movafuka - Tumblr blog

[movafuka]

i don’t get back what i put into this. that should be enough of a sign.

[movafuka]

everyone else in your life is your first priority. i’m the fucking fall back. the sure thing. if i wanted to be sitting in my room wondering if i was going to get hit up or if a dude was going to follow through, i’d be dating strangers again.  you’ve left my house at the drop of a fucking dime 100′s of times and yet you can't ask max to take you home when you were supposed to hang out with me FIVE HOURS AGO.  you can fucking cash app me that 100 you owe me if you shitty job ever pays you, other than that i’m good. have a great life.

[movafuka]

BrainDump 03192019

I don't remember what this page was really supposed to be about but right now it seems like a great outlet for a 27 year old lady who has a tornado of thoughts splitting her head in a million fragments.  There seems to be a lot of things I want right now but hardly a thread of organization between them. I get glimmers of clarity where it feels like the path is clear and I’m able to take a deep breath but in an instant it disappears with a spark of anxiety and jolts me back into my familiar tizzy. 

I guess I could go about making lists..break them down into 

- Things I want

and 

-Things that I feel like I’m supposed to want

That’s part of where my confusion lies.

I feel pressure to be running around the world, having a *cool* job, having a six pack, a semi serious relationship with an attractive partner, an apartment, time in my day to meditate, exercise, take vitamins, write, read. I’m at a point where I’m beginning to realize that my desire for all of these things all at once is probably derived from intaking so much social media. It’s no secret that people only share the absolute best moments of their lives on their feeds. My brain can process that. The issue at hand is seeing roughly 700 peoples best moments of their lives displayed daily that causes you to have a fucking mental breakdown. So many heightened, glorified moments with images of cute dogs, weddings, travels, cool jobs---no one has it all..and my cute little tiny brain can't compute it.

I need a break from social media. facebook, instagram, youtube.

I’d love for my spare time to be spent ranting into the abyss like this. 

End of thought.

New thought:

Some Goals or things I’d enjoy:

-Woodworking; building garden beds -Volunteering; non-profit or even at Zenger or with the Noble Rot rooftop guy -I’d love to fucking work for Ecotrust but it looks like they're hiring for different positions now -A trip to see some friends in NY -Practice a lil bit of yoga -I’d fucking love to learn how to bake bread -Start therapy and hopefully shorten this list a little... -Create a more poignant blog of my own curiosities -Americorps? -It would also be really wonderful to get a certificate in grant writing..or GIS

I’ll come back to this later..but my head feels a little lighter

thanks,

hzr