mooodyblue

[mooodyblue]

[mooodyblue]

Austin Butler (Elvis, 2022)

[mooodyblue]

euphoria (part one) benny cross x fem!reader

summary: this is not what benny wanted. this is not what you wanted. but somehow, benny surprises you every time.

warnings: angst, mentions of sex, pregnancy, subtle abortion mention

a/n: wowieee i've posted something....is this real?? are yall still here?? 😩 anyway. this is just a build up. i wanted to see who was into this before i really start getting into it and truth be told i may still write it even if 2 people read it. based on my tumblr post from a year ago. let me know what yall think! help me brainstorm? also i wrote this year ago so be nice to me ok

wc: 2524

masterlist

“i’m benny.”

and i’m fucked.

you didn’t have any intention in staying in this musty bar. the plan was to come by, bring your friend some cash, and then dip. bars weren't your thing, they never were. not to mention that it was literally filled with nothing but bikers. you didn't really understand why your friend would want anything to do with people like them. oh, but stay, have a drink or two! was this a ploy to get you out of the house? maybe it was, but god, you wanted to go home. she left you to grab a couple drinks for the two of you, leaving you sat there nervously.

your eyes drifted around to all the men hanging around. a group was playing pool, everyone else was scattered around. guessing by the back of another dude’s jacket, you assumed their club was the vandals. your boyfriend would kill you if he knew you were hanging around this sort of place.

but your eyes drifted a little too much.

he had to be a kid, good lord. his eyes were so blue, his skin tan and his arms so big that you probably couldn't even wrap your entire hand around them. christ, he was beautiful. could a man even be beautiful? damn, your lingering eyes. you couldn't look way. he looked so young compared to everyone else here, but judging by his demeanor and the way he was hovered over the pool table—he was definitely part of the club.

you looked away quickly before he could notice you staring. your eyes lingered again, looking for your friend. where the hell was she?

that same kid suddenly appeared beside you, causing you to jump slightly as he pulled up a chair, sitting on it backwards. the two of you stared for a moment before he finally spoke up, his gentle yet deep voice speaking, “i’m benny.” he said, a gentle smile on his face

you blinked at him a few times, noticing his tattoos up close. did he seriously have his own name tattooed? “okay.” you blurted out, not knowing how to respond.

“okay.” he repeated back.

“i have a boyfriend.” you added on.

“okay.” and again.

he clearly wasn't a man of many words. the two of you just stared at eachother again, not saying much. your friend was still at the bar, chatting up some guy.

benny put his hands up defensively, “you got a boyfriend.” he was about to back off, but part of you wished he wouldn't have. he stood up and went back to his pool game, lighting a cigarette and going on with his night.

you decided you needed to get out of there, this was pointless. you needed some air, real air. the walk home was nice. crickets chirping, the streetlights lighting up the way home. it was peaceful until the sound of a revving bike was slowly making its way towards you. it caught up to you, slowly moving as it followed your every move.

you turned your head to look, and there he was again. benny.

“need a ride?”

────── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──────

getting that ride from benny was probably the best and worst idea you could’ve ever agree to. he had you at the palm of his hand, sweeping you off your feet in a heartbeat. your boyfriend broke up with you the day after benny had brought you home—apparently he felt threatened despite you saying countless amount of times that benny was harmless. whatever, you weren’t feeling it anyways.

oh, but benny.

he asked you out after he invited you to their first meeting. he had you hop on his bike and took you for a long ride. being on his bike felt like magic, it was a feeling you’d never experienced before and somehow with him you always felt safe. you trusted him with everything in you, even if he really was nothing but trouble. sure, he got his ass beat every other week. hell, he threatened anyone who dared to lay a hand on you. except for that one time—but he learned his lesson.

but he was also stubborn. after he had his leg nearly broken off and after the incident that almost had your relationship in the garbage, you begged and begged for him to stop riding. something needed to change. you were so tired of almost losing him, not to mention how tired you were of him getting himself into trouble.

you knew what you were getting into when you started dating benny in the first place, but you didn’t think it’d be as bad as it actually is.

your relationship was not like a typical relationship at all. there were no cute dates, majority of your dates were at one of the vandals picnics or he was taking you out for a ride. maybe on a rare night, you’d be in front of the tv with him, curled up against each other and watching a silly movie. but really, that was all it was to it. oh, but you were having plenty of sex. he was animalistic and by god, the best you’d ever had. you loved him. you loved him so much.

the more time went by, the more down bad you were for him. the guys were practically family to you. johnny couldn’t believe benny got himself a girl and that your relationship lasted this long. benny was teased about it too. he’d gone soft for sure, even if he refused to admit it. maybe that’s why he acted out so much—he didn’t want to show that maybe he did in fact go a little bit soft. only for you, though. just you.

then you started living together and even then, you rarely saw him. sometimes he’d disappear for days on end. benny wouldn’t contact you, not a single call or text and you were just supposed to forgive him every single time. obviously, you did forgive him every time.

except the one time he did run away—you weren’t sure if you wanted to forgive him.

────── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──────

three years was a long time, but benny wasn’t quite ready to settle down just yet. you didn’t think he’d ever be ready to settle down. being part of the club and riding was such a huge part of his life, but so were you. one or the other had to come first, he just wasn’t sure which one should. the answer was easy for you.

then your period was suddenly late. it was one day, five days, suddenly a week. fuck. maybe it was stress. what were you stressed out about? maybe the future, the state of your relationship?

you’d always been careful with benny. every. single. time. he didn’t want a slip up, he’d been so strict about it every time. a baby was the last thing he needed right now. but sometimes benny wondered what it’d be like. a little..being…made of both you and him. a disaster? maybe a blessing? if he thought about it too much, he’d start to spiral and he hated thinking about the future. he wasn’t fit to be a father, maybe he didn’t want kids. yeah, thats it.

a quick trip to the drug store and three tests later in your bathroom—there it was. the pink lines on the sticks stared right at you. it was taunting you in some way. it felt like someone laughing in her face, telling her well, no shit you’re pregnant! the lines were so clear, so obvious and christ, you were so fucked.

now what? do you get this problem taken care of and not tell benny? that’d be evil. he deserved to know, he had to know. he’d be pissed if you didn’t tell him. your relationship was an odd one, sure. he wasn’t always truthful about where he was half of the time, but lying about something as big as being pregnant didn’t compare to him running off and riding to another state for three days to get some air.

the sound of boots clacking against the hardwood floor interrupted your thoughts. benny was home. you quickly discarded the boxes, wrappers, even the tests, burying them all deep in the garbage. benny wouldn’t dig in the trash, it’d be fine. you’ll just think on what to do for a little while, it wasnt time to tell him just yet.

“baby, oh–” benny stopped in his tracks, looking at you. he stood there in his boots, his vandals jacket on him to show he was obviously out riding. “you alright?” you hated when he didn’t take his boots off before coming into the house.

“i’m pregnant.” you blurted out. wow, there goes that.

he furrowed his brows at you, “what?” he had a confused look on his face, “you kiddin’, right?”

“um…” you were mentally cursing at yourself for blurting it out. you didn’t even have a second to think on it. “....yeah, no. no. i’m…” you rubbed the back of your neck, “yeah, i’m..i’m a week late. i just..” you sighed, admitting defeat and digging the tests back out of the garbage to show him.

benny took the tests into his hand, looking at them closely. “could they be faulty?” he asked. “a mistake..yea…you got another one? take another one.”

“benny, i took three tests.” you crossed your arms, “it’s practically screaming at me saying i’m preg–”

“don’t say that word.” he interrupted, shaking his head. “you’re not. no way in hell, y/n.”

the way he was suddenly speaking to you was so offputting. you knew he wouldn’t be thrilled, but he didn’t have to be so harsh about it. “benny, this is real.”

he looked down at the tests again before looking at you, a certain glare in his eyes. he didn’t say a word, but his brain was going a million miles an hour. he took in a sharp breath, shaking his head and quickly leaving the bathroom.

your eyes widened, seeing him rush out to the front door, going back to his bike. “benny!” you called out, following him outside. he revved up his bike, not saying a word to you once again. “benny, you can’t be serious!” but he was serious. so serious that he drove off quickly on his bike, leaving you alone once again.

────── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──────

you didn’t hear from benny for two weeks. this was the longest he’d been away from you. you never took benny as the type to run off in this situation, at least forever. you contacted the club, you and johnny went on a manhunt to find him. at this point, the only two people who knew you were pregnant was him and benny. you didn’t mean to tell johnny, but it slipped out.

benny was still nowhere to be found and at this point, you've accepted that he’s probably going to be one of those deadbeat fathers that run off forever and never come back. this decision was definitely up to you now and you had to make it fast.

unfortunately, you were in no position to have a baby on your own. the last thing you wanted to do was raise benny’s kid especially on your own. you scheduled an appointment at a clinic, your decision was final.

but the day before your appointment, benny showed up at your front door. he looked like he hadn't slept in days, he looked a complete mess.

you opened the door in surprise, eyes widened as you looked him up and down. do you insult him? kick him out? this was his home too. “you're an asshole.” was all you could say.

benny took in a deep breath, “let me talk to you.” he breathed out, “please, baby. lemme talk to you.”

