moosesarecute

[moosesarecute]

Chapter 5: War and Peace

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Series masterlist

They were going to lose this battle.

He had just given Azriel the command to get out and fight when they came flying in. He knew sending his brother would destroy his wings, but he only knew that if he hadn’t let him, he would have gone anyway.

He had just commanded Azriel to take the northern flank and Cassian to take the southern one, when a warrior with mesmerising iridescent wings landed beside them. Above them thousands of warriors halted in the sky. After him came five more warriors. Two females and three males.

They walked carefully across and stopped beside Cassian in a comfortable distance.

“You’re Cassian,” the male said, and Cassian nodded. “Our General told us to talk to you about where you wanted us. We’re not trained in ground battle, but we’re good in the sky.”

Cassian looked carefully over at Rhys and Azriel, and it was first then Rhys noticed how intensely Azriel looked at the male speaking.

Rhys saw it then. The eyes colour and the shape of the nose.

Out of the other warriors, the two females also shared similar features.

“How many are you?”

“About 2500. The next group left a couple of minutes after us.”

Y/n always talked about her people as her family, he guessed that’s why he never realized just how big this family was. He should have understood that if she herself had 17 children, the rest of her people had many children as well.

2500 extra warriors on their sides. He didn’t dare to hope.

He also realized how far they must be from their territory and that most, if not all, hadn’t been outside in almost 450 years. However, they had come to help them.

How had their general managed that?

“And, you are?” Cassian asked the male. While both Rhys and Az knew about the people, Cassian still seemed hesitant.

“I’m Kyle, second in command.”

That was Y/n’s oldest child, Rhys realized. The one she had cried about when he turned 600 years. Her “baby”. He looked a lot like her. Both in his features and the way he carried himself.

“And your general? He decided to sit this one out?” Cassian again asked a little harshly. Cassian hated generals that didn’t take part in battle, but Kyle just shook his head.

“Do not think little off our general. She’s unable to fly, so she joined the ground forces,” he answered. A female general wasn’t usual in Prythian. Even though there was more and more of them, it was still rare.

Rhys was about to turn to ask Azriel if he knew who this general was, but his brother no longer stood where he was seconds ago.

And that’s when Rhys understood just who this female general was.

The relief still sat heavy in his body. They had all survived. All of them stood together in the tent to debrief. All of them were exhausted, but none of them were seriously hurt. Or at least not anymore. They had healed quickly.

Feyre stood close to his side, and he couldn’t wait for it all to calm down and for him to just spend some time holding her.

Then the doors of the tent flew open.

In walked first a tiny female with iridescent wings, she wore the same fighting leathers as the rest of her people had. In her arms she carried a bunch of wings. Broken, cut off wings that only meant that their carriers were dead. Rhys felt his heart fall deep. It was awful.

Behind the female walked Y/n and Rhys could hear Azriel’s breath catch.

Y/n didn’t wear the leathers the rest of her family wore, she carried an Illyrian leather jacket. A jacket that was so big, she had folded up the arms and had closed it with a belt around her waist instead of using the normal ties. It was a custom jacket with the space for seven siphons.

He glanced slowly at Azriel and realized he wore his old leathers. He must have somehow found Y/n and forced her to take his own leathers. Rhys didn’t know enough about Y/n, but he knew she was stubborn enough to not take the leathers his brother presented her. He could almost imagine Azriel trying to convince her not to fight.

“High Lord, High Lady” Y/n spoke and the female beside her bowed slightly. She still had not acknowledged Azriel.

“Thirty years in the same room and you failed to mention that you were the general.”

“I didn’t fail to tell you, I actively chose not to,” she answered, and Rhys felt the need to roll his eyes at her. He would never get to learn this female. “I present to you the wings of our fallen. If you cut a piece and lay it over the wound, it will heal. Grind a piece of a decent size to a powder and mix with water and the internal wounds will heal.”

The other female handed the wings to Feyre.

It was such an important gift. Rhys realized how painful it must be. How they had known all the fae that had lost their wings.

“Thank you. We understand the importance of your gift, but don’t you need them yourself?” Rhys asked. “Have you many harmed?”

“Our magic doesn’t work on ourselves, only our own wings work,” she explained, and Rhys found it mean. Why couldn’t they heal themselves? Why was losing a wing so groundbreaking and dangerous, for them not even be able to heal themselves. “Every life lost is one too many, but we’ve been lucky. We’ve given wings to all the courts. The ones with the most losses have gotten the most.”

Rhys nodded at her. He wondered if she had lost any of her own children or siblings, but it felt wrong to ask. Too personal after she had introduced the conversation in such a formal way.

“Sarah, you can leave now,” Y/n told the female standing beside her. Sarah was her second youngest. The one Azriel had found in the woods when she was only two. Y/n and Sarah didn’t really look alike at all. Sarah opened her mouth to protest, but Y/n didn’t let her. “That’s an order Sarah.”

Sarah let out a sigh but did as her mother and general said.

The second she stepped out of the tent, Y/n made her way to Azriel. For each step she took, her wings glowed brighter and brighter. Rhys had never seen her wings as bright as when she stopped before him. He let an amused smile grow on his face.

“Spymaster.”

“General,” he answered with a nod towards the opening of the tent. “Little Sarah is not as little anymore.”

“Little Sarah is over 500 years,” Y/n answered, but after that her features softened. “Are you hurt?”

“Not beyond repair,” he answered just as softly. He lifted his hand and brushed her hair away from her face. A couple small bleeding wounds covered her face and the rest of her body. “You’re bleeding.”

“It will heal,” she answered plainly.

“In how long?” Azriel asked as his throat bobbed.

“A couple of days.” Azriel nodded at her answer. “Kyle is flying home with the rest of our family. I’m staying to make sure the wounded ones get home. I must go help them leave, but I’ll be back and explain later this evening.”

“You better be,” Azriel told her, and Rhys almost felt shivers down his spine from the iciness in his voice.

“I keep my promises, Spymaster,” she answered harshly.

“Oh, I know you do, General,” he spoke just as harshly.

Rhys thought back to what Azriel had told him. That Y/n had promised to protect him from danger. And that if any danger ever occurred, she would make sure it didn’t happen again.

She had kept that promise and sacrificed their love for one another.

Rhys didn’t know if it was romantic or toxic.

They gave each other a nod and Rhys was convinced Y/n was about to leave, but instead she closed the distance between them and kissed Azriel almost passionately.

Then, she walked away without another word. Azriel didn’t move after her, but his shadows did. It was almost unnatural to see Azriel without a single shadow.

“What was that?” Cassian was the first to speak.

Rhys was about to reach into Azriel’s mind and give him the rest of the night, or week, or month or year off, but he didn’t need too.

He saw the determination in his brother’s face, and it only took him three more seconds to run out the tent after her.

Rhys then felt the familiar feeling of his mate trying to get through his mental shield.

“Yes, Feyre darling,” he spoke knowingly.

“You have to tell me everything.”

“I don’t think I will.”

Azriel had ended up taking first a week and then an entire month off. Then, he had been in Velaris for a week, before he asked for another month off.

Rhys loved having his brother nearby, but he also loved that he and Y/n finally took some time for themselves to get to know each other again.

“I promise to do what I can to keep you safe,” Y/n had promised him in their wedding vows. Her way of keeping him safe, was staying away from him after he had gotten hurt, so that the bounty hunters didn’t hurt him again.

Azriel had willingly told him that, but other than that, Rhys had kept away. He had given them the privacy they needed and asked for.

He realized both Az and Y/n had a lot of trauma they needed to work through. Y/n had the world on her shoulders. She was not only the mother to so many, but also the general to all her people. He understood now that she worked to keep Azriel safe, because that was what she did. She protected her children and family, she protected all of her people and she needed to protect Azriel.

Azriel on the other hand needed something or someone of his own. He needed her stability or their relationship to be their own.

Their needs were very different, or at least Rhys would expect them to be, but neither one of them had spoken to him about it.

He knew too much to not be curious, but too little to understand what was going on.  

He also knew for a fact that Feyre, Cassian and Mor had asked Azriel to bring Y/n to family dinner, but that he never answered them when they did.

That was until a year after the war, when the two of them suddenly showed up.

After spending two full months together, they had gone back to “normal”. Which to them meant Azriel working normally and always taking a day or two extra on missions to be with her. Unless it was something urgent.

He didn’t speak about her. He didn’t talk about how they were doing, and Rhys knew better than to ask. He wouldn’t get an answer if he did.

“Hi,” Y/n spoke awkwardly and Azriel let out a snort at her. She mocked him back.

The rest of them had already started eating, but Azriel found chairs for both, and they sat down. None of them knew how to act. They sat in silence and just watched for a few seconds.

Y/n’s wings were glowing and lit up the room. It took all the other’s attention. Rhys was used to seeing the glow, but he had never seen it so vibrant. It made him happy to see. It was obvious that their relationship was doing okay. Azriel even rested a hand on her thigh.

He wore a ring.

They hadn’t been wearing rings before, or not that Rhys knew about. But now, both had rings on their fingers.

It was small but obvious: they were married and each other’s. Finally.

“I don’t think we have a vegetarian alternative ready,” Rhys spoke before Feyre could fill their places with food.

“That’s fine, we ate before we got here,” Y/n answered.

“Why be a vegetarian when there is so much good meat out there?” Cassian asked and the conversation started boldly. Y/n did great throughout the entire dinner. Both she and Azriel answered a few questions, but Rhys had made peace with the fact that they would never learn all there was to know about their relationship. It was something for them to keep to themselves.

Later in the evening, they had all moved to the living room for drinks and as Feyre and Mor started dancing, Y/n sat down next to Rhys.

“I think we were lucky,” she told him. “Lucky we had so many good people looking after us when we got out.”

“Wouldn’t have made it without them,” he answered and took a few moments to look at everyone. “I’m glad you’re happy.”

“I’ve never been happier,” she answered, and Rhys noticed how she watched only Azriel.

“Me neither,” he agreed as he looked at Feyre’s smile.

It had been a couple of years, and even though they didn’t hear much about it, Azriel was happily married. While Az attended every family dinner, Y/n only showed up once or twice a year. It was always unannounced, and she never ate the food.

 It was one time, they had all gotten together for dinner and waited for Azriel to arrive. He was a little late which was unusual.

“I need help,” Azriel said as he walked into the River House. “From all of you.”

It only took them seconds to stand up and be ready. It was Rhys, Feyre, Nesta, Cass, Mor and Amren.

“What’s going on?” Rhys asked.

“I don’t have time to explain, we have to go now,” he answered.

They became worried and Azriel showed the place they were going to Feyre and Rhys.

Azriel shadowwalked Cassian, while Feyre and Rhys winnowed Nesta, Mor and Amren.

They landed in a clearing in the Dawn Court filled with flowers of all kinds. However, he saw no tulips. It had gotten dark, but it was decorated with both lights and fireflies. However, that didn’t matter, because most of the light came from the wings of about 150 faeries that stood speaking.

“What’s going on?” Feyre asked Azriel. But he didn’t answer her.

“I need you two in the front,” he told Rhys and Cass.

 In the front was a beautiful house. A house that yelled “I’m the coziest place in Prythian.”

A house Rhys had seen in Y/n’s memories.

It was Azriel’s and Y/n’s home. It was the house that Y/n’s father, son and previous partner had built. However, Y/n and Azriel had made it into a home. Rhys could see details from both of them just from the exterior.

He could imagine Y/n in the garden and Azriel working on the house.

It felt correct for the two of them. If Rhys was going to imagine where they lived, it would be exactly like the house.

Az, Cass and he walked and stopped in front of all the people. The rest of their family stopped in the front as well, but a few meters away from them.

Opposite of them stood three females. Rhys recognized one of them as Sarah, Y/n’s daughter.

The second they stood still in the front, all the people stopped talking, and inn walked Y/n. She was walking arm in arm with a male. Rhys didn’t know who he was, but he looked familiar.

She carried a bouquet of white and orange roses.

Roses, not tulips.

“Are you getting married again?” he asked his brother, but Azriel could see nobody else than Y/n.

Y/n and the male stopped a couple steps in front of them. She wore an ordinary and cute dress, and her hair was filled with flowers.

“You could have told me your husband looks like a god,” the male loudly whispered to Y/n.

“I think I have, multiple times,” she told him back. “Now go to your own husband Sky, this one is mine.”

Rhys could almost see Azriel getting weak at the knees.

Sky was Y/n’s previous partner and the father to all her children. He smiled at all of them before he went to stand next to Kyle.

Then, Y/n took Azriel’s hand, and a priestess walked up behind them.

“We are here today to witness the vow renewal of Y/n and Azriel. Or, a second wedding, as the couple likes to call it.”

A small gasp went through the people and Rhys realized no one there knew what was going on. Had they told anyone at all?

“Love comes in many different forms. It comes in daring to leave one’s home to be with someone else. Love is protecting, but love is also daring to live through the danger. Love is knowing and relearning year after year after year.

“Y/n and Azriel met in the first war. The adventurous Sarah had started to fly and went exploring. Azriel had found her and made sure she found her way back to her mom unharmed. It then took 150 years for them to meet again. 150 years where Azriel’s shadows, without his knowing, always looked out for the female with the determined look and fantastic wings. When they first did meet again, it took them no less than 255 years to get married.”

A happy laughter went through the crowd.

Azriel and Y/n laughed too, but they were still only looking at each other.

“Y/n describes loving Azriel as not knowing if he’s coming home covered in his own or someone else’s blood. She also describes it as a safety net. She knows he will always be there for her and for that she is grateful. Her favourite thing is when he cooks, and she knows that he loves it even though he pretends not to.”

Rhys had never ever seen Azriel cook.

“Azriel describes loving Y/n as a new adventure every day. He describes it as not knowing if she is crying because someone died or because one of her children turned a year older. He also describes her as his stability. He knows that it doesn’t matter where and when, he can always come home to a home filled with flowers and a fresh, vegetarian meal on the stove. His favourite thing is when she sings when she thinks nobody is listening, but his shadows always dance a little extra when they hear her songs.”

Rhys saw multiple people crying. He saw what must be either Y/n’s mother or sister hugging Sky.

“It’s now time for your vows.”

Azriel picked up a note from his pocket.

“Y/n, you are the most stubborn and annoying female I have ever met,” he got interrupted by Y/n’s laugh. His shadows were swirling around both and them and he softened a little at the sound. “However, it has never been hard to love you. We have gone from strangers to friends to lovers to husband and wife and then back to strangers. The last couple of years getting to know us again has been the most amazing in my life and I can’t wait to keep going. You gave me another chance, both at life by healing me, but also at love. I’m in love will all of you and even though a know you know it, I will never stop saying that I’m the proudest to be your husband.”

Y/n didn’t have a note.

“Azriel, I have brought most of my closest family here today, both because I wanted them here, but also for them to be there to keep me in check. I previously vowed to keep you safe. It’s been a vow I’ve given to so many people in my life, I didn’t realize how different it would be giving it to you. I can’t keep you safe, Az, and I have learned that now. However, I can give you all the love and it’s my favourite thing. I love seeing your cute dimples and your shadows special dance. I know I will get scared again, I know I will mess up, and therefore I have my family here, so that they can kick me out of our territory when they need to. I love the life we have made, and I can’t wait for it to continue and continue and continue. I’m lucky in many ways, but I’m the luckiest when I get to be your wife.”

A tear fell from her eye, and it wasn’t only Rhys that got surprised that Y/n was crying about someone other than her children.

“You may now kiss your wife,” the priestess spoke, and Y/n closed the distance between her and Azriel.

The second their lips touched multiple people yelled “Ew!”

“Oh, shut up,” Y/n spoke and then she leaned back in to kiss Azriel again. It must have been Y/n’s children, Rhys realized.

The ceremony ended and everybody wanted to talk to the two of them. Azriel was bombarded with questions and even though Rhys expected Az to get overwhelmed, he did quite well.

“Come here,” a loud voice sounded, and Y/n got engulfed in a hug. “Good job, I never expected you to actually manage this.”

“It’s good to know you have such high expectations for me, mother,” she spoke back.

Her mother then let her go and quickly gave Azriel the same tight hug.

It kept going. Rhys got to meet Y/n’s children, friends, siblings, grandparents and grandchildren. He lost track after a while. He had counted 11 children though. Three had died earlier on, but there was three more that weren’t there. He hoped it was different reasons for them not to be there and that they hadn’t died.

“How many of them are there?” Feyre asked him after a while.

“Too many,” was his only answer.

All of them asked about Azriel. While Y/n had been to Velaris a couple of times, Azriel had never been inside their territory. Most of Y/n’s family hadn’t been outside their territory either, so most of them hadn’t met him.

While most of them stayed, some of Y/n’s family went back home. It seemed like it wasn’t for everyone to stay outside the safety barrier for such a long time.

“High lady, high lord,” a voice sounded beside them, and there stood Kyle.

“No need for the titles, we’re just Rhys and Feyre,” Feyre told him. He nodded in agreement.

“You’re Y/n’s oldest,” Rhys spoke next. “She told me about you.”

“I know, that’s why I’m here. I wanted to thank you for keeping my mom safe. I know she thanked you, but I really wanted to thank you too. I don’t know what we would have done without her.”

“We saved each other. I wouldn’t have made it either if she wasn’t there.”

Their conversation stopped, when Y/n and Azriel stopped beside them.

“Thank you for coming,” Y/n told all three of them, but hugged only Kyle.

“You could’ve told us you were doing this! We don’t have a gift or anything,” Feyre told them.

“Pretending it was an hurt animal that needed help was smart though, you got everybody out quickly,” Kyle told Y/n. “But I would have liked to dress up a little more for my mother’s wedding.”

“Knowing takes the fun out of it,” Y/n answered. “We didn’t even know we were doing this until this morning. It was a surprise for all of us.”

They continued speaking, but Azriel didn’t really partake in the conversation. He only looked peacefully at his wife.

Rhys realized how long Azriel must have been longing for this. To be able to watch his wife, hold and hand and tell people about it.

Azriel looked the happiest he had ever seen him. His posture was soft and so was his gaze. He smiled and laughed throughout the entire evening.

They had prepared food. A lot of vegetarian dishes, but at the opposite side of the table, stood one lonely dish with meat. All of it tasted amazingly.

Y/n and Azriel kept to themselves for most of the evening. They danced and laughed and ate. Y/n danced once with Sky and once with Kyle, but other than that she stayed with by Azriel’s side.

Then the celebrations eventually stopped, and they went to say goodbye, Rhys noticed the flower in Azriel’s hair.

It was a rose given to him from Y/n.

He wouldn’t be surprised if Azriel kept that single rose forever.

Thank you so much for reading!

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[moosesarecute]

Chapter 4: The Cursebreaker and Home

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“That’s her, isn’t it?” Y/n asked him.

She had recently been ordered to be Lucien’s servant, so she stood at the opposite side of the throne hall than he did.

Lucien was a good male, or so he had heard, so he didn’t worry too much about it.

He himself stood frozen still at just listen to the girl standing before them.

Feyre.

His Feyre.

“That’s Tamlin’s girl, yes,” he answered as calmly as he could. Tamlin’s girl…

But he was not calm. He was freaking out. How had she gotten back to here? He thought he had scared her away. He thought she would be safe and alive in the mortal world.

“We both know that’s not what I am talking about,” Y/n answered matter of factly and he could feel her stare from the other side of the hall.

He cursed himself for telling her about his dreams. The hands and the paintings that had lived in his dreams for the past three years. The dreams that had given him hope and courage to keep going, to keep living.

And now, his hope currently stood before him, facing certain death.

 “That’s her yes,” he answered plainly.

“I’m sorry,” she told him back. Like she already knew that Feyre would be dead sooner rather than later.

Y/n was very pessimistic. He had learned that about her early on. In situations where Rhys tried to find hope, she often made peace with the worst outcome.

A different coping mechanism than he liked, but it seemed to work for her. She never got her hopes up and also never got her hopes crushed.

She was strong like that.

It hadn’t been long ago when she randomly told him she couldn’t even imagine a world where she would be back home. Back with her family. Back with Azriel.

She hadn’t cried as she told her. She had just stared far into the fireplace.

He didn’t tell her back that he was thinking the same. He needed to be the positive one.

However, it had been soon five decades without them, and he couldn’t remember their voices even if he tried.

They had an evening where they talked about their families. Y/n explained that she was the oldest of her siblings and that it was almost thirty years until her closest sibling. There was a brother in between them, but he died at birth.

“Both my mother and I had stillborn as our seconds. Sebb, my son, was born without wings. He didn’t breathe as he was born. My brother was born too early.” It broke his heart to hear about all the horrors she had experienced with childbirth. “I love all my children. I would never want to live without them, but I wish they had been made by love and not force.”

“You were bred to make more faeries with wings, right? But to use the wings you’d die?”

“They wanted as many as possible of us to use in the war,” she answered. “They mostly wanted the men to fight and when they died or were unable to fight anymore, they’d take their wings. All the men above 18 had to fight in the war. They were only allowed back once or twice a week to ensure the pregnancies kept going. Or, if it had been twenty years without having a pregnancy both the male and the female got their wings cut off. That’s how my daughter Cindy died. It was awful.”

Rhys remembered from the first memory she had shown him that losing both wings were the most painful death they could have. He couldn’t imagine being a parent and knowing his child had gone through that as they died.

“How many of your children are dead?” he asked carefully.

“Three,” she answered. “As I know of. Sebb, Cindy and Jesper. Jesper died in the war. He and Cindy was close in age, but died at different times. There’s also Oscar. He lost his left hand in the war. However, he and Trace are identical twins, so it makes it easy to tell them apart.”

They laughed a little at that.

“Illyrian males often try to clip the wings of their females. My dad saves mom seconds before her own wings were clipped, but it was only because she was his mate. I banned wing clipping the second I became High Lord, but I fear they have gone back to old traditions now that we’re not there to keep them in check.”

He thought about it often. How there was no one with power to take care of the females. He knew it didn’t take many hours for illyrians to kill and torture females, so he didn’t even want to imagine the damage they had done in fifty years.

“Every time I see a female with clipped wings I feel like I let them down.”

“Every time a child or sibling of mine turned 18 I felt like I had lost too. The world definitely has changed since we last experienced it. It’s a lot of steps backwards, but I’m sure we’ll get through it eventually. Maybe even improve some of it.”

Rhys felt almost confused about her positive tone, but at the same time it lightened his bad mood.

It had been fifty years. Fifty years where he had strived to keep going. He was not going to stop on the finish line.

“That was stupid,” Rhys told Y/n as he threw a healing tonic her way. “Reckless, uncalled for, and so fucking stupid.”

“It had to be done,” she told him.

He did his best to not notice all the wounds she was currently carrying. All the small cuts and the bruises from the whip. He knew she would be…weakened for the next couple of days.

“They found you helping him. They found you and knew you had been stealing from them-”

“What do you expect me to do?” she raised her voice back. Y/n rarely raised her voice. This was only the second time it had happened. “She’s a girl, Rhys. She’s nineteen. Nineteen-year-olds shouldn’t need to fight for the life of an entire world. They should worry about their crushes and their appearance, not how to survive three impossible tasks against an evil witch. If me helping Lucien heal by stealing a tonic will save her, then I will do it again, and again, and again.”

He understood why this was hard for her. Y/n had raised so many babes, and while not all of them reached the age of 19, she probably saw her own children or herself in Feyre. She had only been 18 when her traumatic tasks began, and even though their tasks are very different, she didn’t want Feyre to go through any of it.  

19 year olds shouldn’t need to do anything of importance, he agreed in that, but Y/n was putting herself in too much danger.

“Y/n, if they now decide to, they can choose to sentence you for other missing things too. They know you have been stealing, and they were kind with this punishment. So, please, be careful.”

He knew better than to ask her to stay away. She was stubborn and brave, sometimes a little reckless, but for the most part smart and collected. Y/n did what was the best for others, he knew that.

She had given her brother a part of her own body for cauldron’s sake.

 “We need to protect her, Rhys. She’s our only hope right now and she will need help. She will need healing. Humans heal slowly. Even slower than I do.”

They hadn’t discussed her slow healing since she showed him what had happened. How her wing had melted into his brother’s chest and healed it within seconds. How she had forced the shadows to come get them, and how she had hidden away before he and Cass had gotten there.

Azriel had been healed in only a couple of hours.

Rhys remembered the golden swirl that had taken place on his brother’s chest. The swirl that Y/n’s wing used to have.

It made him nauseous, but at the same time, he couldn’t imagine a world without his brother. And Y/n couldn’t either.

“Amarantha can’t find out that we’re helping Feyre. She’ll probably kill both of us, and Feyre.”

“We’ll have to find a way to help her that doesn’t seem like helping. Feyre doesn’t have to thrive; she must only survive. Tamlin isn’t going to do anything, and not any of the other High Lords either. So, we’ll have to do it.”

And that’s how they managed to come up with a plan that made Feyre hate them, but it at least kept her alive.

They had done it. They were free. Amarantha was dead. Feyre was alive.

Cauldron, they had actually done it.

Rhys was too exhausted, but if had carried a little more energy, he would have almost danced on the way to his room.

He opened the room and found it…empty?

“Y/n?” he asked aloud, but he got no answer.

He looked around and noticed the letter folded neatly in front of the fireplace.

Dear Rhys,

Thesan will soon winnow me home.

I will make sure all my family know how you saved me. How you helped me keep going. It will never be forgotten.

If you for any reason need it, you have friends in Dawn that will help you or your people. Azriel will know where we are.

Please know that as you are reading this, I’m hugging all my children and grandchildren and bawling my eyes out.

Thank you again,

Your roomie

She had drawn a heart over the i in Azriel.

He wasn’t surprised she left without a proper goodbye, but he had just always imagined taking her back to Velaris. To Azriel.

He guessed Cornelius would let Azriel know.

“They’re going beat you up,” Mor told him as he flew them to the House.

“I certainly hope so,” he answered. “If they don’t, something is seriously wrong.”

He landed on the balcony, and it only took seconds for his brothers to arrive. They were both sweaty and looked tried, but they had smiles on their faces.

To his relief, they looked like they always had.

“You bastard,” Cassian beamed at him as he hugged him tightly.

Rhys thought he had cried out all his tears with Mor, but a couple more of them still fell down his face. His brothers were safe, pissed at him, but safe. That was more than he could ask for.

Azriel carefully joined the hug and Cassian almost engulfed both of them.

Rhys suddenly started to think about the heart Y/n had written over Azriel’s name. Suddenly realized that Azriel had someone way more important than him to welcome home.

He broke out of the hug and turned to Azriel.

“Get to your wife,” he almost commanded. “Now.”

Azriel’s eyes widened, but it didn’t take him many seconds to fly off the balcony and disappear into the shadows.

“You met her?” Mor asked him and Cassian also looked over at him.

“Yes,” he answered plainly, but decided to wait to talk, until Y/n had told Azriel all she wanted him to know. He didn’t want to overstep. “I definitely met her.”

Rhys had slept at the Townhouse, but he had heard from Cassian that Azriel had arrived back home within a couple of hours. Which made no sense.

Something obviously wasn’t right.

The next time he saw him, he looked at him with a raised bow, but Azriel didn’t answer. He didn’t say anything in a couple of days actually, but that wasn’t unusual.

Therefore, Rhys decided to just ask his brother.

“I get it that you worry, but if you could leave my love life alone, I would appreciate that brother,” was Azriel’s only answer. He spoke in such a calm, but lethal voice that Rhys knew he had to let the topic go.

And, as Feyre started to take up more and more space in his head and heart, he didn’t even think about it that often.

Until one evening.

It was almost a random day. Feyre and Mor had wanted to have girls’ night, so he and Cassian had prepared a boys’ night.

However, Azriel showed up late. And he was drunk. Which was very unusual. Azriel never acted drunk when he was drunk, but his hiccups always gave him away.

“What’s going on?” Rhys asked, but he knew Azriel probably didn’t want to talk about anything. But he also suspected he knew what was wrong.

Both Cassian and Mor had pointed out how Az spent a lot of time in Velaris between missions. It didn’t seem like he was a lot with Y/n.

“Nothing,” he answered and sat down in the couch beside Cassian.

“Trouble with the wife?” Cassian asked, and Rhys felt relived he didn’t need to ask him. He felt he had made too much trouble about it already.

“I’m not even sure I have a wife,” Azriel answered honestly and both Rhys and Cass got a bit surprised. “Haven’t seen her in 53 years.”

He picked up his cup with a hiccup and poured some wine into it.

53 years. That’s one more year than Amarantha. Why had they been apart for an entire year before that? Rhys tried to think back, but he couldn’t remember anything of significance.

He also couldn’t remember Y/n mentioning anything about it. She hadn’t talked about not seeing Azriel for a long time.

But, Y/n had also never freely spoken about Az. She had always lowered her voice and thought twice before she spoke. Had she tried to keep from him the fact that their relationship had paused?

He was about to ask Az, but he just kept speaking. He was definitely drunk.

“I mean, I know she’s been there. I smell her in our house all the time,” he drank the rest of the wine in his cup. “But she’s never there when I get there. She leaves flowers there as usual and there’s always food in the cabinets, but I still never see her. It’s like she’s taking care of me from afar.”

“Why is she leaving before you get there?” Rhys asked.

He thought back to all the times Y/n had spoken about Azriel and all the times her wings had glowed. He thought about the smile she wore only when speaking about him.

But he also saw the embarrassment and guilt in her features. He thought about her hanging wings and her distant eyes.

“She promised to protect me,” he answered. “She vowed to do all she could to keep me safe. I didn’t realize how seriously she would take it.”

Y/n hadn’t kept him safe. He had almost died in her arms, and she had been willing to protect him with her life. She stayed away from him to protect him. To make sure if the bounty hunters came back, they would take her and not Az.

Rhys opened his mouth to ask questions. He didn’t really know what to ask. If they could help. Or if it was something he needed.

But it seemed like Azriel realized he had just spoken freely about his emotions, and it didn’t take long for him to stand up and walk away.

Rhys and Cass sat in silence for a long time.

Rhys had tried going to bed, but falling asleep without Feyre in his arms proved to be a struggle.

He was up and awake when he heard a knock on his door.

To his surprise, and total horror, Madja stood on the other side of the door.

She was going to tell him that one of them had died. That the mission at Hybern had done so badly that he had not only lost his mate to his enemy court, but also that one of his brother’s had died from the injuries.

“What’s going on?” he asked her before she could speak.

“I honestly have no clue,” Madja answered, and they walked silently to the clinic.

As they walked inside Azriel’s room, he soon understood what had happened. Azriel’s chest was glowing in small swirls.

“The wound healed itself, I only barely had time to clean it before it was closed,” Madja told him, and he only shook his head in relief.

