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Lynds Dark Nebula

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Roaring Colors: Niv Bavarsky’s Vibrant Depiction of a Tiger

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I love you Santi ❤️

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The night tho’ clear shall frown — And the stars shall look not down From their high thrones in the Heaven, With light like Hope to mortals given, But their red orbs, without beam, To thy weariness shall seem As a burning & a fever Which would cling to thee forever But twill leave thee, as each star With the dew-drop flies afar

--Spirits of the Dead by Edgar Allan Poe

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the 12th house can protect you from yourself, the outside world. but it can also swallow you whole, turn you mad o.O

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It appears, this is who you are.

Today is June 27, 2025. Norman's birthday. My 8th house Sun. I saw him in a dream first. But, that didn't work out. While I shut myself in my bedroom for all of July, 2023 -- that is when I dreamt of you, Keith. My fellow Virgo Moon. Yours, in 12th house, to complement my 12th house Sun. We were both masters of camouflage. Subtle deceit. To ourselves, to the world.

You really helped me out. Got me back on my feet, showed me the country. Showed me possibilities. You also taught me new levels of pain. New methods of betrayal. You demonstrated success and status, and how little comfort all the wealth and nice cars provide in the end. Don't get me wrong. Who doesn't like nice things?

But it doesn't soothe a broken heart. It doesn't answer life's big mysteries. It can all be taken from you in an instant, and those people who were your friends, suddenly don't know how to be there for you.

Now, I have to delete all the photos of us. Our travels.

All the special places around the country you took me to. They were special to me. But, one by one, I saw you take others to the same places. Strangers, people who became more interesting than me. Who became more worth your time and effort. Slowly, the nature of your intentions, your patterns, your love and affection, your lies. It unraveled.

You didn't care how your actions hurt me. My emotions were always a burden to you. It drove us apart. You blamed me, of course. But I can't blame myself. No. I can't blame myself for falling for your convincing lies, your half-truths, your bread crumbs of false hope.

And now, I can see it was never about me. How unhappy I made you. How I was never good enough, despite my efforts. Despite my silence and cooperation. Despite losing myself in you, like I lose myself in everyone I date. That's not about you. That's about me.

So, it has to end. I know what you ought to do. And I've told you. While I've transformed these past two years with you, you've remained the same. You have no reason to change. Not yet. I know you'll wake up to the truth one day, just like we all do. When we realize the pain we caused others. When we see things for what they are. You remain in denial, and it infuriated me.

But my anger, my rash behavior, my attempts of sabotage never brought me what I wanted. You.

After all, you drew me in. You insisted on getting to know me, bringing me close, despite my efforts to push you away. Because I've been hurt so many times before. I didn't want to go through it again. But I let you. I gave in. I had to, in a way. To get stronger. To grow up. But at some point, you were no longer helping me. And I saw the cracks in your armor.

The loneliness. The loneliness of dating you. Watching you travel and have sex with others. Ignore my calls. You used to text and call me every morning and every night. Over time, it became less and less. You were on to the next. I picked myself apart, trying to understand what was so bad about me. What I could fix, to earn your partnership.

But in romance, love and respect, consideration, compromise. That doesn't have to be earned. That is the standard. That's what's top be expected. I spent so much time trying to convince you to treat me better. But you never did. You didn't want to, and you didn't have to. I was just another one of your boyfriends of the season. The people you bring in, just to play with for a few months, maybe a year, then toss aside.

I've been through this before, and I let it happen again. You'll repeat the same mistakes until you learn the lesson. Thankfully, I think I'm a bit closer to knowing better. You'll never change. You pretended to, at first. But then I caught you in your lies. But you never had to meet any of my demands. You could drop me off right where you left me, and that's exactly what you did.

It used to anger me. But I have to let that go. And I can't reach out to you anymore. I can't let you in. I needed you at first, but I haven't needed you for a while now. You haven't wanted me for a while now, You haven't cared. And I can't sulk any longer.

You ruined my 29th birthday this past weekend. I'm amazed you would allow that to be our last memory. You would ruin my birthday, then go to a gay sex campground the following week. No remorse. No care. But it doesn't hurt me anymore, because this is how you treat everyone. It's how you treated all the boyfriends before me, and how you'll treat the next ones.

You told me you never had such an intense connection with someone before, yet it wasn't enough to keep you around. You choose the shallow and casual all the same. And I can't be bothered by it anymore. It's disturbing. And I feel sorry for you. You may have more money, been on magazine covers. But spiritually, I could tell I was farther along than you. I don't need those things that you need to prove my worth. I'm just still trying to find it. But I don't want to be like you, like I thought I did.

How you treat people matters more than what car you drive or how many commercial properties you own. But I've learned that lesson already, and you have a ways to go.

In time, I guess we'll both make peace with how it ended, and maybe we'll even understand why.

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Toyen (Marie Čermínová) (Czech, 1902-1980) - Minuit, L'heure Blasonnee (Midnight, The Emblazoned Hour) (1961)

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c'est la vérité, non ??

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Archangel Michael, watch over me. This world is full of surprises, and my virgo moon got me so messed up rn..... The squares to mars and Pluto sure don't help.

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It appears we've reached a stalemate.

>>> >>> > These Kentucky Summers. <<< << <

The 12th House Sun and his two boyfriends. One an 8th House Sun. One a 4th House Sun. Together, we represented each of the water houses in astrology. It really showed, too.

I'm the most spiritual one out of us. Also, the most delusional apparently. With the 12th house, the veil gets thin. Reality and what exists beyond these dimensions, it bleeds through an uncomfortable amount. People can't handle it. Hell, I can't handle it. I've been institutionalized more times than I can count. Psych ward, rehab. Jeez. The works.

my bedroom

But I Believe In Christ. Ahahahahah. The universe is so much larger than any one religion though. Any one church. Any one bible verse or belief.

> > And yes. My handsome 8th house sun. House of scorpio. He definitely brought Hell on Earth. My 4th House sun brought a piece of heaven, sadly it was rooted in delusions. False hope. 8th House made me fear for my life. I made 4th fear for his. Weird how one makes me feel like an angel, and the other made me feel like a devil.

But good heavens. Have some guts! Have a damn backbone!

I may be a Cancer, but I'm not a b*tch. I am crazy and crabby though. I'll give them that. I stay with abusive men. I have problems letting go. I learned recently how much of life, our world, is in our own minds. I was secretly a drug addict for years. And it was all in my head.

The 12th house rules infinity, well I see infinity. But that is the problem. Sometimes I can't discern what is practical and realistic. Aren't there infinite alternate dimensions and timelines? Liiiike how am I supposed to know which one I'm actually in. It's not like we can see the f*cking future. Why is this Earth so torturous?!?!?!

But even a monster has a heart. And that's why it's so hard for me to leave a relationship or situation that's not working. I just see possibility. What could be. And I'm forgiving. And too trusting. I keep getting blindsided each time I get fxcked over.

Sorry for my cursing. I am working class, after all. I quite prefer the freedom of being poor and unimportant, though. Wealth and celebrity come with a price, that few fail to realize or consider, until it is thrusted upon them. Everything in life has its price. But the show must go on.

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Laurent Grasso (French, 1972) - Studies into the Past (series) (2025)

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The solar eclipse of June 29, 1927. Photo by: H. von Kluber in the Lapland region of Finland.

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(via japanese matchbox label)

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Haereticum

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Robert Winthrop Chanler (1872-1930), ‘Leopard and Deer’, 1912 Source More information on Chanler here. 

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Literally. I need to leave my room, but it's my castle.

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Joy Sullivan, from “Culpable”, Instructions for Traveling West