moodmaroon

[moodmaroon]

Watch VS Cycle

So it’s a Thursday morning, last working day of the week in this part of the world. Breakfast done, sitting in the office chair, staring at the computer. Consumed some world news that of the men in suit & a virus that has changed all our lives in one way or the other.

Usual thinking and voice in the background comes up with a list of items wanted. A purposeless browsing through the phone gallery pops an image of a luxury watch I saw at the mall the other day. It was to be received as a Valentine gift so the price tag didn’t pinch alot. Then came a picture of a cyclist winning in glory in the news. The spark rekindled. A cycle as a gift was also wished for.

And now it is watch vs cycle, is it?

The Philosophy of Luxury.

I often wonder if I had all the money in the world, would I buy the biggest house, the most expensive bags, travel the world? Travel the world - of course! Thats a luxury too, isn’t it? But of experience. Nothing physical. But a lot of us spend on things - something you can touch, feel and keep it to yourself. Something that you look at & you know you were able to afford that! A car, a watch, jewelry, house - you name it. It is you possession, something that gives you a sense of prestige, a sense of pride in your own achievements. Something better or even the best of what that everyone wants, but only few can afford, and you are one of them. My luxury watch fits here. It is to be worn at work, look presentable, give a dash estimation of my pay-scale and an improved standard of living.Experiences on the other hand are trivial, no form - only shareable through stories and photographs and now days, Instagram Stories and pictures - this is another topic to be discussed. The material things only display your wealth & position and project how you should be perceived in the counting of the big human clan. But the moment you speak, people can tell alot about you. How much you have travelled, how much mind opens up to things, etc. This no watch or car can determine. It is only with experiences of your life that you become a storyteller, a human. A cycle will open doors to my well being? Maybe Yes! The comparison makes me think what should be given priority to? Should I invest most of my money in proving to others than I can afford this! Lets face it, there are countless companies producing watches, but if i choose to buy a luxury watch over a normal one, am I not trying to please myself or some one else here? But the same principle applies to travel experiences also - I can choose to take a cycle ride in the neighborhood as a getaway but I travel to the most expensive places to collect an experience. Can I not just explore through books, movies and museums?Is there a set definition of how much luxury and how much experience is good for health? Hmmm..Meanwhile, I plan on buying both - watch & cycle - hoping atleast one comes as a gift :)

[moodmaroon]

Fall in love with the discipline of commitment.

Hmm...? Today is a rather lazy day. Thinking about all the activities left pending. I have been feeling low on energy lately. That has set aside a lot of tasks, what should have been priorities. I haven’t been taking care of my own self also lately.  Well, committing to myself has been a challenge. A big one. Not Sure what has kept me from doing the real things. Anyway, the following priorities should always be on TOP: 1. TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF Come, what, may - take care of yourself. Always! Wether it is taking time off work, resting, taking a nap, investing time to do your nails, a long shower, listening to music in shower - anything! Do what makes you happy and brings you back to the reality of your surroundings. Be mindful of what you are eating, drinking, sleeping hours. Take charge of your relaxation and happiness. Manage your time well. These are REAL THINGS THAT NEED TO BE PRIORITIZED. I haven’t been committed to myself for a long time now. I plan to do so starting TODAY. Take my medicine on time, sleep earlier and get some time in hand before I actually wake up - to plan my day and meditate. It will hopefully help me to FEEL better and get the cycle rolling well. 2. FOCUS ON IMPORTANT THINGS Showing up to work everyday on time, well dressed is important - FOCUS on that! A little exercise to reduce that belly fat is important - FOCUS on that. We tend to over exert ourselves so much at work, that we think that the rest of the day should only leisure. But thats wrong and will not help you for the long-term. Instead, put in your hours dedicatedly, and then move on to more important things for the day - like exercising, meditation, house chores etc. Organize your tasks - wether at home or work and make sure to not get distracted.

3. PLAN & COMMIT Commit to doing atleast one thing to do daily without fail. Wether its a hobby that you enjoy, a creative activity, an exercise routine, cooking - it has to be done with utmost commitment. This will help in building a routine which will maintain the balance of things and help you mind to remain steady. Habits if developed wisely, will give the best results. 4. LEARN, UNLEARN AND RELEARN Learn newer ways of doing old things, If you like to listen to music, listen to it on your headphones, or play some music in shower one day. This will keep the joy of the activity alive and spread through happiness that you receive to more than one activities. If you like to exercise, incorporate new exercises to your daily routine and see if you feel a difference. If certain things that don’t give you happiness anymore - drop it, miss it for a few days and see the difference. Its ok to evolve and change your older ways of things, if they don’t serve you right anymore. Similarly, rediscover your old passion or habits that used make you feel a particular way. Life is all about changes.

Your commitment to yourself will pay off. 

[moodmaroon]

I am THE DRIVER not THE PASSENGER in my life.

03rd Feb 2020 Emotional Journaling – As if it was going to help.

Why falling in trap is not a great thing? Coz it is really falling into something you don’t like. People trap you. Rarely, you will find someone who will let YOU be YOU. Most people only infer about who you are from their own level of perception. Not many people are interested in what shaped you. If you are going through a bad day and meet someone new, you just greet a passing HI – This person is quick to judge and says – Found it rude / So dull – does this new person know what’s going on inside of the person he/she just met? Often, I find myself in such situations - My first impressions are rather passable. It is only when people know me longer, know why I am like that. But that’s also limited to a handful.

