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Critical Evaluation

In the process of writing "Beans", I feel like I've learned a lot about the easy traps writers fall into, and the benefits of the drafting process.

Having written stories in the past, I subconsciously assumed multiple drafts were only for people who weren't confident in the first draft, without giving it much thought. Working on this project I found that, even when I previously had confidence in what I had written, there were many things that needed to be changed. While this seems obvious in hindsight, the true value of it really hit me during this project. I was very confident in some of the early drafts, but showing early drafts to other writers and gathering feedback made me realise that there were still many changes that needed to be made.

A prime example of this would be ex-positional dialogue. I would often write dialogue highlighting points already strongly implied. For example, there is a scene in which Jesse finds herself trapped. The first draft had a very extensive monologue, where she recounted what had led her to this place and what she had learned. Throughout future drafts, I kept cutting this dialogue shorter and shorter, as I found most of it was already implied through the story. Eventually I cut this dialogue out, as there was already enough subtext to make the message clear by this point. I feel this not only made the message stronger, due to it not being forced upon the audience, but also made more sense as she would essentially have been talking to herself.

I also feel cutting down the dialogue helped the story fall in line with my target audience: families.  Younger audiences are usually compelled by action. However, there was less action and more dialogue in the early drafts, and scarcely any conflict in the third act. I feel the change in action to dialogue ratio was very important, as it kept the same story intact while gearing it more towards a family audience.

I also learned a lot about identifying character roles. Most notably, the character Jerry was intended to be Jesse's rival. Jesse wants the freedom of choice, Jerry wants to be free of the burden of choice. However, the first draft didn't make this clear. Despite Jerry's words, he never really posed much of a threat. His plan to cook Jesse was immediatelly dismissed by his wife, Jesse took his side against his wife, and he never showed up again after the second act. To address this, I made Jerry actually try to cook Jesse, and made him return to provide conflict in the third act, solidfying his antagonistic role. This way, he is a clear threat to the main character's life.

For these reasons, writing "Beans" was a very valuable and educational experience for me. I learned a lot about the importance of feedback and multiple drafts, and while I still have much to learn, I believe what I learned from this project will significantly change the way I write in future.

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Draft 4

https://drive.google.com/open?id=1s4zypD94Rs5ukFRVQxpvi7sN7tzr-y2O

This draft features the spelling changes outlined in the draft 3 feedback. I also changed the house scene more, to imply that Jerry is actually just trying to kill Jesse rather than cook her, and Jerry’s wife believes he is just trying to cook her, causing her to lash out as her protests from earlier were ignored.

I also removed the line Jesse says to herself when she lands in the ditch. I feel this line was unnecessary as the meaning is already implied later. It also felt unrealistic, as there would be no reason for her to say it out loud if she believed herself to be alone.

Another small but significant change I made was Jesse’s final line in the Jerry scene during Act 3. Originally she said “I guess now we’ll both know”, the meaning being that both her and Jerry will know how their desired life truly feels, but the reader who provided the feedback did not understand what this line meant at all. While it wasn’t supposed to be overly expositional, I did worry that it came across as too subtle. In this draft I changed it to “I guess now we both see the full picture”, which only takes a little longer to say yet (hopefully) explains the situation far better.

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Dialogue Pruning + Draft 3 Feedback

I cut down several parts of the script to help it fit within the 10 page limit.

https://drive.google.com/open?id=1xWvXA7ouYyeLn4v_JW12NFI6hWSb5Wvg

I received very helpful feedback on this draft, from someone who had not seen the previous drafts and thus had a fresh view. This was helpful as I was worried some parts may have been too unclear after parts were cut to fit the 10 page limit, so the view of someone who does not already know the context proves very helpful.

As I feared, there were many parts that had gone from being unnecesarilly literal to hard to understand. However, the feedback outlined these moments very clearly, and even gave suggestions for what could change.

The most notable example was from the third act. When Jesse says the line “So now we both know”, it refers to the fact that both Jesse and Jeremy have learned what it’s like to live the life they envy. However, this was unclear in this draft. There were also several spelling errors mentioned.

The feedback for the script itself was positive, and the suggested changes were very helpful.

