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mozzarella-qis-blog · 7 years

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earlier this year i said the meaning of life, personally, was the progression of knowledge. how naive of me to think that. i guess it was ap englishs focus on philosophy that changed my mind. anyways, i was just thinking that most people say optimization of happiness is their goal in life, but isnt happiness necessarily limited, and wouldnt it make sense that, to a degree, some people seem happier just because of outward expression and their upbringings? without bouts of sadness, rage, other negative emotions, positive stimuli become less and less effective. a person who was recently robbed, fired from their job, and held to suffer the loss of a family member might take joy in turning the corner on their way home and seeing a rainbow, a sign of remaining hope. on the other hand, one who, in an equally short time span, won the lottery, rose to fame, and met the love of their life probably wouldnt take much from being surprised with a new pet. bhutan measures its countrys success in gross national happiness, and it seems cute at first glance, especially paired with the countrys record eco-friendliness, but it really isnt effective. first of all, what does gross mean in this context? is it a sum of all the things that should bring happiness, not really happening in reality? if it isnt, and i would like to think it isnt, it should be renamed to net national happiness: how people actually feel. bhutan also has to reconsider how it wishes to achieve maximum happiness, what it considers its chief goal. while genes probably do play a role in some minor difference in hormonal production, society is what makes the biggest difference. even then, the happiness exists as more of a facade. living on a mountain with clean air, clean water, and forests are attractive to immigrating city dwellers, but natives take it for granted. it comes down to society and acquired behavioral trends to instill happiness in people. a person radiating positivity, always handing out compliments left and right while beaming a smile, do not necessarily experience such joy. rather, they likely exist in a neutral state of neither joy nor sorrow, taught this behavior by their parents who either learned it from theirs or faked it to raise a happy, shining child. this neutral state is what i, based on my personal experience, consider to be the most reliable and consistent mindset people have. outside of neutrality, positivity usually has either shorter-lasting or less potent effects than negativity. bhutan, however kind (or impelled to fool themselves into being kind and perceiving themselves as happy) its people may be, still faces this 50% neutral, 30% negative, only 20% positive balance of emotions. such a measly number, even if an estimate, shouldnt be the focus of a country. however popular the mindset, happiness has impassable boundaries, and it shouldnt be referenced as ones greatest desire. so. what i myself am looking for (because hopefully nobody else is reading this) isnt happiness, and it isnt reeeaaally knowledge or fame or fortune either. i guess this is why i have so much trouble choosing a career for myself.

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mozzarella-qis-blog · 7 years

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im writing about my worries. first off, i worry that this post isn’t going to save like my last one, which was going pretty well in my opinion. Its too bad “unknown error” happened. But in retrospect, thirty minutes down the drain isn’t that big of a deal. i don’t know exactly what i mean by writing about worries, even with the last draft a experience, but i hope to clarify that statement for myself as i write more. by the by, i notice the inconsistency in capitalization, and as i write on my phone, its honestly too much of a bother. now, school. As much of an embarrassment it is to worry about something so trivial, its a pretty big deal for my future. Although as i write that, im starting to think not so much. how much of a difference exists between the life of a community college graduate and of an ivy league graduate? sure, occupations are probably way more rewarding fiscally speaking, but are they actually more fulfilling? The most prestigious jobs i can think of off the top of my head are the holy trinity; doctor, engineer, lawyer; plus political leaders and maybe businessmen. i might be spouting nonsense, but i dont know whether these people feel any better than fry cooks and cashiers. its debatable that it would help to know either side of the spectrum, but that aside, from a third person point of view, theres no difference. based on my personal experience, any actions i take to serve the community dont reward me with satisfaction. volunteering is just something i do, and i dont feel like im helping. its a dynamic process, helping out this fantastic doctor, chatting and laughing with other assistants, and listening to his and his patients stories, but as contradictory as it sounds, robotic is the best word i can use to describe the whole ordeal. i feel that jobs and their esteem are created by society. and i know its literally true, but do you know what im trying to say? i dont like how everyone in the world has to do things, a lot of the time against their wills, and endeavored by society is a lifelong commitment, also known as “security,” to your job. unemployment is no good so work for upwards of forty years? i understand that this is consistent even in nature, where animals need to hunt to survive and mate to preserve their legacies, and yet i feel that there has to be some better alternative to how the world runs. it upsets me a little that the greatest minds of the world are still just working and working, even if that work is top class and beyond my mind. i want geniuses to shift their priorities to more global problems, like the efficiency and happiness of the planet, than solving a court case decades old or treating thousands of people for a disease whose vaccine would have already been discovered with more cooperation, more productivity. but i guess its undeniable and unavoidable that my wishes are isolated and different from those of anyone else. you know, my first rendition of this prompt was a lot less complainy and a lot more personal. moving on. another thing i worry about from time to time is probably only applicable to me: how my mind is deteriorating and im becoming less and less productive. when i think back to my younger self, i think of a boy with spirit and emotion, how i would do my work diligently and think not about the useless matters i do now, but only about family and school. id hate to go back to that state of myself, and yet, at the same time, i envy it. i felt worry, maybe about an upcoming deadline or sleeping at ten instead of my nine thirty bedtime, but im sure it wasnt the same kind i feel today. back then, i went about things with a sense that the world is important. i never gave it a second thought, not even one, why im on the planet or why it exists. now, having thought about it, i don’t know. and its taking a toll on me. i cant focus on what im supposed to be doing anymore, too busy thinking about dumb stuff like that. like, even if i find an answer, what am i supposed to do about it?

