moonsthoughtsandfeels - Tumblr blog

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Our neighbor David died today.

We watched his be taken down the stairs that he went up and down in all day long to talk to people, go out to eat, go to church. It’s so sad and I feel so sad that he died. Sylvia found him in his chair listening to peaceful music, she had to climb in through the window.

David was a really nice person, he had no ill intentions ever. He would check up and talk to everyone he met. He’s the kind of person that reminds you to slow down and take in the present. I can only hope that he died peacefully in his sleep

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http://iglovequotes.net/

[moonsthoughtsandfeels]

Day in and day out I’m taking care of our almost 8 month old. Been doing that almost since the day she was born. There was a week or so that I went back to work full time but since I quit back in January it’s been me non stop.

Lately I started going back to work early as hell in the mornings before you go to work that way it’s still all me taking care of her. So there I go 230/3am till 7/ 730 just to make enough money to buy her diapers, wipes, clothes, pay my rent, pay my car, bills, and feed us all.

Still breastfeeding too btw. Full time doing that. When she wakes up in the middle of the night it doesn’t disrupt your sleep but it does mine. And when I’m working you rock her back to sleep, why isn’t that done when I’m here? I must not be deserving of normal sleep any more cause I’m a mom.

And then our day starts . 8/830 we get up, change your diaper, go play in the living room, make you a little something to eat, clean you up, play a little more and then put you down for the first nap. The baby only sleeps half an hour . So now it’s 10/30 , we get up change another diaper, get the baby dressed it non sleep clothes, do her hair, play, make her a real breakfast, feed her and myself, depending on how dirty she got I’ll either change her outfit again or do a mini bath. After that we play some more, then put her down for her second nap, another 30-45 minutes go by and during that nap I’m cleaning up the mess from making breakfast and the mess the baby made eating breakfast. This includes sweeping, mopping, dishes, wiping the counters, high chair, and table. Now she’s awake and it’s 1/130 change another diaper this time it’s poop. Go to the living room, play, feed you puréed baby food and an ice pop for your teeth, clean the baby up again, another diaper change, more play, and then nap again around 330/4 now when the baby wakes up you’re finally on your way home or you just got home. I change the diaper, go to the living room, hear about your day, go pee in peace for the first time today, then clean up whatever other mess is in the house, do laundry, clean up the patio, fold her laundry, take out the trash, do my own laundry, clean up our room, clean up her room, clean up whatever else needs to be cleaned because that’s what it’s like having a baby, every day something needs to be cleaned because clothes pile up, dishes pile up, trash piles up, dust piles up, dirt piles up, every single day I do something to keep the house up.

You take a nap. From what you always say is an easy job. From being tired from gaming at night and not sleeping instead. You took this new position and help out even less than you did before. At least you would get out early before so that gave more time for me to do things like laundry so you can watch the baby. But now I get to do everything with her and by myself.

If we broke up, not much would be different, I already feel like a single parent. I’m 95% of this relationship. I plan the dates, I pay for 90% of our things including groceries, take out food, baby clothes, diapers, wipes and entertainment. It’s me doing and being everything.

Im supposed to be grateful because you cook dinner or breakfast?

You should be grateful that the dishes are clean to cook. You should be grateful the floors are clean to walk on. You should be grateful I bought the groceries. You should be grateful. But at this point I feel taken advantage of.

I’ve talked to you about this before. I told you I feel like I’m alone in all this, and things changed for a week or 2 and now we’re back to where it was before. And like I said before I’m not going to leave you because leaving you means I’ll have to not see the baby if we share time. And I’d rather be with my daughter. It sucks to feel this way, and though our days aren’t consumed with keeping the house up, a lot of my day is. Don’t you think I’d rather be relaxing on the couch playing video games instead of picking up trash that you left? Or sweeping up all the dirt we trailed in from being outside?

If you see something that isn’t in the right place why don’t you fix it?

Because you expect me to do it. I’ve made you too comfortable and now you won’t change. It’s too bad for our daughter cause of you this is the kind of man she’s going to look for too. This is the expectation we’re setting up for her.

[moonsthoughtsandfeels]

To my little baby still growing inside my tummy

I’ve done as much as I can to keep you healthy and safe while you’re in there doing the best you can to grow. I hope the news we got today hasn’t affected you. I’ve been scared of getting bad news for the past 7 months.

Today we found out I have hypothyroidism. Which means you may have developmental delays. No matter the case your dad and I will love you and take care of you to the best of our ability.

I truly hope that it isn’t too late to help you grow healthy, I want nothing more than for you to live a full, long, happy life with no problems, no issues, as the world is a hard place to be in either way. If I could shield you from the stares, the finger pointing, the whispering you might encounter if you come to life with developmental delays, I would do just that.

My little tiny Aurora. You’re a blessing in our life that none of us expected to be granted. I can only pray, hope and have faith that I’ve done as much as I can as a mother, care taker and provider for these 40 weeks and helped make you into a perfect little human.

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Tomorrow I start the first day of my new job. Early childhood educator III.

It took a month to get all the documents, fingerprints, health screening, background checks to get this job.

I’m 24 weeks and 2 days today, they’re aware that I’ll be out of work for 2/3 months to care for our newborn.

I received my care package Friday, it came with a laptop, headphones, charger, and some accessories to get through our days at the school.

Im excited for this new chapter in our life as it feels that this will enhance our current situation for the better.