“It’s a special kind of magic. It healed him before, so it’s healing him now too,” he informed Madja, but Madja still looked confused at him. “There’s this healing magic from Dawn. It’s not known amongst many, and there’s a good reason for it. These fae can heal, but they also get weakened by it. Their own healing abilities die down. If they take too much, they die themselves.”

“Such a sacrifice can’t have been made easily. He’s lucky to be alive.”

Rhys stayed by Azriel’s side for a while, before he decided to move to Cassian’s room. He turned at the door and looked back at his brother. His chest was almost not glowing anymore, and Rhys hoped it meant that he was healing properly.

“Oh, Y/n,” he muttered as he left the room.

Taglist: @tele86 @mariahoedt @miadialila @fuckingsimp4azriel @bookandtealover @saltedcoffeescotch @brekkershadowsinger @scatteredstardustt @pablopascal @bravo-delta-eccho @meritxellao @grey-clowd @adventure-awaits13 @whoreforfictionalmen18 @chicken-fifi @helo1281917 @coeurdeveea @i-am-infinite

Dividers by: @saradika-graphics

[moosesarecute]

Chapter 3: The wings heal

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“The healers will come to our room at midnight,” Rhys sent into her mind, hoping she was conscious enough to understand him.

Twenty years together Under the Mountain had gone by slowly. Every single moment he had went towards making sure Y/n was alright. That she was safe. That she was alive. That she didn’t die under his protection.

It was important, both to know he was protecting someone so dear to his brother, but also to have someone to living to care about. It gave him something closer to fight for.

She didn’t answer his mental call.

He hadn’t witnessed what happened, he had only heard from a few warriors that the “glowing one” had been beaten badly.

He had reacted out to her a few times, but she had only answered once.

“Hurts,” she had said.

He was busy with Amarantha, and if she noticed his worry for Y/n it would only take seconds for Y/n to be killed. So, he worked his best and tried to shut out the worry.

He knew he wouldn’t be able to see Y/n until the morning. He only hoped she lived until then.

The healers had done a good job, but it still looked pretty bad. Rhys had spent some time cleaning the blood from her face. Her nose had been broken. She had deep wounds at the back of her head and a knife had sliced open her left thigh.

Normally, these wounds wouldn’t worry a fae, but she didn’t heal as quickly as the rest. She was healing like a human and fae healers didn’t know how to heal humans.

He was going to kill the evil and sick person that took her wing. Who would do that, knowing even just a small piece of the wing missing would lead to severely slow healing? He was furious.

He wasn’t the only furious one. Cornelius was swirling anxiously around them both. Every time Rhys tried to touch Y/n, the shadow tried to stop him.

Overprotective bastard, he thought.

Y/n’s eyes fluttered open and Rhys let out a relived sigh.

“Az?” she asked, and it broke his heart. Her voice was sore, probably from screaming and her eyes were watering the second she realized Azriel wasn’t there.

She looked so small, and she was definitely in a lot of pain. She looked confused around the room. She shouldn’t be awake, Rhys realized. She was too hurt to understand where she was. She should sleep and let her body heal.

Cornelius was brushing her hair away from her face, but it didn’t calm her enough.

He didn’t want to reach into her mind to calm her. His powers were weakened because of Amarantha, and he didn’t want to accidently do something to make her worse.

“Az?” she asked again, still looking around for him. She didn’t realize that Azriel wasn’t coming. She didn’t realize that even though her husband loved her, he couldn’t help her.

So, Rhys did the best he could. He walked to the other side of the bed, laid down beside her and softly touched her arm. She was about to move away, when she smelled it.

He had glamoured himself to smell like cedar and night-chilled mist. It probably wasn’t close to the smell of his brother, but it was close enough for Y/n to relax.

In her pain driven state, she moved over to be in Rhys’ arms. Or Azriel’s arms, as she thought it was.

Y/n would hate him for making her hug him, but right now they both needed it.

Cornelius was still brushing her hair, and it didn’t take long before she fell asleep in his arms. However, Cornelius didn’t stop fussing over her. The shadow’s panicked state made him wonder how his brother was feeling. If his brother also felt panicked not knowing if his wife was okay.

“She’s here, Az. I’ve got her,” Rhys said aloud and hoped that somehow, his brother heard him.

Amarantha had kept him busy for two week straight. He hadn’t been able to check up on Y/n in ages. Only small questions into her mind.

“Are you breathing?”

“Yes.”

“Have you eaten the stew?”

“Unfortunately.”

He knew this was her first day back at work after the attack, so he checked in on her more often. He knew she hadn’t healed properly yet, but her boss didn’t care about that and Rhys couldn’t show that he cared for her, that would only make everything worse for both of them.

Y/n sounded like she was in pain the entire day, and Rhys felt himself grew angrier and angrier for each time he reached out to her. Why did she have to heal so slowly? This new experience of her being so hurt by so little, made him think of her as fragile. Even though, he knew Y/n would hate him if he said that aloud.

“What happened this time?” she asked him the second he walked in the door, with a slight limp. Y/n noticed it, of course, she always did.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” he answered and walked straight to the bath.

He needed to wash her off. It took him three baths to calm his thoughts and decide not to commit treason.

The fireplace was lit and there stood three bottles of wine on the table. Together with two cups.

“Thank you,” he muttered as he poured himself a glass.

“It was Cornelius’ idea,” Y/n answered. “I was only going to steal two bottles.”

That stupid shadow always brought out the worst of Y/n. However, it seemed like she also needed the wine.

Her wings were not glowing at all. They where almost limp as they pointed to the ground.

“What happened to you?” he asked.

“I’m just in a bad mood,” she answered as she picked up her cup, filled it to the brim and drank it all within seconds. “Ready to get drunk?”

“Don’t have anything better to do in this miserable place,” he told her as he chugged his own cup and pour more into both his own and Y/n’s.

“What would you have done if you weren’t here?”

The wine got to his head way too quickly. Had he eaten at all that day?

“I’d be flying with my brothers,” he answered truthfully and regretted it the second he spoke. Y/n couldn’t fly anymore. She wouldn’t ever fly on her own again. “You?”

“I would have fucked your brother,” she answered with a laugh and went to sit down in front of the fireplace.

Rhys joined her, but not before he had picked up and opened the second bottle.

“I wouldn’t expect anything less,” he said as he sat down. “You know, he said once he would never settle down. And when we tried to get him to sleep with a female, he just stood up and said he would never sleep with anyone that wasn’t his wife. We didn’t even know he was married.”

They both laughed out loud. Rhys could still imagine Azriel’s annoyed face.

“When was that?”

“Like five years before Amarantha, or something.”

She nodded and shook her head as she kept laughing.

He knew it was probably mean to ask her while they were getting drunk, but at the same time: it had been twenty years, and he still knew only the bare minimum about her and Azriel’s relationship.

“How long have you been married?” he asked her.

“Not that long,” she answered and downed the rest of her cup. They would soon need to open the last bottle.

“Which is how many years?”

“Like…45 years”

He sat down his cup, and turned towards her.

“What?” she asked him uncomfortably.

“You had only been married five years before Amarantha?”

“Yeah,” she answered like it was nothing.

Rhys tried to think back at the last time he saw Azriel either go home with someone or take someone home. He couldn’t remember any that wasn’t from the Illyrian camps.

“You have to tell me everything,” he almost demanded.

“Just ask. I’ll decide what I will answer.”

Rhys stood up and walked to the side table beside the bed. He looked in the bottom of the drawer and picked up his notebook. His notebook of questions he really wants to ask Y/n, but he hadn’t wanted to make her uncomfortable.

 “You’re joking,” she said and sat down her own cup. However, she only sat it down to pour more into it. “Go for it.”

Rhys sat down again and started questioning her.

“When did you and Azriel become a couple?”

“There is no official date or time. We just became one.”

“Approximately how many years ago?”

She looked annoyed at him but answered anyway. “300 years ago, maybe.”

Rhys wrote down her answer and she rolled her eyes.

“What’s the name of your kids?”

“That’s what you want to know?” she questioned him back and let out a sigh when he nodded.  She counted on her fingers as she listed them up. “Kyle, Sebb, Skylar, Oscar, Olly, Jone, Paul, Johanna, Jesper, Cindy, Willy, Teddy, Sophie, Sarah, Newt.” She realized she had only counted to sixteen. “And Clare. I always forget about Clare…”

“That’s crazy,” he answered. “How many times did Az propose?”

She smiled an awkward smile. Rhys didn’t know if it was a good smile or an embarrassed one.

“Seven times,” she answered. “I think. Only one of them was like a big proposal. The other six were small conversations which led to him asking and me giving him a tulip.”

“Why? You obviously love him,” he told her.

She sat down her cup and tried her best to not look at him. It was almost like she felt guilty or sad.

“I didn’t want him to get hurt. My family and I were hunted for many years. People wanted our wings. The bounty hunters are still out there. If they find me, they find him too. I don’t want to put him in danger.”

Rhys didn’t understand what all the fuss was about. Azriel was a trained warrior and spy, he could easily take down a few bounty hunters.

“Y/n, I have seen Azriel take down at least fifteen warriors on his own…he can take down a few bounty hunters.”

“You don’t know that” Y/n said. Her body moved in a way; it looked like she got chills. Then, she shook her head, like shaking away bad memories.

“Have you seen him fight? He’s better than everyone I know, that’s for sure,” he continued. Y/n stood up and walked towards the bed. She didn’t even look at him as he spoke. “You know that right?”

“Of course I know that,” she answered as a defence. If Rhys had drunk a little less wine, he probably would have stopped the conversation. He would have realized how uncomfortable he had made her. Seen how dark her wings were. How heavy her posture was. “That doesn’t mean he could handle the bounty hunters.”

“Come on, Y/n. Give him some credit. Of course he could.”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

He let out a small laugh, still not realizing how miserable she had started to feel.

“You’re talking like he would have had no chance. Of course he would. He beat both me and Cassian once, and we weren’t going easy on him. Azriel is probably the-”

“You weren’t there!” Y/n yelled at him. The second she spoke, her eyes widened with fear. She looked terrified for a couple of seconds and then, she left the room without another word.

It had been another month.

A month where Rhys had only reached out to Y/n if it had been absolutely necessary. So, only once.

He had messed up, but didn’t know when or how to apologize.

At the same time, he still had more questions. What had happened? Had Azriel been hurt? Had the bounty hunters taken her wing and Azriel had gotten hurt trying to save her? Or had something entirely different happened?

Had Azriel been scared of the hunters?

Rhys couldn’t imagine that being true, but at the same time Azriel never really spoke about his feelings.

So, when he finally got a night away from Amarantha, he felt quite worried as he made his way towards the room. What if she was too hurt by him? What if he had lost the trust they had built?

He stopped outside the room, let out a nervous sigh and walked in.

Y/n was already in bed. She acknowledged his presence, but didn’t look at him. Not even a greeting.

He moved slowly and sat down in bed.

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. I overreacted.”

“No, you didn’t. I went too far and was too drunk to notice. I shouldn’t have done that.”

She sat up and turned to look at him. She looked tired, almost exhausted.

“Do you think we’ll ever get out of here?”

He had been thinking about it too. Whether Tamlin would save them all or not. Rhys knew Tamlin hadn’t tried to send his warriors over the wall in ages, but he wasn’t going to tell Y/n that.

“Eventually,” he answered, but he didn’t really believe it himself.

“It’s our anniversary today. 46 years of marriage. More than 40 years apart.”

Both of them would go through periods when they missed certain people more. They were constantly grieving all their families, but some days were worse than others.

“I’m sorry.”

What else was he supposed to say. He missed his brother’s terribly too, but she missed not only Azriel, but also all her children on a daily basis. How she managed to keep going, he didn’t understand.

“I’m here if you need to talk about it.”

They both knew what “it” was. Or, she knew. He only hoped she would tell him.

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“You can show me, you know.”

“I don’t want you to see that. He was really hurt.”

“I can take it,” he answered.

They sat in silence for a while, and then she gave him a silent agreement.

“What is this?” you asked your father.

He, Kyle and Sky had just brought you to the outside of your territory and showed you a house that stood just outside the border.

It was small, but perfect. The sun was shining on it and flowers bloomed all around the house. A lot of tulips, of course.

“Only the best for my Tulip,” your father said, and only then did you realize that this was your house.

Your and Azriel’s house. A house of your own. Where you could meet whenever you liked. Where you could grow together but still be safe.

“If you jump out the window on that wall, you’ll be back into our territory. So, if anything bad happens, you can escape.”

It was a smart idea, but you hoped you wouldn’t need it.

It was a tradition amongst your people that the father of the bride and the groom would make a house for the bride, but Azriel obviously didn’t get to meet your father.

“You built this?” you asked them in awe.

“Of course,” Sky answered, and he and Kyle hugged you.

“You deserve this, mom,” Kyle spoke, and your tears started to flow.

“I have had babes that do this better than you,” you told him as he hissed for the third time.

Azriel had showed up to your home covered in blood. Not unusual, but this time it was his own blood. And that worried you. However, you soon understood that he had lots of small wounds and none of them were serious.

Even though he still hissed as you sat on his lap and cleaned his wounds. You cleaned them and then kissed them. The smallest of them had already started healing.

“Excuse me,” Azriel spoke seriously. “You forgot to kiss that one.”

You laughed but kissed the wound as he wanted you to.

“Thank you, my beautiful wife,” he spoke and leaned to kiss your lips. The butterflies in your stomach started dancing even before he kissed you.

It had been a couple of weeks apart and the kiss quickly became heated, but that didn’t last long.

A loud sound of a stick breaking caught your attention. Both of you stayed completely quiet.

“Stupid,” a voice said.

Hunters.

You barely noticed Azriel’s shadows leave the house.

No, no, no.

They couldn’t have found your house.

Azriel carefully lifted you from his lap. He signalled for you to be quiet and walked carefully towards the window that led to your territory.

He was starting to scare you, but he didn’t care. He looked determined to get you out. He opened the window and used the shadows to quiet down the noise it made.

“Az-”

He quieted you with a kiss and then helped you through the window. They way he held your waist made it clear that he didn’t want you there. He wanted you safe and far away.

The second you landed on your feet you heard the doors get brutally opened. You tried to count footsteps, but you couldn’t figure out how many they were. It sounded like a lot.

The barrier between you made the world outside invisible. You could only see a forest, not the actual forest that was on the other side. However, you could hear it and it wasn’t calming.

You felt your entire body shake at the thought of something going wrong. This was your worst nightmare. You had lost count of all the times you had dreamt of Azriel dying because of you.

“He’s a warrior, he’s a spy, he has trained for this,” you said aloud. The sound of your own heartbeat was louder than anything else you’ve heard. “He’s a warrior. He’s a spy. He has trained for this.”

The sounds of battle reached your ears. Grunts and blades meeting blades made you freak out more and more. Even thought you had fought before, you were freaking out because that was your husband out there fighting.

It was like your brain had forgotten all that you knew about fighting. All you knew and had learned about war.

Every sound Azriel made brought you closer to the border. You moved after the sound. So when the sound were heard outside the cabin, you moved so that you were closer.

You wanted to go out there and help him, but you knew it was stupid.

A warrior like him had a way of fighting that was very different from your own. He had taught you a lot, but not enough. You were taught to fight in the sky, not on the ground.

If you went out there, you would only be a distraction to him.

“Breathe, Y/n, breathe. He’s a warrior. He’s a spy. He has trained for this. He’s a warrior. He’s a-”

Azriel screamed.

You were sure it was him.

You couldn’t hold back.

You were about to take the step out of the territory, when Azriel’s shadows covered you.

They held your entire body. You couldn’t move a muscle.

You could hear Azriel struggling on the other side.

“Let me go! Please, you stupid shadows. Let me go!”

You struggled against them with all your power, but it didn’t help. Not even a little. They held you and you kept trying to get out.

It felt like it was hours, minutes, but it probably only lasted for seconds before they let you go.

You fell to the ground, but you didn’t care for the bruise that formed on your knee as you stood up and ran over the border.

There was so much blood.

Everywhere.

“Please no,” you begged as you ran towards him. You fell down to your knees beside him and took his hand. You cupped his face with your other hand. His eyes fluttered a little, before he opened them halfway. “I’m here Az. It’s going to be okay. You stay with me.”

His chest was a big hole. Some one had stabbed him.

He was bleeding out.

“Love,” he spoke with a weak voice. “you.”

“Don’t speak, you just need your eyes to stay open. Okay?”

He smiled at you, but you didn’t know if he could hear what you were saying.

You ripped off the bottom of your dress and did your best to close the wound.

“Please, Az. I need you to stay awake,” you said as you worked. You used your hands to try to keep his wound shut, but it didn’t help. You were soon covered in blood.

So. Much. Blood.

You hated the way it warmed up your hands.

Tears spilled through your eyes as you felt his heartbeat starting to fade.

“You don’t dare leaving me, Az. Fight it, please, fight it.”

His shadows were visibly in panic but still stopped to dry your tears. It was like they tried telling you that it would be okay. But you knew it wouldn’t.

You laid your head against his chest and knew it he only had seconds, maybe minutes left.

“Don’t leave me,” you cried. “Please, don’t. I can’t do this without you.”

But he didn’t listen. He didn’t react to anything. His eyes had closed, and his shadows were faint. His beautiful smell was muted by the smell of blood.

He was dying. This would be the last time you heard his heartbeat. The last time you saw his eyes. The last time hearing his voice.

He was actually dying.

Your husband as dying nd there was nothing you could…

You lifted your head franticly and looked around.

Truth-teller laid only meters away from you.

You crawled to it and picked up the knife. You didn’t even think twice as you grabbed your left wing and sliced.

Taglist: @tele86 @mariahoedt @miadialila @fuckingsimp4azriel @bookandtealover @saltedcoffeescotch @brekkershadowsinger @scatteredstardustt @pablopascal @bravo-delta-eccho @meritxellao @grey-clowd @adventure-awaits13 @whoreforfictionalmen18 @chicken-fifi @helo1281917

Dividers by: @saradika-graphics

[moosesarecute]

Chapter 2: The Conversations Begins

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It had taken Rhys days to notice it.

The small shadow that seemed to live in Y/n’s hair. It almost took his breath away when he felt it brush over his hand.

Azriel’s shadows, as well as Azriel, didn’t really show any physical touch. Rhys had rarely gotten hugs from his brother. His shadows had only touched him a handful of times in over 400 years.

“This little one didn’t get home in time. He’s been staying with me since. I’ve called him Cornelius.” A small smile reached Y/n’s face as she spoke. It felt weird thinking about Azriel’s shadow as a living thing with its own name, but Rhys enjoyed the childness about it. He enjoyed everything that seemed less serious.

“Hello there, Cornelius,” he told the shadow, and it immediately retreated back into Y/n’s hair. It was obvious that was its safe space. Rhys couldn’t help but wonder if Y/n’s hair and smell was also Azriel’s safe space. Rhys was curios by nature and not knowing anything about the female living in his room was weird. He turned to Y/n, ready to start the difficult conversation. “And where exactly is that? Where you are staying, I mean?”

She moved to look at him with wary eyes. Even though he was not in her head, he knew she was thinking about every possibility of him not being safe. He let her. He knew he couldn’t force her to trust him.

“We live in a protected area in the Dawn Court. It’s hidden from view. Only a few people outside of my family knows about it. It’s almost like…you know…”

Velaris.

She knew about Velaris.

“Have you ever been there?” he asked her. When he first realized Y/n was Azriel’s wife, it had taken him a few seconds to understand that she wasn’t hidden away in Velaris. He had just expected Azriel’s wife to be from the city, he didn’t know why.

“Once.”

“When?”

“We got married there.”

It surprisingly warmed his heart to hear that his brother had chosen to travel to Velaris to get married. It didn’t surprise him that Azriel hadn’t brought her there until he knew she was the one.

Looking back up at Y/n he noticed the sad smile she wore.

“What was your ceremony like?” he asked carefully. He didn’t want to push her too much, but at the same time, he wanted her to remember the good moments.

Y/n turned and smiled carefully at him. She almost looked embarrassed.

“It was rushed, but sweet. Our vows were a mess, and we were laughing through it all. I think we annoyed the priestess a little. Azriel had tried to get me to marry him for ages before I agreed. He wanted to do it quickly before I changed my mind,” she ended with a small laugh, before she again turned serious. “Not that I would ever change my mind about that.”

A mystery. The female in front of him was a total mystery. How had she managed to get Azriel so hooked that he kept trying even after what sounded like multiple shut down marriage proposals? But at the same time, if Azriel fell for someone, he always fell hard and fast.

 Even though Rhys wanted to know all about the relationship between the female and his brother, it was different information that he needed first.

“Why are you and your people hidden away?” She again stopped to think. It was obvious that a lot of the information was private and potentially dangerous to speak about. “You can answer to just me if you don’t want anyone else to listen.”

That seemed to make her more relaxed.

“My family are known for our healing powers. People wanted to make use of the powers and decided to start a forced breeding of us. From the moment one of us turned eighteen, we would be assigned a partner, and we would have to reproduce with them. They expected a babe every ten years, a max of 20 years between babes. Then, when Thesan’s grandfather died, the new High Lord ended the breeding and gave us an area of our own. We have stayed hidden ever since.”

Rhys almost felt his jaw drop. Babes were sacred for everyone, but especially fae. Conceiving was hard, if not impossible. To force someone to have babes with only ten years between, sounded almost impossible. He had so many questions, but he didn’t know where to start.

“Seventeen,” Y/n spoke and Rhys couldn’t do anything but look confused at her. “I have had 17 babes. The breeding stopped when I was 153 years. I had my oldest when I was 26 and the youngest a month after the breeding stopped. Two pairs of twins. The smallest age gap is 26 months and that happened twice and was absolute hell both times. The biggest age gap was 18 years.”

This time around, Rhys let his jaw drop. He was speechless and that wasn’t something he had experienced often.

“I know, it’s crazy.”

He did his best to shake out the speechlessness and tried to figure out how to continue the conversation.

“And the father of the kids, where’s he now?”

“Oh, that’s Sky. He married his husband not long after our youngest was born.”

“And, if you don’t mind me asking, how old are you?”

“623.”

He brother married a female over a hundred years older than him. That’s nice to know. He could think of so many ways to use that against him. Azriel was basically the baby in their relationship.

Azriel was also the step-father of children that were a lot older than him. That’s just funny.

“He said you would,” Y/n spoke with a smile almost smugger than the one Rhys wore himself. “He knew you would tease him over my age. I also tease him over how young he is.”

They laughed together at that.

He hadn’t laughed in years and even though it felt weird, he felt like the grounds of a friendship had just been built.

They fell into a routine.

Every night they spend together, which wasn’t often, they would first speak about what’s been going on since last time and then question each other about all and everything else. Rhys soon learned almost all there was to know about Y/n, however, he knew she was hiding a lot. Y/n in return learned about Rhys and the rest of Azriel’s family. She of course knew a lot already, but some of the details were new.

After four interrogations in front of Amarantha, four interrogations he and Y/n had practiced as often as they could, Amarantha had decided that Y/n wasn’t a threat. Y/n quickly got a roll as a ordinary servant.

Her days were long and hard, but she was safe. That was more than Rhys could ask for.

He couldn’t imagine coming home to Velaris, knowing his brother’s wife had been hurt, or worse killed, on his watch. He wasn’t sure he could ever look his brother in the eyes ever again.

“What are you doing?” he asked as he walked into their room. It was mostly her room now, he rarely slept there, but it was still his safe space.

Y/n sat with a pan over the fire in the fireplace. She was making…pancakes?

“It’s your birthday, is it not?” she answered without taking her gaze away from the soon finished pancake on the hot pan.

He had no idea how she remembered that it was his birthday. He realized Azriel must have told her, because he sure as hell hadn’t. No one Under the Mountain knew it was his birthday, except her.

She flipped the pancake over on a plate and handed it to him before she poured more batter into the pan.

“Happy birthday, 505 years is it? Good age.”

“How did you get all this?”

“Do I have to remind you that my husband is perhaps the best spy in all of Prythian? I’ve learned some things from his throughout the years.”

He still hadn’t gotten out from her exactly how long she and Azriel had been a thing. They first met in the end of the war, he knew that much. Then, Y/n had spent 150 years in the hidden world of her people. 150 years where she, from his understanding, was full of depression. She never told him that, but he read between the lines.

Then Sky, her earlier partner and best friend, had almost forced her to go out and explore. It wasn’t allowed, but it seemed like Y/n never had been a rule follower.

That’s when she and Azriel met for the first time.

That’s all the information Rhys had, so far. He was set on getting to know more.

Az was 37 at the end of the war. That means he was 187 when they started meeting. Azriel was now 507. That means they had been seeing each other for 320 years.

And that surely couldn’t be true. Rhys refused to believe his brother had kept his marriage secret for over two hundred and ninety years before it suddenly got out of him at a night at Rita’s, only five years before Rhys ended up Under the Mountain.

“Come on, Az,” Cass spoke. “She’s been eying you the entire night.”

Az just shook his head and kept on sipping his drink.

“When you settle down, you’re going to regret that you didn’t sleep with more females, brother,” Cass spoke.

“I’m not going to “settle down”,” Azriel argued.

“You keep saying that, but if you just slept with another female, you at least won’t regret it when you do.”

Az tilted his head back and down the rest of his drink. Both Cass and Rhys were now sure their brother was going to go to the cute female that had been looking at him the whole night.

“I will from now on only ever sleep with one female,” he said as he stood up.

“Who are you talking about now?” Rhys asked. It seemed like the conversation had moved, and he was confused.

“My wife,” Azriel answered seriously, and then he disappeared into the shadows.

“I called it,” Amren said, however no one answered her. Cass, Rhys and Mor was too confused to keep their jaws shut.

“What exactly have my dear spymaster taught you?” Rhys asked Y/n, but then he spoke again before she could answer. “Of spy-stuff, I don’t need to know anything else.”

She rolled her eyes at him, but then she flipped what seemed to be the last pancake onto the plate and turned over to him.

“He taught me to sneak around. That was after I found out Sky had been stealing my journal, so I wanted to steal his. He taught me to hide pretty well, but the glowing wings make it hard. He taught me to fly silent and fast. And he taught me to mind-shield pretty well.”

So, she had been able to fly at some point. She wasn’t born with a broken wing. He hated to know that someone had taken her ability to fly. And, he bet Azriel was hating himself for not protecting her.

The sneaking and hiding made sense, Azriel wanted his wife to be safe. And the mental-shield made sense to protect her too, but he still wanted to know one thing.

“What’s the deal with the tulips?”

A genuine smile grew on her face. Even her wings glowed a little stronger for a few seconds, before they turned into the dull glow Rhys was used to them having. They glowed bright when she was happy, he had started to realize. He wondered how bright they usually glowed when she was with Azriel or her family.

“My parents usually call me Tulip. So, Sky started bringing me Tulips when I had given birth, or when it was my birthday or whenever really. I told Azriel about my love for tulips, so he gave me a bouquet of them the first time he proposed,” she started laughing a little and her wings glowed with each laugh. “So, I started bringing him Tulips as a reminder that I didn’t want to get married.”

Rhys couldn’t do anything but shake his head. This female was weird, but at the same time, that fit his brother well.

It had been 3 years living Under the Mountain. Each day was a struggle for motivation, but having a friend helps immensely.

Rhys cherished the small moments when both he and Y/n had the night off. It was usually an evening of calm speech, fun stories and happy memories.

However, this time, she was crying.

He hadn’t seen her cry since that first day. He knew she was feeling just as unhopeful as he was, but she never cried, at least not in front of him.

She had taken her usual place in front of the fireplace, but it wasn’t lit. She didn’t look at him as he entered.

He shrugged off his jacket when he heard her quiet sniffles. He laid the jacket on the bed and walked to sit down beside her. He lit the fireplace and the heat was welcomed. Her wings were pointing downwards, and they weren’t glowing at all.

He knew too little about the glow, but he started to worry if she was sick.  

“What happened?”

“It’s stupid.”

That was her usual answer when she was dealing with something she felt was awful, but that was tiny in the bigger picture.

Like that first night together, when he had realized she didn’t eat the stew because she was vegetarian. Her people were known for taking care of all life, so eating meat was unheard of.

She also told him that night that she had almost kicked Azriel out of their shared home when he had come home with a rabbit he had hunted. Hunting for food was a typical courting method for illyrians but obviously didn’t hit right for her.

“I cried over my spilled wine yesterday,” he answered. “That was also stupid to cry about, but I still could’ve needed someone to talk to about it.”

It was a lie. She knew it was a lie, but it worked.

“My oldest turns 600 today,” she answered.

He often forgot that she was a mother to so many children. Or, they weren’t children anymore. They were grown, most of them were older than he was.

She didn’t talk a lot about them. He knew she loved dearly, but he excepted the silence to be for their own protection.

“I don’t even know if he is alive,” she continued and cried out louder.

He would have hugged her, but he had quickly learned that she didn’t like hugs. The first and only time he hugged her, she had punched him in the stomach. She was a lot stronger than she looked.

“Want to tell me about him?”

She seemed to be unsure if she wanted to talk or not, but in the end she straightened a little and started speaking.

“Both Sky and I was terrified when we first smelled the pregnancy, but at the same time we were relieved we could stop trying for a babe for at least nine months. The pregnancy was a breeze. I have never had such an easy pregnancy. He was the sweetest child and the best older brother. He hates it when I cry over him growing up. You should have seen me when he got married. Azriel thought someone had died, but relaxed a little when I told him my baby had gotten married,” she stopped for a second. “I just hope he’s okay.”

She started bawling again and he just wanted to tell her that it would be okay, but he knew it was a lie. He had no way of knowing it would be okay.

“I have cried at each birthday I’ve missed. I cried at Cassian’s birthday, Mor’s birthday, Azriel’s birthday and even Amren’s birthday. I still cry at my mother’s birthday and my sister’s. You’re allowed to cry.”

That’s how they spent the rest of the night. Crying. Crying about everything they had missed and lost. Until they both fell asleep in front of the dying fireplace.  

Taglist: @tele86 @mariahoedt @miadialila @fuckingsimp4azriel @bookandtealover @saltedcoffeescotch @brekkershadowsinger @scatteredstardustt @pablopascal @bravo-delta-eccho @meritxellao @grey-clowd

Dividers by @saradika-graphics

[moosesarecute]

Your healing wings - Masterlist

Azriel had a wife. Everyone knew that. But no one knew who this wife was.

That was until Y/n ended up Under the Mountain and Rhys suddenly learned a lot more about his brother's marriage. However, he still didn't know enough.

Rhys noticed that everytime Y/n spoke about Azriel, he learned something groundbreakingly new.

Rhys also spends all his time trying to keep Y/n safe, so that she can get back to her husband as fast as possible.

