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“Tommy’s here like, ‘lets start ranking women from 1 to 10’”

— GFJHSDKL, (”200+ CREATOR HUNGER GAMES TOURNAMENT (FOR THE ORPHANS) ft. Calvin & xNestorio” 65ish mins in)

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“You can’t cancel me, I just raised money for charity, I’m immune for 24 hours”

— lmao i love this guy, (200+ CREATOR HUNGER GAMES TOURNAMENT (FOR THE ORPHANS) ft. Calvin & xNestorio like 3 or something hours in idk im too tired)

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I am in hystarics over this story have the transcript

1:38:27 https://youtu.be/5S6tRS_RxOI

Techno: Can’t believe you’ve injured your hand, couldn’t be me.

Wilbur: Didn’t-wait, can you tell the story [laughs]

Techno: Alright, it’s a, it’s a fantastic story, so I, my dad came up with this new method for us to cook steaks, where like, you put it, you put it over the stove for a bit, but you can’t do that the whole time, because then the outside gets all [overcooked]-

Wilbur: is-isn’t that just a Brisket, then?

Techno, closer to the microphone: I don’t know what made up words you’re making up right now but I’m gonna continue my story. So anyways, and then you put it in the oven, for like five, ten minutes or whatever, and then you take it out, and the problem is the first time I did this, I- I instinctively just, like, “oh, theres the handle, of, of the uh, of the pan, I can touch that, ‘cause, that’s always fine,” anyways that burned me the first time and I thought, well, you know what? Millions of years of evolution have hardcoded our brains to not make the same mistake twice, especially with something like “fire hot,” alright?

Anyways, I burned my hand a second time and I’m like you know what? There’s just no way my brain hasn’t internalized- so anyways the other day, I was like, “I want to make a steak,” and so, I was tryin, when it was done and I was tryin to get the steak out and I was like “ok I need, I need some leverage to pick up the steak and put it on my plate, so I’m just gonna grab this handle firmly” so anyways so I was in unbearable agony for the next four hours. [both laugh] I went to my discord for help and they all just kept making fun of me

Wilbur: see, the way you told the story, uh, to me, before, just made it sound like you just, full, like, flat palm to your stove [both laugh]

Techno: [imitating Wilburs version of the story] I SEE A SPIDER! AHH! [slams hand on table] [wilbur laughs]

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I’m an atheist, but when God sends me to Hell, I want Him to hesitate.

Ah yes its That quote. He said it live and i watched and him say it and i was like alright then u go ahead and be like that LIVE. (Skyblock: Potato War 3 (FINALE) 25:30 (times may be off due to being bad at math related reasons))

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Rank number 1 isn’t an achievement, it’s a prison, which forces you to dedicate your life to defending a temporary title. But now, with the war finally over, I’m free.

I literally teared up at that the first time i heard it. (Skyblock: Potato War 3 (FINALE) 19:50 (times may be off due to being bad at math related reasons))

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Look, look dude, you gotta believe me, I’m a good person, ok? I didn’t even kill those pigs, my slaves did.

Love this guy (The fastest man in skyblock, 4:30)

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“You know, we could fix global warming if we blew up the sun. Globe would cool right off. Just an idea. Consider it”

— beating minecraft hardcore mode with a steering wheel 13:49

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how has techno refrained from going hrmmm when trading w the villagers like thats such a good thing 

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If Taylor Swift wants my ad revenue, she’s gonna have to pry it out of my cold, dead hands.

-why am i laughing so hard (so my channel got a community guideline strike (FIXED), 0:15)

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im crying what does this me a n 

1:21:02 of human gps

“i had to schedule the minecraft championship stream…more than 48 hours in advance for uh, for mysterious reasons which I shall not go into, but it turns out you can just get multiple streams (?keys?) which means, theoretically, i could do two streams…at the same time. i think i’m gonna do that one day…like I’m just- i’m gonna be playin two games at the same time, and i’m gonna stream them both to the same channel, and just everyone’ll be confused…I-I should do that! I should get…two computers..with two monitors each, and then i’ll have like, one of my siblings playin a video game on one, and then i’ll be playin another one, and- and then i’ll commentate on both. i’ll just, ill turn off the mic one one and then i’ll go commentate on the other stream, and then i’ll turn off that mic and go commentate on the other stream, and then i can DOUBLE stream!,,,and then i can tell people i do two streams per month, when they’re both at the same time! it’s just the genius content. and that’s how i’m gonna make 48 hours of content per day”

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“It’s impossible for me to feel hate because that would be attributing any value to your existance at all.”

— 2:01:35 THE FINAL SHOWDOWN (Minecraft Story Mode Season 1)

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Techno struggling to balance three conversations at the same time. [source video]

Transcript under the cut:

[Transcript Start.

Phil: “Oh fuck. That was great. What do you think of the interior so far, Techno? Have you checked it out?”

Techno: “Oh god I’m tryna talk to three people simultaneously. I’m falling apart.”

*Sophie laughs. Phil tried to say something but inevitably gets drowned out*

Techno: (in a mock sad voice) I can’t even talk to one person!

*Both Sophie and Phil laugh*

Sophie: He’s going through it boys

*Techno mock crying while Sophie laughs*

Phil: Sorry mate.

*Sophie continues to laugh*

Techno: I’m tryna watch four streams and be in a vc with five people. It’s terrifying.

*Sophie laughs more*

Sophie: It’s okay. Take your time.

Transcript End.]

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Techno: You get 9th place one time and you just go into the hyperbolic train- the- the- the hyper… the time chamber…

Phil: Hyperbolic chamber.

Eret, laughing: The time chamber?!

Techno: The- the CHAMBER…!

Phil: Hyperbolic time chamber.

Techno: The CHAMBER OF HYPERBOLE!

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Technoblade be like: could a neurotypical person do this?? *does nothing but spend 12 straight hours doing one useless and repetitive task every day for weeks*

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They met up :D

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was watching some clips from phil’s first day on the DSMP and found this snippet from emerald duo that i’ve never seen before

oh, phil. if only you knew

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i will never ever forget the experience of pure and utter elation when technoblade joined the origins smp server unexpectedly and was dressed as a cute little bunny. never in my entire life am i going to experience the same joy again