mortalmab - Tumblr blog

[mortalmab]

What do you mean you need to drink a lot of water after eating a lot of garlic? Is that a thing? If so, then yeah, bless them. And that’s a fair point about Johnathan. I just assumed he had an undiagnosed paprika allergy

We all make fun of dear Jonathan for his low spice tolerance, but I'd like to point out that he never says the paprika was too "hot" - only that the dish was very "thirsty."

What makes you need to drink a ton of water after you eat a lot of it? Garlic.

Bless those villagers, really.

[mortalmab]

Imagining a Dracula film where Johnathan and Mina are played by Gomez and Morticia Addams. Clearly the only way we are gonna get an accurate portrayal of these two.

[mortalmab]

Do you know how insulting it is to have to cook. For myself. Every single day?

Like, if I’m not cooking for nearly 20 people, half of whom have weird dietary restrictions, what’s the point? Effort not worth it.

Understand, this is not a “wow adulting sucks” or a “cooking is hard” post. This is a “I am my own worst critic and my food will never be good enough for me, so why cook without an audience to praise my culinary talents” post.

[mortalmab]

I’m so mad. I saw the best formula for creating a fantasy place name earlier this morning and I didn’t save it. I thought I did. Now I can’t even remember what site I found it on, though I’m pretty sure it was a tumblr screenshot. Just grrrrr

[mortalmab]

Ok wait let her speak

[mortalmab]

obsessed with what's happening on twitter rn

[mortalmab]

I’d would see that and assume SCA.

a girl in full armour has been sighted in a macdonalds poking fries through her visor

[mortalmab]

The only reason why transphobes always ask “what is a woman” instead of “what is a man” is because we all know that a man is a featherless biped.

[mortalmab]

May 3

My friend Jonathan Harker, food blogger sollicitor from London, is on a work trip in Transylvaina, and he is collecting a ton of recipes for his girlfriend.

[mortalmab]

happy first of Dracula to those that celebrate

[mortalmab]

At the gate for my flight home from visiting friends and there's a woman here with a service Shiba Inu. No pics because he has a Do Not Disturb vest and taking pics of strangers is illegal but I need to stress how ON DUTY this animal is. Ears up. Eyes doing Lazer scans of everything. Examining everyone who passes within 10ft like a security guard. Ass planted on her feet. I have never seen a dog with such intense chivalric guardian energy before. He has tiny eyebrows and they are FURROWED with concentration.

[mortalmab]

Unrestrained summer fun

do you want to see the best trail cam photo ever

[mortalmab]

Want to learn something new in 2022??

Absolute beginner adult ballet series (fabulous beginning teacher)

40 piano lessons for beginners (some of the best explanations for piano I’ve ever seen)

Excellent basic crochet video series

Basic knitting (probably the best how to knit video out there)

Pre-Free Figure Skate Levels A-D guides and practice activities (each video builds up with exercises to the actual moves!)

How to draw character faces video (very funny, surprisingly instructive?)

Another drawing character faces video

Literally my favorite art pose hack

Tutorial of how to make a whole ass Stardew Valley esque farming game in Gamemaker Studios 2??

Introduction to flying small aircrafts

French/Dutch/Fishtail braiding

Playing the guitar for beginners (well paced and excellent instructor)

Playing the violin for beginners (really good practical tips mixed in)

Color theory in digital art (not of the children’s hospital variety)

Retake classes you hated but now there’s zero stakes:

Calculus 1 (full semester class)

Learn basic statistics (free textbook)

Introduction to college physics (free textbook)

Introduction to accounting (free textbook)

Learn a language:

Ancient Greek

Latin

Spanish

German

Japanese (grammar guide) (for dummies)

French

Russian (pretty good cyrillic guide!)

[mortalmab]

To clarify, I don’t mean a character’s personal bed side table drawer. I mean…any bed. Any bed at all. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for my Blorbos fucking safely, but where is the oil coming from!?

I just want to know, in fanfiction, does every bedside drawer come pre-stocked with “a bottle of oil” the way all hotel rooms seem to come pre-stocked with a Bible? Because that’s the only explanation I can think of

[mortalmab]

I just want to know, in fanfiction, does every bedside drawer come pre-stocked with “a bottle of oil” the way all hotel rooms seem to come pre-stocked with a Bible? Because that’s the only explanation I can think of

[mortalmab]

[mortalmab]

in mesopotamia there were no 'cover letters' or 'curriculum vitaes'. there were just, pots.