But, there are somethings Y/n just won't tell him.

Chapter 1: the first meeting

Chapter 2: the conversations begin

Chapter 3: the wings heal

Chapter 4: the cursebreaker and home

Chapter 5: war and peace

[moosesarecute]

Chapter 1: The first meeting

Masterlist

The female that stood before them looked tiny. She was a lot shorter than an average faerie. However, she stood proudly and held her head high. She had small wounds all over her body. Small cuts that already should have healed, but they hadn’t. It was something else that made his attention go towards her.

Her wings were mesmerizing.

They were iridescent and had a glow that lit up parts of the dark hall.

It seemed like Amarantha was just at enchanted by them as he was.

However, the female only had one and a half wing. The upper part of her left wing was sliced off. He himself only had experience with Illyrian wings and he could only imagine the pain she must have felt.

Both the physical pain, but also the pain of no longer being able to fly.

Rhysand had never seen anyone with similar wings. It seemed like most of the people around him hadn’t.

“Where are you from girl?” Amarantha asked with her most ice voice. Even the slight threat made her nervous, and Rhys knew she wasn’t comfortable at the moment.

“Dawn,” the female answered proudly. Something about the way she presented herself felt familiar. It made him understand that she was carrying an act. The female was convincing and it seemed like only he was able to detect her unsureness.

Amarantha sent an icy glance over to Thesan and Rhys could almost feel the panic grow within the High Lord. Thesan had hidden someone for twenty years. Rhys had done the same. He only hoped Amarantha never would learn about the city he kept hidden.

“And why haven’t you presented yourself to me before now?”

It amazed him that the female didn’t even flinch as Amarantha questioned her. She did her best to look as calm as she was the moment she walked in. She still stood tall and proudly. She had definitely been trained in this. Her trainer had to be good.

“We only leave our territory when our High Lord call for us. It’s not something he does often. We got a letter, a false request from our High Lord, and we went to meet him. On the way there, we got captured.”

“Who is we?”

“My general and I. They killed him.”

Lethal. She spoke with lethal precision. Precision he had only heard from one person before.

“Rhysand,” Amarantha spoke, and he almost got shivers down his back. “Is she telling the truth?”

He hated going into people’s minds without permission, but he didn’t have a choice. He reached out to the female’s mind and immediately hit a solid wall of…tulips?

Confusion spread through him and he was about to pull out of her mind when a small hole opened and he got sucked inn instead.

“Sarah?” you yelled as loudly you possibly could.

Little two year old Sarah had just learned to fly and she tended to disappear every time you looked away. Normally that would be okay, but being eight months pregnant and running after a two year old wasn’t easy.

It didn’t help that flying made you throw up.

“Sarah?”

She still didn’t answer, so you picked up the bottom of your dress and started running. Normally running barefoot through the forest would be calming for you, but now you did your best to not freak out.

You looked behind every tree and stone and did your best to try to smell her.

“Sarah? Please! It’s dinner time soon.”

You stopped to catch your breath and that’s when your heard her.

“That’s my mommy,” her cute little voice sang from your right and you were so lucky you had found her.

You had gone through 15 terrible twos, this would not be the time where you lost a child.

You turned and expected to find Sarah talking to some flowers or maybe a bird, but to your total horror a male was crunched down in front of her.

He stood up the second he saw you. He was extremely tall and he had huge bat like wings. He held Sarah’s small hand and even though her arm was over her head, he still had to lean down a little to not lift her off the ground. His gaze was soft, but he couldn’t fool you.

You charged towards him and almost threw yourself at him. He only faltered a couple of steps and that annoyed you. However, he let go of Sarah’s hand. You picked her up and immediately flew away.

The nausea hit you immediately, but you didn’t care. Your toddler was safe and angry in your arms and that was all that mattered.

However, you couldn’t help to notice the wind brushing over your skin softer than usual.

Perhaps it wasn’t wind…

Was it shadows?

“Y/N,” Sky’s voice pulled you from your thoughts. “I think we both know what you need.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” you answered him.

Sky was the person in the world that knew you better than anyone. You knew he knew you were lying, but you didn’t care. You shouldn’t be wishing for more than you already had.

“Come on,” he answered and dragged you up and out of your house.

The two of you flew all the way to the edge of your territory and when you reached the shield, you landed beside each other.

“Go for it,” he said. “I’ll be home when you get back. But please, Y/N, you need this.”

He then flew away before you even had the change to hesitate.

He wanted you to go out of the safety barrier. He wanted you to explore and find your happiness again.

It had been almost 150 years. 150 years where you had felt stuck and helpless. Years where your wings had been glowing less and less. To the point where even the healers started to worry.

You had thought about leaving many times before. You had written about it in your journal but never told anyone. You realized that Sky probably had read your journal and decided to yell at him for it later, but it would have to wait.

You were going on an adventure.  

You walked up to the magical shield and felt the familiar feeling of it pressing against you. You had gone that far at least a hundred times before, but never further.

This time, you did.

You pushed against the magic until it unexpectedly let go of you. You fell through and landed face first on the ground.

That didn’t matter.

You stood up and let out a crazy laugh.

You had done it!

You had gone out!

Finally! Finally! Finally!

The weather was beautiful.

The energy that filled you were almost foreign. You felt lighter and suddenly air filled your chest quite a lot easier than before.

You were out! You had finally gone out!

It didn’t take long before you started to wander around. The trees had grown taller and the meadow you used to play with your kids in was overgrown with flowers. Your body lead the way, you didn’t even need to think about where you were going.

The safety barrier that was put around your race’s territory was definitely helpful and the best for most of you. However, going back out and feeling the same amount of freedom you had taken for granted was a new amazing feeling.

The nature almost seemed more magical.

You decided to not wander too far away this first time, so you stopped in the familiar meadow and sat down to collect some flowers. You were going to give them to Sky. Both as a thank you for pushing you to go out, but also as something he and Coral could decorate their house with.

However, in the newfound bliss and happiness, you forgot to watch your surroundings. One moment you were smiling from ear to ear and the next, you crashed down, face first into the ground with an arrow stuck in your shoulder.

It only took you half a second to check, but your wings were luckily unharmed, for now.

“Think you could hide from us forever?”

It wasn’t surprising that the bounty hunters went against the High Lord and kept on looking for you and your family, but it still terrified you.

The small freedom you felt only lasted a couple of minutes and then you were back to being pretty much terrified.

A harsh arm pushed the arrow even deeper into your arm. It took all the power in you not to scream. You gritted your teeth so hard your jaw felt like it was breaking.

“You know how much people would pay for your pretty wings, little fly?” a voice whispered into your ear. The arrow had definitely been poisoned by something, and you felt yourself grow too weak to react. You only kept your wings as tight against your back as possible. “I hear losing your wings would be quite a painful death, so I’ll let the poison work a little longer before I start the carving.”

Your heart sunk deep into your stomach. It was the worst way to go. The wings carried healing and life. When someone lost their wings, they would die. Losing even just a piece of a wing enough to cause significant slower healing. The wings did however also heal others. That’s why you had gone through years of breeding and years of hiding from bounty hunters. The wings could heal all physical wounds. Even people seconds away from death had been able to continue living their lives without harm.

When the wings were detached from the body, the soul would slowly move through all parts of the body before it eventually escaped.

Tears started leaving your eyes, but you were otherwise too weak to even think about moving. The wound at your shoulder almost didn’t even hurt anymore and you could almost only hear your heartbeat. You did your best to stay upright, but you felt yourself lean deeper and deeper into the arms of the bounty hunter.

“I think I’ll start now,” he said and you could distantly hear the sound of him drawing his blade. You waited for the pain, but it didn’t come. The poison had luckily dampened also the feeling of the soul’s last trip. Or that is what you thought.

The rough arms of the bounty hunter was suddenly exchanged by soft touch.

“I got you,” a new distant voice spoke. Even as distant as you felt, you still heard the softness in his voice. However, the calming of the softness didn’t last very long. “I’m so sorry.”

The pain of the arrow being ripped out of your shoulder made you scream a weak scream. However, it only took seconds for the effect of the poison to decrease.

A textured hand carefully moved your jaw open, and while you tried to protest, a cold liquid was poured down your throat. You were certain this was what was going to kill you, but you were soon proven differently.

The fog that had taken over your mind lifted within seconds. Suddenly, you had feelings all over your body again.

You didn’t hesitate as you jumped to your weak feet and did your best to get away from you saver. However, as you turned around you noticed you had met the male before.

It was the same male with bat like wings and shadows that had found Sarah all those years ago. The Illyrian shadowsinger as your father had explained. He was supposed to be the most scary male in all of Prythian, but from what you could see, he looked only kind.

“Thank you,” you said with a small bow before you started to fly away. Even though your legs and arms were weak, your wings luckily worked.

“Wait!”

You don’t know what made you stop, but suddenly you stood on your feet and had turned to face the male once more.

“I’ll be here this time tomorrow,” he started. “If you wanted to explore without being scared of ambush.”

You ended up meeting him the day after.

And the day after that.

And the day after that.

Every day for a week.

And then every second day for a month.

And then, as often as possible for the rest of your lives.

It was dark when the meeting ended.

You had flown all the way to and through the boarder to get to Azriel. He was probably stressed because you weren’t at home on time, but he knew about the long meetings and how they never finished on time.

Smoke danced up from the chimney as you went through the front door. The heat felt incredible after such a long and cold night.

Even though the fresh smell of him told you that he was there, the shadows confirmed it. The pulled off your coat, let down your hair and left small kissed all over your skin.

“There you are,” Azriel’s soft voice sounded from the kitchen.

You walked in and immediately wrapped your arms around his waist. He turned around and hugged you back. He took his time smelling you and feeling you. You did the same with him. Then, he left the softest kiss on your forehead.

“I made dinner,” he said and started to plate up the food.

You loved it when he cooked. He had told you many times that he never cooked for anyone, but he was too good at it for that to be true. He was an expert.

The two of you sat beside each other as you ate. It had been three weeks apart this time. A week longer than you were used to, so you spent a lot of time almost sitting upon each other. That’s how you ended up in his lap as you spoke.

“Dad called you my husband today,” you started the wanted conversation carefully. “He said “Y/n’s husband is an outsider and he is definitely safe.””

Azriel’s eyes grew a little bit bigger, and his shadows tightened their grip around you slightly. You were theirs, they were trying to say.  

“How did he react when you corrected him?” he asked.

“I didn’t,” you answered as you looked directly at him.

His hand and shadows that were danced over the back of your hand and in your hair stopped immediately. Azriel moved his head so that he also looked directly at you. Hopeful. His eyes looked extremely hopeful.

“Are you saying what I think you’re saying?” he asked hesitantly.

“If you don’t mind me saying what you think I am saying, then I am saying what you think I am saying.”

“Then, let’s get married tonight,” he answered, picked you up and immediately shadowwalked. It was like he was scared you would change your mind…again.

Rhys was mildly confused when he escaped y/n’s mind. He knew his brother was married. It wasn’t something he spoke a lot about, but it had slipped out after a night at Rita’s when basically all of their family tried to set Azriel up with a female. They were all surprised, but Rhys had never expected to meet his brother’s wife in such a situation.

He knew he needed to act fast.

“Where does Azriel’s mother live?” He asked her. The first priority: was the female telling the truth?

“Rosehall,” she answered confidently and without hesitation.

He didn’t know what he was supposed to feel by her answer. She was definitely his sister in law, and that meant his brother was still safe. But at the same time, he now had to do all in his power for this female to remain safe. He owed that to his brother.

A task easier said than done.

“She has a solid mental-shield, but she is telling the truth,” he said out loud to the entire throne-room.

“How many of you are there?” Amarantha asked Y/n next. Now that he was inside her mind, Rhys felt all the terror Y/n was feeling. It hit him like a brick wall. How the female looked calm on the outside, he didn’t know. Then, stress hit him. She would have to answer correctly so that the least amount of her people would die.

He reached out to all of the minds he could. He worked quickly, but precise as he tried to find out how many, if any, had been killed.

To his horror, a lot of casualties had happened.

“I need you to trust me. Tell her you are around 250,” he communicated as calmly as he could.

“We are around 250 people. I don’t know the exact number,” she answered. Her voice got a little shaky at the end.

“Remember to breathe as evenly as possible,” Rhys told her, and then he spoke aloud. “She’s telling the truth.”

“Does that mean 250 of my family is dead?”

“Don’t worry about that now, you have to stay focused.”

“Okay” she answered hesitantly, and Rhys hated it. He knew she understood, and it made him nauseous. 250 lives lost.

 “Well, my dear, it seems like it’s only you left.”

Tears fell from her eyes, but she didn’t give any other visible reaction to the news. Rhys was the only one to hear and feel the total devastation that took place in her mind.

“Good job,” he told her. “Just keep it up a little longer.”

“Throw her in the dungeons. I don’t care to deal with her now.”

It wasn’t often Rhys spoke against Amarantha’s orders, but this was too important.

“Act terrified when I propose my idea,” he told Y/n. Then he turned to face Amarantha. “If I may, my Lady. If they could send her to my room, I could find out more about her people and why she has such a good mental-shield.”

Y/n looked up at them with wide eyes. Eyes that showed so much emotion, even Rhys got surprised by it.

Amarantha smiled a smug smile at that.

“What a good idea,” she answered.

Two warriors then grabbed y/n’s arms and led her out and towards his chamber.

“You’ll be safe,” he told her, but his voice gave her no relief.

It had been twenty years since he had seen his family. 20 years since he locked Azriel into Velaris. 20 years of total struggle to find purpose. But now he had purpose.

He was going to protect his sister in law with his life.

It had been two days since y/n ended up Under the Mountain. Two days where Rhysand had been kept away from his room. The second he was able to, he almost ran to his room.

He opened the door and found the fire heating up the usually cold room.

Y/n sat curled in front of the fireplace. She moved her head to look at him as he walked in, but she stayed put. He wings still glowed, but it was almost dull. She looked exhausted and of the wounds that she carried two days ago, some of them still looked unhealed.

“Thank you,” she told him.

Rhys didn’t know how to answer her. He did help her survive that first meeting, but it wouldn’t be the last. He didn’t feel like he deserved to be thanked before he knew she was safe.

He looked around other parts of the room and noticed four almost untouched plates of food. They were all some kind of meat stew.

“You should eat,” he told her. He realized they must have locked her into this room and that she wasn’t able to get her food by herself. She was still a prisoner.

“I know,” she answered with a sigh. It was almost shaky. Almost as if she was crying.

It wasn’t safe to speak aloud, so he reached into her mind. He was again met with a wall of tulips, but this time it was easier to get through. He didn’t know if she let him in voluntarily or if she was just too exhausted to keep up her shields.

“Why aren’t you eating?” he asked her softly, but she still flinched a little from the surprise of having him in her head.

“It’s stupid,” was her only answer and Rhys realized he had to gain her trust.

Other than the fact that she was Azriel’s wife, he knew basically nothing about the female in front of him.

He carefully sat down beside her, feeling the warmth from the fireplace. Usually starting such conversations would be easy for him, but he felt so lost and starting a comforting and hopeful conversation wasn’t something he managed to do.

“I miss him,” he told her. Even as they were younger and separated in the years after they became warriors, he had seen his brothers at least once a year. Now, it had been twenty and he felt like the changes of ever seeing them again became smaller and smaller.

“Me too.”

They sat quietly in front of the fireplace for hours. All the conversations they needed to have could wait.

I don't really know where I am going with this series. I have the start, one thing in the middle and then an end, so we'll see what happens...

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Let me know if you want to be added!

Dividers by: @saradika-graphics

[moosesarecute]

Pyjamas party

Masterlist

Azriel x reader

-

It wasn’t unusual for you to miss out on the family dinners once a while.

It wasn’t unusual for you to stay home instead of going to Rita’s.

It wasn’t unusual for you to quietly leave a social gathering without anyone noticing before long after.

However, it was unusual for you to not show up for the big party on Starfall. You loved Starfall! It was you and most others from the Night Court’s favorite holiday.

Rhys had told them that you just weren’t coming, but Azriel didn’t trust him.

“What’s going on with her?” He asked his brother.

He hated knowing that you might miss out on the celebration if it was something he could’ve done to help you.

He had noticed you being antisocial sometimes, but he figured it was just that: you didn’t want or need to be more social.

He hadn’t thought twice about it before that Starfall evening.

Azriel and the rest of the inner circle, except for you, were all dressed up in the prettiest clothing. He’d expected to see you arrive with the rest of the females. He’d expected you to be dressed in the beautiful light blue gown his shadows had found laid out for you in the House of Wind.

When Rhys said you weren’t coming, he felt himself worry.

“She’s just not up for it tonight, brother. If she wanted you to know why, she would have told you,” was Rhys’ only answer.

He wasn’t surprised by that answer, but he still got annoyed. Azriel didn’t want to relax before he knew for sure that you were alright.

“She didn’t want company?”

Rhys looked at him with a glint in his eyes.

It wasn’t a secret that Azriel crushed on you. It also wasn’t a secret that you crushed on him too. The only secret was that the two of you had grown even closer the last couple of weeks and that Azriel had prepared to ask you to be his girlfriend that evening.

“She didn’t say anything about company, but I wouldn’t push her too far,” Rhys answered, gave as a pat on his back and walked over to his mate.

Azriel had heard what Rhys said, but the only thing chose to hear was that you hadn’t said no to company.

-

The knock on your door surprised you.

Who would visit you in the middle of the Starfall celebrations?

Then, shadows flew into your room and you immediately understood who.

You loved Azriel and it pained you to not explain why you didn’t go to Starfall, but you didn’t know how he would react.

You were scared he would look at you as weak or frail. Or that he would be scared of asking you to join him in doing something. Or that he’d overthink it and worry way too much about you.

So you figured not telling him anything was the best solution.

You should have known you were wrong.

You used all willpower you had to get out of the bed.

Your entire body felt heavy. It felt like you were carrying at least ten extra kilos on your upper body. Your arms hung at your sides and even putting a smile on your face was a struggle.

You still wore the pyjamas you had slept in that night and it now had different food spots on it, but it was too much for you to change it.

You wanted to, but it would take too much of the energy you didn’t have.

You wanted to climb a mountain, go dancing, start a new project, clean your apartment and so much more, but you hadn’t been able to do as much as showering for the last couple of days.

And what triggered all this energy loss?

A night out at Rita’s.

A single night, and you were bedridden for at least three days. You hadn’t gone home when the exhaustion started to build, because you were having fun. So you had stayed out long past your limit and now you were paying for it.

“Hi, Az,” you said as cheerfully as possible when you opened the door.

He didn’t buy it though.

Azriel almost took your breath away. It wasn’t often he dressed up to such an extent and he looked perfect. His hair was slicked back and he wore a black shirt and pants with a black vest with golden details. His eyes were glowing.

However, he looked worriedly at you.

“What’s going on, dreamy?”

You had fallen asleep on him, speaking loudly as you dreamt a dream about all the most random stuff. You mentioned stuff like ice cream, goats and rain.

Ever since, dreamy had been his nickname for you.

“Nothing. Why are you here?” You answered in an attempt to make him worry less.

He didn’t believe you though.

“May I come in?” He asked in a tone that made your heart melt.

You moved away from the door and let him in. He took your hand, closed the door and lead you to the couch. He then laid down and carefully pulled you down so that you laid on him.

“Talk to me, please,” he said as he brushed his fingers through your hair. “I want to know what’s going on or if I can do something. And if you don’t want to tell me, we can stay here.”

Azriel was the best male in all of Prythian. You were sure of it.

The reason you hadn’t told him about it was that you didn’t want him to worry, but it seemed like he was worrying anyway, so you decided to just tell the truth.

“You remember the sickness that made all of us sick four years ago? Well, I suppose I never really recovered from it. I don’t know if you remember the feeling of total exhaustion you and Cassian were complaining about? I felt that too and I still do from time to time. I usually just push through it, but I’ve done way too much this week, so I my body just said stop.”

You looked up as Az and saw that he was in deep thoughts. You knew he probably had many questions, he always did, but he didn’t ask you any of them and you appreciated that. You were just too exhausted to answer.

Azriel himself was thinking through the absolute awful feeling of exhaustion he had felt for about two weeks after the sickness. He still felt uncomfortable thinking about his body struggling to do the simplest tasks. And he hated knowing that you had been carrying around such exhaustion many times since. However, Starfall wasn’t the day to question you. He would ask questions on the days you had more energy.

He gave the top of your head a strong kiss.

“Is there anything I can do to get you up to the House without it being way too much for you?”

You shook your head.

“Showering and getting dressed are way too much for me right now,” you answered truthfully and you felt yourself feeling vulnerable.

However Azriel only nodded once more, before he stopped the movement of his head.

“Nobody said you had to shower and get dressed though. Give me five minutes,” he said, carefully lifted you of him and laid you down on the couch instead.

-

“Thank you.”

Azriel had gone into the celebrations to get you the biggest plate of food. There was a little bit of everything on it. Both dinners, dessert and snacks.

The two of you sat on one of the private balconies. Azriel had, with the help of his shadows, carried a small couch outside so that you could have the best view while still laying down.

“No problem, I would do anything to see that smile on your face,” he answered and kissed your forehead.

Then he took some of the food from your plate.

The souls were dancing in the sky as you two sat there in silence for a while.

“Did you get any weird looks?” You asked him quietly after a while.

“Only from Cass,” he answered. “It doesn’t matter, dreamy.”

You thanked him again and leaned into his chest. He took the now empty plate and laid it on the ground before he wrapped his safe arms around you and laid down.

You started making a buzzing sound.

“What’s going on?” He asked you laughing.

“I’m charging,” you answered. “You’re my personal charger.”

“You’re mine too,” he answered.

The two of you then fell asleep outside on the couch. But that was alright, because you both wore pyjamas.

[moosesarecute]

Chapter 20: The Shadow to my Flame

Series masterlist

Masterlist

There was a lot to say about Eris Vanserra, but if Ashe knew one thing about her brother it was that Eris loves routines.

Ashe had received a letter from her brother on the 29th of each month for a year, except for February where she got it on the 28th. He even wrote in the letter that it annoyed him that February only had 28 days that year and that he was looking forward to sender her a letter on the 29th of February next year.

However, the 29th of February arrived, and Ashe didn’t receive a letter. And then the first days of March arrived, she still didn’t get any letter.

She had told her mate about the unusual behaviour, but he didn’t worry about it. They had planned a meeting with Eris in two days, so Azriel could ask him about it then. Azriel left for the meeting early in the morning. He gave Ashe a sweet kiss to her forehead and told her to keep warm and let for the day.

After a few hours, Rhys reached out to her and asked her to get to the River House. Ashe glamoured her smell and winnowed. She was met by Feyre and Rhys, but also Cass and her mate. Azriel’s shadows immediately surrounded her and forcefully led her to a chair. She sent Azriel an annoyed look as she sat down, but he just shrugged.

“What’s going on?” she asked. The shadows had moved away from her face and upper body, but her legs were still covered in darkness. They wanted her to keep sitting.

“We think Beron knows about Eris’ scheming against him,” Azriel told her.

Her heart stilled. What? How could that happen? And how long had he known? It was obvious to Ashe that Eris hadn’t showed up to the meeting and it was now a week since she didn’t receive a letter from him. Beron could make a lot of damage in a short amount of time. If Beron knew…Ashe couldn’t even imagine how much pain Eris had gone through the last week.

She did her best to shut out the worst thoughts. What if he was dead? Beron often didn’t hesitate to kill.

Azriel laid a carefully placed hand on her thigh and she look at him with worried eyes.

“He didn’t show up to the meeting. None of my spies have seen him for days and Lucien also haven’t heard from him. My spies suspects that he is in the dungeons in the Forest House. Most of the leads have led to there, but I can’t say for sure.”

“So we sneak in and get him out. Kill Beron while we’re there,” Ashe answered. She and Azriel was still looking at only each other.

“We don’t know our way around the Forest House good enough. I haven’t needed information from it since you worked there. We don’t know the routines either.”

Ashe raised her gaze away from her mate and spoke to the rest of her family. She knew Azriel wouldn’t let her, so she hoped the rest would.

“I know my way around, I can-”

“Nope, absolutely not,” Azriel cut her off as he stood, exactly like she thought he would. “I’m not letting you so close to Beron.”

“We have to do something,” she said and tried to stand up just like Azriel had done. However, the shadows held her in place. “I know firsthand how much pain Beron can cause in only a matter of hours. It’s been a week. We need to help him.”

Rhys was first to speak that pulled Ashe and Azriel out of their “mating bobble” as Mor liked to call it.

“We have to help him, but we can’t if it’s poorly planned. We need to take some time figuring out the details.”

To hell with the details.

Ashe was a master of poorly planned plans that works. She could do the same this time.

She knew it was dangerous, both for her and others, but she needed to do it. Eris hadn’t hesitated saving her, so she was going to save him. Whether her mate wanted her to or not.

“You promise you’ll make sure he’s okay?” she asked carefully.

“We’ll do all we can. Az, Cass and I will start planning immediately and start the plan as soon as we finish. Trust me, we protect our allies.”

Ashe nodded and looked to Azriel. It was never fun to lie to him, but she knew better than anyone how little time they had to do this. She only knew she or Lucien, preferring both, would be the only two that managed to get around the Forest House quickly enough.

So even thought it wasn’t safe, she knew what she had to do.

“Okay, I trust you,” she told Rhys before she turned to her mate. “I’ll leave it to you.”

Azriel nodded and helped her stand. She let him kiss her forehead.

“I’ll see you at home?”

“Yeah, after Eris is saved, you’ll see me at home,” she answered. Half-truths.

Then, she winnowed directly to Lucien.

Lucien freaked out on level with Ashe when she told him Eris was probably being tortured as they spoke.

They planned quickly and soon they were both dressed as servants of the Autumn Court. Lucien winnowed both of them and they picked up many different logs, pretending to have been in the forest to get more wood for fire.

They walked up to the ID-sone and waited until the two guards turned to them, before they took one log each and hit them hard in the head.

The ID-sone only had guard exchange every three hours, so they hopefully had a long time until someone noticed them.

“Did you already glamour yourself?” Lucien asked her and they snuck from shadow to shadow on their way to the dungeons. “You still look like you, by the way, if you have glamoured something other than your smell, it didn’t work.”

Shit. He wasn’t supposed to notice that. Ashe didn’t have time to come up with an explanation before Lucien put two and two together. He grabbed her arm and forcefully stopped her rushed walking.

“Please for the love of the mother’s cauldron do not tell me you have glamoured your smell for the reason females usually glamour their smell.”

Ashe didn’t know how to answer, so she just sent him an extremely fake and big smile.

“Azriel is going to kill me,” Lucien told her, but at the same time he started to move towards the dungeons once more. He walked in front of her this time. Probably trying to make sure she was a little safer than he was.

He knew he couldn’t do anything about it now. Leaving now would be more dangerous than leaving with Eris would be. Lucien knew it, but Ashe could still see how annoyed he was at her for putting herself in danger while pregnant.

Ashe and Azriel hadn’t planned on having children any time soon, perhaps not ever. They first spoke about it before their mating ceremony. They had both agreed that they didn’t feel ready. They had opened the discussion about every five years and come to the same conclusion. During Amarantha and the war after, they had agreed that it was definitely not the time. And Feyre’s pregnancy scared Azriel quite a lot about the same happening to Ashe. However, Nyx was now about a year old and Ashe was pregnant.

They hadn’t planned it. Both had been taking the tonics, but the mother had different plans for them. Ashe had woken up with a high fever one day and immediately knew. Azriel obviously didn’t know about Autumn-females having burning fevers during pregnancy and was freaking out. He had been awake, having a mental breakdown, for over an hour before Ashe woke up. She told him that she probably was just pregnant and he freaked out even more. It took him only about five minutes until they were standing outside Madja’s. They stood outside, because Ashe was throwing up about everything she ate the day before, mostly because of Azriel’s rushed flying.

The moment Madja told them the babe didn’t have wings, Azriel turned into an entirely different person. The only other time Ashe had seen him that happy was on their mating ceremony. They cried and laughed and daydreamed for the rest of the day. Neither one of them had expected to be so happy to have a babe on the day.

Ashe had only just entered the second trimester, and if you look away from the fever she constantly had, the pregnancy had been manageable. She did throw up in the start, but it went away quickly. She craved sweets, but there was no food or drinks she couldn’t stand. Azriel had gotten into the routine of bringing home her favourite pastries and lots of chocolate when he came home for the evening.

Other than that, Azriel had been more possessive than ever before. Even his shadows clung tighter to her than usual. He had been dreading leaving her every morning and he had multiple times come home totally stressed out because he didn’t know how she was doing. Azriel found it almost more exhausting than Ashe did.

If she had just let herself think a little more, she would cry from the feeling of lying to her mate, knowing the amount of stress he would feeling when he realized where she had gone.

However, she didn’t have time to worry about that, because the second she and Lucien rounded the corner of the dungeons, they were surrounded by all the guards of the Forest House. In the middle of guards stood Eris, gaged and his hands tied behind his back, and he looked horrified.

“Well shit,” was Lucien’s reaction and Ashe had to say she agreed.

Azriel felt so stupid. So incredibly stupid.

How could he not have realized what she was planning. It had been over an hour. Caldron, he shouldn’t have believed his mate. He never believed her before, why did he suddenly start doing it now?

“Yeah, after Eris is saved, you’ll see me at home” she had said and Azriel had been too relived she was going to be safe to realize what she meant.

Ashe loved her brother. Azriel could never understand why, but she did. If he was in danger, of course she wouldn’t stay home and wait for someone else to save him.

“For caldrons sake,” he muttered as he stood up in Rhys’ office.

He immediately sent all his shadows home, hoping that it was a chance she was there. However, he knew she wasn’t.

Ashe had tried to surprise him a few days ago and the shadows had told Azriel about it. Ashe had then become extremely upset and forbade the shadows from clinging on to her unless Azriel was there for the next week. The week was over in one day and Azriel hated it.

“What’s going on?” Cass asked him.

He didn’t answer until his shadows arrived back with the news he knew he was getting, but that he absolutely hated.

“For fucks sake Flame,” he said aloud as the total terror filled his body. His shadows were screaming in his ears and his entire body was shaking with fear and anger. Fear because he never knew what his mate was planning, he only hoped she had a plan this time. Fear because he knew all the danger that could happen to her. Anger because he hated the fact that he couldn’t let his pregnant mate go where and do that she wanted without knowing she could be in immense danger.

He started moving out of the office when Rhys stopped him.

“Where are you going?”

“The Autumn Court,” he answered plainly. His voice was lethally calm.

“If she is in Autumn we definitely need to plan better,” Rhys tried to argue and deep down Azriel agreed.

“She’s pregnant Rhys,” was his only answer and not even seconds later, he and his brothers were ready to travel to the Forest House.

