more-espresso-still-depresso - Tumblr blog

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if not gay then why gay shaped

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when superheroes start to refer to another guy as their "partner" and talk about how much they trust and adore them, thats when i start to get the glitter because wtf are you talking about, fruitcake...

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let's pretend that this is the right timeline because what if Dick becomes Batman at the same time when Wally becomes The Flash?

let's also say that this is just like the Justice League animated series wherein the League members don't know each member's identities (except of course Bruce, he knows everybody).

how funny would it be if Dick and Wally are together and the rest of the League are confused because all of a sudden Batman and Flash are close like super close? i mean they have witnessed how Flash gets intimidated by Batman. now, that's not the case anymore.

during a meeting:

Hal, leaning to John during a League meeting, whispers: I'm not losing my mind, right?

John, whispers back: I think I know what you mean.

Hal: Why is Flash making heart eyes to Bats????

John: I know??? Flash doesn't even look him in the eyes before.

Hal: That's so odd, dude.

Batman glances at the two Green Lanterns which makes them shut up.

meanwhile, across the table, Martian Manhunter has a light smile on his lips and Superman covers his laugh with a cough.

-

at the cafeteria:

Ollie: Hey, Dinah. Have you noticed something unusual between Batman and Flash lately?

Dinah: It is quite unusual, huh? I was talking to Hawkgirl the other day and she said she saw Flash bridal carry Bats.

Ollie: What the actual fu-

Flash, approaches the couple's table with a big bowl of nachos on his hand: Hey, guys! Mind if I sit with you?

Ollie and Dinah give a knowing look at each other. a conversation they definitely will finish later.

-

during in an another planet mission:

Batman, after announcing everyone's partners for the mission:... And lastly, I will pair up with Flash in today's mission.

Flash grins widely, that has Arthur thinking his cheeks might be hurting after that.

Arthur: Yeah, yeah. At this point, we already know, Bats!

the Green Lanterns, along with Captain Marvel and Booster Gold, snicker at his comment.

Batman ignores Arthur's comment and the rest of the members scatter to their assigned locations.

Victor, who was paired with Arthur: Was gonna give that comment too.

Arthur: It's like they are inseparable all of a sudden.

Victor, shakes his head: Well, I have seen weirder things.

-

in the meeting hall:

Wonder Woman, pulls Batman in the corner of the room: Okay, that's enough. You are truly ignoring me. What is going on with you lately?

Batman: Did the rest of the League put you up to this?

Wonder Woman, has her hands on her hips: They didn't need to. So, tell me. And don't you ever lie to me, I can see right through you, Batman.

Batman, sighs: It's hard for me to explain. I can't-I can't tell you right now.

Wonder Woman: Hera! Now, Bru-Batman.

before Batman responses, the door of the meeting hall opens and in comes Robin with his katana. the conversations between the League members come to a stop as they stare at the young hero.

Robin, glances at everyone, before approaching Flash: I need help with an important matter.

Flash, smiles and ruffles Robin's hair, as if that's second nature: Of course, little dude.

Hal, stands up from his seat: THAT'S IT! Can somebody tell me what the hell is going on????

Ollie, stands up with him: Are we in another dimension that I don't know about?????

Dinah pulls Ollie down by his arm to make him sit again.

the rest of the League members start to converse against each other.

Superman, floats a bit from his seat: Why don't we all settle down? There's nothing to be alarmed about.

Robin, shakes his head: Tt. Absolute fools.

by the time Bruce and Barry are back:

-

Bruce, pinches the bridge of his nose: Chum, you could at least be discreet with Wally.

Dick: It's not my fault, B! I swear I was going to explain to Aunt Diana then Dami entered the room.

Damian: Tt. Don't blame me, Grayson. Why don't you lecture West on how to be more responsible? He left me on read when I asked help for my Science project.

Dick, sighs: And what about Timmy? He could have helped.

Damian: I don't want anything to do with Drake.

Bruce massages his temples as he feels a headache coming up.

-

Barry: Wally!!!!

Wally, zooms right in front of Barry: I couldn't help it, okay?? Dick is just irresistible.

Iris giggles as she prepares the table for dinner.

Barry, sighs: That's alright. I'll talk to Bats on how we can explain it to the team.

Wally, grins and sits down by the table: It was hard not to laugh at them. They were so confused.

Barry, chuckles: I'm sure Hal's expression was the funniest.

Wally, laughs: You have no idea, Uncle Barry.

