mowacola
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2 hours
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missy rayder ph by juergen teller pop magazine december 2006
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Your 20s are not about anything and your 30s are not about anything and your 40s... also not about anything
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i know why people hate their parents. hate their mother. hate their father. she has cancer. i don’t want to take care of her. i am haunted by her voice. her presence. her sound. her smell. her eyes. her allegiance to my father over me. i can never forgive her for it.
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spent my entire life chasing everyone’s love only to not feel it back. i don’t feel love the same as everyone else. i feel nothing
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i am indifferent about speaking to my brother again. no one talks about how your sibling can ruin years of growth and self-actualization, forcing you to do anything to make him like you or respond to you well. speaking to him triggers me. sometimes, i cannot see him without seeing how i betrayed myself in more ways than i can count. i don’t hate him, but i am more lonely speaking to him than not speaking to him at all. i’d rather be alone and forget. i want to forget. but i can’t. he will always be with me.
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