moodymurda - Tumblr blog

[moodymurda]

crushes are over rated

i remember when i would imagine what it would be like to be with you

wondering what it might feel like to kiss you

butterflies in my stomach every time that you hold me

bringing me peace to know that i am your only

my eyes will light up every time that you call

my heart kinda starts to sink when you don’t text at all

the nervousness i’ll feel the first time you meet my dad

finding my calm in all the memories we have

i remember when all i wanted was you on me

getting anxious whenever you’re close to me

looking at my hands even when you’re looking right at me

hoping that you’re impressed with everything you see

a world where your tranquility lived inside of me

“just because i love you” flowers at my door

get on your nerves sometimes but you love me far more

i remember being in this place before

getting let down is when reality sets in

the moment when a loss felt like you were winning

mama said love wasn’t easy n she wasn’t kidding

thinking i must be crazy to put myself through this

how much heart ache until you just can’t do it

[moodymurda]

020723

my grandma passed and i can’t even grieve

taking steps feel like i can’t breathe

smoking put my mind at ease

but i don’t wanna feel like an addict

so i feel like i gotta quit

i don’t allow myself no breaks no mistakes

because the past don’t erase

reminding myself life is not a race

i wish these niggas would get up out my face

i know they don’t get it

i’m more than just an object

my soul so pure, that be my downfall

i feel like i can love all

don’t be concerned about if a mf love me

don’t be worried about if u saying what u mean

cause i can handle me

yea i can handle mine

been doing it since i was 9

been working my ass off since i was 16

feel like i got nothing to show for it

[moodymurda]

lately

[moodymurda]

everything i wanna say rn sounds so self deprecating that i don’t wanna say anything at all

[moodymurda]

about a boy 8

my honey

the time we’ve had apart is how i know that i love you. and knowing that i love you is what made me pull away the way i did. i know we can both relate in not wanting to like each other from the very beginning. it was so childish in hindsight. my mom always says you make plans & god laughs. and that’s so true because what happened between us was more than what i bargained for. and nothing short of some of the best times in my life.

you being there for me the day [redacted so i can’t get sued or anything like that], the way you took care of me and literally held me up when my grandma was in the hospital, that first time we went to Waffle House together after that party and i realized i liked you, meeting up to sit in the car at the park and talking about our dreams, going with you to cecil to look at the planes and shit, just all of our little moments.

you came into my life and turned my world upside down in the best way. you made me view myself as more than just a girl. you helped me to accept and fall in love with the beautiful woman i am becoming.

that being said, the lack of reciprocity when i asked, it immediately broke my heart. that conversation was crushing to me. looking back, and even in the moment i was so proud of myself for how i handled it. bc while i felt terrible on the inside, i kept my cool. the old me would broke down, i would’ve begged, pleaded even. though i was proud of myself i realize now turning cold on you the way i did almost wasn’t fair. don’t get me wrong i stand behind it but at the same time i wish i had more compassion and understanding for you like you have always given me.

i can not lie, pain was driving me to act the way i was. seeing you be so sad after the fact confused me. it felt like you were trying to make me the bad guy for setting a boundary. so when you started to do nice things when we’d hang out with our friends, just the way you approached me, it all threw me off. partially because of a lot of what you started doing, you’d never done for me before while we were dating (or whatever you’d like to call it. that’s another thing but i won’t beat a dead horse).

some of what you had said stuck with me too. like when you asked “when was the last time we went on a real date”. i don’t know man, in the end i was left feeling so stupid for being open. it felt like i gave myself to someone who didn’t value me. i felt like i imagined that we were falling in love. the timing didn’t help either.

as time has gone by i realized some changes i needed to make, so i guess it wasn’t time wasted after all.

the night of [redacted] reminded me of how i love you. it forced me to confront how much i miss you. up until that point i was ignoring it to protect my heart. but in “protecting” my heart i fear i may have lost the sweetest love i’ve ever felt.

things weren’t ideal but i love how we always tried to meet in the middle no matter what. i love how looking into your eyes grounds me. how you protect & look out for me. i love that i can learn from you & that you aren’t afraid to admit that you’ve learned something from me. you’re gentle with me when you’re right & you aren’t afraid to be wrong. i’m afraid to give my heart to you because it feels like you are my one. and i don’t know that i could take having you break my heart, but even with that knowledge i’m still willing to take the chance

nia

[moodymurda]

ugh these came out so good

me n tenny took photos for my book promo

[moodymurda]

me n tenny took photos for my book promo

[moodymurda]

tumblr is basically a big “close friends” but with people i don’t know lol

[moodymurda]

[moodymurda]

💚🧪🧼🔋🎾⛳️🪀🥝🍏🌱🦜🎋🥑

[moodymurda]

🌹💌🧸

[moodymurda]

drunk n hot girls 💫💛

[moodymurda]

[moodymurda]

IG: prettyboyxo 😍

[moodymurda]

we got poetry books n shit on my website

[moodymurda]