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UPDATE!!! part 2

the next day they went air conditioner shopping or something^^

part 1

Extra:

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your honor... 🤲🐦⚡️

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A quick evening trip to the convenience store

Bonus:

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more of them lets goo!!!!

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Alfred's out of town:)

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... ♥

been thinking about them a lot lately

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Duke: I don’t think we can mansplain, manipulate, malewife our way out of it this time. (It a non vigilante problem)

Damian and Jason: Manslaughter

Dick: manwhore

Everyone: 👀👀👀

Dick: manslaughter it is

Tim: its time to girl boss *calls Cass, Babs, and Steph*

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There are a lot of fics about the Justice League finding out about Batman's children via a series of circumstances leading to Nightwing joining the League (usually against Batman's will)

and I LOVE this trope, don't get me wrong, but I'd like to imagine a situation where it doesn't happen like that. I want a situation where Nightwing joins the League, but he and Batman play it off well enough that the JL doesn't put them together. They notice that they work well together, sure, and Batman seems to trust Nightwing easier than the other new members, but no one questions it because Nightwing is good.

And the JL reaches a point where it's been months or even years and they still don't know.

Until Nightwing gets hurt. They've seen him hurt before, but he gets hurt. Bleeding out, affected by fear toxin, whatever, the point is, he's in bad shape. And Nightwing - strong, crooked grin, happy facade - screams. He screams for his dad - a word that he never uses, but that doesn't matter now, because he's scared, and he's hurt, and he just wants to go home.

And nobody knows what to do. Every single League member very quickly realizes that they know nothing about this guy. Everyone wonders about Batman because he seems so mysterious, but Nightwing always seemed so open, and it's only in that moment that they realize they have no actual information on him.

But that only last for a split second, because, of course Batman reacts first. He runs to his side and starts to stabilize his injuries while assuring him in a voice that they've never heard before, a voice that is distinctly not his Batman growl, that he's right there and it's all going to be okay.

And Nightwing... well, he stops calling out for his father. And he doesn't stay in the watchtower infirmary after that. When they ask Batman where he took him, he just tells them home.

Nightwing's back a few months later, and that's when they start asking him if he's really Batman's kid, and he just smiles the same crooked grin and says, Of course. You didn't know?

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give me dick grayson easily doing the impossible

give me him shooting a grapple line from the top of the building to the ground, then tightrope-walking down it to the street, looking as if he was taking a stroll through the park, not managing an astonishing feat of balance and coordination

give me him dancing with cass, and his moves are so smooth and graceful, as though he’s not even touching the ground, as though he’s so light he’s flying, as though the music itself is moving his limbs, with a sort of natural weightlessness that others works tirelessly to achieve

give me him tied up from wrists to ankles, bound to both a grate and a pole, and there should be no possible way he could escape, but he bends his back absurdly far and pulls a position that’s only rarely been seen in the best contortionist shows, and the bonds slide off him like water

give me him with incredible upper body endurance from years supporting his own body weight, being able to walk across the entire manor on his hands, the rest of his body a perfect, straight line, and him not understanding why tim looks at him like he’s crazy and should collapse of exhaustion any second

give me him leaping off a building, arms out and body poised like he can actually fly, weightless for a moment, before directing his body towards the nearest building and smoothly rolling to his feet to keep on running, and the first time any of the bats worked with him, they were confused and vaguely terrified because he didn’t even use a grapple hook

give me him not even trying to take someone out when he’s sparring with them, because he’s been trained by batman, the justice league, the titans, deathstroke, and spyral, so at this point deadly moves that would take years to master come as easily to him as breathing, and he doesn’t even look winded as he takes some of the most accomplished combatants out with only a couple moves

give me dick grayson casually embodying the exceptional

Keep reading

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Batfam Head Canon

One of my personal head canon's is that Dick Grayson is a contortionist in addition to the acrobatic stuff. He's used this to freak out and get into trouble every one of his siblings, super villians, and Batman that one time.

Riddler: *Pushes Nightwing off a deck*

Nightwing: *lands with limbs horrifyingly askew*

Red Hood: *leaping over the deck* Well, well, well, look who just killed the Bat's favorite son.

Riddler: That was three feet off the ground! That's not physically possible!

Red Hood: I'm not the one you have to explain it to, man. I'm just gonna hold you 'til Batman gets here.

Riddler: NO! What if I tell you my whole plan?

Red Hood: Tell me the whole plan and hand over the money and I might let you leave.

Riddler: *gives up every piece of information he's ever had and his cash*

Red Hood: *Kicks Nightwing in the ribs* I got the stuff, let's get a burger or something.

