moonlit-battles

[moonlit-battles]

today i understood what it feels like to put on a mask and smile when your heart is breaking inside, what it means to be alone in a crowded room knowingvthat no one will notice if you went missing just that second. i always knew that i was an afterthought, an intruder in someones perfect duo or group, but today while trying to no cry in the middle of a club i realised what it being lonely actually meant.

[moonlit-battles]

the worst thing about having a shit father is that it also irreparably breaks your bond with your mom who was always trying to do the best she could

[moonlit-battles]

realisation is that maybe the one i pushed the most was also the only one who was always gonna save me. Myself.

[moonlit-battles]

6th May, 2024.

i love all dirty and sickening,

with way too much heart that is still covered in scars,

with too much poison in my blood that spills through my eyes and from between my teeth.

i take and take all that you can give,

and then i claw out the rest from your hollowed chest,

because i don't know how to not be greedy, i was never taught to.

i was never taught when to give up, to identify an ending.

im blind to the prettiness of closure.

so i hold on, with fingers digging into bones and with thoughts full of jealousy,

for how can you even bare to think of anything else but me.

the obsession i cannot not feel grows like vines around my neck,

its not a noose if you dont let it be one, i wear it prouder than all the diamonds and rubies i could get.

this is the way i love,

it's my devious devotion to all you are, and my irrevocable right upon you.