moonsenvoy

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chelsea peretti’s opening monologue at the tenth annual tech crunchies

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How come Tony Stark gets to fight villains naked all the time in the comics but not in the movies? I am being denied my rights!

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Spotify: [on shuffle]

Me: then fucking act like it

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Howl’s Moving Castle, Diana Wynne Jones

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i’m such a slut for reassurance my heart literally nuts when you tell me you want me

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why do we live in a world where microtargeted ads can spontaneously direct me to products so on point with my tastes it’s embarrassing, but when I actively search for something as clear & simple as “cookware” the same retailer site just gives the fuck up and shows me peppa pig onesies

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The female gaze can be completely inscrutable for men but here’s a quick and not-entirely-sensible diagram I drew while pooping to try and make my preferences clear:

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My worst fear about writing this book is ppl liking it and the characters and wanting to know more about them like their birthdays and stuff like that cuz I just don’t know. For all intents and purposes they just spawned into existence. Pls don’t ask me what the main characters zodiac signs are cuz idk.

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supervillains fucking hate fighting the x-men because the teams change constantly and sometimes there are??? totally new people there???? fuck there’s a teenager who literally just has eyes all over his body. is he even technically a superhero yet or is he a student. who the fuck knows. how do we counter this shit

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admit it, we were all primed to hate america from the start because that fucker in Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron tried to hurt the horse and they made sure to put that American flag RIGHT THERE IN THE SHOT and then follow it with some BLATANT AND AWFUL RACISM…..they would not have the balls to release that movie now….the bryan adams bops……the female directors….the blatant american colonialism callout…….a masterpiece of american cinema

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Almost 40 years later Harry wakes up in the dead of the night, apparates into Ron’s home and shakes him awake.

Ron: Dude, blimey, what’s wrong!

Harry: We could’ve gone together!! We could’ve gone to the yule ball together and it would’ve been fine!! We could’ve done that!

Ron: *dawning realization followed by deep-rooted regret that they were both very dumb teenagers*

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Natasha Lyonne as Nadia Vulvokov in Russian Doll (2019)

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owning a cat makes you immune to demons