“If hurting poor Eris a little was all I had to do to get you back here I would’ve done it a long time ago,” Beron spoke. His voice still gave Ashe shivers. She felt the need to shrink down, however she spent all her energy staying up and pretending he didn’t scare her as much as he did.

Hurting Eris “a little” was an understatement. Eris looked awful. He could barely stand on his feet and he was bleeding from many wounds. However, he looked more worried than anything else. This was probably his worst nightmare, Ashe realized. Eris had gotten both Ashe and Lucien out of Autumn and now, he was the reason they had gotten caught. Or he probably thought he was the reason.

The throne room was filled with guards. They stood almost shoulder against shoulder through the entire room. The main door was blocked by people and the servant door had a huge bookshelf in front of this. They had for some reason known they would come.

“Something you wish to say, dear daughter?”

Tears of fear pressed on her eyes. She absolutely hated how only his voice gave her such a huge amount of fear. It brought back so many painful memories.

Lucien still stood slightly in front of her. If they found out about her pregnancy there was nothing he could do, but it gave her some comfort.

“I’d rather not,” she answered as proudly as possible.

Beron sat even more proudly on his throne. He wore his finest clothes and his biggest crown. He looked happy. Ashe wanted to punch him in the face.

She wasn’t alone in that.

It didn’t take long for her to feel the familiar pull in her chest. Even in such a situation, the pull made her only feel safe. It became stronger and stronger until a loud bang was heard on the door.

Beron looked confused.

“Who is that?” he asked loudly. He tried to make his voice sound intimidating, but having heard Azriel’s intimidating voice, he didn’t even sound half as scary.

Ashe felt a soft touch on her mental shields as the answer.

“I’ve never seen Azriel closer to a heart attack,” Rhys laughed slightly into her mind.

“The High Lord of the Night Court” Ashe answered aloud to Beron and the second she spoke, the door opened.

In walked Rhys with Cass and Azriel a few meters behind him. Seeing Rhys in his suit made Ashe understand they weren’t originally planning on traveling to Autumn this soon. Seeing Azriel’s gaze, made her realize how angry her mate truly felt. He was never angry at her, not directly, but at that moment, she wasn’t so sure anymore. She didn’t have the time to worry about it though.

“Attack,” Beron’s voice boomed through the room and all the guards moved into fighting stance.

The throne room became a mess. Her mate was fighting with his brothers, trying to get as many guards as possible away. Lucien was fighting too, trying to protect Ashe to his best ability. And Ashe did her best to reach Eris.

She was surrounded too, but she used her fire to get them away from her. She had begun practicing with Feyre. They learned from each other. Ashe taught Feyre how to use her fire and Feyre helped Ashe learn how to control her own fire better.

Ashe sat quite a few pants on fire and also hair, but made sure not to harm the skin unless in was absolutely necessary.

She made her way to Eris almost without any injuries. She had only been hit by fire once, and it hit the lower parts of her leg. So it was no danger for her or the babe.

She was about to remove the ties from Eris’ hands, when he began moving roughly from side to side. Ashe took it as a sign she needed to turn, and she saw a huge male moving towards her.

She was preparing to high him with fire, but she never got the chance.

The male suddenly laid face down on the floor, a knife stabbed into his neck. Azriel quickly leaned down and pulled the knife out before he plunged it into the guards back and again pulled it out.

He then looked at Ashe, he fought against the softening in his eyes, but it was still there.

“Get the fuck out of here,” was the only thing he said before he turned to disarm the next guard.

Ashe then turned and untied Eris’ gag.

“I’m so sorry,” he said with a horse voice. It looked like he struggled to speak. It seemed like he was a lot weaker than he let on. Ashe hurried to untie his hands too and helped him up on his feet. She could then smell the faebane. It made her nauseous. Of course, faebane would be the only thing that triggered her sickness.

She managed to get Eris to a wall he could lean on before she threw her guts out. It was so bad. She was heaving and struggled to breathe for a few seconds before she got control of her airflow again, but her head was still spinning. Eris had sunk down on the floor by the time she managed to stand up straight again.

What was she going to do? Even standing a few meters away from him made her want to throw up. It was no way for her to get him out of there.

“Run,” Eris spoke in the loudest voice he could, but it was still only a whisper. “Run!”

However, his unsteady voice and Ashe’s spinning head made her unable to hear what he was saying before it was too late. A rough arm wrapped around her neck and Beron dragged her to the throne. A knife pointed to her ribcage, and she felt frozen. One cut and he could kill not only her, but also her babe.

“I would stand down if I was you,” he spoke loudly and slowly but surely the fighting stopped all over the throne room.

Ashe was terrified as she looked around the room. Both Lucien and Rhys looked like they had been beaten pretty badly. Cass and Eris looked horrified at her. Azriel was fuming with both terror and anger, but he had lowered truth teller. Many guards laid dead on the floor. Many others had fled it seemed like. The rest of Ashe’s brothers were in the throne room. They seemed to take pleasure in watching the fights, but neither one of them looked like they had been fighting themselves.

Beron held her tightly and the knife slowly sunk deeper and deeper into her. It burned as it punctured the skin, but it didn’t hurt enough to be faebane on it. Or at least she hoped it didn’t.

She felt so helpless. She didn’t dare to move, because what if he hurt her babe. But at the same time, she had been stupid enough to go knowing he might hurt her.

Beron started by burning her shoulder. She refused to let out the hiss she wanted to and waited for him to stop. It lasted only a few seconds.

“What do you want?” Rhys asked him.

“She is my daughter, she belongs to me. I can do whatever I want,” was his only answer as he burned her shoulder once more. It hurt quite a lot more this time, but Ashe still didn’t show any signs of discomfort. She only spoke when he stopped the fire.

“I belong to my mate,” she snarled at him and he only met her with even more fire, now going from her shoulder to her throat. She couldn’t hold back her hiss any longer.

Ashe didn’t belong to anyone, but in Autumn standers she would belong to Azriel the second they got mated. Beron didn’t care about that though.

“Such a good mate you have if he let you get caught,” he said and for a second, she thought Azriel was going to explode.

However, he took one step and Beron cut Ashe’s side deep enough for her to scream out. She looked down as far as she could and it seemed like the cut was close enough to her side for the baby to be unharmed, hopefully. Azriel froze immediately. She hated the horror displayed on his face. She tried to push love down the bond, but he had shut her out completely.

“Ah, the shadowsinger, who would’ve guessed,” Beron spoke and continued holding the knife inside her wound.

He started the fire again, but this time Ashe had enough. She moved her hands from keeping the balance at her sides to touching Beron’s stomach. Then, she burned him.

“Stupid girl,” he answered and only burned her even more. She tried to do the same, but it was harder and harder to use more power and at the same time endure such pain.

She had to let out a small scream, but refused to show the actual amount of pain she was in.

It was becoming too much. The knife and the fire were too painful. She needed someone to do something, but she didn’t know what. It felt like the entire room held their breaths. One movement from her family and Beron would kill her babe. She couldn’t see Azriel anymore. The fire was too bright for her to open her eyes.

“Stop it,” Beron then said and gave her even more motivation to burn. She felt the familiar feeling of burning as she realized she had burned Beron enough for her own hands to catch fire again. She didn’t care about it though, she only hoped for the fire to make more harm on Beron than what it this on her.

However, she soon had to give up. Beron pushed the knife deeper into her side and she had to scream again, this time also her body moved to the pain. Her legs almost gave out and she had no choice but to move her hands from Beron’s stomach. He chocked her even more as she struggled to stand upright.

She was going to pass out from all of it. From the pain, from the lack of air and from the fear. And then, he would kill her. Kill her and the babe. She let out a tear at the thought that Azriel would have to live on without them. She just wanted to be in his safe arms. But she wasn’t and she would never be again.

“Stupid girl,” Beron said once more and the fire got even hotter and stronger. It burned up her throat and down her chest.

She was convinced she could hear Azriel screaming, but she wasn’t sure. Maybe she was just imagining. Maybe she just hoped to hear his beautiful voice one last time before she died.

Before Beron got his will.

However, suddenly all the fire disappeared. A gurgling sound was heard. The knife fell to the ground with a clink and the coolness of the air and a couple of shadows calmed the burning on Ashe’s skin.

“Stupid male,” the Lady of Autumn, Ashe’s mother, spoke from behind Beron. “You’ve done enough harm.”

Blood splashed as her mother slit Beron’s throat and let both him and the knife fall to the ground. The second his arm moved, Ashe also fell to the ground, heaving after air.

It didn’t take long for her to be embraced in soft arms. Her mother didn’t hold her tight, but she still held her. Ashe managed to lean her head on her as both of them cried.

It was over.

It was finally over.

Beron was dead. He could no longer bring any harm to any one of them and not anyone else either.

The tears ran as they just held onto each other. This was the third hug Ashe had ever gotten from her mother. One the day she was born, one the day Beron tried to kill her and now the third one the day Beron was finally gone for good.

She almost let out a laugh, a very weak laugh, but still a laugh, at the thought that it was over. Finally. She didn’t need to fear him anymore. Ashe hadn’t let him break her and he would never try to break her again.

Another pair of arms wrapped around her shoulders. The smell told her it was Lucien, but she had nuzzled her head too far into her mother’s arms to watch what was going on beside her.

That was until she smelled Eris and the faebane. It took her only one second to move so that she didn’t throw up on her mother and then she let it all out.

“What is going on with you?” Eris asked her and she didn’t know if she was going to laugh or cry at the sound of her brother’s voice. He sounded a lot better than before. Ashe then felt shadows move hair away from her face.

“She’s pregnant,” Azriel told him softly as he moved to sit down next to her. He moved so that he held her hair instead. “Faebane?”

She only nodded as she threw up again.

Azriel sat patiently beside her as she threw up all she had in her stomach, which wasn’t a lot.

“Can someone get her some water?” Azriel asked out to no one, but he didn’t stop looking over his mate. As soon as she had finished throwing up and turned around to be in his arms, he spoke again. “I know you’re my Wildflame, but I hate you sometimes.”

Ashe just nuzzled into his chest and tried to exchange the faebane smell with his comforting smell.

“You once said you love me, temper and all,” she told him as she took another deep breath.

“I take it back,” he said with a small laugh. A laugh that told her that he was joking. “I love you for your calm and collected mind that never do anything that isn’t totally safe.” He then kissed the top of her head and spend some time smelling her as well. She had lowered her glamour the second Azriel got to her side. “I’m proud of you though.”

She muttered a small thanks and when the water arrived, she drank it. Then, the healers arrived as the wound on her side was a quick fix, the fire would take longer, but Ashe didn’t mind that. Their babe was safe.

Ashe then took some time to look around. Her mother and Lucien were still hugging and talking. Probably catching up from all the years apart. Ashe wanted to do the same when they had finished. Cass and Rhys stood speaking with Eris. He looked totally overwhelmed from all the new power he suddenly had gotten as he was now the High Lord. The rest of her brothers had given Eris a small nod and then left. Ashe didn’t have a need to know where they were going or who they were. She had never really had much with them to do.

Azriel still stood by her side. He was looking at her with a smile. He held one arm around her and the shadows were once more keeping her tied to the chair. She had crossed a line and the two of them had compromised that Azriel was allowed to be a total mother hen for the next two months and then the last month of her pregnancy. It would be annoying at times, but she was looking forward to being able to cling to her mate for a while.

It was finally over.

“I’m never going to get used to that,” Eris spoke from beside her. He carried two glasses and handed her one of them as he sat down at the table she sat on. “It’s alcohol free.”

Being pregnant at a mating ceremony was exhausting, even though she was only four months along. A bump had begun to form and most females had started asking to feel it. Ashe hated that.

What she didn’t hate was Azriel and Eris’ mutual understanding that they would do anything to make sure Ashe was safe and comfortable. She had never seen the two speak so nicely to each other. It felt almost refreshing. Eris seemed to be going along with the rest of her family too. He had really managed to let go and relax a little bit now that Beron was finally dead. Ashe was looking forward to him having a bigger part in her life, but also having a big part in her child’s life.

“I’m happy for them,” Ashe answered him and took a sip from her drink.

Their mother and Helion was currently having their first dance and it weren’t a single dry eye in the room, except for Eris’ and Ashe’s. Even Azriel had cried a little. Even though he was happy for them, Eris found it mildly uncomfortable to see his mother and Helion make out as much as they did. Ashe on the other hand knew that if she started crying, she would not be able to stop, so she tried to hold back the tears.

“How’s Tilde doing?” she asked her brother. “Not too overwhelmed?”

Eris had told everyone about his secret wife only days ago and their mother had insisted on having her attend the mating ceremony. She was currently getting to know Azriel and the rest of Ashe’s family. Azriel was there mostly to make sure his brother’s behaved. Ashe had been standing there as well, but she needed a break and sat down at the table.  

“I think she’s happy. I am at least very happy to not having to fear for her life any longer,” Eris answered and his eyes glowed as he looked at his wife.

Eris had met Tilde only a week before the slaughter of lesser faeries started. Tilde was a lesser faerie and Eris had worked extremely hard to get her and her two kids out of Autumn and to a safe space. Eris had told Ashe that Tilde was a friend that needed help, she hadn’t known that they kept contact all these years. They had married right after Under the Mountain, but Ashe was starting to convince them to have another marriage ceremony where all their families could attend.

Eris almost glowed from happiness when they were together, and Ashe really enjoyed seeing him that light and carefree. He looked multiple years younger.

“How’s the babe?” he asked. “And how are you?”

Ashe only had one answer.

“Hot.”

Eris laughed a little at her answer, but he soon found a solution.

“I know we haven’t eaten dinner yet, but I don’t think anyone can hold a High Lord and maid of honor accountable for stealing some of the ice cream that is for dessert,” he told her with a glint in his eyes.

It was Ashe’s turn to laugh, but she joined him as they snuck into the kitchen to steal some ice cream. And to no one’s surprise, Azriel was only a few meters behind them.

Thank you all so much for reading!

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Chapter 19: The Shadow to my Flame

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The continent was simply amazing. She had eaten so much food, drunk too much wine and gone on so many adventures. Ashe and Lucien had travelled from place to place. Both by winnowing, but also by walking. They had spent days in both woods and mountains. Lucien had taught her about all the different plants and flowers. Ashe didn’t have a lot to teach Lucien, but her curiosity made the trip more adventurous for both of them.

Lucien was known for many social connections. Ashe, however, could easily have known more people than he did if she had been allowed to explore. She had become friends with everyone. All the people they had met had been so kind and happy to see her. In return, Ashe had showed her curiosity, and she had listened as strangers told her about all and nothing. She had learned about so many different lives. Some had taught her recipes, others had told her about myths and fables. Ashe had learned enough in just one month to write an entire book of random stories.

“You should definitely become an emissary,” Lucien told her. His voice annoyed her. “So many people are oversharing with you after just one smile. It’s almost scary.”

Ashe had to admit she had been thinking about it. She had always known she loved speaking to people, but this last month had been something other entirely. She felt connected to all the people she had met. After just one conversation she felt like she had gotten new friends.

On the other side, maybe it only meant she should socialize more. That she was longing for interactions with other people than the ones in her family. Ashe sort of felt that was more accurate than her wanting to change her occupation again.

“I don’t think so,” she answered her little brother.

Lucien shrugged.

They were starting to hate each other again. Not hate that would last, but it was still hate. The past two days they had been arguing about all and nothing. Lucien refused to take the paths Ashe wanted to, and then Ashe refused to help Lucien hunt for dinner.

It was only two days left of their trip, so it made sense that they were getting more and more annoyed by each other. Siblings were supposed to argue. Especially siblings that have spent prolonged time with the only company being each other.

They had walked through the last city on their adventure. They had spent a few hours talking and drinking at the local tavern. That’s when they started speaking with the locals and Ashe had learned how to make the stew the two of them were currently eating for dinner.

The weather was nice, and the sky was clear. They had decided to spend the night outside. A fire was dancing in front of them, and they found both familiarity and respect in it.

The next day, they would move to a better spot for winnowing back to the Night Court. Now they were on a place on the continent that laid east of the Autumn Court. So, they wished to travel a little north before they winnowed.

“Happy with the trip?” Lucien was obviously trying to lighten the atmosphere, but Ashe felt every word he spoke to make her more and more tired of having him around. She rolled her eyes mentally and decided to try to keep the mood light.

“Very happy,” she answered as little sarcastic as she could. “It definitely won’t be the last time I’m here.”

Lucien smiled at that. He opened his mouth and was about so say something when they heard a stick breaking. Both of their attentions shot towards the sound, and they found a soldier.

He looked exhausted and hurt, but at the same time he wore a disgusting smile. Behind him more and more soldiers arrived. There had to be at least a dozen.

Lucien and Ashe shared a quick glance before they jumped into action. They had been sitting quite a few meters apart on opposite sides of the fire, but they hurried to get to each other. Ashe hadn’t needed to winnow far distances in over two centuries. The furthest she had winnowed was the length of Velaris. To get to a certainly safe space, Lucien would have to winnow both of them.

However, they didn’t reach each other before the soldiers attacked with ash arrows. Ashe immediately started thinking about her mate’s pale face as an ash arrow was shot through his chest. The thought made the nausea worse.

The arrow hit her in the leg and Ashe hit the ground before the pain could even get to her. She gritted her teeth and pulled the arrow out with a scream. Even though she was dizzy from the pain, she managed to see Lucien in a similar situation to herself. However, he had been hit by two arrows. He had one in each shoulder, and he couldn’t move enough to remove either one of them.

Shit.

The soldiers were closing, but they didn’t pay much attention to Ashe. That was a huge mistake.

Ashe slowly sat up and tried to find some of the weak points of the soldiers. That’s when she noticed it was only three of them left. She was sure she had seen over a dozen before they got hit.

The bastards must have seen them get hit and thought the fight was over. But it had only just begun.

Ashe raised up on both feet and tried to hide her hiss. The wound on her left tight was quite a lot worse than she had hoped. The blood was pouring out and it was so painful she could cry.

The soldiers were now almost surrounding Lucien. He was struggling on the ground, and the ash seemed to get to him quickly.

Ashe looked around. All the weapons they had brought laid behind Lucien, so she wouldn’t be able to get to them without being noticed. The only weapon she could use was the ash arrow that she had pulled out of her own thigh.

She moved quietly, trying to remember all the tricks her mate had taught her. Her gaze flickered between the ground and the soldiers. She could not step on a branch, that would make too much sound. She also tried to make herself as little as possible, while still standing steady on her feet.  

Ashe had been taught to protect herself, but she hadn’t needed to do so in a while. During the war, she had been in the healer’s tents helping there and before that, life had been calm. It was only during the battle of Velaris she had fought, but she had been so angry that day. So angry, she hadn’t even thought twice before she burned down the warrior threatening to attack.

It had been the first time she killed, and Ashe had hoped she never needed to do it again. She had buried herself in the total horror of knowing she had taken someone’s life, and Azriel hadn’t let go of her until she spoke about it and cried her eyes out in his arms. She had tried not to think about it since, but now all the memories came back in a rush.

Ashe shut the door to her feelings and tried to focus. If she jabbed the arrow into one of the soldier’s arms, all three of them would hopefully be unfocused long enough for her to at least get one arrow out of Lucien. Right?

She didn’t allow herself to think.

It was a fast planned, maybe stupid, plan, but it worked. Ashe used all her power as she forced the arrow into the male’s arm. He let out a scream that would hunt Ashe’s nightmares for a while.

The two other soldiers moved their gaze from Lucien and Ashe immediatly ran to Lucien and forcefully ripped the arrows out of his shoulders. He also screamed from the pain but quickly recovered.

Ashe didn’t have time to do much more before one of the soldiers ripped her away from her brother and threw her into a tree. She hit the tree headfirst and instantly became even more dizzy and nauseous.

“Breathe”, she told herself with a hiss. “In and out, come on, in and out.”

After a few breaths, her vision was back to normal, but it was too late.

“Ashe!” her brother yelled, but she noticed the soldier too late.

Ashe was picked up by a strong and painful grip and then thrown harshly into the tree once more. This time, she hit a branch with her shoulder, and she could feel the blood soak the clothes she was wearing. She thanked the mother that she had decided to wear pants and not a dress that day.

The only positive thing about the branch hitting her shoulder, was the fact that her head had even more time to recover. So, when the soldier picked her up one more time, she had time to think of a way to protect herself.

He held her by her shoulders. So, she simply sat her arms on fire.

The male snarled but let her go. She landed on her feet and was about to run when she was the one that was hit by fire. She wasn’t wearing leathers, except for her sports-bra. The fabric burned easily. Soon, the leather bra was the only thing she wore on her upper body. It was ages since she had been burned by someone that wasn’t herself. It brought her many emotions. Fear, sadness and pain, but also anger. So much anger.

Anger from the pain she had gone through countless times. Anger for all the other victims. Anger for the bastard that thought he could burn her and get away with it.

Ashe turned swiftly, but she didn’t even notice her own unleashing power before it was too late. He was too slow to react and started screaming loudly. One second, he stood there, the next, he was gone. Only some pieces of his uniform were left.

She hadn’t meant to kill him. Ashe only wanted to harm him enough to stop his attacks. She lost control, again. Feelings of horror spread through her body.

“Ashe,” Lucien’s voice was horse, but soft. “We need to winnow, Ashe. We should get off the continent. It’s not safe here.”

She heard his words but wasn’t able to react to them properly. It was first when his hand rested on her shoulder, she got out of her thoughts.

Lucien looked awful. His shoulders were still bleeding, his nose was broken, and he looked wobbly on his feet. Ashe suspected she looked similar. Her back hurt from the fire and the wounds on her thigh and shoulder was aching. She only wished to lay down and cry. She wanted to cry in her mate’s arms. She needed to hear his heartbeat. To know that he was safe. Ashe needed to know that even though she was hurt and scared, he was safe and his perfect self.

She couldn’t stop the tears as they rolled down her face. Even though her brother stood before her, she suddenly felt utterly alone without her mate being there to hold her.

“You need to winnow, Ashe,” Lucien said, his voice had grown even more horse and shaky.

“Why can’t you?” she asked. Her own voice was also shaky, but that was because of the tears.

“I’m too weak right now, I can’t take both of us,” he hissed in pain as he spoke. “We’ll winnow to Autumn.”

“What? We can’t do that!”

“We don’t have much choice. Neither one of us will get much further. We’ll go to Eris’ cabin. It’s Saturday, so he’s hopefully there. Then he can winnow us to the Night Court within minutes.”

Ashe did as he told her. Lucien counted to three and then, they winnowed. How she got all the way to the Autumn Court, she didn’t know. It must have been the adrenaline. However, as she landed in the cabin, she lost all control over her emotions.

Lucien, who had a third wound from the arrows that Ashe hadn’t seen before, passed out the second he landed in the cabin. Ashe was too focused on not hyperventilating to notice it.

“What the hell is going on?” Eris asked the second he came running into the living room. He held a sword but lowered it the second he saw his siblings. “Are you okay?”

“I killed him,” Ashe muttered and then completely broke down. She fell to her knees. It hurt as hell upon impact, because of the arrow wound, but she didn’t care. She had lost control, and she had killed.

Eris’ widened. He dropped the sword and ran towards Lucien. He crunched down and laid a hand on his chest. A sigh of relief left him.

“I killed him,” she cried. Her heart was breaking. The male didn’t breathe any longer. He could no longer think or laugh or smile. He was gone. Nothing was left. Nothing to bury. What if he had a mate waiting for him?

She threw up at that thought.

Eris was suddenly at her side, holding her hair.

What if someone had killed Azriel? What if someone had lost control and killed him? What if she lost control and killed him?

She couldn’t breathe. Her chest was too tight, and her heart was beating too loud. Eris spoke to her, but she couldn’t hear a word he said. Her entire body was shaking.

She was awful. She had lost control and killed. Killed a male that had a future. He had a life, and she had taken it from him.

Ashe didn’t feel her own powers burning into her arms. She didn’t feel the fire as it burned its way from her fingers to her elbows. She only noticed it when Eris rubbed her arms fast enough to stop the flame. Then, she felt the relief. But it didn’t last long before she was again lost in her thoughts.

Ashe didn’t feel how Eris let go of her. Hadn’t noticed him walking to the table, scribbling a note and sending it away. Ashe was still bawling and heaving as he picked up Lucien and sat back down beside her. She barely noticed that they winnowed.

She threw up once more, now in the summer sun of the Night Court. Ashe was shaking. The adrenaline was starting to disappear and pain from her wounds started bothering her along the breaking of her heart.

It was first when she smelled him, she understood she was safe. Finally safe.

Shadows swirled and bunched together around her wounds. Some on her shoulder, some on her thigh, some calmed the blisters that formed on her arms. Most of them, however, stayed in front of her heart.

“Come here, Flame,” Azriel whispered into her ear as he picked her up. Ashe allowed herself to break only when she was in his safe arms.

He had been looking at her at least three times. He was definitely planning something. Ashe hated that she didn’t know what.

The Night Court had been allying with Eris for a while, but just recently come up with the idea of using Ashe against him. Or as a reward for him. They didn’t know how he would take it.

Nesta and Eris was in the middle of a beautiful dance. Ashe could see multiple people that was in a trance because of it, but she knew that neither one of them used any magic.

It was almost funny seeing Cassian trying to control himself. Ashe would usually laugh at him, but she felt a little unsure. Both because of Eris, but also because she just wasn’t used to being in the Hewn City.

Azriel was a mess trying to take care of her, so he didn’t help a lot. He hated having her here. He hated even the sight of Eris. It seemed like he always would.

Azriel had been in meeting with Eris not long after Ashe and Lucien had returned from their adventure.

She and Lucien sat in the couch talking about their childhood. They often sat together trying to piece together things they were unsure about. Their evenings puzzling together their existence became longer and longer for each night. Especially now that Ashe and Azriel lived in their own house and not the Townhouse. They had been asked if they wanted the Townhouse as theirs, but it was simply too big.

Azriel came home. He didn’t make a sound, but Ashe still felt his presence. He walked through the door into the livingroom, saw Ashe on the couch and almost fell upon her. Ashe was quick to worry about her mate, but the movement of the shadows told her he was okay, just tired.

“I hate your brother,” he muttered into her chest.

“Me too, but just to be sure, which brother?” she asked him.

Lucien let out an insulted gasp.

“All of them.”

“That’s it, I’m leaving,” Lucien said next. He pretended to be insulted as he walked out with his head held high.

“Good night!” Ashe yelled after him. She would usually follow him to the door, but Azriel was still laying upon her, crushing her just a little.

Lucien muttered something from the door and then Ashe heard the door closing. She shifted her attention to her mate.

“What did he do this time?” she asked. She didn’t have to say who she was talking about, they both knew it was Eris.

“He’s too good at reading people. He knows exactly what to say to get on my nerves.”

That was a quality it seemed like all her siblings had. Reading people and using it for their own advantage.

“He knows about the two of us, or at least some of it,” Azriel said next. “And I hate it.”

They had discussed many times before whether Eris should know about their relationship or not. Ashe was for it, but not as much as Azriel was against it. So, they had decided to keep it a secret.

When Ashe and Lucien had winnowed to Eris and Azriel and Rhys had met them at the border, Azriel had felt so much of Ashe’s pain and spiralling thoughts, he couldn’t hold back even one second. In the days after, he had regretted it immensely. It led to the two of them having mental breakdowns at the same time, and that didn’t end very well.

It seemed that Azriel had hated Eris even more than before ever since.

“I don’t like this,” Azriel muttered and pulled Ashe from her thoughts.

Eris and Nesta had finished their dance and started a new one. However, Cassian didn’t let them finish it. While Cassian impressed with his new dance skills. Mor and Ashe had taught both Cass and Nesta how to dance. Ashe had mostly helped Nesta with the Autumn Court dances, but she had enjoyed watching Cassian struggling to be graceful.

It was so obvious that Eris was being a prick. Ashe could see it on his entire face. He was smug and proud as he stood and spoke with Rhys and Feyre. Ashe really wanted to be a part of the conversation.

However, it was quickly over. Eris looked back at Nesta and saw that she and Cassian was still dancing. That’s when his gaze landed on Ashe and stayed there.

She could feel Azriel’s anger grow bigger for each step Eris took towards the two of them. Eris ignored him completely.

He stopped two meters away from them. With one hand on his back and the other reached towards her, he spoke.

“May I have this dance?”

He spoke normal. His voice was proud and steady. But it was his eyes that gave away the desperation. They were begging. Begging her to take his hand and join him.

It was a time when dancing had been Ashe’s biggest dream. Now, it was something she enjoyed often. Azriel loved dancing with her. That’s what they would do every Starfall, sometimes also just the two of them at home. It was no longer something she was longing after. However, she decided to give him a chance.

She walked up to him and took his hand with a slight bend in her knees. Eris bowed at her and led the way to the dancefloor.

It was an easy dance. No fancy movements, just a normal waltz. It was originally from the Autumn Court, but it was Ashe’s favourite. Mostly because it was the only one she could so without stepping wrong. She had taught the dance to Azriel, but it was Eris that had taught her. Azriel didn’t know that of course, then he wouldn’t let himself enjoy it.

They moved together as they danced. Their movements were intertwined, but not at all as graceful as the ones he had with Nesta. However, both smiled a little. Not at each other, but both smiled from their memories together. The first time they danced, Ashe had been yelled at by Beron for handing out the wrong glasses. Ashe had just been a stand in and was supposed to have the night off. It hadn’t been her fault, but Beron didn’t care.

Eris had come to make sure she was okay after the ball was finished and then he taught her to dance. He spent almost an hour for her to understand the first move, so they continued next week too. And the one after that.

“You’ve gotten better,” Eris said. “You finally have a left and a right foot, not two left.”

“I’ve had the opportunity to practice more than before,” she spat back.

“I should have seen that coming,” he answered. He was about to say something else when Ashe spoke.

“I thought you didn’t like dancing as a way of getting to speak.”

He shut his mouth, and it stayed closed. They continued dancing a little stiffer than before.

That’s when Ashe felt the exhaustion. The total full body exhaustion of walking around being angry. Being annoyed. Forcing herself to be in a foul mood when she really wanted to smile and be happy while dancing.

She of course knew why she was angry at Eris. He had done many awful things that broke her trust completely. But so had Lucien. And now they were almost best friends, like they used to be when they were children.

She let out a sigh when she realized her entire mind and body told her to forgive him. To forgive Eris.

Azriel must have noticed it too, because even though he hated Eris, he poured just enough love through the bond for Ashe to get the bravery to speak.

“I taught Azriel this dance. We dance it often,” she told her brother, and he looked utterly shocked at her. She couldn’t help the laugh that left her. “Especially on Starfall.”