“you left me alone for weeks, benny. are you expecting me to forgive you this time?” you asked.

“no.” he quickly replied, “no, i-i’m not. i just…let me talk to ya. please?”

you caved, opening the door more for him to wander in. his damn boots, messing up your hardwood floor again….”i’ve made up my mind.” you said, shutting the door and turning to look at him.

he looked at you, a nervous look on his face. he wasn't one to show emotion, unless it was anger. you hadn't even seen him cry except for that whole leg–almost–getting–cut–off thing. he suddenly reached into his pocket, your old pregnancy test in hand. you didn't know if you found that endearing, weird or a bit gross.

“i thought about it.” he said, “i thought long and hard and…i realize that me leaving wasn't good on my part—”

“it wasn't.” you chipped in.

“goddammit, let me—” he slammed his fist on the wall, breathed in and out, trying to control his temper. “i’m sorry.” he looked sincere for once, “i wanna do this.” he shook the stick in his hand, “with you…i wanna do this.”

that wasn’t the response you were expecting at all. you weren’t sure how to respond to him let alone tell him that you already scheduled an appointment to get it taken care of literally for tomorrow. “benny…”

“no, listen to me.” he interrupted. “i love you. i wanna do this. i-i’m not a kid no more, i know i’m all kinds of fucked up, but i love you and if i’m gonna do this with anyone it’s gotta be with you, baby. i’m ready.”

you could tell benny was serious. this whole situation was serious, this wasn’t something one could change their minds on. it was a baby, a real human being that needed to be raised the right way. you weren’t sure if benny was ready for that even if he said otherwise. there were so many questions on your mind, so many things to be concerned about. you’d seen him with johnny’s kids and god, he was painfully awkward sometimes. even johnny didn’t know if benny had what it takes.

“i have an appointment tomorrow.” you finally spoke, “i was..gonna take care of it myself.”

“what do you mean?” he asked, eventually realizing what you meant. “oh…no. no, no. baby, please.” he begged, taking ahold of your arms. “i’m serious about this, please—you can’t…”

the look in his eyes said it all, pleading with you. he looked like he was about to get on his hands and knees and beg, cry, anything to get you to change his mind. “i find it really hard to trust you, benny.”

“i’m gonna change.” he nodded, “i’m gonna…i’m gonna cut back on the ridin’...spend more time with you, talk to the club..we’ll figure this out, we always work it out.” he cupped your cheeks, gazing right into your eyes. “i won’t run out on you again. i promise, believe me.”

“why should i believe you?” you asked him.

“do you love me?” his voice was soft, his face inching closer to yours.

you breathed in a sharp breath, “yeah.” you whispered. “i do. sometimes i wish i didn’t.”

he gave you a soft smile, pressing his lips against your forehead. “then lets have a baby.”

[mooodyblue]

Austin being giggly with men

[mooodyblue]

[mooodyblue]

[mooodyblue]

That's All Right. December 30, 1976

[mooodyblue]

venting

[mooodyblue]

June 21, 1974:

Elvis performed at the Convention Center Public Hall in Cleveland, Ohio, at 8:30 pm. He wore the Peacock Suit with the original belt.

[mooodyblue]

this would heal me.

[mooodyblue]

Imagine little!felix giving someone a tour of saltburn! “This is the window where I saw a ton of bunnies!” “This is the kitchen where mummy makes me waffles in the morning. This is where I play! This is the big tree where mumma got me a tire swing! See! See!”

oh my god his tour of saltburn while little would be looonnggggg 😭 he has to point out everything

[mooodyblue]

euphoria (part one) benny cross x fem!reader

summary: this is not what benny wanted. this is not what you wanted. but somehow, benny surprises you every time.

warnings: angst, mentions of sex, pregnancy, subtle abortion mention

a/n: wowieee i've posted something....is this real?? are yall still here?? 😩 anyway. this is just a build up. i wanted to see who was into this before i really start getting into it and truth be told i may still write it even if 2 people read it. based on my tumblr post from a year ago. let me know what yall think! help me brainstorm? also i wrote this year ago so be nice to me ok

wc: 2524

masterlist

“i’m benny.”

and i’m fucked.

you didn’t have any intention in staying in this musty bar. the plan was to come by, bring your friend some cash, and then dip. bars weren't your thing, they never were. not to mention that it was literally filled with nothing but bikers. you didn't really understand why your friend would want anything to do with people like them. oh, but stay, have a drink or two! was this a ploy to get you out of the house? maybe it was, but god, you wanted to go home. she left you to grab a couple drinks for the two of you, leaving you sat there nervously.

your eyes drifted around to all the men hanging around. a group was playing pool, everyone else was scattered around. guessing by the back of another dude’s jacket, you assumed their club was the vandals. your boyfriend would kill you if he knew you were hanging around this sort of place.

