mrnevernote-blog

[mrnevernote-blog]

Tools I am grateful for right now.

1. Hypnosis

2. A good understanding of the Law of Attraction

3. Increasing Faith

4. General Support of Friends and Family

5. Technology, Diaries. Organisational assistance. 

6. Meditation

7. I do love my potential and the person I can be. 

8. Faith in a better future.

9. Love

10. Patience

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I’ll try again

I have enough resources to adjust my life to one that is awesome and that I really really want to live. I have a summons a lot more hope, and wish to gain clarity now, to really make healthy positive changes. 

I am not sure how I will design this blog now and if it is gonna be actually helpful, but it seems like a great way to hack myself back on course and become specific. 

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Fact is Have given upon on the almighty. The one that I created. No rescue is there. Light is enough but not enough if you're not enough. IN saunas garden is the playground of true joy and power forgive my hesistance

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It does take courage it does take faith. Jump into to those true desires jump into the string of true purpose. Singular focus. Singular goal. 

A change. An fairly achievable thing put into stream. Test yourself. 

A good couple habits. A strong underlying truth and dignity. A strong being. Grounding into true faith of the almighty. The Self. 

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I still want this to be the rescue story of my life. The moment and journey of when I chose to pick it up again. My life my existence my joy my experience. When I chose to fly for my true desires and well-being. clearing mental blockages that have accumulated in stuck emotions and energies in the body. The moment when in a free fall I can tell that no ones on to rescue me, but myself. but I cannot do any mistakes either. Vitality is what I truly want and I want it deeply. I want to feel my vitality. My life and enough with that voice that tells me how to do things. I wanna do things with joy, no more fucking limits.... “but if you wann make it” be it , u should blalalalalalalalalalala. Following that voice has destroyed me into ruin. I am done.Run to the love. the love is mine. i am the resurrection and the life. The Uranus consciousness. The Magicians journey to reclaiming powers. 

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I am endlessly confused.

I am aware of that everything I know might be wrong. Right here and now is ok. But I fear it. I fear not using the potential to the fullest of the here and now and what could be. We can be responsible for our own fate. We are I suppose. but we also need to surrender. We should stop clinging. Everything is speeding up and developing and vast speed. What am I doing. What is the right choice. I just gotta learn to let life teach me. To let go of the many big accomplishments and understand that life is the accomplishment. The beautiful here and now. With an eye for the future. An everlasting sacrifice of desires and opinions and hopes and pleasures and whatever the fuck. I don't even know what I am resisting if everything is so pointless. But what I know is that beneath I do feel. I feel. 

ROOOOAAAAARRRRRRR

Trapped Trapped Trapped. In the worst hour I want to spit it the whole truth. As soon as Ive regained some things I hold it. 

We are so used to the state we are in with ourselves and the way we perceive our surroundings, that we do not even know if that’s good. Or healthy.

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My blocks still coming its not letting go its trying to hurl me down and i keep resisting I do want to live the dream of immense creativity and spark but I gotta have to let that shit go the pushing so hard just let it go and do it for yourself . Its one thing I need to do no matter how positive my affirmations are. To make it beautiful u gotta have to make it beautiful don't throw yourself away just cause of that laziness. there is so much magic around. just clear the block.

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13.08

Schon ist es besser geworden. Positivität gepusht mit leichten abschwankungen. Meinem körper geht es noch nicht 1a. natürlich nicht aber es war leichter vorwärts zu kommen. Zufälligerweise meinte eine wahrsagerin heute zu meiner Mutter dass ich meinen weg noch nicht gefunden hätte aber es kommen würde zu einem durchbruch und es aus kunst und technik besteht, mit druck nicht machbar ist. schon fängt gerade der zweifel an ob ich mich gut fühlen darf. Ich muss aus meinem Kopf in den Bauch angeblich. Das kann ich mir gut vorstellen. Jetzt zurück meine Adern sind statisch. ich habe fast angst manche dinge zu bewegen. aber ich hatte eine vision am tisch in der sonne von mir als einem krieger des lichts mit der macht der kreation lined upo in mir in diesem moment. Wennn ich mir das näher bringen kann sehe ich die Mächte klarer kommen. 

The master serves himself.

Only God can judge me.

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Non Analytical Reflection of 12.08

Merlin goes to the beach with his mum. In thee car he almost cries. While Kitesurfing he is almost dead. He eats some fish. On the way back he has the idea for this blog.

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I am going to get out of this I am a Magician!!!!!

I am going to find what I love. I am gong to find my health and I am going to find my way. 