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mozzarella-qis-blog · 7 years

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do people interpret things differently based on how acquainted they are with language? because i feel that i have to describe a lot of the things i experience, whether or not i actually verbalize it. i still experience quite a few things directly, probably much more than i can remember, but reminiscence seems impossible without words. so i think that the more people read, or the more they write, the more consistent their emotions will be. it isnt just a matter of how frequent we make these descriptions--rather, it depends heavily on the connotations of the words that instantly come to us. example: i see a dog, i feel happiness. later that day, i think back, and id say im pretty average-read person for my age, so i describe it to myself as cute, maybe think about the color or pattern of its fur, the type of dog, its bond with its owner, etc. someone else younger or less focused on education might just think of it as cute and fantasize about petting it, and no more. on the other hand, someone with much more advanced and specialized education on canines might recount it not by focusing on their appearance, but by giving it an erudite description, naming it by the species and genus, and using advanced, dog-related jargon, all with an english accent in their subconscious. it might be a stretch, but the real-world discrepancy in these descriptions definitely exists, so this can be thought of as only a model. surely, the dog specialist doesnt see much of a difference between the different types of dogs he sees, viewing them as more robotic and able to be classified. with such a large background in the subject, the events in his day probably dont affect his perception of dogs greatly. he describes them with denotative words and a bad mood cant affect the tone of his description. but an amateur doesnt. would a bad day raise or lower his satisfaction at seeing the dog? it could compel him to use less positive words, from beautiful fur to just pretty, or from adorable, stubby legs to short legs. it could also bring him joy, respite from such a nightmarish day. my point is that the more scholarly the person is, the less volatility he feels from such experiences. dogs aside, words apply to all circumstances in life. it would support the argument that the more intelligent are less satisfied, that “ignorance is bliss.”

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mozzarella-qis-blog · 7 years

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this was an assignment i had in english. i was supposed to write a satirical argument based on the style of jonathan swift’s “a modest proposal.” i figured it would be nice for me to have a record of how i actually write. maybe you wont like it but teach did.

Children everywhere adore field trips to local aquariums, and, if daring, especially love the sharks. Many adults, on the other hand are absolutely terrified of them, some even finding joy in watching the species perish. According to the scientific journal, Marine Policy, in 2011, humans killed about 100,000 sharks worldwide. Meanwhile, sharks only killed twelve people. Hidden to most, the problem here lies not in the 100,000, but in that the twelve is far too high. For shark conservation, advocates repeatedly mention similar statistics in an effort to garner pity and compassion for sharks. However, the argument would be much improved if the twelve were turned to zero. In order to save those dozen people from their cruel, cold-blooded killers, I humbly propose to exterminate every single shark from the face of the planet.