but your eyes drifted a little too much.

he had to be a kid, good lord. his eyes were so blue, his skin tan and his arms so big that you probably couldn't even wrap your entire hand around them. christ, he was beautiful. could a man even be beautiful? damn, your lingering eyes. you couldn't look way. he looked so young compared to everyone else here, but judging by his demeanor and the way he was hovered over the pool table—he was definitely part of the club.

you looked away quickly before he could notice you staring. your eyes lingered again, looking for your friend. where the hell was she?

that same kid suddenly appeared beside you, causing you to jump slightly as he pulled up a chair, sitting on it backwards. the two of you stared for a moment before he finally spoke up, his gentle yet deep voice speaking, “i’m benny.” he said, a gentle smile on his face

you blinked at him a few times, noticing his tattoos up close. did he seriously have his own name tattooed? “okay.” you blurted out, not knowing how to respond.

“okay.” he repeated back.

“i have a boyfriend.” you added on.

“okay.” and again.

he clearly wasn't a man of many words. the two of you just stared at eachother again, not saying much. your friend was still at the bar, chatting up some guy.

benny put his hands up defensively, “you got a boyfriend.” he was about to back off, but part of you wished he wouldn't have. he stood up and went back to his pool game, lighting a cigarette and going on with his night.

you decided you needed to get out of there, this was pointless. you needed some air, real air. the walk home was nice. crickets chirping, the streetlights lighting up the way home. it was peaceful until the sound of a revving bike was slowly making its way towards you. it caught up to you, slowly moving as it followed your every move.

you turned your head to look, and there he was again. benny.

“need a ride?”

────── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──────

getting that ride from benny was probably the best and worst idea you could’ve ever agree to. he had you at the palm of his hand, sweeping you off your feet in a heartbeat. your boyfriend broke up with you the day after benny had brought you home—apparently he felt threatened despite you saying countless amount of times that benny was harmless. whatever, you weren’t feeling it anyways.

oh, but benny.

he asked you out after he invited you to their first meeting. he had you hop on his bike and took you for a long ride. being on his bike felt like magic, it was a feeling you’d never experienced before and somehow with him you always felt safe. you trusted him with everything in you, even if he really was nothing but trouble. sure, he got his ass beat every other week. hell, he threatened anyone who dared to lay a hand on you. except for that one time—but he learned his lesson.

but he was also stubborn. after he had his leg nearly broken off and after the incident that almost had your relationship in the garbage, you begged and begged for him to stop riding. something needed to change. you were so tired of almost losing him, not to mention how tired you were of him getting himself into trouble.

you knew what you were getting into when you started dating benny in the first place, but you didn’t think it’d be as bad as it actually is.

your relationship was not like a typical relationship at all. there were no cute dates, majority of your dates were at one of the vandals picnics or he was taking you out for a ride. maybe on a rare night, you’d be in front of the tv with him, curled up against each other and watching a silly movie. but really, that was all it was to it. oh, but you were having plenty of sex. he was animalistic and by god, the best you’d ever had. you loved him. you loved him so much.

the more time went by, the more down bad you were for him. the guys were practically family to you. johnny couldn’t believe benny got himself a girl and that your relationship lasted this long. benny was teased about it too. he’d gone soft for sure, even if he refused to admit it. maybe that’s why he acted out so much—he didn’t want to show that maybe he did in fact go a little bit soft. only for you, though. just you.

then you started living together and even then, you rarely saw him. sometimes he’d disappear for days on end. benny wouldn’t contact you, not a single call or text and you were just supposed to forgive him every single time. obviously, you did forgive him every time.

except the one time he did run away—you weren’t sure if you wanted to forgive him.

────── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──────

three years was a long time, but benny wasn’t quite ready to settle down just yet. you didn’t think he’d ever be ready to settle down. being part of the club and riding was such a huge part of his life, but so were you. one or the other had to come first, he just wasn’t sure which one should. the answer was easy for you.

then your period was suddenly late. it was one day, five days, suddenly a week. fuck. maybe it was stress. what were you stressed out about? maybe the future, the state of your relationship?

you’d always been careful with benny. every. single. time. he didn’t want a slip up, he’d been so strict about it every time. a baby was the last thing he needed right now. but sometimes benny wondered what it’d be like. a little..being…made of both you and him. a disaster? maybe a blessing? if he thought about it too much, he’d start to spiral and he hated thinking about the future. he wasn’t fit to be a father, maybe he didn’t want kids. yeah, thats it.

