mounirabii

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Have you seen this caption on people’s Facebook or Tumblr pages?

You know, usually on the page of your friend or relative who married a cheating douchebag, who then abandoned her when he was confronted? Yes, we can all agree that sucks. Nobody in their right mind would advocate for Mr. Cheato Jerkwad.

Yeah, this fills a need for them. It helps them imagine the love and security they never got from their partner. I’ll never ridicule them or argue on their timeline about it. They’ve already been through plenty.

What they’re trying to express with this caption is a deep-seated need we all have. They’re asking, “Will you be loyal to me? Or do I have to be afraid of losing you, too?”

We’re explicitly, totally against cheating. And we feel sorry for anyone who’s been betrayed.

Unfortunately, this caption also creates extremely unrealistic expectations. (Exactly as dumb and unrealistic as a lot of the ridiculous hotwifing captions you thumb through on here.)

If this is the measure of true love, you might as well hire an animator to paint you into a Disney movie, because this is a fantasy that doesn’t take into account biology, psychology, or the kind of development that occurs in the healthiest relationships.

Besides that, the whole thing is so vague. Who is “a psychology professor?” Is it a man or a woman? Are they American, Czech, Thai, or Hatian? Do they work at a big college, a community college, or a basement correspondence school? Did they say this in class, or while giving a toast at a wedding, or after watching a romantic comedy with friends?

It sounds more like somebody said something they really felt should be true, then looked for a way to give it some authority. “Oh, you know who people think are smart about these things? Psychology professors!” So they invented the fact that a psychology professor said this thing that they want to be true. It makes it feel more true.

But the statement itself is so absolute and one-sided. All people are absolutely monogamous demisexuals? Widows who still love their deceasing husband will never be able to get attracted to a living guy? Swingers who stay married for 60 years weren’t in love? You mean polyamorous people don’t exist? That’s pretty extreme.

Let’s get it straight: this isn’t a psychology fact at all. It’s…

a nice sentiment, like unicorns and Care Bears

a way for betrayed people to imagine what a better person would be like

guaranteed clickbait

widely believed, especially in conservative contexts (some churches teach things like this)

detrimental to people in real relationships

an extremist position

not something you’ll find agreeable to many real-world therapists and psychology professors

great for cartoons and Hallmark movies, but not for real life

So in conclusion, this meme applies in a way to cheaters and those they abandon. It’s completely irrelevant for most of us. And exploring our fantasies together in a loving, full-communication, functional marriage can go a long way to preventing people from even being tempted to cheat.

So ladies, keep checking out men’s butts, and be sure to tell your husband about it 😈. Guys, don’t start to develop needless anxiety because you read something like this caption. You’re both fine. Don’t let shit like this mess with your head. It doesn’t apply to us!

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“I am infinitely strange to myself.” -John Fowles, The French Lieutenant’s Woman

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– list of historical films –

– 1500s–1600s –

1. the other boleyn girl (2008)

2. elizabeth (1998)

3. elizabeth: the golden age (2007)

4. anonymous (2011)

5. shakespeare in love (1998)

6. the libertine (2004)

7. the three musketeers (1948)

8. lady jane (1985)

9. stage beauty (2004)

– 1700s –

1. the duchess (2008)

2. marie antoinette (2005)

3. pride and prejudice (tv, 1995)

4. sense and sensibility (1995)

5. becoming jane (2006)

6. the madness of king george (1994)

7. perfume: story of a murderer (2006)

8. a little chaos (2014)

9. girl with a pearl earring (2003)

10. belle (2013)

– 1800s –

1. young victoria (2009)

2. mrs brown (1997)

3. victoria and abdul (2017)

4. jane eyre (2011)

5. mr. turner (2014)

6. wilde (1997)

7. dorian gray (2009)

8. the woman in black (2012)

9. anna karenina (1948)

10. the importance of being earnest (2002)

11. bright star (2009)

12. viceroys house (2017)

13. miss potter (2006)

14. creation (2009)

15. the invisible woman (2012)

16. from hell (2011)

17. the limehouse golem (2016)

18. hysteria (2010)

19. effie gray (2014)

20. great expectations (2012)

21. far from the madding crowd (2015)