To accomplish this, we can repurpose combat divers to hunting sharks. We will need to train more civilians in scuba diving to aid in this war and develop stronger weapons for underwater use, but these extra requirements are merely part of an ultimate scheme to significantly improve the world. They may keep their guns, but it is imperative that the new hunters remain unarmored because some sacrifices need to be made to expedite the process, as their blood finds use in drawing out more, perhaps otherwise hidden, sharks. The idea of using frogmen as opposed to something more advanced, such as a submarine, might seem outrageous at first, but seems perfectly logical upon further thought.

In retaliation, some might argue that sharks are essential for the economy. For example, the Australian Institute of Marine Science performed a study, finding that, through tourism, reef sharks in Palau earn an average total of $18 million annually. However, my new plan will benefit the economy much more. Palauans, for one, will receive much more training and experience in combat diving than other peoples as they have a much higher concentration of sharks nearby. Each person here will be paid a base rate equal to seven American dollars hourly and a bonus two dollars for any sharks killed past twenty in one week. Assuming all 21,000 people in the country take up this opportunity in addition to their previous ones, which is highly likely, shark hunting will bring in $229 million annually (working six hours daily for five days per week), without even accounting for the bonus, which, for this elite squad, should be considerably high. This figure turns the $18 million into a microscopic number in comparison. Elsewhere in the world, such as in America, illegal immigrants can be the ones scuba diving as well as any volunteers. Researchers are also needed to produce more efficient underwater weaponry. This will both decrease unemployment and solve the issue of immigration.

My proposal addresses more than these two problems, though. With new, destructive technology for hand-to-hand underwater combat, wars between humans can become even deadlier. More deaths from warfare, coupled with the lower birth rate from increased employment, will decrease the population of the world, therefore decreasing the amount of pollution in the world and restoring the ozone layer to a more complete state.

Others proponents of shark conservation might say that sharks are necessary for the environment. They are the apex predators in nearly every one of their ecosystems, and an anomaly in their function will disrupt the entire food chain, critical to humans because of the oxygen that algae of the oceans produce. Submarines are not used for exactly this purpose; only scuba divers have the precision necessary to serve as a seamless replacement. While our hunters cannot consume the quantity that sharks do, humans have the unique talent of killing for sport. With this, the world can remain in balance.

Above all else, most people likely think that this thought process is backwards, asking something along the lines of, “Why kill the sharks if you’re trying to save them?” and the idea is that not all the sharks can be killed. Even when the operation appears complete, there will surely be a handful of survivors. It is these sharks who will repopulate the planet. Similar to evolution, this proposal, if carried out, will decide this handful by the strongest, stealthiest, smartest, and swiftest sharks in the ocean. We will be careful in protecting this world-class group from all harm and allow them to regain control of all waters around the world. Once there are infestations of marvelous beasts at each and every coast, it is our turn; now, we are the ones who must die.

As for whether all of this is ethical, there exists little reason to believe otherwise. Philosopher, theologian, and 1952 Nobel Peace Prize winner Albert Schweitzer wrote “The Worldview of Reverence for Life.” In it, he compiles a series of his ethics revolving around the philosophy that all organisms are of equal value. With this in mind, my proposal that scuba divers take the position of sharks in the food chain leaves the world in an even better state than now. Sharks are carnivorous, while humans are omnivorous. Each animal that a shark eats has to have eaten plants, so by eating only one fish, the shark takes a number of lives. While humans do the same, we also eat plants directly, which takes only one life, so on average, humans are less harmful to other beings than sharks are. In addition, there is nothing more ethical than sharks conquering the globe and the extinction of human beings. I assent to the fact that the initial seven billion casualties is severe, but with these deaths comes a complete lift on industry, pollution, and habitat destruction, just to name a few. After the spike comes a restoration of the purity of the world, saving countless plants and animals. Referring back to my previous statement, it is true that sharks continue to end an enormous number of lives. However, at that point, it will not matter; ethics is a construct that humans have created, and once there are no more humans, ethics will no longer exist.

