mothhadpants - Tumblr blog

[mothhadpants]

Me and my gf

[mothhadpants]

I can't wait for double exposure !

It's Max Caulfield's birthday!! Say Happy Birthday to her rn.

[mothhadpants]

Me with Life is strange ♡

MISSION: Be Normal About That Thing

STATUS: [FAILED]

[mothhadpants]

I feel so weird and empty. Like I love my girlfriend and my two friends. But idk lately I just feel a little empty. I'm struggling with good and really existing. All I wanna do is sleep all day, but there is nothing happening. I shouldn't be sad. But I can't help but feel ifk off. Maybe it's because I got told something I didn't wanna hear. I don't know. But at least I know I wanna be here, and I want more time with the people I love

[mothhadpants]

I know thats not the point, but have you actually ever masturbated to any of these so called "fetishes" of yours? Cause it looks like you just talk about this for the meme

[mothhadpants]

Lmao me and my gf

[mothhadpants]

Update on girl crush. We are now dating and I'm very happy about that. I'm realizing how much of my shit is fucked but I'm working on it :> (she likes hello kitty)

[mothhadpants]

It sucks to have feelings that I don't wanna have. I hate existing I him, but part of me knows I don't. It's weird to be stuck being mindfucked. Like, no way does he even think about me. But he is such a big part of my head. He always will be, I think, but I'm better at handling it. Idk I just love him but I don't idk. Feelings are hard, and I don't wanna be anywhere near him, but also, I wanna hear him say sorry. Idk first love is weird

[mothhadpants]

2 urchins !

[mothhadpants]

Spike was always my favorite!!!!

the elements of harmony!… and spike 🔆✨

[mothhadpants]

Guess what. Life update I got a boyfriend. I'm feeling okay about life, but idk I still worry a lot. I'm posting this with him in the room, lmao

[mothhadpants]

The crush is crushing. Woman crushes are the worst. Like, I like her so much, but like nothing can happen, so I just gotta chill. Which like what I'm doing but got she is just ☆chefs kiss♡

[mothhadpants]

Something kinda fun is happening to me, I have a crush on someone. I know they won't like me back, but that's okay it's just fun to have a silly little crush. I'm scared I'm not capable of loving someone, so now I can't accidentally hurt this person I like, which makes me glad. I feel like I'm constantly accidentally hurting people or ending up in situations where I hurt others. Idk I really like this person, but I never wanna hurt them. I want them to like be ofc but I'm glad the won't ever like me.

[mothhadpants]

Fun fact, I guess. I'm Trans I use they/he pronouns, and I have completely given up on correcting my family. But the weird thing is they support other Trans people but not me. I'm not me. They even used my dead name which I haven't used in years. I give up. I don't even known what to do. I'm so tried why can't they just get it right

[mothhadpants]

My brain can't turn off. I wanna sleep. I wanna go to bed so bad. But my brain can't shut up. It decides to think about him. The person I wanna stop thinking about. Yet without fail, I think about him. He was terrible to me, yet he is stuck in me. When I sleep and when I'm awake. Thoughts of him are there. I can't shut it off. I wish I could. I'm tired of thinking of him. Part of me wonders if I still love him. Why else can I not stop thinking about him. He consumes me. Love and hate are a fine line, and I'm walking it terribly. It's either he is the only person I'm able to love or it's I hate him and I regret every second of himt. I think the only constant is that I wish I could just stop thinking about him and shut my brain off. If I could just stop thinking, everything would be better. Everyone would be better off if I could do that.

[mothhadpants]

I'm so fucking empty for no fucking reason. I feel like my head is a fucking black hole. Where emotions, thoughts, and hope go and never come back. I keep thinking oh things are gonna get better, and they do for a bit. But I will never stay happy. I don't know if I will ever be able to romantically love in the same way again. That person fucked me up so bad I'm forever ruined. I'm not the same person. I hate when people try to love me romantically, I feel like it's all fake. It's fake because they are gonna leave. No one matters, and the ones that do leave. Everyone leaves. I'm going to be alone no matter what because I can't let anyone in. I wanna let people in, but I can't. I wanna be a normal fucking person so bad. I'm tried of pretending all the time. I do what I'm expected to do and say for everyone else. Nothing I do is for me anymore. I wanna give up so bad, but I can't

[mothhadpants]

Life is strange. Part of me is happy, and the other part of me is sad. Like I spent all day crying yesterday because someone I loved died. Now I'm just fine and excited to go swimming with the people I care about. I can't seem to be just something. Like I can't just be depressed and l can't just be happy. But also, is this what most normal people feel? idk. I wish I knew how to be a normal functioning person. I also go from happy to stressed the fuck out with no middle. But now I'm in the middle, and it's the most confusing thing ever