– 1900s –

1. maurice (1987)

2. brideshead revisited (tv, 1981)

4. suffragette (2015)

5. the englishman who went up a hill but came down a mountain (1995)

6. enid (tv, 2009)

7. sunset song (2015)

8. finding neverland (2004)

9. war horse (2011)

10. a dangerous method (2011)

11. another country (1984)

12. jimmy’s hall (2014)

13. the edge of love (2008)

14. their finest (2017)

15. gosford park (2001)

16. glorious 39 (2009)

17. easy virtue (2008)

18. dunkirk (2017)

19. the danish girl (2015)

20. atonement (2007)

21. queen & country (2014)

22. private peaceful (2012)

23. the book thief (2013)

24. testament of youth (2014)

25. boy in striped pyjamas (2008)

26. the others (2001)

27. anthropoid (2016)

28. zoo keepers wife (2017)

29. the royal night out (2015)

30. a united kingdom (2016)

31. another mother’s son (2017)

32. the woman in gold (2015)

33. the king’s speech (2010)

34. the monuments men (2014)

35. the wind that shakes the barley (2006)

36. the man who knew infinity (2015)

37. suite française (2014)

38. the theory of everything (2014)

39. the imitation game (2014)

40. the railway man (2013)

41. the magdalene sisters (2002)

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Therapist: here is a book recommendation for you, I hope you will like it.

Me: Cool, I’ll give it a read.

Therapist: I hope so, this book helped change my life :)

Book: weirdly religious, extremely ableist, says things like “if Hitler had only been able to over come creative art block ww2 would have never happened”

Me, profoundly uncomfortable and not about this life: I started therapy because always having to advocate for myself as a disabled/chronically ill person is exhausting and dehumanizing and I’ve hit critical burnout but god fuck and damn me I’m not about to let this pass…

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“I am not actually tired, but numb and heavy, and can’t find the right words. All I can say is: Stay with me, don’t leave me.” - Franz Kafka, Letters To Felice

via @the-book-diaries

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Emancipated duels. Photo by Pavel Kurmilev

Baroness Lubinska who presided over the famous duel between Princess Pauline Metternich and the Countess Kielmannsegg in 1892, insisted that the duelists remove their clothing above their waists to avoid infection in the event that a sword pushed clothing into the wound it caused. Being a doctor, the baroness had seen many instances of septic infection in soldiers for this very reason throughout her years of medical training.

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russian classics aesthetic

Brothers Karamazov: orthodox monasteries, deep woods, starry nights, the sound of paper being torn, dimly lit rooms, withered roses, an unfinished letter, piles of books, the sound of shattering glass, ticking of clocks in a silent house, heavy wooden furniture, the air before a storm, the smell of earth, a crowd of people dressed in black, distant murmurs, emptied streets, the fear of walking alone in dusk

Crime and Punishment: coldness of the skin against a blade, slender pale fingers and slightly shaking hands, a red stain blooming on white fabric, lonely steps in a corridor, the slow dripping of water, looking out of the window into the thickening darkness, a single dying candle on the table, listening to one’s breath and counting heartbeats, too many stairs, the desire to be invisible, a subtle memory of kind word

The Idiot: classical statues, wealth covered with dust, a dark house tainted with inherited madness, an unsettling feeling, long walks in a park, useless chatter, a silken ribbon forgotten on a bench, a melancholic face, an unexpected spring rain, the joy of reading one’s favorite book, the clarity of mind after fully perceiving the world around, looking at cloudless sky  

Anna Karenina: fields of crops, flowers brought from an early morning walk, the wind caressing a girl’s hair, a bowl of fruit, the smell of ripe pears, the clatter of a spoon against porcelain when stirring tea, children’s laughter coming from the garden, soft sunlight and white curtains, the sensation of velvet against skin, pearls from a ripped necklace spilling on marble floor, a sudden silence in a room full of people

War and Peace: a glass of wine, the brightness of  a crystal chandelier, white lace, a raging snow storm, the sound of a door being gently closed, the moment of holding one’s breath before walking in a ball room, indulging in looking at a beautiful earring against light, the sound of a saber being drawn, closing one’s eyes for a moment while dancing, the sweet smell of strawberries, a pair of gloves left on an armchair, light scent of powder