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Draft 3

I have created another draft, with several changes.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1Vp-k_7svvMnp4Azdf4065Qw4u4JVUdm6/view

This includes:

- A rework to most dialogue to make it shorter/less expositional, as there was a lot of unneeded content.

- Changes to the argument between Jerry and his Wife. The conflict has been changed, Jerry’s wife now storms out much sooner, and the drama escalates when Jerry’s wife catches Jerry trying to cook beans despite her never agreeing to it.

- An additional scene with Jerry in the third act, in which he tries to stop Jesse and Mortuum from reaching the barn.

My current plan is to gather additional feedback and finalize the dialogue, after which I will focus on reducing the length to fit within the 10 page limit (it is currently slightly over).

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Draft 2 and Future Plans

https://drive.google.com/open?id=1gZTSC8khmZ7CHtGlrdlQMMYzD5sP2iVX

I looked through the script and found a few scenes in which dialogue was given when it wasn't neccesary. For example, in the opening, Jessebean gets annoyed at the other beans and says "Can't you talk about something else? You talk about the same thing every day!". This maybe sounds a little over-expositional, so it was instead changed to "Can't you talk about something else?". This still implies that she is bored of hearing about it a lot, without the unnecessary dialogue affirming that she hears it every day.

I also cut out a lot of the ending dialogue between Mary and Jesse, as it mostly just reaffirms what was already strongly implied. The characters don't need to confirm the intention behind the narrative up until this point, it makes it over expositional. The storytelling should be clear enough as it is for the viewer to figure this out on their own, and if it isn't that clear, it should be made to be that clear.

Current works in progress include adding an additional scene in which Jerry returns in the third act, as well as giving Jerry a more distinct speech pattern to reflect his character.

Once major changes have been added, serious consideration will be put into what must be cut out as it is currently over the 10 page limit even without the additional scene in the third act.

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Feedback

After submitting the first iteration of my script, I have been given helpful feedback.

1. There are some scenes that have too much exposition dialogue. Some scenes can be shortened, others can be told through actions rather than words (a prime example of this is the argument between Jerry and his wife)

2. Jerry is supposed to serve as a polar opposite/rival to Jessebean, but he doesn’t pose much of a threat. Even his plan to cook and eat Jessebean is quickly shut down by his wife, and the scene ends with Jessebean even trying to defend him. A suggestion was to perhaps allow Jerry to go through with his plan to cook Jessebean, and get interrupted somehow.

3. The third act needs more conflict. As it currently stands, Jesse is simply rescued by Mortuum and brought to the farm house. A suggestion was to add an extra conflict that Mortuum and Jessebean have to face together before reaching the farmhouse. I suggested perhaps Jerry could return, giving him a more solidified antagonistic role and also adding to the third act.

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STEP Outline (First Iteration)

The initial iteration of the STEP Outline. 1. The mundane beans living on the main character’s stalk are introduced.

2. The main character, Jessebean, is then introduced as a contrast to their monotone nature.

3. Jessebean complains about her life and how boring the other beans are. She longs for more control over her destiny, knowing she will just be harvested and eaten.

4. A post near Jessebeans stalk falls, revealing Marybean on a stalk directly opposite hers.

5. Jessebean and Marybean begin talking, finding they have a lot in common. They start to grow attracted to each other, having seen no other like minded beans before.

6. Jessebean and Marybean’s stalks are suddenly harvested, and they are separated and placed in bags to be carried to the farm.

End of Act 1. 

Beginning of Act 2.

7. Jessebean tries to thrash around in protest, and shakes herself free of the bag. She falls towards a nearby tree.

8. A sleep-deprived squirrel named Jerry finds the bean, and revels in his discovery of what he believes is a nut.

9. Jesse tells the squirrel they are just a bean who can’t move, and the squirrel seems upset.

10. Jesse reveals in the sympathy, but realises Jerry is upset over her not being a nut, not her tragic tale.

10. Annoyed, Jesse probes Jerry for an explanation. He doesn’t understand why the story is supposed to be sad, and gets annoyed at Jesse for taking her life for granted.

11. Jesse also gets annoyed at Jerry for taking HIS life for granted, and the two argue as their resentment for each other grows.

12. Jerry gets so angry that he decides he’s going to take Jesse to his family anyway and find a way to cook and eat her, despite her not being a nut.