a quick trip to the drug store and three tests later in your bathroom—there it was. the pink lines on the sticks stared right at you. it was taunting you in some way. it felt like someone laughing in her face, telling her well, no shit you’re pregnant! the lines were so clear, so obvious and christ, you were so fucked.

now what? do you get this problem taken care of and not tell benny? that’d be evil. he deserved to know, he had to know. he’d be pissed if you didn’t tell him. your relationship was an odd one, sure. he wasn’t always truthful about where he was half of the time, but lying about something as big as being pregnant didn’t compare to him running off and riding to another state for three days to get some air.

the sound of boots clacking against the hardwood floor interrupted your thoughts. benny was home. you quickly discarded the boxes, wrappers, even the tests, burying them all deep in the garbage. benny wouldn’t dig in the trash, it’d be fine. you’ll just think on what to do for a little while, it wasnt time to tell him just yet.

“baby, oh–” benny stopped in his tracks, looking at you. he stood there in his boots, his vandals jacket on him to show he was obviously out riding. “you alright?” you hated when he didn’t take his boots off before coming into the house.

“i’m pregnant.” you blurted out. wow, there goes that.

he furrowed his brows at you, “what?” he had a confused look on his face, “you kiddin’, right?”

“um…” you were mentally cursing at yourself for blurting it out. you didn’t even have a second to think on it. “....yeah, no. no. i’m…” you rubbed the back of your neck, “yeah, i’m..i’m a week late. i just..” you sighed, admitting defeat and digging the tests back out of the garbage to show him.

benny took the tests into his hand, looking at them closely. “could they be faulty?” he asked. “a mistake..yea…you got another one? take another one.”

“benny, i took three tests.” you crossed your arms, “it’s practically screaming at me saying i’m preg–”

“don’t say that word.” he interrupted, shaking his head. “you’re not. no way in hell, y/n.”

the way he was suddenly speaking to you was so offputting. you knew he wouldn’t be thrilled, but he didn’t have to be so harsh about it. “benny, this is real.”

he looked down at the tests again before looking at you, a certain glare in his eyes. he didn’t say a word, but his brain was going a million miles an hour. he took in a sharp breath, shaking his head and quickly leaving the bathroom.

your eyes widened, seeing him rush out to the front door, going back to his bike. “benny!” you called out, following him outside. he revved up his bike, not saying a word to you once again. “benny, you can’t be serious!” but he was serious. so serious that he drove off quickly on his bike, leaving you alone once again.

────── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──────

you didn’t hear from benny for two weeks. this was the longest he’d been away from you. you never took benny as the type to run off in this situation, at least forever. you contacted the club, you and johnny went on a manhunt to find him. at this point, the only two people who knew you were pregnant was him and benny. you didn’t mean to tell johnny, but it slipped out.

benny was still nowhere to be found and at this point, you've accepted that he’s probably going to be one of those deadbeat fathers that run off forever and never come back. this decision was definitely up to you now and you had to make it fast.

unfortunately, you were in no position to have a baby on your own. the last thing you wanted to do was raise benny’s kid especially on your own. you scheduled an appointment at a clinic, your decision was final.

but the day before your appointment, benny showed up at your front door. he looked like he hadn't slept in days, he looked a complete mess.

you opened the door in surprise, eyes widened as you looked him up and down. do you insult him? kick him out? this was his home too. “you're an asshole.” was all you could say.

benny took in a deep breath, “let me talk to you.” he breathed out, “please, baby. lemme talk to you.”

“you left me alone for weeks, benny. are you expecting me to forgive you this time?” you asked.

“no.” he quickly replied, “no, i-i’m not. i just…let me talk to ya. please?”

you caved, opening the door more for him to wander in. his damn boots, messing up your hardwood floor again….”i’ve made up my mind.” you said, shutting the door and turning to look at him.

he looked at you, a nervous look on his face. he wasn't one to show emotion, unless it was anger. you hadn't even seen him cry except for that whole leg–almost–getting–cut–off thing. he suddenly reached into his pocket, your old pregnancy test in hand. you didn't know if you found that endearing, weird or a bit gross.

“i thought about it.” he said, “i thought long and hard and…i realize that me leaving wasn't good on my part—”

“it wasn't.” you chipped in.

“goddammit, let me—” he slammed his fist on the wall, breathed in and out, trying to control his temper. “i’m sorry.” he looked sincere for once, “i wanna do this.” he shook the stick in his hand, “with you…i wanna do this.”

that wasn’t the response you were expecting at all. you weren’t sure how to respond to him let alone tell him that you already scheduled an appointment to get it taken care of literally for tomorrow. “benny…”

“no, listen to me.” he interrupted. “i love you. i wanna do this. i-i’m not a kid no more, i know i’m all kinds of fucked up, but i love you and if i’m gonna do this with anyone it’s gotta be with you, baby. i’m ready.”

you could tell benny was serious. this whole situation was serious, this wasn’t something one could change their minds on. it was a baby, a real human being that needed to be raised the right way. you weren’t sure if benny was ready for that even if he said otherwise. there were so many questions on your mind, so many things to be concerned about. you’d seen him with johnny’s kids and god, he was painfully awkward sometimes. even johnny didn’t know if benny had what it takes.