I am not acting to serve myself and I gain nothing from this plan but death. I wish only to save the sharks. However, while tackling this issue, I also addressed a number of other issues: advancement of technology, economy, illegal immigration, unemployment, pollution, and ethics. If anyone can design a better plan, I wish to hear it, but at this point, there should be no possible objection to my modest proposal.

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mozzarella-qis-blog · 7 years

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im usually a calm and stoic person, but the one thing that consistently brings me emotion is my family. i dont exactly know how to put all my thought into words, but i want at least to try and catalog my feelings. recently, there have been a number of things that really made me reflect on what i have. for example, my birthday a few days ago (its nov 28 as of right now, im probably not posting this today). my mom wrote me a card and had everyone leave a happy birthday wish, excluding my older sister whos up north. or the quick write in school that everyone chose to make a joke out of, that i chose to take seriously and write about my family. or this morning, i woke up from a dream about my mom and all i wanted was to return to it. or just a few hours ago, when my sister and i were praising her for being the best mom in the world. i dont treat any of them nearly well enough, im sure, but i cant help it. ive created this joke, comical, failure persona for home thats so different from my humble, quiet, unique, and intelligent gem of a persona for school. i wish i could show them all a better me, but when im around them, i just cant help reverting back to my old ways. sometimes i think about their death, how one day the only people i truly love are going to be gone, and how little i did for them.

i was originally planning to revisit this post and add to it at a later point, but its already been such a long time since i last touched it, i think i might as well post it now.

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mozzarella-qis-blog · 8 years

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its 3 am, and im alone eating dinner (like 15 chicken nuggets because were out of good food). normally this wouldn’t be so bad. its always Thursday that i do this because i have such a strange sleep schedule. i know that i have to do all the homework i put off during the week, and i know that during the daytime, i only mess around with my family instead of working, so my solution is to fill my sleep requirement from 4 pm to 12 am and work through the night. all is good. Except today, its wednesday night and im hearing weird noises. i did notes for a couple of hours before walking downstairs. its always a little strange going down those stairs at night, since the house usually has at least one light, whether it be artificial or from the sun, to shine on every corner of every room. but its nothing new anymore, and i just swallow the feelings of mystery and darkness and make my food. i heard water coming from the laundry room, which was a little unusual, but i figured “hey, things happen,” and went in to turn off the faucet. to my surprise, there was no running water. upon opening the door, the sound of crystalline, flowing water turned into the muffled, vacuum-like sound of water running through pipes, exactly like the sound when someone from upstairs is taking a shower. i listened and looked around for a few seconds before closing the door–i wanted to enjoy my chicken nuggets in silence–and returning to the toaster oven. i noticed as i walked away that the sound of flowing liquid water returned as the distance between me and the laundry increased, but this time i ignored it. maybe it was like the door and the pipes being double negatives–the muffle muffled the muffle, ending up with no muffle. anyways, the nuggets finished cooking (the ding is eternally nervewracking at these hours), so i squirted some ketchup on the plate, got a drink, walked to the dinner table, flipped on the light, and sat down. here, i heard a noise from the front door (btw, the reason for my tense changes is that im writing this in real time so by now ive finished and gone back upstairs). i walked over to investigate it, and it turned out that it was coming from right outside the door. but im not stupid, and im not going outside at night alone at 3 am, even if im in a safe neighborhood. thinking about it now, i cant actually remember what it sounded like. my best description, i guessb would be white noise. i went back to eating and the sounds from both sources became ever so loud. the white noise turned into the sound of a black hole, and the water from the laundry turned into a waterfall. i couldve sworn that the faucet was on. so i went back and checked. it wasnt, still just that distant pipe noise. i was almost finished eating before both the sounds abruptly and simultaneously ended, and maybe a minute later i heard my mom walking around upstairs. strange stuff. this entire post is probably just me freaking out over the scheduled operation of the sprinklers. back to history notes.

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