Eris nodded and gave her a small spin. He held her up when she started losing her balance and the rhythm.

“You’re married then?” he asked carefully. It was like he also felt the need to ask even though it felt so unnatural.

“We’re mates.”

He didn’t look too surprised at that.  

“That’s how he knew you needed him that day.”

He was speaking about the day Beron almost killed her. One of the many times he had wanted to end her life.

She nodded even though he hadn’t asked.

“He treats you well?”

“Better than anyone else ever have,” she answered without hesitation and Eris flinched. They were deep into foreign territory, so Ashe decided to keep going. “Why didn’t you tell me Eris? You told me so much else. So many things that would have gotten me killed if they knew I knew. Why didn’t you tell me?”

His gaze burned into her, and she made her own eyes burn into his. They had the same eyes, the same amber eyes.

“Because I’m a coward. I thought I could keep you safe and unknowing. I realize that I was wrong, but I thought knowing what he was would break you.”

“It did break me. It still does at times.”

Eris had the horrible look of guilt in his eyes, but his movements did not linger. He still led beautifully. They stayed silent for a while. Ashe didn’t know what else to ask. Eris didn’t know how to answer without ruining the little time she had given him.

“He didn’t know it was you,” Eris started, and Ashe looked confused at him. “Beron didn’t know it was you that gave the information to the Night Court. He only wanted you dead. They continued looking for the traitor afterwards. Only mother and I know.”

It was too much. Ashe understood what Eris was doing. He couldn’t answer Ashe’s questions in a way that she would like, so he gave up some other information instead. Information that Ashe should know, but it still hurt.

“What?” was all she could mutter as an answer.

Everything became overwhelming. They hadn’t known.

“Beron wanted you dead so, Maria gave him all the details that could lead to the traitor being you. He then used it against you, even though he did not at all have enough proof.”

Ashe stepped on Eris’ foot and faltered for the first time in the dance. Eris kept her upright and continued pretending like nothing had happened.

Beron had wanted to kill her so badly, he wanted her framed for a crime he didn’t even know she committed. Azriel had told her before that she had been given a much harsher punishment than Samli would have when she took her punishment. It had been awful to hear, but he hadn’t tried to kill her.

Or maybe he had, but she had been stronger than he expected.

The movements got too much. Her chest tightened and she felt suddenly so out of breath. Eris had already been embarrassed by Cassian interrupting his dancing with Nesta, and how she would have to embarrass him by stopping in the middle of the dance. She couldn’t breathe.

“Mind if I take over?” Azriel’s voice sounded from behind her.

Eris stopped their movements and gave a small bow before he left without any questioning looks.

Azriel didn’t smile as he took her hands. He laid one of her hands on his chest and the other around his neck. Feelings his steady heartbeat relaxed Ashe enough for her to catch her breath. Her chest still felt strangled, but it got better for each deep breath she took.

Then, he started moving. His movements were smaller than the ones Eris had made. Ashe didn’t need to stretch herself more than she felt comfortable. They stayed together and moved together to finish the dance.

“I’m proud of you, Flame,” he said to her. The song slowed and the dance was coming to an end. Azriel stopped, leaned down and kissed her forehead and then held his hand on her lower back as they made their way back to the corner they had been standing in before. And they stayed there for the rest of the night.

When the party ended, Azriel and Ashe had gone straight home. Ashe explained everything Eris had said to her.

Azriel had always cursed at Beron. He had gone it long before he met Ashe. He had done it so much more after meeting her. But knowing that he had wanted to kill his own daughter for something he wasn’t even sure she had done, how horrible could someone be?

“I’m going to work on forgiving him,” Ashe said next and Azriel felt his brain explode. How could she forgive Beron? How could she even think the thought? He didn’t deserve to be forgiven, not for hurting her or anyone else. “Eris. I’m going to forgive Eris.”

Azriel relaxed at that, let out a chuckle at his own jumping to conclusion and kissed her forehead.

“I’m tired of being angry at him. I’m tired of being angry in general, but I think forgiving him will make it better for me. I’m doing this for me, not for him.”

It just made him want to hold her tighter.

They laid together on the couch. The fancy dress and tunic were changed into more cosy sweats. Ashe laid upon him and he held both his arms and wings around both of them.

Ashe had always had issues with her emotions. Azriel liked to explain it as she was feeling a little too much. Extreme feelings of anger and fear, but also happiness and safety often brought her to tears. It was overwhelming and too much for her.

Anger had always been the worse. Anger tended to unleash her powers. Earlier, also the other emotions had made her go up into flames, but she had worked on it and now it rarely happened. But she was still carrying too much anger.  

Azriel knew she had gone through so much, and to know that she still had the bravery to face her feelings and trying to get better always impressed him. He loved it. Truly. He loved her. She was his inspiration every day.

“I’m going to start answering his letters, I think,” Ashe continued. Eris had sent her letters every year. On the first of December Rhysand would receive a letter to “Avron Venture”. It was obvious it was to Ashe Vanserra. Ashe always read through the letter. She kept them all, but she never answered them. Until now apparently. “I’ll start with just letting him slightly into my life again. Just like Lucien have done.”

His Flame was determined to make things better. And he was determined to stay by her side and keep her safe throughout the entire period.

Avron Venture,

December 1st

The year has been long and painful. Mother seems to be doing worse and worse. I’ve tried to get father away from her as often as possible, but I don’t think it’s helping.

The hounds have gotten another litter. The young ones are exploring around my cabin as I write. They are eating, licking and peeing on everything in sight, but they are also adorable. I’m looking forward to training new pups again.

Father is bothering me about marriage again. I’ve decided to not marry until he’s dead. I don’t want to bring more people into this horrible family.

I hope you are doing well, even after the horrid experience it seemed like you and our brother had on the continent. I hope you know I am here if something similar happens again and you need a safe place to go.

Rhysand has invited me to a ball on the days closer to Winter Solstice. I hope to see you there.

Take care of yourself,

Evan Venture

Evan Venture,

December 27th

I’m happy to hear you’re doing your best to take care of our mother. I was hoping you could tell her about my mate. I must admit, I don’t know her very well, but I hope my happy news can bring her some happiness as well.

My year has been great. Even though our trip to the continent ended badly, I have never felt as free as I did when I was there.

Our brother and I explored all we could find. He taught me a lot, but the locals told me the most. I hope to go back at a safer time to explore even more.

I’m so happy to hear the puppies are doing great. Please hug and kiss each and every one of them for me. And please do not be too harsh in the training.

It’s good to hear from you. I suggest a monthly exchange of letters instead of a yearly one. Hope that’s okay with you.

Looking forward to your reply,

Avron Scheme (I do not go by your surname, I want you to use my mate’s chosen surname)

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Chapter 18: The Shadow to my Flame

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Ashe was prepared to burn everything.

Everything.

Cassian was holding her with all the power he had. She was fuming. She didn’t know what she would do if he let go of her. She might run to Azriel to make sure he wasn’t fucking dying. She might also run and punch both Jurian and the King of Hybern in the face. Then kick their ribs. Then burn them to the ground.

No one was going to hurt her mate on her watch.

Deep down she knew that she wouldn’t move a muscle. The more they moved or spoke or acted, the ash spread further into Azriel’s heart. She wasn’t going to move a muscle if it meant it saved Azriel.

She had forced Azriel to let her join. He wanted her safe in Velaris, but she refused to stay when she could help. She hadn’t ever enjoyed training, but during and after Amarantha, Azriel had been so scared of losing her, the only compromise they could find that calmed both of them was her starting training. Only to protect herself, not to engage in battle.  

But she wasn’t going to stay behind when all the rest of her family was going. She had no use staying in Velaris. It was nothing she could protect, only herself and that helped no one.

Ashe didn’t know if she deep down knew that her mate would die and that was why she insisted on going. She hoped it wasn’t.

Ashe barely noticed that Cassian let go and Mor took over keeping her from doing something stupid. Tears streamed down her face as Mor dragged her up the stairs.

“He’s okay,” Mor whispered to her. “He’s okay. I’ve got you.”

“I need to get to him,” she cried. Her words were almost impossible to hear through the tears. “I need to…”

“Soon, Ashy, soon.”

Ashe had experienced moments of torture that felt faster than those minutes. Hours? Seconds? She didn’t know.

Her magic and the bond were blocked. She needed to get to him. She was not going to let him go through the pain alone. But Mor was still holding her too tight for her to move towards him. Too tight for her to breathe properly. The distance that dizzying. She was going to throw up.

They stopped in the bigger room, but Ashe couldn’t look anywhere that wasn’t Azriel. He showed the pain. He never did that. He always hid it. Most of it at least. Now, it was visible on his entire body. His face was in a grimace. His lips were shivering. His wings twitching.

Ashe had to let go of the food in her stomach.

Mor held her upright as she threw up. Azriel moved his head towards them. Even that close to death he still wanted to make sure she was alright. She loved him so much.

“Please,” Ashe started to beg with a weak voice. She didn’t know to who. She knew she couldn’t move, but she hated being so far away from her Azriel. It was breaking her. He couldn’t die. He couldn’t. “Please.”

“Now that I’ve upheld my end of the bargain, I expect you to uphold yours.”

Azriel turned to se what Hybern was talking about, Ashe stood frozen with her gaze towards her mate and only her mate.

It was Mor’s even tighter embrace that made her gaze shift.

To Lucien.

He was looking directly at her, but it took a few seconds for him to understand exactly who he was looking at. He looked like he had seen a ghost. He probably thought he was seeing a ghost.

Ashe’s gaze froze once more, this time at her brother. Or half-brother. She did not want to be known as his sister at that moment.

Lucien let out a confused “what?”, but the sound didn’t reach Ashe’s ears.

Ashe had felt a lot of hatred throughout her life. She hated Beron. Hated him for all the pain he had given her, had given her mother and brothers. She had hated Eris. Hated her mother. Hated Amarantha. At times she had hated her newfound family. She had even hated Azriel at times.

But she had never hated as deeply as she hated Lucien at that moment.

She could take pain and betrayal, but she was not going to let anyone hurt her mate and get away with it.

Lucien. She couldn’t understand it and she hated the new tears that left her eyes.

Lucien. How could he do this?

Lucien.

The small part in her heart where she had carried the memories of her little brother now broke. It broke so deeply.

Something similar had made Lucien leave his family. Leave his mother. And now he was doing it do Ashe.

Lucien had been forced to watch Jesminda getting killed by his family. He had been forced to watch as the people that was supposed to love him who he was, killed the female that actually loved him unconditionally.

And now, he was doing the same to Ashe.

He was on the side that was currently seconds away from killing her mate. How could he?

“Ashe?” She grimaced at the softness in his voice. The amount of care he pretended to carry for her. Lucien looked confused and Ashe hated it. Hated that he pretended he didn’t know exactly what was going on.

“Siblings,” the King of Hybern spoke as Ashe could almost feel him looking between the two of them. “Fascinating.”

It was too much for her. Ashe couldn’t focus. All her attention went between the total hatred towards Lucien and the overbearing, unmanageable worry she felt for Azriel.

The feelings went so deep, she thought she herself was going to die.

Then, she felt the King of Hybern unleash his power, and Mor let go of her. She didn’t notice why. She didn’t notice anything at all, except for the fact that no one held her back.

She fell to her knees besides and almost in front of Azriel. She didn’t remember actually moving towards him, but it didn’t matter. She was finally with him, and at least some of the pain in her chest disappeared.

Ashe picked up his hand and kissed it, she held her arm around his lower back and tried to keep him up and as comfortable as possible. She cried out herself when he did. She felt like she was in a bubble of pain and desperation. Ashe poured all her attention towards Azriel, only barely understanding what was happening to Feyre’s sisters.

Then, Feyre unleashed her own power and acted like she had been kept under a spell herself. She went freely over to Tamlin and Lucien and Ashe was for half a second going to pretend to do the same.

She could then pretend to want to go with Lucien, go and protect Feyre. However, even in his state, Azriel tightened his hand around Ashe’s and didn’t let her move even one millimetre. His gaze was burning into her eyes. Even half dead, he still knew when she was thinking what he called “Wildflame-thoughts”.

In the end, Feyre had to go to the Spring Court and even though that felt like an immense loss, Ashe could winnow Azriel directly to Madja.

“I’m going,” Ashe argued.

“No, you’re not,” Azriel answered without hesitation.

“It’s my brothers. I know how to disarm them.”

“You’re deeply hurt by Lucien and Eris. The rest of your brothers too. If you let your emotions win, you will kill them and hate yourself for the rest of your life.”

She knew that was a possibility. However, she also knew, Azriel would never let her do that.

“Then, you’ll be there to stop me. The shadow to my flame, remember?”

Azriel knew he had lost.

Not a shadow.

An Illyrian warrior.

And then a second one.

Even though Eris stood in between both Azriel and Cassian, he didn’t let go of Feyre’s hair. He didn’t stop the fire that was gagging her.

Cassian was the only that managed to active Feyre’s mind. Made her remember all the fighting she had learned through the now countless training lessons he had given her.

However, it was Ashe had made Eris freeze in his steps. Feyre hadn’t even noticed the female arriving. She guessed Azriel’s shadows must have hidden her, because many of them were still clinging to her body.

Even just the sight of Ashe gave Feyre enough time to get out and Cassian enough time to attack.

Ashe then moved to help her mate and Lucien. The two last of the Autumn brothers reacted almost the same way as Eris, but while Eris had carried surprise and guilt, they showed total terror.

“You’ve hurt enough people. How could you do this to me, your sister?” she asked in a ghost like voice and started yielding fire back at them. Fire against fire quickly became a mess, but Ashe was good at messes and quickly made her brothers retreat little by little. Azriel smiled at his mate. He was visibly proud.

Ashe seemed quite happy, getting to scare her brothers away while pretending to be a ghost. But then she turned to Lucien and the anger blossomed once more.

“Stop.”

Feyre told Cassian and at the same time drew the attention of the rest of her family. They all stopped fighting.

Feyre started explaining that she was indeed the High Lady of the Night Court. Her friends had now turned their proud gazes towards her.

Feyre had finished speaking, and then noticed she no longer had Eris’ attention.

He was looking at his little sister.

“Ashe,” he sounded almost pleading. “Please-”

“You’re a coward, Eris,” was Ashe’s only answer as she forcefully grabbed Lucien’s arm and winnowed away.

Eris and the rest of his siblings then left.

Azriel rushed towards Feyre and Cassian. Interrupted their sweet and longing hug and got ready to shadow-walk. He answered their confused looks by saying:

“She’ll kill him.”

“How are you alive?”

Feyre, Az and Cass landed in the middle of the Townhouse. Mor and Amren were there, ready to watch what was going to happen between the two siblings.

Even Azriel didn’t rush to get to Ashe. He stood closer than the rest but allowed some distance.

Ashe was shaking with anger. Feyre didn’t blame her for it. None of them did. Lucien had after all been on the side that almost killed her mate.

“That doesn’t matter,” she answered. Her usual soft and sweet voice was cold as ice.

“Doesn’t matter? I mourned you!”

Azriel visible flinched at the thought of Ashe dying and Feyre couldn’t remember the Shadowsinger ever displaying so much emotion.

“Good, you should’ve,” Ashe answered. She was doing breathing exercises, obviously trying to calm all her anger.

Lucien threw out his arms and looked even more confused.

“What’s going on? I should be the one mad at you! You’ve been hiding for over two centuries and now you’re mad at me?”

The entire room tensed. Ashe, however, were unnaturally calm.

“I’ll tell you what’s going on. Didn’t they teach you anything?” she asked him. Tears of anger were burning at her eyes. Lucien shook a confused look towards her. “With Jesminda, didn’t they teach you anything?”

Lucien visibly flinched at the name of his past lover, but Feyre knew that’s what Ashe wanted. She needed to hurt him.

“Ashe, what do you-”

“You stood and watched, forced me to watch, as an ash bolt was embedded through my mate’s chest.”

“Mate?” Lucien asked, but Ashe didn’t react.

“You stood there and was the reason why I had to sit day and night hoping and praying he would live. I had to watch my mate being seconds away from death. I was kept away from him. And you stood behind it. After all that happened to you, after all that our family did to you. And then, you come here and do that exact same thing to me? How could you?”

Lucien had connected the dots and looked between Azriel and Ashe. Azriel’s own gaze were probably terrifying Lucien. Ashe was screaming, because Lucien hurt her mate. Azriel, however, he was planning, fuming on the inside, because Lucien had hurt his mate.

Getting between two mates are never the right thing to do.

“Ashe, I promise, I didn’t know-”

“It doesn’t matter that you didn’t know. Eris didn’t know what was going to happen to Jesminda. Mother didn’t know either. And you still cut all contact with them. You hurt them for something they didn’t know was going to happen. I’m doing the same. You didn’t know, but it still happened, and you were still there. And I’ll hate you for it forever.”

Ashe raised her hand, and Lucien flinched by it, but it never hit his face.

Ashe’s hand had stopped a good distance from Lucien’s face. Shadows were swirling on her arm. From the shoulder to her hands.

“You’ll regret that, Wildflame,” Azriel told his mate softly.

Ashe’s eyes widened slightly. She lowered her hand and left the room.

The silence lingered for a moment before Lucien was the first to speak.

“Thank you,” he told Azriel.

“I did it for my mate, not you. You would’ve deserved it,” Azriel said with his voice again intimidatingly scary.

Then, also Azriel left the room.

After the war, Ashe had been seen by too many people for her to stay a secret. Azriel hated it. He loved never having to worry about her being in danger, but at the same time, he knew she was longing.

Ashe didn’t have calm soul. He wasn’t sure anything about his mate was calm. She was more chaotic than Cassian at times. He adored being able to join her, or watch from a distance, when she was exploring.

His Flame had a need to experience new things. Had a need to move her body and mind in ways she hadn’t before. And usually, it was just something she did and then she told Azriel about it afterwards.

Ashe had been nervous that day. The nerves came from both excitement and anxiety. She had walked in, fidgeting with her hands. Then she had sat down carefully next to him at his desk.

Something was up, he was sure of it.

“I talked to Lucien,” she began.

The two of them had spent a lot of time after the war doing their best to become better siblings. Lately, they were doing better than ever before. They had started bantering in a way only siblings did. Ashe had been extremely happy the past weeks because of it. He only hoped nothing had happened to make them angry at each other again.

“He is planning on taking a trip to the continent. Both as an emissary, but also just to relax and explore a little. Only for a month and then he’ll be back. A month will go quickly. You almost won’t even notice he’s gone.”

Azriel knew his mate well enough to know what she was talking about. She wanted to go with her brother. Ashe wanted to explore the continent.

Azriel had been there a couple of times himself lately. It wasn’t as dangerous as it had been before the war, but it still wasn’t totally safe. It probably would never.

Lucien had proved to be their ally. And even though Azriel still didn’t trust him fully, he knew he would always be there to protect Ashe. Not that Ashe needed protection, but it felt save having him there anyway.

Ashe looked hopefully at him.

“Have you talked to Rhys about it? What identity you’ll use?” he asked firstly. That was the most important for the court’s safety.

“I’ll go as an emissary in training. My heritage is from Autumn, so that’s how I know Lucien.”

They were half-truths, it was smart and safe.

“Of course you can go with him. Just please be-”

He couldn’t even finish his speech of safety before she basically threw herself at him and kissed him eagerly. The kiss quickly became extremely passionate. Caldron, he loved tasting her mouth. Ashe sat down in his lap and they stayed making out for a long time. A much longer time than they usually did before Ashe started getting impatient.

Eventually, she stopped the kiss, and jumped up. She said jumping as she spoke.

“I can’t wait! Imagine all the food, the places and the magic! I’m so excited to see it all! All the different languages and cultures! EEEEEE! It will be so fun!!”

Azriel stood up and stopped his excited mate from jumping a hole in the ground. He had been to the continent countless times and even though he never took his time to explore out of work, he knew she was right. He knew she could find excitement in anything and that she and Lucien would have an amazing time.

“Then, we’ll move into the house when I get back,” Ashe continued. “I can’t wait for that either of course, but I really want to go on a proper adventure.”

Azriel laughed and kissed her softly this time. They had finally had time to finish building up their house. It looked very different than before, but when they started putting more and more of their things in it, it became more like a home. Feyre had painted the two of them and the painting made it feel more like their home. They had been eager to move in.

“I know, that’s why you’re a wildflame,” he answered followed by another kiss. “When are you leaving?”

Ashe leaned deeply into his chest and took in his sent. She also rubbed her hand over the muscles on his stomach. That only made him laugh. Her movements made him understand that it wasn’t a long time until the adventure would start.

“Lucien suggested we leave in three days.”

Azriel nodded. It was a little sooner than he would have liked, but he doubted Ashe would survive if she had to wait longer.

He felt the need to holder her a little tighter, but her happiness lived in his chest. He felt more of her emotions than his own, and he knew that even though he hated her leaving, she would have the time of her life.

“If she comes home with even one scar, I’ll kill you. I won’t give you a swift death. I’ll-”

Ashe pulled his arm hard enough for him to be forced to turn and crunch down to her. She kissed him then. Deeply. And suddenly, he no longer remembered all his plans for Lucien’s death.

“I’ll be fine,” she told him breathlessly. “Lucien will protect me, if needed.”

He nodded and couldn’t help but kiss her once more.

Azriel was always the one leaving Ashe. He had been gone on missions for over two months before. Ashe had never left him, and he found it highly uncomfortable.

“Please stop,” Lucien said and made them stop their kiss. “I don’t need to see my sister making out.”

Ashe rolled her eyes at him and then gave Azriel an even more passionate kiss. She then went to put on her backpack and Azriel help her. He then made sure she had enough clothes, food and water, even though it was he that helped packing her bag.

“Come here, my motherhen,” Ashe told him as she wrapped her hands behind his neck. He leaned into the strong hug. “I’ll be back before you notice I’m gone.”

He let out a laugh. He would miss her the second she left and they both knew it.

“I love you.”

“I love you too. Now, go be the Wildflame you’ve always deserved to be.”

Taglist: @tele86 @demon-master-zero @kbear8863 @atluky @mis-lil-red @rcarbo1 @adventure-awaits13

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[moosesarecute]

Chapter 17: The Shadow to my Flame

Series masterlist

Masterlist

233 years later

Ashe had just finished her work at the apothecary and all she wanted to do was curl up into her mate’s arms and stay there for a few hours. She had not expected Rhys to reach into her mind explaining that he had finally brought Feyre to Velaris and that he needed her and the rest of their family to be on their best behaviour for a normal family dinner that night.

Except it wasn’t normal at all if they had to be on their best behaviour. She knew for a fact that both Mor and Cass would make Rhys rethink his friendship with them. Ashe would usually have enjoyed that, but work had been crazy the last couple of days and she needed a nap.

For the first almost two centuries she had lived in Velaris, Ashe had been working in the fields with her parents, taken a few fun odd jobs here and there and worked on glass art.

It had started when Cass had broken her mate’s favourite cup. It was made of glass and had blue flowers on it. Ashe had gifted it to him as a joke, but he really loved it. When Cass broke it, he became quite sad. Ashe found it adorable that her mate loved it so much and had used her powers to melt the glass back into a cup and did her best to repaint it.

Even though the cup was almost two centuries old now, Azriel still used it from time to time. He didn’t want to overuse it, scared he might break it again, but he used it on special occasions.

After that, Ashe had started making different things with glass and fire. Sometimes also clay and fire. She found a lot of wild clay out in the patch of land Thord and Samli used to own, so she used it to make and sell all kinds of stuff. Her favourite was the Winter Solstice she had gifted Mor and Cass matching glass dildos. They still laughed about it, even though it was over fifty years ago. Azriel got embarrassed by it, of course, but he told Ashe that he didn’t care as long as she didn’t pull him into something similar.

However, when Rhys had been Under the Mountain, Ashe felt the need to be more useful. Making plates and cups no longer seemed good enough. Her family was struggling to make the court survive and she was having fun, it didn’t feel right. 

That’s when she found out Madja was looking for someone to run the apothecary. Ashe had applied and went through a normal process of interviews and cases she had to solve. In the end, she got the job.

The days went fast, and she learned a lot about all kinds of medicine. She never did any healing, but she was a kind face to see and ask. The longer she worked, the more she questions could answer. She enjoyed it.

When Rhys had gotten back to Velaris and told them about what he thought would bloom into a war, Ashe decided to stay working with medicine and help as many as she could. She wanted to be useful.

Except for the last couple of days, she had been the opposite. She had been unfocused, tired and annoyed at almost everybody. She had spoken a lot with Azriel about it, and they had concluded that it was because of that date that came closer and closer.

It had been a decade since it happened. Since Samli got too old and her body started to give out. It wasn’t often fae got sick, but the older they got, the easier it was for them to catch something they shouldn’t. Both Samli and Thord were old, they said they stopped counting at 1500 years, and they knew that their time was getting closer and closer. Thord and Ashe did all they could, but eventually they realized that it was time. Samli was herself until the end. She was picky about her tea and told Thord it was too hot only hours before she died.

Ashe had never heard Thord scream until that evening.

It took him three hours to stop crying and throwing up. Ashe stayed by him the entire time.

It was close to three in the morning when Azriel arrived and Thord asked for some time alone with Samli. He looked many years older than what he had the day before.

Ashe stayed up crying with her own mate for the rest of the night. She had never been so grateful of having him in her arms and for the next couple of months, she struggled to be away from him. She was terrified of something happening.

The next morning, when Ashe and Azriel walked into Thord and Samli’s room, Thord had died too. From what Ashe could gather, it seemed like he went to bed beside his mate and fell asleep, without waking up again.

It hurt so badly. Ashe felt alone for a long time, but eventually she realized it was for the best. Thord was extremely soft and emotional. Ashe didn’t think he could have survived much longer anyway. Samli probably could have managed it, barely, but not Thord.

It was just more prove that they were meant to be together.

Ashe and Azriel had lived in a cozy apartment, but after her parents died, they had moved into the house. Ashe loved living there. All the beautiful memories she had with Thord and Samli still lived in the home they had created. Anywhere Ashe looked she could spot the love that was between her parents and it encouraged both her and Azriel to make the most out of the love they had for each other.

Next week, it would be ten years since they died, and Ashe struggled. She was also angry at herself. Madja had noticed how much worse the job she was doing was and asked her to take some days off. She felt like a failure not managing to control her feelings again.

It was Cass that flew her up to the House of Wind. Azriel was already there, but Cass was doing stuff in the city. She didn’t bother asking what. Even after such a long time, Ashe still didn’t enjoy flying. Cassian flew a lot rougher than her mate did, so she hated it even more when he flew her.

“Relax, Ashy,” Cassian said. “I’m not going to drop you.”

Then he did the most awful thing and dropped a few meters down in the air. Ashe screamed loudly and immediately felt worry from her mate fill her chest.

She was going to kill Cassian. He only laughed at her and eventually flew to and landed on the balcony.

Azriel was there in an instant. His shadows tried to calm her down, but she was feeling so much and anger was the biggest emotion.

“Breathe, Wildflame,” Azriel’s voice got through to her brain. “He meant it as a joke, I’ll talk to him about it. You just need to control your breathing.”

She managed to relax a little and as she looked into his eyes the usual butterflies filled her stomach. Ashe hadn’t believed it was possible to get butterflies even after over two centuries, but her mate was also more beautiful than she thought was possible, so it made sense.

“Hello, my Flame. It’s still a few hours until dinner. Let’s relax a little, shall we?”

He took her hand and walked to his old bedroom in the House. He laid down on the bed first and then he pulled her down into his strong arms and folded his wings over her.

They laid in silence until she was ready to talk. And then they spoke through all of her feelings and all of his feelings until Ashe felt better and no longer had the need to kill her brother-in-law.

With only an hour until the dinner, Ashe started getting ready. The most healing thing for her when she was feeling like a mess, was looking the opposite. She curled her hair, did some light makeup and put on a casual, but very comfortable dress. It was her new favourite and Azriel had flown to get it while she was getting ready. He had bought it for her a couple of days ago for no reason, only that it had pockets, and he thought about her when he saw it.

 “I knew you’d look beautiful in that,” he said and wrapped his arms around her waist. He leaned down and kissed her cheek. “My beautiful mate.”

Ashe was about to kiss him back, when loud knocks were heard on the door.

“They are getting here soon,” Mor yelled at them. “You had to get out of your mate-bubble and come to the dining room.”

Ashe let out a small smile.

“Come on, it will be fun,” Azriel said with fake enthusiasm.

“Is this how you feel when I drag you out dancing with Mor and I?”

“Yup,” he answered as he gave her a small push towards the door. Then he smacked her ass.

Just like she did when she was the one forcing him out.

He took hold of her hand, and they walked together to the dining room.

Feyre saw the female in front of her and immediately notices something familiar. She just couldn’t put her finger on it.

She stood confidently, holding Azriel’s hand. Feyre didn’t need anyone to tell her, she could see the love blooming between the two. She realized they were a couple. Might even married? Or mates?

“Seeing something familiar?” Rhys asked her with a slightly smug smile.

Feyre started getting annoyed. What was it about this female that was so known? So familiar? Her red hair was to her shoulders and curled softly. The dress she wore was casual and a lot more modest than the one Mor wore, but Ashe could see multiple scares one the female’s arms and legs.  

The female tilted her head to the side and smiled a smile Feyre had seen many times before. Only earlier, the smile had been worn by someone else.

Feyre sat in the kitchen, sipping carefully on a cup of tea. She was deep in thoughts. She had left her family. Her sisters and father were on their own. And even though Tamlin said they were safe; she had started to doubt it.

What if they were hungry? Struggling? Were they cold or scared?

She hadn’t noticed Lucien walking into the room. She only looked at him first when he sat down in the chair opposite of her.

“Are my sisters truly safe?” she asked him.

He didn’t even hesitate.

“Yes,” he answered gravely. “I promise you that your sisters are safe. We would never mess with anyone's sisters.”

She nodded back at him, but saw how his eyes grew distant. He was thinking about something sad and unpleasant.

“Do you have a sister Lucien?”

He drew a breath and dragged his hand across his face.

“I used to have one, yes.”

“Used to? What happened?”

He let out an almost shaky sigh.

“My father didn’t want a daughter. He forced her to live unknown of her heritage and as a servant. He looked after reason after reason to be allowed to kill her. She got out of Autumn, but it was too late. She was killed.”

“You’re Lucien’s sister,” Feyre told the female. “He thinks you’re dead.”

“That’s the point,” the female answered, and the more Feyre studied her, the more she found resemblance to Lucien, even though they also had features that was very different. “I’m Ashe.”

Feyre didn’t know if she liked the female. She thought back to the conversation with Lucien and remembered the pain he showed.

“Why is it the point? He’s hurt by it.”

“That’s a story for a different day,” Rhys interrupted the two females.