The Master and Margarita: the chaos of a lively city, ambient jazz in expensive restaurants, jumping on a moving tram, the sight of Moscow from the roof of a house, yellow flowers in a vase, leaning out of the window, shelves stacked with books, a small tin box with old photographs, strange shapes in the night sky, laughing in the middle of the night on a balcony, colorful posters for a surreptitious magician’s show floating in the wind

Eugene Onegin: a lonely mansion, reading a book in the parlor, faint piano melody lingering in falling silence, long evenings, passing seasons, discussing french novels of the moment, unspoken thoughts, leaning against the door frame, quickly averted glance, eating a peach absent-minded, bright mornings, footprints in snow, a loud gun-shot terrifying a flock of birds nearby   

A Hero of Our Time: byronic boredom, getting up late in the afternoon, the hidden unspeakable sadness of existence, shakespeare’s tragedy opened next to untouched breakfast, cigarette smoke, polished boots, walking with one’s coat wide open letting the night chill break through to the bone, carved wooden chair, fading warmth of the ashes late in the evening, the thought of farewell  

Fathers and Sons: birch groves, morning mist, moss covered stones near a  moor, scientific books, white roses, cheap champagne, shabby pocket-watch, light-hearted irony, a maladroit cello sonata, freshly mowed grass, leaving thoughts come and go, a slow yawn, picturesque plates and bowls filled with traditional dishes, drinking tea on the porch, longing for the future   

Doctor Zhivago: a strange feeling of loss, writing poems in a diary, traveling by train, the hesitation before touching someone’s hand, the gaze of one lost in thought, the warmth of cinnamon, a scarf brightly embellished with flowers, a glass of water, two people listening each on the other side of the door, a threadbare jacket, the tempting void, the evanescent serenity of yesterday  

Dead Souls: horses in a merry gallop, delicious smells mingled, grotesque and bizarre tragedy, luxurious attire cheap soul, masks, a perfumed love letter, the triumph of sarcasm, an unattached wheel rolling down a dusty road, the atmosphere of commedia dell’ arte, puzzling speeches, a baffling caricature drawn on a handkerchief   

Cherry Orchard: a lone chair in an empty room, falling blossoms, old samovar, the unsettling need for change, a mirror reflecting full moon, the disappointment of a glossy object turning worthless after second glance, a piano out of tune      

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Rap Gods, Eminem takin' a selfie with Redman!

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Ran ( 乱 , 1985) Akira Kurosawa

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Ivan’s Childhood (1962) dir. Andrei Tarkovsky

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Chioma di Berenice (Berenice’s Tresses) by Ambrogio Borghi.

The Seleucid queen Berenice II of Egypt, wife of the king Ptolemy III Euergetes, belonged to the Ptolemaic dynasty. Ptolemaics were not Egyptians, but of Macedonian origin, -Greeks-, of Helenistic culture. They ruled Egypt along three centuries and their last queen was Cleopatra. In the year 243 BC, Berenice sacrificed her long hair to the goddess Aphrodite, asking her for her husband returned safely and successful from his war against Syria. He could do it, but Berenice’s hair, which was left at the temple, was stolen by a priest, disappointed because the offering was made to a Greek deity. Konon, the court astronomer, was called to unravel the incident, and he announced that Aphrodite had accepted the offering with pleasure and she placed the hair in the sky, forming a cluster of stars that now shines in the Galactic North Pole.

The constellation Coma Berenices is located close to the constellation Leo and it’s more visible in May. Berenices is an isosceles triangle shaped by its 3 more brilliant stars: b Comae Berenices, a Comae Berenices (also called “Diadem”, symbolizing the gem in the queen’s crown) and c Comae Berenices.

«Η κόμη (τα μαλλιά) της Βερενίκης» από τον Ambrogio Borghi.