I know my friends who I think about deeply – laugh at me, talk about me to others, behind my back for no reason. It is not a great thing to listen to. Especially from people dear to you. But that happens. People are a big trap. Getting to explore personalities is what I love. Dealing with them is what I hate. Why can’t people just let others breathe. Toxic people are REAL. They know to be the best dessert you have ever eaten and soon turn into a foul-smelling shithole. This adversity is normal to them, not to everybody – don’t they get that!? Does your toxicity have no limit, principles? I wonder what shapes their toxic behaviors…? Where did you learn that it was ok to let your toxicity get the better off you? Where did you learn to spit your poison onto others and blame them instead when they decide to walk away from you? Toxic people have a trait – they slowly knit a trap for you. Once they you have fallen, they will take you into their deepest shitholes and never let you come above. Their poison penetrates through your body and makes you unconscious. So much so that you will be paralyzed, extremely thirsty, and they will overpower your taste with more poison and sweetness. You will have too much of it.

Is there a solution? Yes! Don’t step on these toxic insects. Once they bite you, they leave a little bit of their poison on your system. Then they will come to offer you a medicine. HUH! Is that even imaginable? They are the ones who stung you at the first place! KEEP YOUR HEAD ABOVE, FAR AND UNREACHABLE! They are good to you, and you are good to them. Don’t fall for all the nice things they will do for you. They will try to access the gaps and take advantage where you are vulnerable. DON’T LET THEM KNOW! What keeps YOU – YOU! Shock them with how indifferent you are to their love. Don’t Respond! Surprise them always how you manage to be neutral – whether it’s the LOVE or the HATE. Let them not crack your code. DETACH! UNPLUG! I am just going to write it like an imposition now so that I am more in control of what I do and how I feel -

I AM THE DRIVER NOT THE PASSENGER IN MY LIFE I AM THE DRIVER NOT THE PASSENGER IN MY LIFE I AM THE DRIVER NOT THE PASSENGER IN MY LIFE I AM THE DRIVER NOT THE PASSENGER IN MY LIFE I AM THE DRIVER NOT THE PASSENGER IN MY LIFE I AM THE DRIVER NOT THE PASSENGER IN MY LIFE I AM THE DRIVER NOT THE PASSENGER IN MY LIFE I AM THE DRIVER NOT THE PASSENGER IN MY LIFE I AM THE DRIVER NOT THE PASSENGER IN MY LIFE I AM THE DRIVER NOT THE PASSENGER IN MY LIFE I AM THE DRIVER NOT THE PASSENGER IN MY LIFE I AM THE DRIVER NOT THE PASSENGER IN MY LIFE

[moodmaroon]

A tainted after-thought

It is only a matter of time they say. But that doesn’t necessarily settle a lot for one magically. Time has its limitations. You can for sure let an act of nature pass, unfold, but the after-effects from the disaster take time, infact a lot of time, to settle. The cracks on walls will remind you of the earthquake that hit the neighborhood. The loss of lives and property will take you back time and again to the waves that a tsunami triggered. Emotional Disasters are also no less than these natural disasters that suddenly take away a part of you and remain in your memory forever.

Yes being positive is a choice. Yes, learning from the experience should be a plan. But its all easier said than done really. Had you known of a Tsunami coming, there is only little that you could do. Take shelter somewhere safe, ensure supplies are sufficient, leave the country at max? More people would choose to stay and face a disaster, after taking all the possible precautions. Life is similar. Emotional storms can take away more than what one is ready for. You prepare your mind and body to take the setbacks but there is only little you can do than experience the storm in its full stride. Take in every moment of how it feels to be breathing in the middle of big emotions gutting out of your body. Just like how you would run under a bed to live through the experience of an earthquake shaking your home. Breathing through the heart thumping and the mind silently praying you pull your strengths to live through the experience. What your body is experiencing is not normal, the state of your mind, the weakness in the knees, the blime chances of survival – suddenly you become aware of all your thoughts and just hope and pray that you come out of the moment - to process your thoughts and make meaning out of them. Survival happens when it has to, but the real experience is living through disasters – emotional, natural, mental. It can break you into pieces you may never able to collect back. It can send you to places you never knew existed in your head. It can deconstruct your surroundings without much in your control.

Me battling with my emotions is no less than a natural disaster that’s waiting to happen. My senses go dumb, everything that I know about controlling the emotions takes a backseat and it all comes down to dealing with it - it has been keeping quiet for a while, atleast it deserves to see the light of the day.

The roar is unpredictable – sometimes too gentle with no traces of humans around, sometimes it is too loud and lashed out on a non-deserving body. At most times, it is self-harming – nothing physical, but putting myself down so much that it keeps me in check every time I try to think better of myself. I know the drill though - having occupied this body and mind for so long that it is not going to stay any longer than I ask for. But for some time now, I have been asking it to stay more than it should. I like the self-loathing more. Putting things in perspective but only to see your faults than blame anyone else. If, everyone does what’s right to do on their parts – who do I blame?

Snapping in and out of the after-effects is a phenomenon in itself too. One moment you catch yourself replaying the disaster, one moment you bring yourself to the present and get back to doing your normal things. One time you are thinking of how you braver you could be and the other time trying to get pieces back together. Life goes on, we go on to live, but these high and lows triggered off disasters can leave a long-lasting memory, a tainted after-thought…