“i have an appointment tomorrow.” you finally spoke, “i was..gonna take care of it myself.”

“what do you mean?” he asked, eventually realizing what you meant. “oh…no. no, no. baby, please.” he begged, taking ahold of your arms. “i’m serious about this, please—you can’t…”

the look in his eyes said it all, pleading with you. he looked like he was about to get on his hands and knees and beg, cry, anything to get you to change his mind. “i find it really hard to trust you, benny.”

“i’m gonna change.” he nodded, “i’m gonna…i’m gonna cut back on the ridin’...spend more time with you, talk to the club..we’ll figure this out, we always work it out.” he cupped your cheeks, gazing right into your eyes. “i won’t run out on you again. i promise, believe me.”

“why should i believe you?” you asked him.

“do you love me?” his voice was soft, his face inching closer to yours.

you breathed in a sharp breath, “yeah.” you whispered. “i do. sometimes i wish i didn’t.”

he gave you a soft smile, pressing his lips against your forehead. “then lets have a baby.”

[mooodyblue]

Little!felix is on my mind… that baby has SO MUCH energy….

ugh yes!!! and he's always outside!! saltburn is so big all he wants to do is run around ;-;

[mooodyblue]

euphoria (part one) benny cross x fem!reader

summary: this is not what benny wanted. this is not what you wanted. but somehow, benny surprises you every time.

warnings: angst, mentions of sex, pregnancy, subtle abortion mention

a/n: wowieee i've posted something....is this real?? are yall still here?? 😩 anyway. this is just a build up. i wanted to see who was into this before i really start getting into it and truth be told i may still write it even if 2 people read it. based on my tumblr post from a year ago. let me know what yall think! help me brainstorm? also i wrote this year ago so be nice to me ok

wc: 2524

masterlist

“i’m benny.”

and i’m fucked.

you didn’t have any intention in staying in this musty bar. the plan was to come by, bring your friend some cash, and then dip. bars weren't your thing, they never were. not to mention that it was literally filled with nothing but bikers. you didn't really understand why your friend would want anything to do with people like them. oh, but stay, have a drink or two! was this a ploy to get you out of the house? maybe it was, but god, you wanted to go home. she left you to grab a couple drinks for the two of you, leaving you sat there nervously.

your eyes drifted around to all the men hanging around. a group was playing pool, everyone else was scattered around. guessing by the back of another dude’s jacket, you assumed their club was the vandals. your boyfriend would kill you if he knew you were hanging around this sort of place.

but your eyes drifted a little too much.

he had to be a kid, good lord. his eyes were so blue, his skin tan and his arms so big that you probably couldn't even wrap your entire hand around them. christ, he was beautiful. could a man even be beautiful? damn, your lingering eyes. you couldn't look way. he looked so young compared to everyone else here, but judging by his demeanor and the way he was hovered over the pool table—he was definitely part of the club.

you looked away quickly before he could notice you staring. your eyes lingered again, looking for your friend. where the hell was she?

that same kid suddenly appeared beside you, causing you to jump slightly as he pulled up a chair, sitting on it backwards. the two of you stared for a moment before he finally spoke up, his gentle yet deep voice speaking, “i’m benny.” he said, a gentle smile on his face

you blinked at him a few times, noticing his tattoos up close. did he seriously have his own name tattooed? “okay.” you blurted out, not knowing how to respond.

“okay.” he repeated back.

“i have a boyfriend.” you added on.

“okay.” and again.

he clearly wasn't a man of many words. the two of you just stared at eachother again, not saying much. your friend was still at the bar, chatting up some guy.

benny put his hands up defensively, “you got a boyfriend.” he was about to back off, but part of you wished he wouldn't have. he stood up and went back to his pool game, lighting a cigarette and going on with his night.

you decided you needed to get out of there, this was pointless. you needed some air, real air. the walk home was nice. crickets chirping, the streetlights lighting up the way home. it was peaceful until the sound of a revving bike was slowly making its way towards you. it caught up to you, slowly moving as it followed your every move.

you turned your head to look, and there he was again. benny.

“need a ride?”

────── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──────

getting that ride from benny was probably the best and worst idea you could’ve ever agree to. he had you at the palm of his hand, sweeping you off your feet in a heartbeat. your boyfriend broke up with you the day after benny had brought you home—apparently he felt threatened despite you saying countless amount of times that benny was harmless. whatever, you weren’t feeling it anyways.

oh, but benny.

he asked you out after he invited you to their first meeting. he had you hop on his bike and took you for a long ride. being on his bike felt like magic, it was a feeling you’d never experienced before and somehow with him you always felt safe. you trusted him with everything in you, even if he really was nothing but trouble. sure, he got his ass beat every other week. hell, he threatened anyone who dared to lay a hand on you. except for that one time—but he learned his lesson.

but he was also stubborn. after he had his leg nearly broken off and after the incident that almost had your relationship in the garbage, you begged and begged for him to stop riding. something needed to change. you were so tired of almost losing him, not to mention how tired you were of him getting himself into trouble.

you knew what you were getting into when you started dating benny in the first place, but you didn’t think it’d be as bad as it actually is.

your relationship was not like a typical relationship at all. there were no cute dates, majority of your dates were at one of the vandals picnics or he was taking you out for a ride. maybe on a rare night, you’d be in front of the tv with him, curled up against each other and watching a silly movie. but really, that was all it was to it. oh, but you were having plenty of sex. he was animalistic and by god, the best you’d ever had. you loved him. you loved him so much.

the more time went by, the more down bad you were for him. the guys were practically family to you. johnny couldn’t believe benny got himself a girl and that your relationship lasted this long. benny was teased about it too. he’d gone soft for sure, even if he refused to admit it. maybe that’s why he acted out so much—he didn’t want to show that maybe he did in fact go a little bit soft. only for you, though. just you.

then you started living together and even then, you rarely saw him. sometimes he’d disappear for days on end. benny wouldn’t contact you, not a single call or text and you were just supposed to forgive him every single time. obviously, you did forgive him every time.

except the one time he did run away—you weren’t sure if you wanted to forgive him.

────── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──────

three years was a long time, but benny wasn’t quite ready to settle down just yet. you didn’t think he’d ever be ready to settle down. being part of the club and riding was such a huge part of his life, but so were you. one or the other had to come first, he just wasn’t sure which one should. the answer was easy for you.

then your period was suddenly late. it was one day, five days, suddenly a week. fuck. maybe it was stress. what were you stressed out about? maybe the future, the state of your relationship?

you’d always been careful with benny. every. single. time. he didn’t want a slip up, he’d been so strict about it every time. a baby was the last thing he needed right now. but sometimes benny wondered what it’d be like. a little..being…made of both you and him. a disaster? maybe a blessing? if he thought about it too much, he’d start to spiral and he hated thinking about the future. he wasn’t fit to be a father, maybe he didn’t want kids. yeah, thats it.

a quick trip to the drug store and three tests later in your bathroom—there it was. the pink lines on the sticks stared right at you. it was taunting you in some way. it felt like someone laughing in her face, telling her well, no shit you’re pregnant! the lines were so clear, so obvious and christ, you were so fucked.

now what? do you get this problem taken care of and not tell benny? that’d be evil. he deserved to know, he had to know. he’d be pissed if you didn’t tell him. your relationship was an odd one, sure. he wasn’t always truthful about where he was half of the time, but lying about something as big as being pregnant didn’t compare to him running off and riding to another state for three days to get some air.

the sound of boots clacking against the hardwood floor interrupted your thoughts. benny was home. you quickly discarded the boxes, wrappers, even the tests, burying them all deep in the garbage. benny wouldn’t dig in the trash, it’d be fine. you’ll just think on what to do for a little while, it wasnt time to tell him just yet.

“baby, oh–” benny stopped in his tracks, looking at you. he stood there in his boots, his vandals jacket on him to show he was obviously out riding. “you alright?” you hated when he didn’t take his boots off before coming into the house.

“i’m pregnant.” you blurted out. wow, there goes that.

he furrowed his brows at you, “what?” he had a confused look on his face, “you kiddin’, right?”

“um…” you were mentally cursing at yourself for blurting it out. you didn’t even have a second to think on it. “....yeah, no. no. i’m…” you rubbed the back of your neck, “yeah, i’m..i’m a week late. i just..” you sighed, admitting defeat and digging the tests back out of the garbage to show him.

benny took the tests into his hand, looking at them closely. “could they be faulty?” he asked. “a mistake..yea…you got another one? take another one.”