13. Jerry arrives home and tries to sell the concept of eating beans to his family, as beans are plentiful where they live. Jesse protests in rage.

14. The family is not impressed, as they only want to eat beans. They berate Jerry harshly, despite how hard he has been trying. Jesse starts to see that his life is hard, despite the fact that he is in control of his own actions.

15. Jesse tries to defend Jerry, but is grabbed by his wife and thrown out of the window. She lands in a small hole in the ground, slowly filling with water as it rains. She fears her life is about to end.

End of Act 2.

Beginning of Act 3.

16. Jesse has an internal monologue about her fate. She thinks about how she could have at least spent her last days with her family, but will now die alone and a lot sooner as a result of her actions.

17. She closes her eyes and awaits her fate, but is woken by a voice calling for her attention. A spider peers down into the whole, watching her from above.

18. The spider asks of her dilemma. She simply replies that she lost her way.

19. The spider sees parallels between Jesse’s dilemma and the prey that gets trapped in his web, as both can only wait helplessly for their fate.

20. He offers to take Jesse with him as he travels from place to place, searching for food and weaving webs.

21. Jesse, having realised that the weight of life’s choices and responsibilities is too much for her, asks if she can requests a different option.

22. Cut away to the inside of the farm, where the harvested beans are kept. The spider asks if Jesse is sure about her decision.

23. Jesse confirms that she wants to return to her original life, stating that even the small amount of choice she had today had been more than what she had expected.

24. Jesse is placed in the same bag as Marybean, and they are reunited as the spider bids her farewell.

25. Jesse tells Mary that she has learned the value of just rolling with the punches. Mary is grateful they can be together again. They both fall asleep.

26. Jesse wakes up the next day glued to a piece of paper next to Mary. They have been used to create a child’s art project.

27. The art is magnetized to the fridge by the child’s parents.

28. Jesse and Mary revel in the excitement that their fate is different than what they expected, and take comfort in knowing they can be together to face whatever happens.

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Characters

Jessebean: The protagonist of the story. Jesse-bean is a bean who lives on a stalk with several other beans. While the other beans only ever want to discuss the weather and conditions for healthy growth, Jesse-bean loathes her life and hates how powerless she is to live any other way. She believes all her problems will be solved if she had full control of herself, and ultimately her life. She finds herself very resentful of anyone feeling miserable who she believes has a better life than her own. Her impatience and frustration causes her to lose her way when she is separated from Mary-bean. Marybean: The love interest of Jesse-bean. Mary-bean lives on a stalk just opposite the stalk Jesse-bean lives on, and has similar dreams and desires to that of Jesse-bean. They are introduced when a post between the two stalks falls, and are immediately infatuated with each other. While they bond over their similar ideals, Mary-bean is less cynical about her current life than Jesse-bean and doesn’t harbour the same frustration, which ultimately leads them down different paths.

Jerry: A crazed, sleep deprived squirrel who works tirelessly to protect and keep his family safe, to the point where he is extremely clumsy and makes unusual mistakes such as mistaking Jessebean for a nut while gathering food. Jerry serves as the polar opposite to Jessebean. While Jessebean longs for a life where she has full control and power over everything, Jerry wants nothing more than to just sit at home and do nothing. They meet briefly after Jesse is separated, and are both jealous of each other’s life. For this reason, they resent each other.

Mortuum: A wise, coldly indifferent spider who appears in the third act of the story to present Jessebean with a choice, to travel with him and see the world as he hunts for food, or to stay in the puddle he found her in and likely perish. Mortuum does not do this out of pity, but rather curiosity. He often traps his victims in his web and watches as they are powerless to change their fate before they are devoured. He sees parallels in Jessebean’s situation, having no choice whatsoever, and wants to see how she will react when given a degree of control over her fate.

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Initial Planning

For this project, I will be creating a 10 page screenplay expanding upon an idea I came up with during a story writing exercise.

The original story consisted of two beans who fall in love, but are separated when being harvested and then reunited when they are used to make the same burrito.

Taking this initial simple concept, I want to expand on the idea and incorporate theme of lack of control over life and wanting to live in somebody else’s shoes. While they are sentient and can talk, the beans are ultimately beans and can not move or walk around.