Η  βασίλισσα των Σελευκιδών Βερενίκη ΙΙ της Αιγύπτου, σύζυγος του βασιλιά Πτολεμαίου Γ Ευεργέτη, ανήκε στη δυναστεία των Πτολεμαίων. Οι Πτολεμαίοι δεν ήταν Αιγύπτιοι, αλλά μακεδονικής καταγωγής, -Έλληνες-, Ελληνιστικού πολιτισμού . Κυβέρνησαν την Αίγυπτο για τρεις αιώνες και η τελευταία βασίλισσα τους ήταν η Κλεοπάτρα. Κατά το έτος 243 π.Χ., η Βερενίκη θυσίασε τα μακριά μαλλιά της για στη θεά Αφροδίτη, ζητώντας της ο σύζυγός της να επστρέψει με ασφάλεια καινικητής από τον πόλεμο του κατά της Συρίας. Εκείνη το έκανε, αλλά τα μαλλιά Βερενίκης, τα οποία έμειναν στο ναό, εκλάπησαν από έναν ιερέα, απογοητευμένο επειδή η προσφορά έγινε σε μια ελληνική θεότητα. Ο Κόνων, ο δικαστής αστρονόμος, κλήθηκε να εξιχνιάσει το περιστατικό, και ο ίδιος ανακοίνωσε ότι η Αφροδίτη είχε αποδεχθεί την προσφορά με χαρά και τοποθέτησε τα μαλλιά στον ουρανό, σχηματίζοντας ένα σύμπλεγμα από αστέρια που λάμπει τώρα στο Γαλαξιακό Βόρειο Πόλο. Ο αστερισμός Κόμη της Βερενίκης βρίσκεται κοντά στον αστερισμό του Λέοντα και είναι πιο ορατός το Μάιο. Η Βερενίκη είναι ένα ισοσκελές τρίγωνο που διαμορφώνεται από 3 πιο λαμπρά αστέρια τα: Β’ Κόμη Βερενίκης, Α’ Comae Βερενίκης (ονομάζεται επίσης “Διάδημα”, που συμβολίζει το στολίδι στο στέμμα της βασίλισσας) και Γ’ Κόμη Βερενίκης.

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Sedmikrásky (dir. Věra Chytilová, 1966)

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The Little Rascals (1994)

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Hello everybody! 😀 Our idiom of the day is ”Paint yourself into a corner”, which means “to do something which puts you in a very difficult situation”.

Origin: from the idea that a person painting the floor of a room may inadvertently apply the paint everywhere except the corner that the person is standing in, so that to leave the room the person has no choice but to step on the freshly painted floor and damage it. (1980s+)

 Try our free app for learning idioms: onelink.to/zhdnr2

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Time for a video example! Our idiom of the day is ”Sing a different tune”, which means “to change your attitude towards someone, usually from bad to good”. Usage in an animated film (“Robin Hood”):

- It’s a big hit. The whole village is singing it. - Oh, they are, are they? Well, they’ll be singing a different tune. Double the taxes! Triple the taxes!

 Try our free app for learning idioms: onelink.to/zhdnr2

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Yesterday Childish Gambino aka Donald Glover released a music video for his new song, “This Is America.”

The internet was fast to highlight the many layers and multiple meanings behind the 4-minute video.

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Books You Should Read

Biographies

Yes, Please by Amy Poehler

I am Malala by Malala Yousafzai

The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch

My Year with Eleanor by Noelle Hancock

Is Everyone Hanging out Without Me? by Mindy Kaling

#GIRLBOSS by Sophia Amoruso 

Series 

Miss Peregrine Home for Peculiar Kids by Ransom Riggs

The Uglies by Scott Westerfeld 

Poetry 

Whiskey Words and a Shovel (Volumes 1,2 &3) by r.h. Sin

Rest in the morning by r.h. Sin 

Milk and Honey by Rupi Kaur

The Princess Saves Herself in This One by Amanda Lovelace

Dirty Pretty Things by Michael Faudet 

Bitter Sweet Love by Michael Faudet

Beautiful Chaos by Robert M. Drake

Classics

  Alice in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll 

Wuthering Heights by Charlotte Bronte 

A Moveable Feast by Ernest Hemingway 

This Side of Paradise by F. Scott Fitzgerald 

The Pictures of Dorian Grey by Oscar Wilde 

Fiction 

The Book Thief by Markus Zusak 

Looking for Alaska by John Green 

All the Missing Girls by Megan Miranda 

The Oxygen Thief by Anonymous 

The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho 

 The History of Love by Nicole Krauss