“benny, i took three tests.” you crossed your arms, “it’s practically screaming at me saying i’m preg–”

“don’t say that word.” he interrupted, shaking his head. “you’re not. no way in hell, y/n.”

the way he was suddenly speaking to you was so offputting. you knew he wouldn’t be thrilled, but he didn’t have to be so harsh about it. “benny, this is real.”

he looked down at the tests again before looking at you, a certain glare in his eyes. he didn’t say a word, but his brain was going a million miles an hour. he took in a sharp breath, shaking his head and quickly leaving the bathroom.

your eyes widened, seeing him rush out to the front door, going back to his bike. “benny!” you called out, following him outside. he revved up his bike, not saying a word to you once again. “benny, you can’t be serious!” but he was serious. so serious that he drove off quickly on his bike, leaving you alone once again.

────── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──────

you didn’t hear from benny for two weeks. this was the longest he’d been away from you. you never took benny as the type to run off in this situation, at least forever. you contacted the club, you and johnny went on a manhunt to find him. at this point, the only two people who knew you were pregnant was him and benny. you didn’t mean to tell johnny, but it slipped out.

benny was still nowhere to be found and at this point, you've accepted that he’s probably going to be one of those deadbeat fathers that run off forever and never come back. this decision was definitely up to you now and you had to make it fast.

unfortunately, you were in no position to have a baby on your own. the last thing you wanted to do was raise benny’s kid especially on your own. you scheduled an appointment at a clinic, your decision was final.

but the day before your appointment, benny showed up at your front door. he looked like he hadn't slept in days, he looked a complete mess.

you opened the door in surprise, eyes widened as you looked him up and down. do you insult him? kick him out? this was his home too. “you're an asshole.” was all you could say.

benny took in a deep breath, “let me talk to you.” he breathed out, “please, baby. lemme talk to you.”

“you left me alone for weeks, benny. are you expecting me to forgive you this time?” you asked.

“no.” he quickly replied, “no, i-i’m not. i just…let me talk to ya. please?”

you caved, opening the door more for him to wander in. his damn boots, messing up your hardwood floor again….”i’ve made up my mind.” you said, shutting the door and turning to look at him.

he looked at you, a nervous look on his face. he wasn't one to show emotion, unless it was anger. you hadn't even seen him cry except for that whole leg–almost–getting–cut–off thing. he suddenly reached into his pocket, your old pregnancy test in hand. you didn't know if you found that endearing, weird or a bit gross.

“i thought about it.” he said, “i thought long and hard and…i realize that me leaving wasn't good on my part—”

“it wasn't.” you chipped in.

“goddammit, let me—” he slammed his fist on the wall, breathed in and out, trying to control his temper. “i’m sorry.” he looked sincere for once, “i wanna do this.” he shook the stick in his hand, “with you…i wanna do this.”

that wasn’t the response you were expecting at all. you weren’t sure how to respond to him let alone tell him that you already scheduled an appointment to get it taken care of literally for tomorrow. “benny…”

“no, listen to me.” he interrupted. “i love you. i wanna do this. i-i’m not a kid no more, i know i’m all kinds of fucked up, but i love you and if i’m gonna do this with anyone it’s gotta be with you, baby. i’m ready.”

you could tell benny was serious. this whole situation was serious, this wasn’t something one could change their minds on. it was a baby, a real human being that needed to be raised the right way. you weren’t sure if benny was ready for that even if he said otherwise. there were so many questions on your mind, so many things to be concerned about. you’d seen him with johnny’s kids and god, he was painfully awkward sometimes. even johnny didn’t know if benny had what it takes.

“i have an appointment tomorrow.” you finally spoke, “i was..gonna take care of it myself.”

“what do you mean?” he asked, eventually realizing what you meant. “oh…no. no, no. baby, please.” he begged, taking ahold of your arms. “i’m serious about this, please—you can’t…”

the look in his eyes said it all, pleading with you. he looked like he was about to get on his hands and knees and beg, cry, anything to get you to change his mind. “i find it really hard to trust you, benny.”

“i’m gonna change.” he nodded, “i’m gonna…i’m gonna cut back on the ridin’...spend more time with you, talk to the club..we’ll figure this out, we always work it out.” he cupped your cheeks, gazing right into your eyes. “i won’t run out on you again. i promise, believe me.”

“why should i believe you?” you asked him.

“do you love me?” his voice was soft, his face inching closer to yours.

you breathed in a sharp breath, “yeah.” you whispered. “i do. sometimes i wish i didn’t.”

he gave you a soft smile, pressing his lips against your forehead. “then lets have a baby.”

[mooodyblue]

happy bikeriders day! i may or may not have something cooked up 🥸🥸🥸 will post in a bit.......

[mooodyblue]

Hiiii!! I was wondering if you would like to be apart of my tag list it’s okay if you don’t!! @hiddeninthemagnolias

xoxo-diaa!!

hi! i'm on and off on here these days but sure! i'll come by and catch up when i can ^^

[mooodyblue]

it will pass ..