monster-tears7-blog

[monster-tears7-blog]

No sé que fas hui, muic de ganes per saber-ho, per vore com estàs, si tot va bé o que. Muic per abraçar-te i sentir-te junt a mi un dia com hui, qué feliç era sentint-te junt a mi, en el teu cabet apoyat sobre el meu pit, que facil era tot. Qué facil era que se me calmaren totes les preocupacions, qué bonico era acariciar-te el monyo mentres miravem una peli, qué feliç era. Donaría mil coses per tal de tornar a estar aixina ara mateixa.

No sé si estaràs en amics o tal volta has trobat a una altra persona ja en qui estar aixina. Jo soc completament incapaç de sentir res per una altra persona que no sigues tu ara mateixa. Com trobe a faltar el teu calor, el teu olor, el teu monyo entre les meues mans, la teua respiració, els teus besos, els teus abraços, com mos trobe a faltar ❤️‍🩹

Demà me’n vaig a Madrid a vore la expo de Tim Burton que tanta ilu me fea vore, ojalà puguera manar-te totes les fotos que vaig a fer-me i pugueres somniure veent lo feliç que me va a fer. Estic especialment mal. Molt molt trencada per dins, en un nuc a la gola gegant i la meua panxa cada vegada ficant-se pijor 😪

[monster-tears7-blog]

Te trobe a faltar. Fa ja uns dies que estic desanimada i cada vegada me costa més alçar-me. Estic molt trista i pense molt molt en tu. Me passa moltissim voler contar-te algo i trencar-me al pensar que no puc fer-ho. Tal volta trobe més a faltar el fet de no tindre una persona a la que contar-li-ho però estic segura de que en part també te trobe a faltar a tu, a la teua persona en si, a les teues típiques contestacions, a que te envie una foto de jo arreglada per a ixir esta nit i que me contestes dientme lo guapa que vaig en un besito dels nostres. Trobe molt a faltar les teues caricies, el meu cos me demana les teues mans acariciant-me i me fa molt de mal pensar que ja no va a tornar a sentir-les mai més.

Hui m’aguera agradat enviar-te un audio contant-te que tal m’ha anat la nit, el tipic audio meu de tornar a casa, i t’haguera contat que li he regalat als meus pares un àlbum de fotos sobre el viatge a Galicia. Me fa moltíssima ilusió este regal que’ls he fet, i estic desitjant vore la cara que fiquen, m’haguera encantat que hagueres vingut a dinar i ho hagueres vist tu també, segur que ma mare també haguera tingut una sorpresa preparada per a tú.

Tinc tantes coses que m’hagradaria contarte… senc molt tot lo que he fet, ojalá tinguera a la meua mà el poder per a fer que te trobares millor i estigueres bé. Encara que no siga al meu costat, soles vuic que estigues bé i la teua felicitat. Te vuic mil.

[monster-tears7-blog]

T’ho vaig dir ja fa temps una nit de les nostres en que vam anar a la mar per la nit a vore les estreles. Eres la primera persona en qui he compartit aquesta afició, qui l’ha fet seua i l’ha dut encara més enllà. Aquell dia et vaig dir que passara el que passara entre nosaltres, sé que sempre que mire al cel en hivern i veja Orión m’anrrecordaré de tu, perque eixa ha sigut, és i serà sempre la nostra constelació. Una part de les nostres vides va a estar sempre unida en el cel, tots els hiverns. I hi aplegarà el dia en que la mirarem i no ens invadirà la pena perquè ja no la tornarem a vore mai junts, sinó que la recordarem amb una sonrisa a la cara perque ens vindràn al cap els moments tan meravellosos que hem viscut baix el cel tantes nits junts. Per a mi, Orión sempre serà sinònim de Nosaltres. Sempre estaràs al meu cor, t’estime, sempre.

[monster-tears7-blog]

It is a really hard desicion, one that I do not want to make.

I have spent 200€ in a leather jaket for him as a birthday present, while him has not even bought me anything for our annyversary. I’m really stupid

Or maybe I only like to share the best of me with the ones I love and I spect too much from them as well

[monster-tears7-blog]

14/11/21

I’m thinking about leaving my boyfriend. I’m thinking it seriously.

I think I deserve better. I need more, I need things which he cannot give me.

He does not expect to end his life with me, he does not want to think about our future, he does not think that even we have a future, so what is the point?

I feel that everyday we are more apart from each other, and he does not even seems to notice.

He has a really important exam on January, and I have them too, so maybe I will wait a few months and see what happens.

But I’ll try durning this time to leave some distance between us, I’ll try not to meet him many times, only to go climbing, since I think that when we break up I will not be able to go anymore because I will not have anyone to go with anymore.

We will see what happens.

[monster-tears7-blog]

My grandma’s cat died last month. She was like Breakfast at Tiffany’s cat, nameless. But as in the film, loved. Last time I saw her, I knew it was going to be the last time.

I like to wander how happy she is in the cats heaven. I’ll always remember you 💝

[monster-tears7-blog]

2/10

This last days I’ve been with such a level of anxiety that I almost drown yesterday while swimming, it was like being possesed. I coudn’t stop nor breathe.

I’m so stressed, but it is what it takes wanting perfection in almost everything I do.

[monster-tears7-blog]

2/10

There are dreams that seem so real…

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3/09/21

I’m worried. He’s not sleeping well durning nights and instead he is sleeping now. He should have gone to the hairdresser’s because we are leaving tomorrow to my parent’s hometown. We have my cousins first communion and I’m afraid that everything I have been worried about would come true. 

He has not prepared anything, he has not gone to cut his hair, he is not studying more than planned in order to study what he cannot tomorrow. He is a súper disorganized person. I do not know what is going to happen, but I bet that he is going to try not to come to the trip. We’ll see. 

[monster-tears7-blog]

I’m afraid that differences between sexes actually exist. I wonder if my boyfriend has ever felt afraid of loosing me. I’m always insecure. Despite having been treating this issue with my psychologist. After everything I have been through I feel like shit, like a worthless insignificant human. 

I thing that in the end all of us are insignificant, but why do we feel like that? We have our own life, our only single one, with just a opportunity to live it. Why do we waste it thinking or worrying about issues that in the end mean so little in the complexity of an entire life?

I’ve decided that every time that I feel anxious about something I will write it here, and this would be my new diary, an onsite little spot, my own spot. 

[monster-tears7-blog]

Another friend had try committing suicide a few months ago. I feel really sorry for her, I would like to know how to help her, but since I’ve been there not so long ago, I certainly know that there is little anybody could do to stop her suffering. Sadly it is a process that one itself has to go by, although being surrounded by people is always a help. 

I really hope she found her way through her own mind, she is the only one standing in her own total recovery. 

It is really something tricky this mind of ours. 

[monster-tears7-blog]

What I have enjoyed the less, seeing how my friend M is after the accident. 

She had a car accident two years ago. It was a shook for all of us. She almost didn’t make it. Now it may seem that she is O.K., that at least she is alive. And indeed we all around her are happy that at least a part of her is still with us, but she is not the same person at all. She has not ended well. All the force of the crash stunned her head and so, there are many parts of her brain which have been permanently affected. Nobody knows if she will continue improving or if she is going to experiment deterioration as the time goes by. 

And it is quite sad.

We all love her, but she being that way stop us from organizing things like a holiday or even a huge party at night. 

[monster-tears7-blog]

What I’ve enjoyed the most of this august 2021? Reading batman comics in my room while a storm breaks out