morgan-isnt-funny

[morgan-isnt-funny]

hands

[morgan-isnt-funny]

Are radio stations still playing the greatest hits of the 80s, 90s, and today? It's been today for so, so long

[morgan-isnt-funny]

speaking of peeing the bed it's been long enough that i can tell this story publicly. in high school i went to a party at some house with no adults, as you sometimes would, and at the end of the night like 10 people all clonked out together in the same bed. fully clothed, one of those teenage moments where you're like wow heehee how rule-breaking, because sure a lot of our parents wouldn't like us sleeping in a bed with a bunch of other teenagers and no adult supervision blah blah. fond memories. anyway.

i'm an extremely light sleeper, so i barely slept, and sometime around 6 am, i woke up to a girl totally panicking, very quietly, because she peed the bed in her sleep. and listen. this wasn't a group of mean kids by any measure. but there's no level of kindness or understanding in the world that will make peeing the bed when you're 17, surrounded by people you only sort of know, a gentle blow.

so i sat up and she was like "oh my god" and I signaled at her to be absolutely silent and I said I'd be right back. And I crawled over everyone and out of the bed like a stupid cat.

and the thing is, by senior year i wasn't getting bullied much anymore. i was generally pretty well liked by my peers, but, if this makes sense, people still didn't always expect very much from me. i was still figuring out how to mask (autistic) and i still often said or did something that made everyone remember i'm weird and they'd just be like "well. that's story for you. i guess." and for the most part i'd become pretty secure in that.

so what i'm saying is i had nothing to lose and this girl had everything to lose.

so i went downstairs and i made tomato soup. and by "made" i mean i put a whole can of tomato soup in a too-small mug and microwaved it until it was lukewarm so as to be convincingly "made" but not so hot to burn someone.

and then i walked back upstairs, and no longer like a cat, i clumsily "attempted" to crawl back into bed, loudly lost my balance, and spilled tomato soup all over the girl and her lap and several other people's laps and heads and the mattress.

everyone woke up confused and anguished and i was like, "oh my god, I'm so sorry. I just got really hungry and it's all i could find."

and everyone immediately accepted with absolutely no further questions that I would go downstairs, make tomato soup at 6 am,and bring it back to bed. everyone just begrudgingly climbed onto the floor and went back to sleep while I put the bedding right into the laundry.

i don't even know this girl's name. i only remembered this story recently because i'm in my hometown for a few months and recently a high school acquaintance said, "hey. do you remember spilling soup on everyone after prom? why did you do that?" and for a moment i genuinely did not and i stared at them completely dumbfounded while the memory loaded and then i started laughing too hard to answer for 2 minutes.

the best part is i can tell this story, and even if it reaches the people who were there, none of them will know which one of them peed the bed. thanks to tomato soup.

[morgan-isnt-funny]

Fermenting in a butch honoring way

[morgan-isnt-funny]

‘capitalism works’ factoid actually untrue. the 62 people who own half the world’s wealth are outliers and should be eaten.

[morgan-isnt-funny]

old games are so fucking hard. nowadays theyll give you hour long tutorial sections without even getting into the story but 40 years ago they just threw your ass in there and you died at least 10 times while trying to figure out how to move around in a way that doesnt suck

[morgan-isnt-funny]

imagine cloth mother and wire mother in family court competing for custody of the baby monkey

[morgan-isnt-funny]

Oh, great, this guy. Let’s all heap lethal blows on him

[morgan-isnt-funny]

well the eagle eats my liver every day around 3pm, but otherwise i can meet when it best suits your schedule!

[morgan-isnt-funny]

Humans lowkey don't have enough climbing enrichment at home

[morgan-isnt-funny]

On Friendship.

[morgan-isnt-funny]

how it feels to recognise the horror in the mundane

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[morgan-isnt-funny]

i make it a point to learn from my past and to never repeat a mistake twice. instead i am constantly making up brand new mistakes. i'm very creative

[morgan-isnt-funny]

sometimes you subscribe to a random horror film analysis youtube channel in 2016 and then almost 10 years and two transitions (yours and hers) later she posts a picture on her instagram of her wife standing next to the members of mcr holding a stupid fucking joke tshirt bc her wife is laura les of 100 gecs whose opening the San Francisco date of MCRs The Black Parade North American Stadium Tour and yr like. what the fuck.

[morgan-isnt-funny]

[morgan-isnt-funny]

Did you know that you can waste your free time by not knowing which activity to do so you do none of them