Ashe and Azriel walked and sat down at the table, still beside each other and hand in hand. They whispered to each other and soon, both of them smiled. Feyre realized she didn’t know the entire story.

“Please don’t be dead.”

Feyre opened the door and saw Mor and Ashe standing outside the cabin. Ashe held her arms around Mor. Mor was shivering and it was obvious that Ashe used her powers trying to heat up both of them.

“Hello,” Ashe said smiling an overly enthusiastic smile. “Can we come in?”

 The three females talked in the cabin. The two others teased Feyre a little because of her painting, but it felt kind and safe. The conversation eventually moved over to the mating bond.

“I left him out in the mud. He was hurt and I left him,” Feyre tried to explain, but her feelings were too complex to explain. However, Ashe understood.

She sat down the mug she was sipping from, leaned back in her chair and started talking.

“I once hit Azriel in the head with a frying pan,” she said. It took a few seconds before Feyre and Mor realized just what she said. They looked at her with wide eyes. “I’m not abusive, I promise. I had an awful day filled with nightmares and terrors. Azriel didn’t know, so he snuck up on me, a trigger none of us knew about. I got a flashback and hit him. If was first when I heard it hitting him, I understood what I had done. I started crying and Azriel ended up comforting me. Let’s just say our communication have gotten a lot better after that.

“The point is we will hurt and sometimes also disappoint our mates, and it will happen multiple times. But they will forgive us. Or mates will also hurt us and we will forgive them. It’s worth it in the end.”

Feyre had heard many times about Ashe’s temper. The fire in her blood having a totally different meaning than with Lucien. However, she had never experienced it. Only heard about it.

Ashe’s words connected all the feelings Feyre was battling.

It was worth it.

Feyre hadn’t seen Azriel feral even though she had been in Velaris for quite some time. That was until after the battle of Velaris.

The entire family started to worry when neither Azriel or Ashe had taken contact with them after the attack. They got even more worried when Azriel answered Rhys mental calls and told him that they were at Madja’s.

The two most stubborn people in their life had voluntarily gone to Madja.

Azriel was carrying Ashe when they arrived. He had an edge in his walk that told everyone to keep a distance. The shadows joined him and almost pushed all of them further away from Ashe.

“Relax,” Ashe said to him softly. “You’re overreacting.”

Azriel was a male that was hard to read, but at that moment, he was fuming with anger. He was almost shaking as he put Ashe down in a chair and crunched down in front of her.

“I’m not overreacting,” he answered.

“I’m not hurt anymore, Azriel,” Ashe answered. She was looking only at him as she cupped his cheek and rubbed her thumb over it. “I’m safe.”

Azriel didn’t move. He was holding her hand tightly. He brushed his thumb over the back of her hand.

“Barely,” he whispered. “I do love you, temper and wildflame and all, but I hate not being able to protect you.”

“What happened?” Rhys asked them.

Azriel was about to answer, but Ashe spoke before him.

“One of them landed in the middle of a group of children. I was hiding in the apothecary but got out to help them. The soldier didn’t attack until after I had winnowed all the children out, but that alone took most of my energy. I have never winnowed that fast and with that many before.”

“That did you do when he attacked?” It was Cassian that asked her.

“Burned him,” she answered without hesitation. Feyre understood that she must have burned him to the ground, not only given him a small wound. “Burned quite lot of myself in the process, hence the trip to Madja.” Then she turned her gaze back to Azriel. He had been looking at her the entire time. “But I’m safe.”

“Ashe never leaves Velaris since her being alive is a secret. Azriel isn’t used to her being in danger.” Rhys explained silently to Feyre. “She’s gone through enough.”

Feyre had learned more and more about Ashe’s previous life. The abuse and betrayal she had gone through. It didn’t seem like this had affected her too much. Or maybe she was just waiting for a different time to show her emotions.

Ashe turned her head up to the rest of them again.

“Our house is also not doing that well,” she spoke, and it almost sounded like her voice was breaking. “So, we were hoping we could stay at the Townhouse.”

“What do you mean “not doing that well”?” Feyre asked her.

“Burned to the ground,” Azriel’s voice was more intimidating that she had ever heard him before. “Only a small part of the kitchen wall is standing, and it probably won’t be for long.”

Feyre thought back to the nights she and Mor had spent gossiping with Ashe in their living room. Thought back to the sweet love Ashe and Azriel had displayed only in their house.

“Don’t pretend you aren’t listening,” Ashe almost yelled at her mate. All three of the females had been drinking a little too much wine and started gossiping about all and nothing. Including most of the High Lords. Their laughs filled the entire house.

In the middle of the conversation, Azriel had snuck into the house and kitchen. Feyre had no clue how Ashe knew he had gotten home, as he made no sounds.

He smiled softly at his mate, walked towards her and kissed the top of her head, but didn’t answer her accusations. He then moved to the stairs, probably to go to get some time for himself after a night drinking with his brothers.

“You love me,” Ashe said.

“Yes, I do my Flame. Temper and all,” he answered with a laugh and a shadow caressed Ashe’s cheek before Azriel had disappeared upstairs.

Ashe wore a sweet blush the rest of the evening.

 Feyre knew how much the house, the home, meant to Ashe and couldn’t imagine what the two of them were going through.

“Of course,” Rhys answered. “I’ll make sure everything ready for you.”

“It’s fine,” Ashe said as she stood up. Azriel immediately wrapped one arm around her waist. “We’ll just go to sleep now if you don’t mind.”

“Shhh,” Azriel whispered into his mate’s hair. “I’ve got you, my Flame.”

He held her tight as she cried. It had been a few rough days for her, and she was now, finally, letting it all out. His instincts told him to be worried about her, but he knew that his mate was strong enough to get through it.

The fire out of control and the house burning down brought back a lot of bad memories for her. Azriel knew Ashe felt the need to be strong. Felt the need to prove that she could take all that the mother had trusted upon her. At the same time, he loved how he could be the person allowed to hold her when it became too much.

A lot of their memories were burned to the ground, but his shadows were eagerly searching through the entire lot trying to find somethings that survived. They would tell Azriel about every little thing they found.

One of Ashe’s favourite books was still intact. Azriel’s favourite mug was fine. The necklace he gave Ashe two years ago was save.

“Mating dress is only burned on the bottom of the skirt. Could cut it shorter,” the shadows told him, and Az let his head fall back in relief.

Ashe spent time each year making sure that her dress was in the best conditions. She loved that dress, and she would wear it on their anniversary almost every year. Azriel loved her in it. It grew with her and even though it would be changed a little now, it at least told the story that even though things change, it with still be the same deep down.

He lifted his head and was about to tell his mate the good news, when he noticed the deepening in her breath, the twitch in her left leg and the soft sigh that turned into a snore.

She was asleep at last.

The day had been filled with sorrow and pain. He could bring the good news of the dress tomorrow and make sure the next day was better than this one.

Azriel wrapped his wings around his Flame and carefully shifted position so that he could sleep too.

The world seemed to go to shit. A lot of bad things were happening way to quickly. Azriel appreciated having his mate in his arms. He felt lucky and grateful known that she would stay by his side forever. He brushed soft hair away from her face and butterflies danced in his stomach at the sweet sight of her sleeping.

He loved his Ashe, his Flame, and he would continue to do so even though many things were changing. She was his constant.

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Chaper 16: The Shadow to my Flame

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Ashe really enjoyed being dead. It was exactly what she needed. It gave her a break from all the thoughts about who she was supposed to be and how her previous life had been a lie. She could now build her own reality, and she loved it.

Ashe sat silently at the kitchen table and ate breakfast. Thord and Samli had left hours ago. They had gotten money from Rhysand and had started planting produce on a small patch of land on the west side of Velaris. They insisted to pay him back after they had grown and sold during the next year. Both of them were blooming with happiness and Ashe really loved to see it. They spent almost the entire day outside in the fresh air and Ashe loved to join them in the afternoons.

For the first few times, Ashe had joined to pretend to be their daughter, but she quickly realized that she loved being outside. They had moved from Autumn to a court where they had all the seasons and Ashe learned that she loved all of them, even though it was quite a harsh learning curve.

It had been six months since they left the Autumn Court. Six months where Ashe had been healing. The betrayal from the people she thought cared about her still hurt, but she had managed to build an everyday life she thrived in.

When she had finished her breakfast, Ashe put on her coat and the hat Samli had knitted for her and wandered over to the Townhouse. She enjoyed the walk by the Sidra and through the streets and tried to be early as often as possible so that she didn’t need to winnow to her lessons.

Rhysand had offered to help her get more control over her powers. Even though he didn’t know how to yield fire, he still was a good teacher when it came to teaching control. Mostly because he tried to annoy her to the point where keeping control was hard. She had started enjoying using her powers again, something she never thought she would. Ashe loved to use her power to do everyday things. Like lighting candles and the fireplace, heating metal to curl her hair or even repair broken glass. Her powers had become her own, and she loved it.

Ashe opened the door to the Townhouse, placed her shoes by the door and walked towards Rhysand’s office. Shadows surrounded her and she understood that her mate was nearby. They took their usual place around her wrists, and she felt so comfortable and safe. They almost pulled her inside the door to Rhysand’s office, but then Ashe stopped abruptly.

“Sorry, I should have knocked,” she said as she noticed Azriel, Amren and Rhysand staring back at her. She had obviously interrupted a meeting. Ashe did her best to not get lost in Azriel’s eyes as she turned around and was about to walk out when the shadows held her entire body tight enough to make her stop.

“It’s okay,” Azriel said. “We’re finished. We’re just discussing how much progress you have made. Amren and I are leaving.”

Ashe turned and caught sight of Azriel’s soft smile. It was the smile she loved the most. It was the smile he only smiled at her. It was the smile she adored. In the mornings he slept over, it was the first thing she saw when she woke up. It was the smile he gave her when he kissed her goodnight. And every single time she saw it, she got weak in the knees.

“Can’t you two just put us out of our misery and accept the bond already?” Rhysand spoke and dragged Ashe out of her thoughts. The way Azriel’s head also shut towards Rhysand, it was obvious that he had also been daydreaming.

“Love,” Amren said. “Disgusting.”

Ashe only felt herself smile at their words. She loved loving Azriel, and she was definitely going to show it.

“You know us accepting the bond will only make things worse, right?”

“Just in the beginning,” Rhysand argued. “Then you’ll calm down a little.”

“You don’t know many mates, do you?” Ashe asked him and he only raised his brows at her. “I live with mates, loving mates that have been mated for over a century, and they act like this all the time.”

It was almost like a shiver when through Rhysand. He shook his head.

“Caldron help us all.”

Ashe was brushing through her hair when the door to her room opened. Her hair had grown a lot the last six months and was now almost at her shoulders. She had kept her natural red hair colour and seeing herself with it still felt weird sometimes, but she had grown to love it.

One second, she stood in front of the mirror and the next she was pressed gently, but also urgently, against the wall with soft lips pressing onto hers.

She kissed Azriel back and took some time to smell him properly. The smell almost enchanted her. It made her feel so much more than she ever thought she could.

“Cauldron, I love you,” Azriel breathed into the kiss before he continued kissing her. “You drive me insane.”

Ashe felt his hand hold the back of her head, and she knew she had to brush it once more, but she didn’t care. It felt perfect. Having Azriel so close was her favourite thing in the entire world. His smile, his eyes, his strong and safe arms, his body, his shadows and his heart, she loved it all.

They took a break from kissing and looked at each other. Ashe immediately got lost in the depth of his eyes. She could spend hours and hours just studying them, if it weren’t for the fact that she usually got bored after 10 minutes of silence.

“I really can’t remember why we’re waiting,” Ashe told him and he let out a chuckle.

“I can’t either,” he said. It wasn’t usual for Azriel to forget stuff, she kind of liked it.

The two of them had decided to take things slow, or at least slower. They realized that knowing each other for just a little over a month, a month filled by a lot of emotional damage, probably wasn’t the best time to accept the mating bond.

However, for each day that went, they hated it more and more. The bond made it harder and harder to wait. And Azriel grew more feral by the hour it seemed.

Azriel was currently leaning deeply against her, holding her tight at all the spots he could react with both his hands and his shadows. The first time Samli had seen Ashe surrounded by shadows, she had thought Ashe was some sort of demon, but Ashe loved the soft and cooling love the shadows carried.

She also loved the passionate love the shadowsing carried.

“I’d say six months is a good time,” Ashe continued. “Thord and Samli agrees, by the way.”

Azriel straightened his back, just a little. He was still covered about all of Ashe, but he looked more thoughtful and gentlemale like.

“You’d like to accept the bond?” he asked cautiously.

Ashe leaned in and gave him a soft kiss.

“I’d like for you to ask me, yes. So that I can start preparing.”

It wasn’t often Azriel looked confused. Ashe was sure he felt confused from time to time, but he often didn’t show it.

“What do you mean? What do I have to ask you? Do you want to get married? Because we can do that if you want, we just never talked about that so I thought-”

“I want you to ask me to be you mated mate,” Ashe told him and looked just as confused back at him. “You know…like how the male gives the permission to accept the bond.”

“The father?” he asked.

Ashe just shook her head and moved carefully out of Azriel’s warm cocoon.

“Yes, but also you. You have to allow me to accept the bond. It’s almost like a proposal, but for mating bonds.” Azriel nodded, but Ashe could see him thinking, trying to understand what he was supposed to do. “So that’s very different from the Night Court?”

“Yeah,” he answered. “Even though many Illyrian males still think they own their mates from the second the bond snaps, it is the female that prepares the food and present it to the male when she’s ready. A forced acceptance of the bond it not valid.”

The other courts had always been a lot more female friendly than the Autumn Court. Ashe just didn’t know to what extent.

The female had to be allowed to accept the bond before she started making the food. That’s what Ashe had learned growing up. That if the food was made before the permission, the food would go bad and the bond would not be accepted. Most males in Autumn found it a disgrace if the female tried to decide when to accept the bond and that was often enough to make the entire life of the mates a horrible time for the female.

Ashe had never expected to have a mate. She had grown up learning that servants didn’t have mates. She had learned in the last six months that it was bullshit and anyone could have a mate. Ashe had always dreamed though. She dreamed of a life where her mate would ask her imaginary father for permission to claim his daughter. Where her mate had made a grand deal with roses and told her in the most romantic words that she could start making him a meal. She would then start preparing. Ashe always wanted a mating ceremony. It didn’t need to be big. She only wanted her closest friends there. It used to be Samli, Thord, Maria and Eris, maybe even Lucian, but she realized that the two first were the only ones that could come now. She was going to wear the most beautiful gown, it would be light green with a darker green shirt over it. Her mate and she was going to dance the entire reception and then she would give him food. She was going to make a stew. A stew with the finest meats, the rarest and most tasteful of vegetables and a beautiful stock. Then, she would plate it and give it to her mate, and he would eat it with love and adoration in his eyes.

It had always been a dream, and she didn’t know if she actually realized it could become true.

“Lost in thoughts my Flame?” Azriel asked her and she moved her gaze to his eyes. “Not Wildflame thoughts I hope.”

She walked over and threw her arms around his neck.

“Only normal Flame thoughts,” she answered. “Just daydreaming about accepting the bond. The mating ceremony and dancing.”

She kept on talking about her dreams of accepting the bond. How she wanted it and what she didn’t like. Then, Azriel told her about the small things he wished for. It was mostly just having his family there and this specific type of sweets he wanted for dessert. Azriel gave her a long kiss. His lips almost engulfing her own. He kept her up by holding her back.

“I’ll do my best,” he said, and Ashe felt the butterflies grow even more.

This was it.

Azriel felt like a child, but he was doing it.

He knew Ashe was having her lessons with his brother, so he went to the patch of land Thord and Samli owned.

Step one of the plan: ask her father for permission.

Ashe didn’t know he was doing this. He hadn’t thought of doing it until a few hours ago.

The big deal about a mating ceremony and having to allow Ashe cook for him, was kind of overwhelming for him. He had talked to his brothers about it, of course talked with his Flame about it, so he felt a lot more confident. He knew he couldn’t mess it up, but anxiety still filled his body.

He wanted it to be perfect.

“Hello, son,” Thord said as he saw Azriel. “What brings you here?”

Azriel took a big breath and without realizing, he moved his body as if waiting for impact in battle.

“I was wondering if I,” he felt himself shake. “I was wondering if I could ask you something?”

That was not at all what he had prepare to say, but he had to roll with it.

Azriel had learned more about Thord and Samli these last six months. He almost ate dinner with them and Ashe more often than he did with his own family.

He carried a lot of respect for both. Thord and Samli had helped his mate get a place to live in the weekends at only fifteen years old. They had given her the opportunity to explore the world outside the Forest House. If they hadn’t, he wasn’t sure he’d ever meet his mate.

Thord had protected both Ashe and Samli multiple times. He had given Ashe food when the High Lord refused to pay her.  Samli had been her stubborn self and had therefore learned Ashe about which rights she should have.

Both of them was extremely important in his mate’s life, but it was the father he was going to ask. That’s what Ashe had wished for. She had wished for her mate to ask her father and Thord was the closest thing she had. Her real father wasn’t anyone to her anymore, like it should be.

“Of course, ask away.”

He would just have to get it over with. He felt excitement intertwined with the anxiety in his stomach.

“I was wondering if I could accept Ashe as my mate,” he asked quietly and looked at the ground.

He kept looking at the ground, but he got no answer. He then looked up at Thord and saw tears fill in his eyes.

“She wanted you to ask me?” he questioned and lifted his hand to dry some tears. “Of course you can. You’re the best thing that have happened to her.”

Azriel felt total relief and let his shoulders sag a little.

“Finally,” Thord then exclaimed and let go of the shovel he was currently working with. “Come here.”

Thord embraced Azriel properly in a surprisingly tight hug. Azriel didn’t like it, but he wasn’t going to show that. Thord was the hugger out of him and Samli, he knew that.

“Sammy, Sammy! They’re doing it! They’re accepting it!”

Azriel saw how both Samli and Thord glowed with happiness for him and his mate and he had almost never felt as lucky as he did. His mate had loving parents. Parents that would stand on the first row and watch their mating ceremony. He couldn’t wait to tell his Flame.

Ashe had a rough day.

She had woken up late, without Azriel by her side even though he fell asleep there last night. He left a note saying he would be back in the evening, but that he had work to do.

She went to her lesson with Rhysand, but didn’t get to walk to the Townhouse because she woke up late. The lesson went extremely bad. It was like all the progress she had made the last few weeks was gone. Rhysand told her that it was normal to have a setback around this time, but Ashe still didn’t like how it made her feel.

In an attempt to not fall too deep into her thoughts, she went to a calm café. She bought a cup of hot chocolate and a cinnamon bun. Ashe was about to take a sip, when a small child outside started screaming like it was dying. Ashe got startled and spilled the entire hot chocolate all over herself. The café owner offered her a new one, but Ashe said no politely and left.

She winnowed back to her home and was surprised to see both Samli and Thord home. It was unusual for them to be home at that time of day.

“Oh dear,” Samli said when she saw Ashe’s dress. “Let’s get you cleaned up.”

“It’s fine,” Ashe said. “I’ll just go take a nap.”

“No!” Samli yelled at her and Ashe’s eyes widened before she changed her gaze to confusion. “Let me take care of you dear. You’ve had a rough day.”

Ashe didn’t believe Samli at all, but was too exhausted to say anything. She let Samli help her bathe, brush and dry her hair, even style it. Then she went to her room and got Ashe her favourite dress. Samli just a suspiciously long time before she got back to Ashe and Ashe felt the need to be nosy growing more and more.

“What is going on?”

“You’ll see soon,” Samli almost sang as an answer. Ashe was starting to worry something was wrong with Samli…or that she and Thord had switched personalities.

The two of them walked out into the kitchen and Thord was also beeming with an unusual amount of happiness, even to be him, and Thord was almost always happy. Ashe had seen him sad three times, mad two and furious once, and all of those had been in the first weeks they stayed in Velaris.

“What’s going on?”

“Nothing,” Thord answered. “I’m sure you need a nap. Why don’t you go to your room for a little while.”

Ashe just shook her head. This was too much for her. It was no way Samli had fixed her hair and given her the most beautiful dress she owned just for a nap.

She didn’t bother argue with them and made her way to the bedroom.

She was about to open the door when she felt the first shadow and suddenly, she understood what was happening. Excitement filled her body, so extreme that she lost control. Ashe almost ripped the door open and didn’t even bother looking before she jumped into Azriel’s arms. He had only seconds to react, but caught her, like he always would.

“Well hello there, Wildflame,” he said, teasing her a little with the nickname.

He carefully let her down to the ground, but Ashe struggled to stand still. She started jumping up and down.

Azriel wore his finest tunic, and his hair was slicked back. He looked delicious, she didn’t know how to explain it otherwise. He held red roses, and a few single roses was places on various places in her room.

“Ashe, daughter of Thord and Samli,” she started crying at that. “After having gotten the permission from your father, Thord, I hereby give you the permission to accept the mating bond when and as you see fitting.”

Ashe was about to dry her falling tears when a shadow flew to her face and did it for her.

“You asked Thord for permission?”

Azriel smiled as he put down the roses and laid his strong arms around her.

“Of course, you dreamed of your mate asking your father.”

Her mate was the sweetest in the entire world, she was sure of it.

“So we can have our ceremony whenever I want to?”

He laughed at her eagerness, but then he nodded.

“Is next Saturday too fast?” she asked biting her lower lip just a little.

Azriel lifted his hand and carefully used his thumb to free her lip. Ashe had never experienced anything as sexy.

“Next Saturday is Starfall, but we can do it both before or after.”

Ashe had just melted the entire candle instead of lighting it and she was going to give up when the doors to Rhysand’s office opened. She felt the shadows first and then the relief of knowing her mate was there.

“You’re stressing too much, too much excitement I believe,” Rhysand explained to her. “I expect you to be back to your actual level after the two of you have accepted the bond.”

She looked up at Azriel as his hand laid on her shoulder. He softly kissed her head.

“Be kind to my mate, brother,” he said, and Rhysand only rolled his eyes.

Ashe then noticed how Mor and Cassian also were in the room. And Mor’s eyes were set directly at her. The female walked over to her and pulled her up from her chair.

“What are you wearing tonight?” she asked. “Do you have a dress ready? I finally have another girl her, a mean a real girl Amren doesn’t count, and I can’t wait for get ready together.”

Ashe looked over the female and tired really hard to figure out what was going on. But she found nothing.

“What’s happening tonight?”

Mor let go of her hands in an instant and turned almost aggressively towards Ashe’s mate.

“Azriel!” Mor almost yelled at him. “How could you not tell her?”

Azriel, however, was only looking at his Ashe.

“It’s Starfall, Flame. I told you about that last week,” he looked almost worried at her.

He had told her about it. He told her everything they used to do. The big part and all of it. But she hadn’t realized she was invited. She hadn’t made the connection between Velaris’ citizen and herself. Hadn’t made the connection between Azriel’s family and herself.

“Flame-,” he started to speak, but Mor quickly took over.

“Males,” she said with a sigh and grabbed Ashe’s hands once more. “We do not have a lot of time.”

Mor had dragged her to way too many stores and she got her both a new dress and some new earrings. Putting it all on Azriel’s tab.

Azriel and Cassian had flown them up to the House of Wind and Ashe had just gotten over the worse nausea from the flying and gotten a small kiss from her mate, when Mor once more pulled her away.

They spent the next two hours getting ready. They helped each other getting dressed. They did each other’s makeup and hair. And then talked about everything.

Ashe had spoken to Mor before, but never this much or this deep. She quickly understood that Mor was the best listener. The two females became best friends within a few hours and that friendship would last for the rest of their lives.

“What do you mean?” Mor said with a gasp. Ashe just kept heating up the curling iron, now with a smile on her face. Mor would usually use the fire to heat it up and that took ages. Ashe’s powers helping the curling hair was the best thing ever according to Mor. “I’m never curling my hair again. You’ll have to do it from now on.”

Ashe just laughed, but then she began thinking.

“Mor? Can you do my hair and makeup before my mating ceremony?”

The female squealed in agreement, and they immediately started planning.

“Breathe,” Mor told her. “You look absolutely stunning.”

Ashe wasn’t nervous, she was just way too excited. She tried not to sweat away her makeup and jumping up and down in high healed shoes was a bad idea.

“Ready?” Thord asked her.

She couldn’t help but give him a hug, even though Mor was protesting about her going to ruin her makeup.

“Let’s go love,” Thord said, and they began walking.

There were so few guests, all were standing, but it didn’t matter. Mor, Amren and Samli stood behind where Ashe would stand. A priestess was in the middle and on the other side Cass and Rhys stood behind Azriel.

Ashe could see his nerves, but she was so grateful that he wished to let her fulfil her dreams of having a proper mating ceremony. He looked beautiful. It was like he was glowing. He wore a black suit, with a tie that matched her green dress.

The mating ceremony was a beautiful blur. The second Ashe got in front of Azriel and got to hold his hand, time stopped, and it was only the two of them that existed.

The dinner was delicious, and the dessert was just like Azriel wanted it. The two of them talked the entire evening. Their family was drinking and dancing and having a good time. Samli and Thord had left after dessert, saying they were too old to keep up with the young ones.

“May I have this dance?” Azriel asked her jokingly. She took his hand, and they danced together for the first time.

In her mind, dancing was amazing. It was freeing and beautiful movements that made the music come alive in a way it didn’t before.

In reality, she was an awful dancer, but she always forgot about that.

Azriel tried to be a supportive mate, but each time she stepped on his foot, he laughed a little louder. He didn’t care about it though. The two of them really enjoyed the dancing. All the different styles of ballroom dancing, and also the more chaotic slightly more drunk dancing.

A calmer song played and the two of them snuck away from their family and out on the balcony of the House of Wind. The view was the only reason to why Ashe had agreed to having the ceremony there. She still didn’t like flying.

They held each other tight and swayed back and furth alone where no one could see them. It was the perfect ending to the most perfect day.

“Azriel?” she asked him, moving her head from his chest.

“Yes, my Flame?”

“Would you be ready for some stew?” she asked him and tried not to laugh from all the emotions that filled her.

“I’ve never been this excited for stew in my entire life,” he answered.

They shared the most tender kiss they had the entire day and snuck away from the party entirely.

“I love you Azriel.”

“I love you too, my Flame.”

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Chapter 15: The Shadow to my Flame

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The next part won't come until next week sometime. I'm having my partner over this weekend, so I'll take a break from writing. Hope you all have a nice weekend!

Ashe had eaten and gotten dressed when Azriel got to her room. She wore a loose, but warm dress. It was mostly green, but it had a few light blue details.

Azriel looked like he was drooling when he saw her and Ashe almost laughed at him. But just almost, as she was too anxious to do anything else.

“I was wondering if you-”

“Are you my mate?”

Ashe had never been good about confrontations. She wanted an answer, so she asked him.

His eyes widened to the biggest size Ashe had ever seen them, and then, to Ashe’s immense relief, he nodded.

“Yes Flame, I’m your mate,” he answered.

That’s when Ashe felt it snap. She felt the overwhelming feeling of home and safety taking over all the place she had in her chest. She felt the feeling of needing to be with Azriel. It was a feeling she had felt before, only with him. It was so much, but at the same time it felt extremely right. It felt like her world had been pulled apart and build up again just right.

But at the same time, she had too many questions.

“How long have you known?”

“Please, let’s just sit down and I’ll explain everything.”

“How long have you known?” Ashe didn’t move.

Azriel brushed a hand through his hair and sat down at her desk, facing her.

“I’ve known since the shadows found your letters.”

Ashe felt like her brain was going to explode. He had known even before they met? Ashe didn’t even know that was possible.

“The shadows talked about you as “mate”. I didn’t know your name until you introduced yourself. But when I first saw you in the dungeon, I knew for sure that you were my mate.”

Ashe felt too overwhelmed to stand, so she sat down on her bed, a few meters away from Azriel.

“Were you ever going to tell me?” she asked looking at her hands. She had removed the bandages. Madja had done a good job, but she still had a few scars.

“Please, look at me.”

She wasn’t planning on doing it, but when she realized how shaky his voice was, she didn’t have much of a choice. He was crying, just one tear, but he was crying.

“I was planning on telling you when you felt better. Your entire world just flipped upside down, Ashe. I didn’t want to force a mating bond upon you when you were going through so much else.”

When Ashe had imagined the conversation throughout the night, she had been cool and collected. She had taken breaths and spoken steady.

After 161 years she probably should have known that she would never be the neutral voice in the room.

She got so extremely angry at his words that she didn’t know what she was going to do about herself.

“Force a mating bond upon me?” she asked him with disbelief.

“Yes, Ashe. I realized quickly that you feel a lot and I didn’t want to make you take a difficult decision when you already were having a hard time.”

That made Ashe stand up and Azriel stood up with her.

“Difficult decision? You think me deciding about the mating bond would be a difficult decision?”

Azriel’s shoulders slumped a little. And then he nodded.

“I see,” he said and started to raise up from her chair. “I’ll leave.”

Ashe almost lost her jaw to the floor. She realized Azriel was serious and ran to cover the door.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” she asked as kindly as she could. Azriel looked heartbroken and confused at the same time. “It’s an easy decision because of course I’ll want you. You don’t dare to think anything else you stupid idiot. You are my mate, and you’ll have to deal with me, that’s something you’ll just have to live with.

“I don’t think you know how much you have done for me the last few weeks. You gave me a purpose. You made me feel important and useful, but safe at the same time. I have lived through what I hope will be the worst few weeks of my life and you were the entire reason I got through it. I don’t think you understand that if you hadn’t been there, I probably would have been dead right now.”

“Please, don’t say tha-”

“Shut up,” she continued. “They would have found out about my letters eventually and then Beron would have tried to killed me. Eris probably would have gotten me out, but I would have died in the Summer forests, because who was I going to live for? Azriel, you saved my soul. My soul is tethered to yours and of course I’d like to keep it that way.

“I don’t think you understand-”

Azriel could listed to Ashe yell at him for the rest of their lives.

Because he knew that now, it would be their lives. She spoke and spoke and spoke. And he loved every second of it.

She spoke mostly about how stupid he was, but sometimes she would use some details about her own life to underline just how stupid he was.

She told him how Eris had taught her to dance and how she had dreamed of dancing with her mate ever since, but she never thought servants could have mates.

She told him how she once accidentally gave food poisoning to Beron because she heated up the wrong dinner. He couldn’t remember exactly why she told him that, but he knew he would be extra observant if his mate was in the kitchen.

Ashe told him about how she craved more and more of him after their first kiss and Azriel wanted to agree, but she just held up a hand and he continued to listen.

“Are you on your way?” Rhys asked him for the fifth time. It was almost thirty minutes since he got to Ashe and he was supposed to bring her to the House of Wind.

“She’s still going,” Azriel told him.

Rhys only laughed in his mind.

While Azriel spent all his attention listening to and understanding every single detail Ashe told him, his shadows did what he really wanted to do: admiring.

“beautiful.”

“ours”

“kind”

“funny”

“love”

“mate, mate, mate”

Azriel had his dream female in front of him, and even though she was currently repeatedly calling him an idiot, he only felt love, love and then some more love through the bond that bloomed in his chest.

“And when you told me my hair looked nice after the Lady did my curls, I thought I was going to pass out and I’ve been think about curling my hair again ever since. I’ll have to grow it out again, of course.”

“Your hair is beautiful now too,” Azriel said and even more butterflies exploded in Ashe’s stomach. “Your mother did your hair? That’s nice”

“Yes, she was in a weird mood,” Ashe continued. “When I got to her room, the heir of Autumn left, and she was quiet and teary eyed the entire time. I’ve heard rumours about the Lady, I mean my mother, having other lovers, but I never expected them to be true.”

“They have a history,” Azriel said, and the neutral voice told Ashe that he definitely knew something.

“What do you know?”

Azriel looked surprised at her but spoke anyway.

“Let’s just say I was spying on the Autumn Court, after orders from Rhys’ father, and very quickly found out that a certain little brother of yours was conceived at a time where Beron was on a two months long trip to the continent, and Helion was on a “study” trip to Autumn.”

Ashe was sure she looked even more shocked than when she found out about the mating bond.

“Oh my cauldron, I should have guessed that!” she said, but then fell deep into her thoughts.

Could she be Helion’s daughter too? Was that why Beron hated her so?

Azriel stood up from the chair he had been sitting on and walked over to Ashe. He took hold of her hips and pulled her towards his body. He leaned down and kissed her. It wasn’t as soft as it had been the first time. This time it was rather needy, but Ashe got just as weak in the knees as last time.

It was like time stood still. He held her in his strong and safe arms and all was perfect. Their kiss grew more and more intense, and Ashe never wanted it to stop.

However, the second she thought about that, Azriel stopped. His smile was huge as he spoke.

“Finished yelling?” She let out an embarrassed laugh as she nodded. “I love you, wildflame. I love you, all of you, temper and all. And I’m looking forward to you yelling at me for the rest of our lives, but it was actually a reason to why I came here this morning.”

“I love you too. Extremely much, and I for cauldron’s sake hope you know that now,” she answered. “What was the reason?”

“Rhys wanted to speak to you.”

“The High Lord wanted to speak to me, and you let me spend thirty minutes yelling at you?”

“Hey, hey, I tried stopping you, multiple times, but you were too far into wildflame territory for me to stop you.”

“We have to go,” Ashe said and turned around to grab for the door.

However, Azriel grabbed her hand first and dragged her back into his chest. He kissed her lips so passionately as he held her hair.

“Now we can go,” he said and pulled away.

Ashe could get used to kissing him.

Ashe learned quickly that she did not like flying. Every time Azriel had to dip just slightly or make a turn, she ended up screaming.

She had never been so grateful for standing on her own two feet as when she landed on the balcony of the House of Wind.

“You did better than many others do the first time they fly,” Azriel told her after she had gotten control over her breathing and stopped the need to throw up. He held her hand and showed the way to the High Lord’s office.

“There they are,” the High Lord said as they walked into his office. He, the general and who two females sat there and waited for them. “Nice of you to grant us with your presence.”

“It’s not my fault no one has tried telling this idiot that he is worthy of love, I had to explain it to him and that took a while.”

Azriel looked red as a tomato, but the rest of his family only laughed at him.

Ashe froze immediately when she realized how she had just spoken to a High Lord.

“I’m sorry,” she said with an unsure voice. “I shouldn’t have said that.”

“Oh, you absolutely should,” Cassian told her. “It’s nice to hear that someone’s ready to take care of our broody shadowsinger.”

Ashe was still not sure and she almost excpected a punishment for how she had spoken. But at the same time, all the smiles that met her told her that she was safe. Azriel laid a hand on her lower back and her feeling of safety multiplied.

“Sit down please,” the High Lord continued and Ashe and Azriel sat down in a small couch. “We have received a few letters from your family. We thought you might want to read them.”

He handed Ashe a small pile of six letters. Ashe looked through them, but it didn’t say who was the sender on the front page. She knew they were from Eris, but she still wanted to know.

“We have also received a letter from Beron,” the High Lord continued and Ashe’s attention snapped towards him. “It was addressed to me, so I hope you don’t mind that I read it without you.”

Beron had sent another High Lord a letter about her? That can’t be good.

“You can read it yourself if you want or I can summarise the content.”

Ashe didn’t notice when her hand ended up in Azriel’s, but he was now stroking his thumb back and furth on the back of her hand. She appreciated how he knew she needed comfort without having to ask.

“Can you summarise it please?” she asked, not really daring to see Beron’s handwriting.

“Beron acknowledges you as his biological daughter and says that since you were unmarried at the time of your  “kidnapping”, he still has the claims to you. He therefore wished to invoke a blood duel-”

“No,” Ashe said. “Absolutely not. He can’t just ignore me for that long and then invoke a blood duel. He wants to get me back just to kill me.”

“I agree with you, but it seems like he can,” The High Lord explained.

“Who does he want to fight?” Azriel asked. Ashe could feel his anger and worry float through the bond. It felt weird and right at the same time.

“We can choose who we send.”

Ashe saw how Azriel opened his mouth and immediately stopped him.

“You’re closing your mouth right now,” she said harshly. “I’m not letting anyone duel because of me.”

“You’re definitely not duelling,” Azriel answered.

“Why not?”

Azriel looked at her as if she was crazy. His look made her realize that she was indeed crazy.

“No one is fighting him,” the High Lord interrupted them with a smug smile, however it fell when he started to speak.  “We might have a solution to our problem, but I’m not sure you’ll like it.”

She looked hesitant, but asking at him.

“We came up with the idea that if you’re dead, then he won’t need to invoke the blood duel.”

Ashe felt so fucking stupid. Of course, their only way to save her was to kill her, it was the Night Court. She should have known it would end like this.

Azriel’s grip around her hand tightened and he became even more angry.

“What are you planning, brother?” he asked and Ashe have never heard his voice more intimidating.

“We want to fake her death. Ashe, we’ll answer Beron that you, after a long fight, unfortunately died from the harm he did to you. You’ll live your life safe her in Velaris. Perhaps as Samli and Thord’s daughter or we can make up another story for you if you need it. That way, Beron will get his will, but at the same time you’ll be able to live a calm life here. Velaris is highly protected, and I’ll imagine Azriel won’t mind having you safe from all his enemies as well.”

The idea seemed…wonderful.

She’d have the chance to live a new and safe life. Ashe could start new.

Velaris was a city with a lot to offer, so she wouldn’t mind staying there. And acting to be Samli and Thord’s daughter wouldn’t be hard. She’d have to be adopted of course, but she didn’t mind that.

From the hopeful feelings she got from Azriel she understood that he felt the same.

But it was something she wished for.

“Would everyone else need to think I died?” she asked the High Lord.

“Who are you thinking about?”

“My mother,” she answered. “My mother and Eris. Mother had gone through so much already; I don’t want to give her more pain. And she shouldn’t be the only one to know. Even though Eris have lied a lot to me, I feel like it will be too much for my mother to carry this secret alone. I trust Eris to keep it with her.”

The room seemed to be thinking. Ashe new that the Night Court didn’t have the best relationship with her brother, but she hoped they would look past it for her.

“That’s okay,” the High Lord answered in the end and Ashe felt so relieved.

She finally had hope of a good life.

“Are you going to read them?” Azriel asked her when they got back to her room.

Ashe almost had a new breakdown on the thought of him leaving, so Azriel was of course staying the night. They decided that the next day would be relaxing for Ashe’s mind so that she might be able to not cling onto Azriel all the time. Azriel said he didn’t mind, but Ashe needed some space.

He was talking about the letters Ashe had been holding in her hands for the last ten minutes. She had just been looking at them.

“I don’t know,” she answered. “I know I won’t like what’s in them.”

Ashe was seated at the end of her bed, and Azriel soon moved to sit behind her. He covered her with her wings like a cocoon, only her head was over his wings. Ashe leaned into his touch and let out a little laugh from all the butterflies that danced in her stomach. Cauldron, she loved him.  

“You don’t have to read all of them at one time, you know,” he told her as he softly started to play with her hair. “You can start with one and take the next tomorrow.”

Ashe nodded and Azriel moved his wings.

“Can you please hold me?”

“Of course, my Flame.”

She blushed a little at the pet name. She wished she had one for him, but Shadow seemed too basic, and she really liked his name.

 Ashe opened the first letter with shaky hands and recognized Eris’ handwriting.

Ashe,

I know I have lied to you and let you down in one hundred different ways. I don’t expect you to forgive me, but I just want to know that you’re safe.

I never planned on letting you go alone to a foreign court, and least of all the Night Court, so please answer that you are safe. I will hurt them if they have laid…

Ashe didn’t bother reading the rest.

Eris didn’t know the Night Court at all it seemed. Or maybe he did, but he didn’t want to tell her that either.

“How are you feeling?” Azriel asked her.

She let out a sigh as she reached for the next letter.

Ashe,

Even Lucian is now answering my letters. He’s mad at me for letting so much harm getting to you. I’m mad at myself too.

Please give me a sign that you’re alive. I know that I let you down, but I’m still your brother and I care a lot about you.

Please, Ashe.

From Eris

Even Lucian knew about her being their sister. It felt totally unfair.

She let out an angry humf and picked up the third letter.

She saw how short it was and Eris’ handwriting and didn’t bother to read it.

“Remember to breathe,” Azriel whispered into her ear and her anger lessened a little.

Ashe picked up the fourth letter and expected the same, but this was longer. A lot longer.

Ashe,

I was over the moon when I got to know that I was getting another little sibling. It was a while since mother had been pregnant, and she was struggling a lot more that time than what I could remember she doing with the rest of your older siblings.

She was throwing up more, sleeping more and definitely eating more.

Even in the womb you were a lot.

Beron wasn’t there the night you were born. I was the first one that held you after mother. You were very little, but you scream was so loud.

I could see mother’s worry when she got to know that you were a baby girl, but I never expected Beron to give so much harm.

You almost didn’t survive, and I don’t know if mother would have lived if he had killed you that night.

I’ve tried to look out for you ever since. I know I haven’t done a good enough job and that you deserved so much better, but I’m a coward that’s scared of his own father.

I did my best, but it wasn’t enough.

Please answer me. Ask me all and every question you have and I’ll answer you to my best ability.

Eris

Beron had tried killing her the night she was born.

Reading the letters left Ashe with even more questions, so she picked up the fifth letter. She opened it and got disappointed by another one of Eris’ pleading letters.

Ashe quickly put it away and picked up the last letter. She tried to not get her hopes up, but it was hard not to.

She opened it and noticed how the handwriting was a lot prettier that Eris’. It looked more thoughtful and professional, but at the same time rushed. The letter was dated two days ago. Ashe’s birthday. Ashe gasped and almost started crying when she realized who the letter was from.

My sweet Ashe,

161 years ago today, I gave birth to the smallest and loudest baby girl. I fell in love immediately.

I knew from the moment I smelled my pregnancy that you were different from the rest of your siblings. You smelled sweeter.

Your father was not delighted to have another babe, but you soon proved to be warmer than all our other sons, so he expected you to be the strongest.

I only realized that you were a girl when I could drink tea as pregnant without throwing up. For all the six other pregnancies, even the smell of tea made me nauseous. But you, my sweet girl, allowed me to drink it.

When I found out you were a girl, I had to make a difficult choice. I knew Beron didn’t want a daughter, but at the time I still had not noticed just how awful he was. I was naive and thought that he would not mind having a daughter after so many sons.

Beron was not there when I gave birth. I was seconds away from giving you to another family when he got home. He took one look at you and immediately got disappointed. He had expected a powerful heir, and he got a daughter.

We made a bargain. He would let you live as long as you never had a good life, and I was not allowed to seek you out. Never. He sat Maria to gain your trust and to make sure that you were treated as a bastard servant.

I thought it was for your best, but I have hated myself for every day since. I could have made a different decision, but I did not realize how much of a monster he was until that night. I knew he was a monster, but I never realized he could harm a newborn.

You have had burn scars on your body since the day you were born and I have carried the guilt ever since.

My sweet Ashe, you have never been a disappointment to me. I’m a mother to the most thoughtful and kind daughter and I have never been prouder. I have watched you grow into a female that does everything she can to make life better for the people around her and that is something I will honour you for as long as I live. I have seen you grow and each time I have seen you, I have gotten more and more honoured to be your mother.

I will always be your mother if you need me, but I know that you are strong enough on your own.

My amazing daughter, I will always be sorry for the way you have been treated, but I hope that I will get to explain some day.

Please go live the life you have deserved.

Love,

Mom

Ashe dropped the now tear-filled letter into her lap and turned into Azriel’s chest, sobbing.

“She didn’t have a choice.”

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[moosesarecute]

Chapter 14: The Shadow to my Flame

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Ashe woke up and was no longer being cuddled by Azriel. However, her mind was in a little better place, so she didn’t feel totally abandoned like she did last night.

Azriel wasn’t cuddling her, but his shadows were. They held her almost like it was Azriel doing it. They were brushing through her hair and holding onto her legs. She felt herself pressing her head further and further into their comforting hold.

She didn’t open her eyes until Azriel sat down on her bed, and she felt it dip. He picked up her hand like he had done yesterday.

 “Ready for some food? Or are you going to keep snoring?”

Ashe ignored his comment about her snoring and eventually got up from the warm bed, with her hand still in Azriel’s. Most of the shadows left her, but some of them still held on to various places on her body.

“Do you mind them?” Azriel asked her and she looked over at him.

He wore comfortable clothing, he was still in his pyjamas, and his hair looked quite messy. His eyes looked very light, and he smiled at her.

 “I don’t mind them, I just-”

She stopped speaking when she noticed the table.

Azriel had moved her desk to the middle of the room and laid a small tablecloth on it. It was set for two and had various foods on it. Egg and bacon, oats and milk, and some chocolate croissants. On the middle of the table stood an unlit candle. Ashe almost gaped at the table.

“I made breakfast,” Azriel said. “Samli got us the croissants. Hungry?”

She sat down, still a bit shock about the kindness he shows her.

“Do you mind lighting the candle?” he looked hopeful at her.

She felt like a dark cloud covered her head. What if she hit him instead? What if she lost control and hurt him? What is she burned down the house? What if she hurt Samli and Thord after everything they had done for her?

“Breathe,” Azriel pulled her out of her spiral. His brushed his thumb over her hand and his eyes grounded her. “You can do this. Just remember to breathe. If something happens, we’ll work on it.”

Ashe doesn’t know why, but she trusted his words. His soft voice made her stress less.

So, she did it. She lifted her free hand, squeezed Azriel’s hand with the other and lighted the candle. She sent the smallest flame, and it lit the candle immediately. It was lit for about two seconds, before it extinguished.

She looked confused at Azriel, but he only smiled at her. He looked proud.

“Light it again.”

She did it and it extinguished once more.

“Again.”

The same happened.

“Do you understand?” Azriel asked her.

She shocks her head. No, she didn’t understand. She was just becoming more and more annoyed. She lit the candle, and it extinguished without any reason. How did it happen?

“Light it again.”

She got annoyed but did it anyway. Second after she had lit the candle, she saw how a single shadow flew through the flame and extinguished it. The shadow then danced with the smoke.

 “You didn’t hurt me. I flinched, because it surprised me. I was expecting to be hurt, but it was only soft and warm. You are not a danger. I know you won’t ever hurt me or anyone else you care about. You have the flames, and I have the shadows. I’m the shadow to your flame.”

“The shadow to my flame,” she muttered.

Ashe heard his words and even though they highly warmed her heart, she couldn’t trust him just yet.

“But I lost control,” she said and looked down at her still bandaged hands.

Azriel carefully reached his gloved hand towards her and lifted her chin.

“Everybody loses control sometimes. That just means we practiced too much or did something that now was too difficult. Losing control is a good thing, because you now know what to practice so that is doesn’t happen again.”

She nodded at his words and meant it. He was slowly but surely getting through to her.

“I’m here when you’re ready to talk. I know it’s hard, but none of us can help you if we don’t know what you need help with, Flame. If you figure out what you’re needing, we’ll all help you get better.”

She nodded once more.

She should just jump into it, shouldn’t she? He had proven that he wouldn’t judge her and with her already broken mental state, it couldn’t be much worse.

She looked over to the floor length mirror she had covered. Ashe no longer dared to watch herself. She was too scared to see him and not herself. She didn’t know herself anymore, but for some reason, she hoped Azriel did.

“I can’t,” she started, but had to stop at her shaky voice. Azriel squeezed her hand a little and it gave her the courage she needed to speak, even if it was just a whisper. “I only see him. I no longer see myself.”

It probably was an awful explanation, but she couldn’t explain it better.

Azriel nodded at her words, and it was visible he was thinking. His shadows were swirling around his head and Ashe felt insecure about being left out of the conversation they were having.

“Do you trust me?” Azriel then asked.

Ashe should probably have spent some time thinking about her answer, but she didn’t hesitate.

“Yes,” she answered him confidently.

The most adorable blush grew on his face and Ashe couldn’t help but smile.

Azriel stood up and helped Ashe up with him. He walked both of them towards the mirror. Ashe hesitated for a second, but Azriel’s encouraging look helped her. He stopped when Ashe stood directly in front of the mirror. Azriel let go of her hand and Ashe immediately got more anxious. It was like his hand had been a lid to all her fears.

He looked directly into her eyes as he removed the blanket she had placed over the mirror.

Ashe could see herself in her side vision but chose to look directly at Azriel. He wore a soft smile and even in her state it made her weak in the knees. He kept smiling as he walked over to her, he took hold of both her arms and stopped directly behind her.

“Is this okay?”

She nodded, still not able to look at the mirror. She didn’t even dare to look at him through the mirror.

Azriel lifted his arm in a tempo where Ashe could stop him if she needed to. He stopped with his hand right under her chin. Ashe was well aware over what he was planning, but she let him do it anyway.

She could do it. She could do it. She could do it.

“Is this alright?”

“Yes.”

Azriel’s hand touched her chin and slowly moved her head so that her head faced the mirror. Ashe looked at the celling instead. Her brain convinced her that it would be his wicked smile looking back at her.

“Look at me,” he said, and Ashe tried to move her head around so that she could watch him over her shoulder. Azriel, however, stopped her movement by using a soft touch on her chin. “Through the mirror, Flame.”

She let out a small sigh. She hoped she could trick him.

After she had taken a few very deep breaths and long exhales, she moved her eyes to look at Azriel’s hazel eyes through the mirror. To prevent her eyes from jumping to another place, she began studying Azriel’s entire face. His hazel eyes were glowing from the sunshining, and she could see some brown stripes through his otherwise pitch-black hair. She saw how his lips were tilted up in a smile, but that the smile was slightly higher on his left side than the right.

“My father was my abuser too,” he started explaining and Ashe felt her heart scream at the thought of him being hurt. “I didn’t have an easy childhood, and even though I hurt people as a living, I would never hurt the innocent. Cassian’s father sent him to the Illyrian camps and forced him to learn how to protect himself. Cass is the most thoughtful fae I have ever met. Rhysand’s father was a strict High Lord and Rhys got some harsh love throughout the years, but Rhys does his best to see everybody. My friend Morrigan’s father sold her to the Autumn Court to make an alliance. I expect you already know this, but she almost died at her father’s hands. Mor is making sure the same doesn’t happen to other females from the Hewn City.”

He lifted his hand and Ashe involuntary looked at his movements. He lifted it and brushed it through her short hair. The red was showing almost more than the brown now. Ashe didn’t know what do think about it.

“You’re not Beron,” Azriel continued and Ashe felt her eyes widen at the sound of the High Lord’s name. Calling him Beron almost gave her the feeling that she didn’t need to fear him. “You, my Flame, are Ashe. You are Ashe, the female that wrote down as many details about the High Lord as you could, because you wanted to protect others. You saved me from the dungeons without even knowing me. And you took Samli’s punishment without even hesitating. Beron would never even understand why someone could do that without evil motives.”

Azriel moved his hand so that it cupped her face and Ashe focused on each and every scare she could see on his hand.

“You feel too much to be Beron. Okay, so you are a Wildflame that does crazy and dangerous things sometimes, but you also care so much for the people around you without even hesitating. You gave away all your money to Samli, because you knew she was struggling. You spilled tea on a guard and was ready to face the punishment when you saved me. Look me in the eyes and tell me you think Beron would ever do that.”

She couldn’t.

Realisation flushed over her as she realized she believed him.

“There she is,” he said, and Ashe couldn’t help the blushfilled smile she smiled at him. “I don’t know about you, but I have been admiring your eyes for the last couple of minutes. Wouldn’t you like to do the same?”

She listened to his voice and did as he asked her.

Her amber eyes looked even more golden than usual. She saw hope in herself. The dull eyes she had seen the last couple of times she had looked in the mirror was now gone.

She looked at a slightly skinnier version of herself that had shorter hair, but her eyes and smile was the same. She could see that now.

Somethings hadn’t changed.

“You look beautiful,” Azriel whisper to her.

Azriel had left after breakfast, but only after Ashe promised she would eat at least two more solid meals that day.

He had left with a squeeze of her hand, but deep-down Ashe wished it had been one more of those soft kisses to her lips. At the same time, she knew she should keep as much energy as possible taking care of herself.

She got dressed properly for the first time in weeks. She wore a simple dress she had gotten from Samli. It felt weird, but at the same time right to go down stairs in the middle of the day. Velaris was more beautiful at night, she realized.

She had spent the day with Samli. They ate lunch together and spoke about all and nothing. Samli had started knitting as a way to spent time. Neither Thord or Samli had gotten jobs yet, but Thord often got small odd-jobs. Samli found life without a farm to be boring. She had way too much time and didn’t know what to do about it.

Ashe felt the same.

She was used to working all day every day, but at the same time, her body was too weak to do anything about it.

It was dark when Thord got home from one of his odd jobs.

 Samli and Ashe had prepared an easy dinner, and they ate together. It felt nice. They spoke and laughed like they used to do in Autumn.

Samli started doing the dished and Thord and Ashe sat down to play some cards before they went to sleep.

“What do you think about the shadowsinger?” Thord asked her. He looked a little worried.

Ashe didn’t know how to answer.

Azriel was amazing, fantastic, beautiful and he cared a lot about her. She felt safe in his presence and he made her smile like no other.

But telling Thord all that felt weird. She hadn’t even told Azriel about it.

“Thinking about anything special?”

Thord laid out his next card and Ashe realized she was definitely going to lose.

“He cares a lot about you,” Thord said next. “I’m just wondering if you think the two of you might have a future together.”

Ashe certainly hoped they did.

“I hope so,” she said and fought a blush. “But I haven’t been able to think much about the future lately.”

Ashe laid down her card and hoped Thord’s last card wasn’t the right one. However, they way his eyes lit up told her that she had lost.

“But you don’t feel anything particularly powerful about him?”

Ashe looked confused at him. What was he talking about?

“I’m just saying, as a mated male myself, I can see a lot of similar behaviour in Azriel’s actions towards you. I don’t know for sure of course, but if I was you, I would have thought about it. Held my eyes open and so on.”

Thord let down his last card, let out an awkward “yay” and moved to help Samli with the rest of the dished. She washed and he dried. It seemed like that was how they did it. When they finished, Thord kissed Samli’s forehead tenderly and took her hand.

“Think about it, love,” he said to Ashe before the two of them went to bed.

Was it true?

Was Azriel her mate?

On one side, she felt extremely happy. Azriel was the fae she cared the most for. She would love for him to be her mate. The thought of being able to spend eternity with him made her entire body filled with butterflies.

On the other side, what if Thord was wrong? What if Azriel wasn’t her mate and she had just gotten her hopes up?

Ashe knew one thing for sure.

It was only one way to find out.

The next morning, she would ask him. So, she spent the night preparing to either have the happiest or most heartbreaking conversation in her entire life.

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[moosesarecute]

Chapter 13: The Shadow to my Flame

Series Masterlist

Masterlist

Azriel was having a hard time.

He had, together with Rhys and Cass, explained to Mor and Amren that they had let Ashe not only into the Night Court, but also into Velaris.

When they had started explaining that Ashe was a Vanserra, Mor had become…distant. It didn’t take long for her to get into self-defence mode. He didn’t blame her for that, of course, but he wished they had gone about explaining it in a kinder way.

Amren agreed and had given him and his brothers many disappointed looks afterwards.

Azriel was also doing bad, because he hadn’t seen Ashe in over a week.

Samli and Thord had come up with the idea that Ashe would live with them, to try to not overwhelm her with all the changes. Azriel agreed that it was a good idea, but he hated not being able to help her.

So, he had been sneaking into her room after Thord and Samli had gone into bed to try to talk with her. She had grown quieter for each time he visited, and he got a worse and worse feeling of worry for each time he left.

But for the last week, Ashe hadn’t been in her room when he visited. Azriel took that as a sign she needed space, but he still let his shadows follow her.

They gave him updates about how she every night, snuck off and burned and burned and burned. She never did any harm, unless you count the trees she burned down, but she was growing more and more exhausted for each night.

Azriel had to admit that he was worried about her. Of course he was, she was his mate, he was supposed to worry. But he forced himself to stay away.

That was until his hands started hurting more than usual and his shadows informed him that she had burned her hands badly. They whispered about how she lost control for just a little and how her hands now were full of blisters.

His mind was brought right back to his younger self. He barely managed to pull himself out of his head before he got a panic attack.

Azriel used his worry to first pick up some bandages and cooling cream before he shadow-walked to where the shadows told him his Ashe was.

She was seated leaning against a tree and breathing heavily when he arrived. Her eyes widened just a little when she saw him and then she abruptly stood up. She was shaking and it was visible that she had been crying.

He slowly made his way towards her.

“I brought-”

“Don’t come closer,” she said. He had never heard her voice sounding more panicked. He stopped at her words. “You need to leave.”

Her shaking became worse and Azriel saw how she tightened her hands to try to ease the pain.

“I’m just here to help, Flame,” he answered and took another step towards her. Ashe reacted by taking a step away from him. “I have some cooling cream for your hands.”

She shook her head once more. Tears again begun to flow.

“I’ll hurt you. You have to leave,” her voice sounded even more panicked and urgent.

Hurt him? She could never hurt him.

He furrowed his brows at her words.

“You could never hurt me Ashe. Please, I just want to help you. See!” He held up the cooling cream and bandages. “I know you hurt your hands. These will help you.”

He knew by that terrified look on her face that he wouldn’t get any closer to her that night. He moved slowly as he put the cream and bandages on the ground.

“I’m here for you if you need me Ashe,” he said and he surprised himself when he heard the shakiness in his voice. Was he going to cry? He held the tears in, but he could see how Ashe definitely understood that he was getting emotional. “It will be better eventually.”

He stood straight and was about to move away, when Ashe took a small step towards him. She stopped herself after just one step. She looked terrified about what she had just done, but Azriel got hope.

He looked hopeful at her, waiting for her to make another move.

“I can help you, Ashe,” he said again and slowly lifted his foot to take a step towards her.

“No,” she almost yelled at him. “You can’t help. No one can help. Please, leave. You must leave.”

“Ashe, please-”

“LEAVE!”

One moment the forest was shining in the light from the moon, the next it was lit up by the fire that accidently left Ashe’s hands.

It was a thin, soft flame. It didn’t hurt as it hit Azriel’s hand. He got surprised by it, but it didn’t hurt. It almost felt comforting. It felt like his own shadows, but a little warmer. It wasn’t burning hot like the fire from wood. It was alive and felt safe.

However, Ashe didn’t realize he felt it that way. She looked like she had seen a ghost. That was until she got a little green tint in her cheeks.

She winnowed away before she threw up.

Azriel knew he had fucked up.

He had been in his room at the House of Wind for an hour. His shadows were covering him and the entire room. He wouldn’t be surprised if he learned that they were seeping out into the corridor.

What in the cauldron was he going to do?

He could feel all of Ashe’s terror and guilt. It overwhelmed the mother out of him. He was bawling his eyes out. He couldn’t remember last time he cried that much.

He needed to a plan to help Ashe. Firstly, he needed a plan to make Ashe tell him what she was struggling with. He had spent over an hour trying to come up with something, but the only thing he got was Rhys forcing it out of her brain, which didn’t seem like a good idea for her to trust him, or having his shadows follow her for every second of every day.

But they already did, and he still didn’t know what to do.

A soft knock on his door made his shadows stop covering him. They went to the opposite side of the room and swirled in a big black blob.

“Can I speak to you?”

It was Mor.

He got up from his bed and opened the door for her to come through. Mor’s eyes widened when she saw Azriel’s blood red eyes. He tried to rub the worst out, but it didn’t help much.

They sat down on his bed and Mor begun speaking.

“Rhys explained Ashe’s life. How she had no clue she was a Vanserra. I overreacted and I hurt you by not letting you explain, I’m sorry.”

Two hours ago, Azriel would have appreciated the apology, but right now it felt so insignificant. He had such bigger problems to fix.

He muttered a small thank you and expected Mor to leave. But she didn’t.

“I’m not going to leave you when it is so visible that you have been crying your eyes out. What’s going on?”

He knew she wasn’t going to leave until he told her, so he just started speaking. He always found it hard to explain things, so it took some time, but she eventually understood.

“So she burned you?”

“Yes, but no. It didn’t hurt. It didn’t leave a mark. It was almost soft.”

“But you flinched because you got surprised, and she thinks she hurt you? And then she left before you could explain?”

He only nodded.

“You care a lot about this female, don’t you?” Mor spoke extremely softly.

“She’s my mate.”

Mor looked at him both surprised and happy. None of them had mates. They didn’t even know many mates that actually liked each other, other than Miryam and Drakon.

Azriel felt honoured to have a mate, but at the same time he had never felt so lost in his entire life. He wanted someone to tell him what to do, but no one knew. No one had experienced what he was going through.

“You could explain it to her, you know. Explain it, not with words, but show her that she didn’t hurt you. Her fire is different because you obviously care for her, so show her the difference between her fire and other fire.”

It was the best idea Azriel could hear, so he started working.

Ashe was poisoned by her own mind.

She was a danger to the people around her. Or at least that is what she told herself. For each day, she noticed more and more details that gave away that she was his daughter. And for each detail, she got even more need to shut down her powers.

He flinched.

Ashe saw it every time she closed her eyes. And every time she saw it, she got more motivated to lose her powers.

