpersonal]

Losing my mind

After a stupid not really stupid decision,

A fucking four hour depression nap,

And chocolate and bottle of Pepsi,

Oh, baby I'm just losing my mind.

Oh I told you to leave,

But don't really want you to,

I don't want to be with you,

But all really want is just you.

Staring out of the window,

Mechanics book in my hand,

But all that goes up in my head,

Is you, you, you.

I swear to fucking God imma lose my mind,

In this quest of wicked west inside my head,

Tryna figure out what do I want,

Cuz baby no I don't understand anything,

I don't know what I feel,

I don't know what I want,

All I know is that it's just you, you, you.

Oh I close my eyes,

Lay down on the floor,

Get on high as a kite,

Just on thought of you,

Oh, baby I've lost my mind.

Your eyes,

Your hair,

Your hands,

Your smell,

Your clothes,

Your talk,

Oh baby I'm addicted to you.

I've exams in 15 days,

Yet all I think of is you,

I miss you so much,

I cry over you,

And it hasn't even been 24 hours,

And I'm questioning myself,

What the fuck is up with me,

I'm screwing up myself and you at the same time.

I don't if this love or care or just attraction,

I don't want to hurt either you or me,

But hurting is the only thing I'm doing right now,

Oh I'm telling you I'm fucked up in the head,

Just leave me before I screw you too,

Oh darling I'm telling you I'm losing my mind,

Like a thousand fucking times in a single second.

I don't know what this is,

I don't know what I want,

Are you fucking me up?

Or I'm the one who's fucking you up?

Oh my lord I sound crazy,

I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me.

-s.b.

[monpersonal]

“The worst thing that’s ever happened to me has already happened”

— Marisha Ray (Critical Role C3 E17)

[monpersonal]

I think that one of the scariest things is watching a person grow out of you. Almost as if you are an old pair of shoes that they have worn a bit too long and you are stuck in what once was and they have already moved on and slowly the person that you met only exist in your head and you can’t help but fight for a love that is long been pronounced dead because love requires that we grow together. You along with me but truth be told sometimes in love, you start to grow separately

[monpersonal]

Lebanese Lentils & Rice (Mujadara)

[monpersonal]

The third night is the hardest.

Sleeping in the bed without him where he would even just be in the next room it’s extremly hard.

[monpersonal]

follow me for similar

[monpersonal]

[monpersonal]

There’s always going to be someone else. Someone that’s better for you. I told that to my ex when he was crying for me to take him back, I tell that to my friends when they’re going through breakups, and I tell that to myself whenever I need to hear it-which is often and always the hardest. But we always, always move on and love again and those low points we thought we’d never get past, well they always become distant memories. Because the amazing thing about us as humans is we’re capable of loving more than one person in our lifetime and our feelings are capable of change. So even if you really did love someone with all your heart, it doesn’t mean you can’t use all your heart again to love someone else.

[monpersonal]

you’ve gotta stat romanticizing your life. you gotta start believing that your morning commute is cute and fun, that every cup of coffee is the best you’ve ever had, that even the smallest and most mundane things are exciting and new. you have to, because that’s when you start truly living. that’s when you look forward to every day. 

[monpersonal]

[monpersonal]

so you dated the wrong person and learned a hard lesson. you chose the wrong major and had to start over again. you cherished a friend who backstabbed you. it sucks, but it’s also going to work out. that’s life; you learn, hurt, love, cry, laugh, and keep going. you experience setbacks and you grow and it’s all okay.

[monpersonal]

[monpersonal]