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To my precious baby in the womb,

I made sure to pick the right daddy for you. He loves you just as I do. We want nothing but happiness for you in your soon to be life. We’ve chosen a perfect name for you, that will fit what we believe will be your personality. We dream that you’ll be the perfect mix of both mommy and daddy. My little baby, I can’t wait to have you in my arms, but your daily kicks and punches in my tummy comfort me. I love you so much my little princess.

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I had a dream my partner was cheating on me. I found out about the cheating the same way I did with the texts, except this time it was on an open laptop and he didn’t stop me from reading the messages and even handed over his phone when I asked to go through it

I saw messages of kiss faces, I love yous, I miss yous, I’m single. In my dream I can feel the pain of betrayal and loss. The man I thought I knew was just like the last one.

In real life I don’t go through his phone or have any real want to do so as I’m afraid if I ever do, the contents will break us apart. From past experience I’ve chosen to be happy and ignorant. Though there are times I wish I had the courage to do it.

We’re 18 weeks into my pregnancy and the dreams seem to be getting worse.

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I’m back at it!

Eating healthy, cut the soda out, went to the gym for the first time, lots of energy, motivation to want to be the best version of myself!

I have Cancun on my mind, but also what may potentially come later this year ring maybe ?? Probably not but either way I’ll be in the best shape of my life :)

Can’t wait to see how this year goes :)

[moonsthoughtsandfeels]

I never wrote about what happened. I told my best friend and a few others but I can’t even remember if I told my boyfriend.

Since domestic violence awareness month is coming up, I figure now that it’s been a year later I’m ready to tell my experience.

I was in a toxic, abusive relationship for 4 years.

At the beginning of the relationship I wasn’t being loyal, come to find out later he wasn’t either. However, once I was caught I never did it again. It was only a few months into the relationship when I did get caught, and I saw how hurt he was when he found out what I did. He went through my phone and messages and found one I had sent to my friend about how I had cheated but if it doesn’t matter cause he also cheated. I apologized the whole relationship for cheating. It happened for the first few months but never again after that. The entire time we were together he was cheating. There wasn’t a week or a day that went by when he wasn’t talking or meeting up with other girls. The amount of times I saw on his phone the things he was doing was too much for me to continue being with him. But I did, he was sending pics to girls they’d send them back, he was talking to girls from our job, Snapchat, Instagram, Facebook, wherever he could he would. I even found him on a dating app. We broke up several times throughout the relationship but I still took the next step forward and moved into a trailer. It was a small trailer, no where to really breath alone. And we were with each other all the time. And the times we weren’t , he was out cheating. Then he’d come back, we’d get into an argument, I would cry and try to sleep on the floor, he’d kick me, push me, scream and yell at me that I’m a dumb bitch, I’m worthless, I’m a fat bitch, no one likes me, he hates me, why am I still here, fucking leave already, the worse things people can hear, I heard from someone I loved. For the majority of the relationship that’s what it was like, I only once showed up with bruises on my arm and my mom noticed, I said I ran into a door and she knew I was lying. But it was better that than telling her the truth and me not being with him. I would’ve done anything to not be away from him. 3 years in we broke up officially and we’re separated for 3 months, in those 3 months he managed to get our former coworker pregnant and I hadn’t known about it till months later after getting back together. I still stayed. And when me and the baby mama got in a physical fight , we got back in the car and he slapped me, cursed at me, wishing I was dead, all while driving to the police station to file a report. Another week or so passes by and this was the final straw for me. We were about to move into an apartment in Rialto, we had put down a deposit, started packing our stuff, and that same weekend he decided to pick up his son, 4 months old baby. I took care of the baby most of the time, I’d be the one waking up in the dead night and taking care of him. This happened on the weekends, every weekend since he was weeks old. The day before move in is when it all went down, it was around 8pm and the trailer was mostly packed, I needed to go around the block to pick up the moving truck. So I went alone and there were issues, when I got back I got yelled at for being gone so long and the baby was crying. I told him that he shouldn’t have picked him up and in the processes of being yelled at he tried grabbing his son back from my arms and hit the baby’s head against the wall, when that happened he yelled even louder at me, blaming me for the baby’s head hitting the wall and then slapped me several times, and grabbed his son back. I ran outside and called his sisters. They let me in the main house and that’s when the family all came over. Everyone was yelling at him for being disrespectful and insane. I was sitting in the living room trying to process my next move, his mom, dad and sisters were all there talking to me. I don’t remember what anyone said but I remember knowing that this was not how I wanted to continue to live. That night I picked up as much of my stuff as possible, and went to my moms. She didn’t force me to tell her anything and I wasn’t ready to talk about it. The next day my brother and I got the rest of the stuff from the trailer and I haven’t seen him since. I’m lucky to be alive, lucky to have survived.

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https://iglovequotes.net/

[moonsthoughtsandfeels]

https://iglovequotes.net/

[moonsthoughtsandfeels]

https://iglovequotes.net/

[moonsthoughtsandfeels]

FROM :  lifestyleawesome

[moonsthoughtsandfeels]

“If you hesitate between me and another person don’t choose me.”

— Unknown

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“Standing alone is better than standing with people who hurt you.”

— Lessons Learned in Life

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when people are like “oh so you’re just gonna judge someone for their political beliefs?” yes actually. I think someone’s values and opinions is a pretty reasonable thing to judge them for.

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