If she didn’t, she would become him.

That’s how she ended up wandering through the sketchier parts of Velaris. That’s how she met with the drug dealer. And last, that’s how she got hold of the faebane.

Ashe knew it was stupid, she knew it was dangerous and potentially lethal, but if she didn’t do it, she would become lethal.

She started small. Only taking a pinch of the powder and adding it to her water. It tasted earthy and dry, but she got it down. However, she could still use her powers, so a few hours later, she took some more. Relief washed over her together with the nausea when she no longer could use her fire.

Good.

No fire = no danger to others

But then, after a few hours, she could again light her candle. So, she drank some more.

She felt like a thick cloud had laid over her. It held her mind tightly and it was highly uncomfortable. All her limbs felt heavy to move. Even lifting her eyebrows was a struggle. She began to cold sweat and uncontrollably shake, but it meant that she was safer for anybody else.

She looked down at her burned hands. She hadn’t let them heal completely before she started with the faebane. They would leave scars, but she deserved it. Azriel had similar scars, and she had hurt him, so she would experience the same amount of pain.

Samli and Thord were as loving as usual. They gave her food and hugs when she needed it. They asked why she was smelling so earthy but accepted her answer when she told them she had been spending a lot of time outside.

They were visibly worried but listed to her when she said she needed some space.

But she didn’t want space. She wanted to be held and comforted. She wanted someone to explain why the hell her life had taken such a turn and help her to see herself as herself and not him. She wanted to be loved and taken care off, but she was too much of a danger, so she couldn’t let anyone close enough.

She had proven that she wasn’t safe to be around. He had hurt Azriel. She had hurt the person she cared the most about. If she wasn’t safe to Azriel, she wouldn’t be safe to anyone else either.

Azriel had felt the bond growing quieter and quieter. When it got silent for the first time, he was sure Ashe was dead. He had completely lost it. He sent all his shadows to her and was almost on his way when the shadows told him that she was okay and safe.

Azriel was on edge for the rest of the day. He realized, after doing some studying about mating bonds, that he probably just closed her side without realizing it.

But then she didn’t open it. Not for days. Azriel had to admit he was worried. It did help a little when his brothers teased him for being to paranoid, but at the same time he just needed her to tell him that she was okay.

His brothers had been awful. They were only teasing him. Saying that he was whipped or wrapped around her finger. They weren’t wrong. Azriel wished his brothers were lucky enough to have mates, if only just so Azriel could tease them back.

It had been three days after the fire incident when Azriel was finally ready to explain. He had been practicing for three days, but he also wished for Ashe to have some time. He didn’t want to push her. If she told him to leave, he would.

Samli opened the door when he knocked.

“Please, be gentle with her,” she said. “I think she’s doing a lot worse than what she’s letting on.”

He nodded and promised to be gentle. He didn’t think he could ever be something else with her.

He knocked on her bedroom door and she opened after a while.

She had huge undereye circles and she looked exhausted. It felt like someone had stabbed Azriel. He just wanted her to be alright. Tears pressed on his eyes.

Ashe moved and let him into her room.

Azriel remembered laughing when he first saw her huge bed made for Illyrian wings. He had gotten hopeful that maybe one day, he would sleep in it with her. Now, it only felt like it was haunting him.

It looked like it only had been slept in a few times.

“I’m sorry,” Ashe spoke. Cauldron, her voice sounded weak. Azriel turned to look at her and saw that she was even paler than usual. What was going on? “I didn’t mean to hurt you. I-”

“You didn’t,” he started. “You didn’t hurt me. I just got surprised.”

He was about to start the explanation he had been practicing for the last three days, when he smelled it.

He noticed how her sweet smell was sour. How it didn’t give him the comfort it usually did. It only made him anxious.

He stopped and told himself it couldn’t be.

That was until his shadows drew his attention to a small jar that stood on Ashe’s desk.

He moved swiftly towards it and Ashe didn’t even have time to protest before he had opened it and smelled the faebane.

He felt chills going done his body. Had she been poisoning herself?

He looked over to her and she looked even paler than before. Her mouth was open, and she looked like she was trying to explain, but that she couldn’t.

“When did you get this?”

“Three days ago.”

He was going to puke. She had gotten it after she sent fire towards him.

“Was it full?”

“Yes.”

That’s a lot of faebane.

Azriel didn’t even try to hold back his protective instincts.

He dropped the lid back onto the jar and immediately moved back to Ashe. He didn’t let her protest as he embraced her so tightly. He also didn’t bother holding back his tears.

His mate had felt so low, felt so dangerous, that she poisoned herself. For three day. And he hadn’t noticed.

“Never again,” his shadows told him, and he agreed.

“Please, Ashe. I’m not letting you do this anymore. I’m going to help you. You can’t scare me away. I won’t leave you. I don’t care if you tell me to leave, okay? I’m going to stay, and you’ll have to find a way to deal with it. Okay?”

Her shoulders shaking told him that she was crying silently. He soon felt her tears soke his shirt. He only held her tighter.

She drew a breath and said something. But it was so quiet and full of sobs that not even his shadows heard it. He started stroking her hair in a hope it would calm her sobs a little. However, it only made her cry more.

“What did you say?” he whispered into her ear.

“Please, stay.”

Hope filled his heart.

“I’ll stay forever.”

Madja had given her a quite harsh talking to about how stupid she was. And even though Azriel felt the need to protect her from all the harshness of the world, Ashe’s eyes seemed more aware than it had since she got to the Night Court.

Madja had gotten all the poison out, but Ashe would remain weak and sick for a couple of days. She had dressed Ashe’s hands and given her an even bigger supply of cooling cream than earlier.

Azriel had held Ashe’s hand the entire time. He wouldn’t ever want to let go, but if he had wished to do so, he couldn’t. Ashe was holding him so tightly. It was like she was scared he would leave if she let go.

He needed her to know that he wouldn’t leave. Not now, not ever.

Samli and Thord had dinner ready for both of them when they got back from the healers. They apologized that they hadn’t noticed how bad Ashe was doing and then they told them how happy they were no permanent damage had been done.

Ashe only played with her food. She was deep in her thoughts and Azriel hoped she wasn’t spiralling deeper.

After dinner, he carried her up to her room. She had tried to walk, but even walking on the flat floor was too hard for her currently weak body.

Azriel adored having her in his arms, and even though he was overwhelmed and stressed, he couldn’t help but hope that it wouldn’t be the last time he carried her to her bedroom. He only hoped it was because of other reasons.

His shadows helped him lifting the duvet as he laid her down into the bed. She sunk into the mattress and Azriel realized how he loved seeing her relaxed. She was blinking lazily and Azriel had to smile at her.

He tucked her in tightly together with the shadows. It was a high possibility she would experience some fever throughout the night, so he didn’t want her to freeze.

He brushed the hair away from her face and watched how she closed her eyes and then, they stayed closed. He lifted her hand that had been holding his since before they went to the healer, and he kissed it softly.

Azriel then stood up and carefully let go of her hand. He moved quietly to the door when the cutest voice he had ever heard stopped him.

“Where you going?” Ashe asked him. He could hear how tried she was, but some panic still bloomed through her words. When he turned, she had almost sat up in the bed, only leaning down on one of her arms.

“I was going to let you sleep.”

He looked over at her and saw how tears started to fall. He immediately got the intense need to hurt anything that had ever hurt her. He moved over, sat down on the bed and dried some of her tears.

“What’s going on? Are you in pain? Do you need anything?”

She sniffed a little before she spoke.

“You said you would stay.”

Azriel felt relived. She had gotten him to think something was terribly wrong. But he saw how devastated she looked at the thought of being left and realized that to her, him leaving probably was something being terribly wrong.

“I’ll stay, my Flame.”

She nodded seriously and then moved over, picked up the duvet and grabbed his hand once again.

Her seriousness was only displayed as adorable in Azriel’s mind, but he laid down next to her. She then lifted his arm and laid it around her waist before she moved closer and closer to Azriel. He then covered them both with his wing.

Her amber eyes were almost glowing in the night light.

Azriel begun stroking her hair once more and it didn’t take long before she was snoring not so softly.

His mate snored.

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Dividers by: @saradika-graphics

[moosesarecute]

Chapter 12: The Shadow to my Flame

Series Masterlist

Masterlist

Ashe didn’t dream as she was passed out.

It was first when she was half awake, half asleep, she started to think.

She was the Lady’s daughter. Which probably meant she was the High Lord’s…the monster’s…daughter too.

She hoped she was a bastard. That that’s why she was hated so much, but deep down she knew that she wasn’t.

Ashe Vanserra.

She started sobbing as she thought about it. How? How could she be one of them. How would she be able to live with herself? She was a child of the most awful male in Prythian. She hoped the Lady cheated. She prayed silently that she wasn’t his.

The door opened and Ashe sat up in the bed she was laying in.

Where was she?

“You’re in the Night Court,” the High Lord of the Night Court answered.

Ashe immediately closed her mental shields and made sure to hold them at steady as she could.

A couple steps behind the High Lord stood the nice general from the ball, but Azriel was nowhere to be seen.

“We need to be sure you’re on our side before we can let Azriel in here,” the High Lord again answered her mental questions.

“Get out of my head,” Ashe said. Her throat was still rough and sore from the screaming. She wondered how long she had been out for.

“Only a couple of hours. You need more rest.”

She started to become angry, but as the emotion grew, she only felt more and more nauseous. She definitely got her anger from him. The Lady was almost never angry.

“Your shields are impressive,” the High Lord said. “Who taught you?”

Ashe realized she must have gotten him out. It calmed her down, even if it was just a little.

“Eris, my lord,” she answered with a whisper.

Her brother.

Her brother had taught her. One of her brothers. She did, after all, have five brothers, two more if you count the dead.

Cauldron, this was too much.

“No need for the formalities, unless you prove yourself to be a secret spy for the Autumn Court all along,” the High Lord continued. “Eris told Az that you didn’t know about your heritage. Is he telling the truth?”

Ashe looked down on her bandaged legs and laid her arms in her lap. She didn’t dare look at them as she nodded.

She felt so embarrassed. For so many years, she had been tricked into an identity that wasn’t true.

“You’re free now, Ashe,” the High Lord spoke much softer now. He must have gotten into her head again and realized she was speaking the truth. “You’re safe here in the Night Court. We’ll provide you with food and other resources until you’re ready to make your own living.”

She knew she should probably be happy about being giving another chance at life, but right at that moment, it was all too much for her.

What was she going to do? Maybe she’d get a job as a servant for the High Lord of Night. But she doubted he would trust her enough to give her that. She was, after all, the daughter of an enemy.

The High Lord and the general left the room, and unfortunately left Ashe alone with all her feelings.

Ashe thought through all the conversations she had ever had with her supposed family. All the laughing learning with Lucian, all the late-night talks with Eris and all the formal and short conversations with the Lady. She also thought about the horrible treatment she got from the rest of the Vanserras. How the rest of her brothers had gotten her punished countless times.

How the High Lord had given her so much pain.

She looked down. Her entire body was bandaged with cold compress. It gave temporary relief, but Ashe really wondered how she looked under the bandages. How bad was the damage? How many new scars would she get?

She felt the new, but now also familiar feeling of her chest tightening. Her breaths became shorter, and her lungs felt shallow and full at the same time.

Ashe lifted her hand, it was almost the only part of her that wasn’t covered, and brushed through what was left of her hair. On the left side of her head, her hair was almost as long as it used to be. On the right side, she only had a few centimetres left of her hair. Her scalp felt sore and stingy. The hair colour must have made her hair even more flammable than usual.

She wouldn’t need to colour her hair ever again, she realized. There were no rules that said she couldn’t have her natural hair colour.

But did she want to? Red hair was associated with Autumn. Did she want to get associated with her abuser?

That’s what he was, she finally dared to think. Her abuser.

And her father.

A knock on her door was the only thing that stopped her from bursting into tears again. She felt like her life was over. And in one way, it was. The life she had been living for 160 years, were over. She would have to start over, all alone.

The door opened just a little, and many shadows came flying in.

As they had done different times previously, they covered Ashe from head to toe to make sure she was okay. When they found the new burn wounds, they stopped and hugged her legs and back.

Their coolness felt nice, and their touch didn’t hurt, so that was very nice.

As before, they carried a small piece of paper.

May I come in?

He didn’t need to write who he was. The shadows made it obvious.

“Come in,” she whispered to the shadows and one of them flew and opened the door.

Azriel walked in with his wings tucked tightly to his back. His hands were folded in front of him and he tried to also make his body seem smaller.

He didn’t want to scare her, and Ashe highly appreciated it.

Ashe had never seen his eyes softer. He was visibly worried.

Azriel had done more for Ashe than what he realized. He had given her life a purpose. She had been able to use her situation to help others, because he had trusted her.

But now, she wasn’t who he laid his trust to. She was a different individual. All had changed.

“Are you okay?” he asked and then his eyes widened just a little. “I mean, of course you aren’t, but are you in pain? Do you need something? Can I get you something?”

He spoke softly, but Ashe could feel the eagerness in his voice.

She didn’t know what to answer. She needed so much, but she didn’t know what.

She needed someone to not only tell her, but make her believe, that everything would be alright. She needed someone to pick up all the broken pieces she had lost and build her back together.

She didn’t want this much change. She wanted to live the calm live she had been living. Ashe could take a few more years of abuse and work. She would probably work herself to death, but it would be easier than to deal with this.

Ashe hadn’t realized she zooned out before Azriel had sat down on the bed before her. He moved awkwardly slow and bulky as he tried to place his wings in a comfortable position. When he was happy, he held his arms very lightly around her. If she wanted to, she could easily move out of his embrace, but why would she want that?

She couldn’t hold herself back as she leaned her entire weight onto him and started weeping. She let out all she had. The tears and the sobs and then even more tears. When she first started, she couldn’t hold back.

Azriel stayed.

He held her through it all.

The louder her wailing, the tighter he held her, but she felt safe the entire time.

She didn’t deserve to feel this safe around him. Ashe shouldn’t be allowed to be safe. Her family had made so countless many others unsafe. They had killed and slaughtered so many.

She didn’t deserve to be the one that got saved.

“Sleep, Flame,” Azriel whispered to her. His shadows were covering the windows, so it was now dark. “I’ll be there when you wake.”

Azriel had been there when she woke hours later. He no longer held her, but he stroked her hair until she felt asleep.

She felt so selfish for keeping him there. It was surely many more that needed help to more serious things than her having a small breakdown.

Azriel wasn’t alone. Thord and Samli sat closest to her bed, and another faerie, one Ashe didn’t know who was, was tending her wounds.

Seeing her legs out of the bandage broke her a little more. They looked awful. They were red and full of blemishes.

Ashe realized she probably deserved to live with such scares. Many people would agree with her about that. She was a Vanserra. Vanserras did bad things and people wished bad things upon them in return.

Ashe refused to look Samli or Thord in the eyes. They must feel so betrayed by her. She had been tricking them all along. She hadn’t known about it, but if they were here to yell at her, she wouldn’t be surprised.

“You can start slowly moving around now, but only for short period of time,” the female tending her wounds said. “I have left some cream and a tonic for you. These kinds of burn-wounds hurt a lot when they heal, so you should expect being uncomfortable for quite a few more days. Don’t hesitate to contact me if it gets too painful or if you’re unsure about anything else.”

The female stood up and started to leave the room.

“Thank you, Madja,” Azriel told her with an appreciative nod.

“Take care, Shadowsinger,” the female, Madja, answered.

It was silent when she left. Thord and Samli looked like they were waiting for Ashe to start apologising. Their hands were connected and laid carefully in Thord’s lap.

“Hi, love,” Thord said after a little while.

His voice dumped even more guilt upon Ashe.

“I didn’t know. I promise you, I didn’t. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to. I wish it was different. I really do not know anything at all. No details or anything, but I’m sorry. Please, please believe me.”

No one spoke. Ashe was breathing heavily. The only sound was Ashe’s rough breaths, until the door closing had all three of their heads turn towards the door.

Azriel had left.

Azriel left, and Ashe felt the sudden need to throw up. He probably didn’t like her any longer. She wasn’t sure if she even liked herself any longer.

“Ashe, listen to me,” Thord said and moved out of his chair and sat down on her bed. He grabbed both her hands in his and gave them a small squeeze. “This changes nothing, you hear me? None of us are mad. You haven’t done anything wrong. You are still the Ashe we know and adore. You are still the same person that always looks out for others. Who your parents are doesn’t change that. You, Ashe, are still you.”

He gave her hands another squeeze and Ashe finally looked up at him. He looked tired, but at the same time calm. Ashe could imagine he hadn’t been sleeping very well since having to leave Samli.

Samli, however, looked a lot better than she did the last time Ashe saw her. Her cheeks had gotten the colour back and she even wore a small comforting smile.

Ashe felt the need to protest at Thord’s words. Of course everything had changed, how could he say anything else? It was absurd.

“You’re moving in with us,” Samli was the next to speak and her words made Ashe’s eyes widen. “You’re part of our family whether you like it or not. Rhysand is helping us moving in an extra bed for you as we speak.”

Rhysand?

How did she dare call the High Lord by his first name? That’s almost more absurd.

“We’re going to build a new life her Ashe, and you’re going to be in it.” Thord ended the conversation.

Living with Samli and Thord was…safe. Ashe had never felt as relaxed. They lived in a small house in the middle of Velaris. Ashe hadn’t been well enough to leave the house yet, but she was looking forward to escaping a little.

She loved Thord and Samli, but she wasn’t used to all the doting and attention. She was used to being bossed around, having work to do at all hours of the day. Nobody had cared if she was in pain or tired, she needed to work.

Samli and Thord was the opposite. They made her food, gave her books and yarn so that she wasn’t bored. They came with tea and sweets as a snack and wished her a good night sleep.

It was always evening when Azriel arrived, asking if she needed anything.

She always answered no, but he always knew what she actually wanted and got it for her. She didn’t know how, but he arrived with the medicine she needed, the new yarn she wanted or just some hot chocolate.

They didn’t speak much. Ashe new Azriel was waiting for her to open up, but she didn’t know if she would ever be able to do that.

Ashe didn’t sleep a lot. Even though she had gotten the biggest and softest bed from the High Lord, she couldn’t sleep. He wished for her to experience total comfort, so she got one of the big beds used by winged faeries. She didn’t understand why she needed a beg for wings, but she wasn’t going to speak against the High Lord.

Every time she closed her eyes she saw him. She was the fire, his burning eyes and then, she saw him turn into her. His eyes were hers and his fire, his painful and evil fire, was suddenly hers.

She only slept after talking a sleeping tonic and she could only take that every 48 hours.

After a week, Ashe was healed enough to go exploring. She had taken the habit of sleeping during the day, so that she wouldn’t intrude on Samli and Thord. At night, it was also harder for her to see her reflection. Which was a good thing, since she no longer saw herself in her reflection. Cutting her hair had only made things worse. She had styled it and changed it slightly for each day since she cut it, but she still saw him each time she looked in the mirror. It didn’t help that her hair was growing in record speed, and the redness was starting to show.

Ashe wandered into the woods.

She went to the same clearing each week.

The clearing itself became bigger and uglier for each night.

She was convinced she could burn herself out. If she just used her powers enough, she wouldn’t have more left eventually, or at least that’s what she told herself.

Two seconds.

It now took her two seconds to burn down an entire tree.

She felt both dizzy and nauseous afterwards, yes, and she burned her own fingers more and more, but she did it to protect everyone else. Ashe refused to be put in a position where she used her powers to harm. And to make sure that never happened, she would do everything to stop her powers from working.

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[moosesarecute]

Chapter 11: The Shadow to my Flame

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“That’s insane, Az,” Cassian was the first to speak.

As if Azriel didn’t already know that it was insane. He couldn’t be mated to a Vanserra.

Ashe Vanserra.

He only stood and waited for his brothers to continue the conversation. He felt speechless. He needed them to tell him that he was wrong. He was in total denial.

“Why do you think she’s a Vanserra?” Rhys was the next to speak. His voice was a lot calmer than Cassian’s. Hearing him call her a Vanserra made Azriel shiver.

“I have a few different theories.”

“Okay,” Rhys said with a few nods. “Let’s not jump to conclusion. Take a few deep breaths and explain.”

Azriel did what his brother suggested and started talking.

“First of all. I found this document,” he picked it up from his bag and gave it to his brother.

“You stole documents from Autumn?”

Azriel ignored the comment and continued speaking.

“It says that the Lady of Autumn had a still birth 160 years ago. Ashe is 160 years. Second of all, she got taught together with Lucian. Why else  would a servant get education with a High Lord’s son? And she’s good friends with Eris. He protects her. What if he does it because she is his…you know.”

He had to stop and take a few more breaths. This felt so wrong. He needed them to tell him that he was wrong. He couldn’t even say aloud that she was Eris’ sister.

His mate. He just wanted her to be as kind and lovely he had experienced her so far.

“Thirdly,” he then picked up the book he stole from Ashe and the red hair. “There is a law that says that all servants with red hair must colour their hair. If you look at the date of the law, it is from 160 years ago. I found this in Ashe’s cabin. She has red hair.”

And then came the reason that made him want to throw up. He hated to know that they had hurt his mate so badly, without reason.

“I told you guys about Thord, right? Well, the soldiers found out Thord got away and Samli, his mate, was going to be punished because of it. Ashe refused to see her friend get hurt because of something she did, so she volunteered to take the punishment.”

Azriel then picked up the last document and handed it to his brothers. He got an overwhelming feeling of anger as he continued.

“Samli was sentenced to ten lashes,” he struggled to continue talking. Both fear and anger took too much space. Why was he suddenly feeling so much? “Ashe had to drink faebane and got thirty-one lashes, where the last six was given by Beron himself. And he sat the whip on fire. He wants her dead, so we have to get her out.”

Azriel then sat down. Cauldron, he felt overwhelmed. Rhys and Cass were both visibly thinking. For a long time. They were as speechless as Azriel.

“Beron didn’t want us to see him beside her for such a long time,” Rhys muttered. “That’s why he made her leave during the dinner that day...”

Azriel only nodded. That was what made Azriel look into Ashe’s heritage in the first place.

“Well, I think you’re right,” Rhys said and Azriel’s heart sunk.

No!

He wasn’t supposed to be right. He was supposed to be insane. He wanted nothing more than to be insane.

Azriel struggled to breathe. He felt so terrified. His shadows engulfed him completely, and his brother’s voices muffled.

His sweet, kind and wonderful mate was the daughter of the most terrifying male in Prythian.

His head was spinning. He couldn’t breathe. His chest was tightened. He was dying. He was sure of it. Terror spread through his body. His heartrate got so much quicker than it should. And then he felt immense pain on his back and legs.

Wait?

Why were his legs hurting?

 “Azriel?” he heard his brother’s voice a lot clearer.

Cauldron, he was burning. He was being set on fire. He was sure of it.

He abruptly stood up and had to look at his legs and over his shoulders. There was no fire.

Which only meant one thing.

“She’s burning,” he said aloud as he realized.

His brothers started asking him what he was talking about, but Azriel had already left.

He didn’t care. If his mate was a traitor, he would deal with it later. If she had known about her heritage all along and lied to him, he would deal with it when they got to the night court. He would not risk her being innocent in all of this and being hurt, again, because of it.

He felt himself praying. He needed her to be okay. Even tears pressed at his eyes. He couldn’t find out what was his feelings and what was hers.

He needed to get to his Ashe. And for the moment, he let himself forget about all the difficult dilemmas he had to figure out later. He was going to save his mate.

And no one.

No one, no matter what felony they had committed, deserved to be burned.

“Walk with me,” he said.

Ashe almost threw up from fear only at his command. She wore no shoes, and she was in her nightgown, but the High Lord didn’t care.

He stood tall with his hands on his back and started to walk slowly down the corridor.

Ashe wasn’t stupid. She knew that they knew. They must somehow have figured out that she was helping the night court. There was no other reason to why the High Lord would command her out off her room in the middle of the night.

She was getting killed.

Ashe was terrified, but at the same time, she was proud of her work. She had saved Thord. She was helped preventing one of the bigger attacks and she had helped the Night Court knowing what they would have to do to stop the High Lord.

And she had met a very wonderful male.

It was now getting her killed, but she had lived so much only in the last couple of weeks, so it was fine.

Ashe walked beside the High Lord until they reached the balcony. It was warm outside, but with a clod breeze. It was typical that the weather would be nice when Ashe was dying.

“Do you know why I have brought you here?”

His voice brought shivers down her back once more. She took a few deep breaths to at least not shake from her terror. She was going to stay strong, even in her last moments.

“I don’t, my lord.”

She most definitely did, but just in case she was wrong, she chose not to say anything.

“Some very important documents have disappeared from my office. I have a suspicion the Shadowsinger is the one that took them.”

Yep, she was definitely dead.

“Maria told me something quite interesting recently. That when the Shadowsinger escaped from his cell, you were nowhere to be seen.”

Maria?

Maria had told on her? What? Maria was her friend! She wouldn’t have! Right?

“She also told me that you asked for a night leave at a very late time on the exact day your friend, the lesser one, got out of Autumn. And my spies tell me that he was delivered to the Shadowsinger. It would be a pitty for nobody to protect the mate of the lesser fae any longer.”

Oh no.

Cauldron no.

He was not going to hurt Samli.

“160 years,” he continued. “I have waited 160 years to have a reason to do this.”

Ashe froze. He had waited all her life to do it? To kill her? Why did he want to kill her? Ashe hadn’t even known he knew about her until recently.

She had almost no time to think before she felt the fire. She screamed her lunges out as it wrapped around her legs and up to her back.

She tried her best to use her own, safe fire to set herself on fire. To use her fire to stop his, but he was too strong. She couldn’t breathe. Her vision blackened. It was so hot. It was burning her. She smelled her skin burning.

She fell to the ground and the coldness was comfortable for a few seconds before the fire again got hold of her.

She would wake everyone. Everyone in the Forest House would hear her die. That’s probably what he wanted. To make an example out of her one last time.

She no longer had enough breath to scream. She could only let out whimpers.

Ashe fought to keep her eyes open. She refused to give up.

Somehow, she had the hope that someone would save her. Someone would come and give her a second chance at life.

So she tried to breathe and think cold thoughts. She tried to keep her eyes open, but the heat soon made it harder and harder.

She screamed the last she could. That was is. She was dying, she was now gone and soon forgotten. She was-

“Get your hands off my daughter.”

The voice was close, but distant at the same time. But Ashe didn’t care. Relief. She felt so much relief as multiple buckets off water made the fire around and on her disappear.

Ashe heard a loud bang and then heard a body fall to the ground. She almost didn’t dare to move. Please say that was the High Lord falling to the ground and not her saviour.

“You need to leave, my dear,” the voice told her. Ashe felt hands on her back and shoulders and whimpered at the pain from the touch. “I’m so sorry, my little one. Please, you need to leave.”

It was first then that Ashe realized who was speaking.

The Lady of Autumn.

Ashe turned and saw the tears and burn-mark on the Lady’s face. She looked further and saw the High Lord knocked out, but stirring a little.

“You got to leave,” the Lady said again, now Ashe heard enough to notice the pain and sobs in her voice.

Get your hands off my daughter.

She must have heard wrong.

“Daughter?” she whispered with a whimper.

The Lady lifted her up on her feet and gave her the gentlest hug. Ashe just wanted to sink into her. The Lady’s hands held her head and brushed carefully through her burned hair.

“Yes, my dearest,” she answered and wrapped a thick blanket around Ashe. Her nightgown was burned, so she needed to wear something. “We don’t have time to explain, you have to get out.”

Ashe didn’t even have time to start her existential crisis before they heard another voice.

“Traitor.”

The High Lord suddenly stood right behind Ashe and the Lady. The Lady pushed Ashe inside and closed the door to the balcony. She stood like a human wall and tried to prevent the High Lord getting to Ashe.

Ashe had blisters everywhere and cried for every step she took, but she walked as fast as she could.

Get out, get out, get out, get out.

“There you are!”

Ashe didn’t even turn to see who had found her before she almost fell through the door of the closest cupboard.

Of course it was the one where Azriel had kissed her.

She tried to keep her hisses and whimpers of pain quiet as she waited for people to pass.

“I’ve got you now, princess.”

Ashe had to force herself to think about anything else. She could not think about what the Lady had revealed. She was just a normal servant.

Azriel.

She would think about Azriel.

His soft mouth and pretty eyes.

She heard the steps getting closer.

His comforting smell and cool shadows.

“You can’t get away this time.”

The small smile he wore when it was only the two of them.

How hot he looked in his suit.

“I’m got you-” the sentenced ended with gurgling. Ashe realized it was gurgling of blood. Someone had cut his throat.

“Ashe, we need to leave,” Eris told her. Ashe have never been so relived and at the same time furious at hearing his voice.

“How am I supposed to trust you after what I have just learned?”

Eris realized immediately what she was talking about.

“I don’t expect you to trust me, but I know you’re smart enough to know that if we don’t go now, you’ll be dead within the hour.”

Ashe hated that he was right. She opened the door, and Eris immediately grabbed her by the wrist.

One second, they stood in the Forest House, the next, they were on the border to Summer.

Ashe ripped her hand out of Eris’ grip.

“You have to leave,” Eris said. “As long as you’re over the border you’ll be safe. I’ll explain everything, I promise you Ashe, but for now, you need to leave.”

His eyes were big. He was terrified. Her brother…

Eris had done this before, Ashe remembered. He had gotten Lucian to Spring. And now, he was helping her to Summer.

“Please, Ashe,” he said and gave her a small push towards the border.

“I’m not leaving without Samli,” she answered and got almost confused at the sound of her voice. It was so weak, rough and shaky.

“Wait here,” Eris said with a slightly annoyed sigh.

Eris was done within a second.

Ashe stood and waited. She struggled to stand, so she eventually started to lean further and further backwards. Her feet followed, and she felt herself crash into a tree.

She was ready to fall down to the ground, when the arms of the tree caught her.

Wait, what?

“I got you.”

She burst out crying at his voice. The shadows spread all around her body to cool down her blisters and burn-marks.

“Shhh, it’s okay. It’s going to be okay,” he whispered.

Ashe had no longer any energy to stay up by herself. All the adrenalines left the second he touched her.

He kissed her head and Ashe cried even more.

“Let’s get out of here,” he whispered again and kissed her forehead so tenderly.

“Wait,” was the only word Ashe managed to get out.

Azriel was going to ask her what they were waiting for, when Eris arrived back with Samli.

“Of course it’s you,” Eris said.

Samli was immediately over at Ashe’s side and helped holding her up.

“It’s over now,” she said and hearing her voice made Ashe cry even more.

It was too much. The pain, the thoughts, the feeling of safety. She was going to pass out.

And then she did.

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