Nightwing: *Laughs maniacally*. Let's do Two Face Next.

Batman: *watching from the shadows, not sure if he should be impressed or not*

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i would like to object but like yea-

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when ur mutual hasn't opted in yet

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Who's on Dick Grayson's long list of exes (wrong answers only)

Roy after a bet

Taylor Swift because he wanted a song about him

Maroni's secretary

Tex Luthor, Lex Luthor's gay cowboy cousin

Jimin, also after a bet

Mark the Batburger cashier

Vivian Jenna Wilson, Elon Musk's trans daughter

Jimmy Olsen on three separate occasions

Cupid, the Roman love deity

Bonnie and Clyde on a time travel mission

A random heiress at a Wayne gala

Matt Murdock on a multiverse mission

Legolas on a different multiverse mission

Han Solo on yet ANOTHER multiverse mission

Jake from State Farm

One of Jason's goons

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You know in that episode of how I met your mother where they find out that Barney always looks good in pictures no matter what. Yeah that’s Dick Grayson. No doubt.

A paparazzi is trying to catch him off guard while he suddenly sneezes, later they check the camera it’s Dick with the most dazzling smile.

Jason tries to take a picture of him when he is barely conscious, Dick is smiling with a peace sign and he looks good.

Tim on purpose collides with Dick in manor with hot coffee in his hands to have it spill down on Dick’s white shirt, Babs clicks a picture as Dick is telling Tim it’s okay. In the picture yes the shirt has spilt coffee but Dick looks poised and handsome.

Jason makes a deal with Damian to have Dami paint Dick’s face as he sleeps. They proceed to click a picture, Dick is on the sofa in a pose, laying on his side with a hand on his hip and the other supporting his head.

Wally tries to take a picture mid vomit, and boom there stands Dick Grayson with disheveled look, which looks as if done on purpose. (It wasn’t Wally knows, at the start of the night it was slicked back) and the top buttons of the shirt open, Dick is giving a blinding smile to the camera. No vomit in sight.

Jason draws penises on Dicks face, when he looks back on the picture. He face is clean, Dick is giving the camera a lopsided smile and when Jason looks up Dick is no longer there.

Steph tries to click a picture when Nightwing losses his balance and slams face first into a wall. Some blood drips down from his nose and yet he looks poised. He is giving the camera a thumbs up.

Duke tries to get one as a thug tries to slam Dick on the hood of the car. In the picture Nightwing is perched on the thugs back, whose face was smashed on the hood of the car by Dick.

Cass tried to take one when Dick nearly chocked on some food at a gala. When she looks at the picture it’s Dick holding a glass of Champagne (he was not holding that before) and leaning on the wall beside him.

Tim looks back on all his stalker photos he had taken and realises it’s the same case in all of them. He has one photo in which Robin Dick had fallen in Gotham Harbour and was soaking wet, still in the photo he looked sort of posed, straight back, a slightly tilted head.

Cass breaks in Dick’s apartment to catch him off guard. Dick had just woken up. She clicked a picture and it’s Dick in a shirt and shorts, in the perfect I just got out bed look. But he had just literally gotten out of bed.

Babs tried to take one as Dick just got out of a shower when they were dating. He walked out with a towel around his waist, and he was drying his hair with another towel. In that he didn’t even pose, the photo just looked fucking amazing.

She even went back and saw all the pics they had when they were in school and In all Dick looked great. Even the one she had managed to click when she and Dick had messed up a chemistry experiment because they were talking and parts of Dicks lab coat were signed.

Bruce banned taking photos on patrol because all of them tried to take a picture of Nightwing as he fought some low level thugs. Which lead to robin getting distracted as he tried to take a picture while grappling and hit a wall. Red Hood forgot to switch off his flash which lead to his position being revealed , and he got shot. Red Robin lost balance and fell of a gargoyle. Spoiler got distracted while sneaking around and blew their positions. On the rare occasions when Signal was with them he tried to take a picture and walked right into the drug deal they were about to bust surprising the criminals. Orphan got distracted and nearly got hit on the head. Even Oracle got distracted while trying to get embarrassing pictures of Nightwing while she was supposed to be finding a bank robber. She found the robber but not the a single embarrassing moment of Nightwing. No one had gotten the picture they were trying to click.

Even Bruce has no idea how Dick pulls it off. He refuses to partake in this silly competition set up by his kids. The betting pool is so huge that it involves all of Dick’s friends, the JLA and most of the people in the caped community. The money in the pool by now must be more than what Bruce makes in a year.