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DAY 1 23:58

Fragmented is my name. I am lost and found knowing and in pian. I hate what is going on but I am not allowing myself too hate it. I forced myself into self destruction. Physically and emotionally. Aware that a good amount of responisibility might hav been mine but I do not wish to destruct myself further. THis here is my spot where I can accept the shameful looser that I feel to be. I am scared of staying in an endless loop of loosing and I am scared to do a lot of things wrong or even ight. Fear and doubt might have overpowered me now. But I do now there is a way out. I just dont know what way to believe anymore even if there are many already the pain of the decision and commitment are in my way. I feel horrible really reallly really horrible. Dead. About to vomit. Bloated. in the body. Overbloated but way to weak around. I feel as if a thousand insects and parrasites are horted within me and as if I am half or a quarter sometimes a little more but wherever I get to I keep falling. I know I have potential but I dont know how to get there savely. I cant helop but be cyncical about my existence and I cant help but dilike myslef in a lot of was. I wish to forgive myself and let it go the past and seek a beautiful future but I do not feel a lot anymore. I dont see a future really. I still have conciousness that expects the more it shrinks it will somwhere find something, a ground to walk on. a base, that is created a root that i feel somewhat safe in. I am fragmented in my beliefs and disturbed by what is the truth if there is any. My imagination has played a lot with me. Fleeing from the real world I have entered the spiritual and do not find the way back. no ground. I have a lot of things to blessed about but who is it inside of me that doesnt want to improve anymore. that doesnt seek the light no more. It has been thee for a while now. And i feel shameful for it. Most of my struggles i make myself feel responsible for. I feel or at least tell myself that I am exactly where i put myself, by my own fault. And all i see is a massive mountain of shit to clean up. Art has shown a greatdeal of healing for me , but my mom asked me if it wasnt just an escape of the real things i have to confront. I feel horrible but I cannot even cry anymore. I feel selffish and law of attraction is scaring me. I feel powerless. I just want to accept it for now. love myself for it in some way. I feel so shameful. For all that I havent been for the people around me. for all the gifts I havent taken. for all the ways I have avoided my truth. for all the love I have pushed away. I feel as if there ways toxin all in my body and i feel a massive somethngin body. even scared to say or parasidical it feels like. I dont know if thats the right focus to choose. How can i grow?How can I get back to myself? How can meet my legendary self? I am so scared under the judgmental eye. Everything has become fruitess . Every achoievement just carrries another bit of fear. light. light is kind. light is forgiving light is effortless light comes flowing it sounds like to crystal surfaces toching slightly. sharp as swords. MY own light feels greenish i think. warm young fresh . with a sense of purpose. healing abilities. people would do anything to avoid there true souls Jung said. why am I saying no to so many blessings. i feel powerless cause it has become an automatic response. what is this position i am really right now. somehow i feel that something is gonna goive me the ultimate release. well it has happened before to be honest.Avoiding what I had to do. thats how far i would go. I have lost so many abilities. I have lost so much. Will I keep lossing due to my pattern of only seeng that. I feel stuffed with beliefs and self help beliefs. all sounding like commands in my head. but thats not me. Have I given over to the deamonof lethargy and wantingness to gain through pure receiving. Wheres my spark. I have to change I know I have to change. I can only hope right now. 

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REFIK ANADOL: Archive Dreaming (2017)

Commissioned to work with SALT Research collections, artist Refik Anadol employed machine learning algorithms to search and sort relations among 1,700,000 documents. Interactions of the multidimensional data found in the archives are, in turn, translated into an immersive media installation. Archive Dreaming, which is presented as part of The Uses of Art: Final Exhibition with the support of the Culture Programme of the European Union, is user-driven; however, when idle, the installation “dreams” of unexpected correlations among documents. The resulting high-dimensional data and interactions are translated into an architectural immersive space.

Shortly after receiving the commission, Anadol was a resident artist for Google’s Artists and Machine Intelligence Program where he closely collaborated with Mike Tyka and explored cutting-edge developments in the field of machine intelligence in an environment that brings together artists and engineers. Developed during this residency, his intervention Archive Dreaming transforms the gallery space on floor -1 at SALT Galata into an all-encompassing environment that intertwines history with the contemporary, and challenges immutable concepts of the archive, while destabilizing archive-related questions with machine learning algorithms.

In this project, a temporary immersive architectural space is created as a canvas with light and data applied as materials. This radical effort to deconstruct the framework of an illusory space will transgress the normal boundaries of the viewing experience of a library and the conventional flat cinema projection screen, into a three dimensional kinetic and architectonic space of an archive visualized with machine learning algorithms. By training a neural network with images of 1,700,000 documents at SALT Research the main idea is to create an immersive installation with architectural intelligence to reframe memory, history and culture in museum perception for 21st century through the lens of machine intelligence.

SALT is grateful to Google’s Artists and Machine Intelligence program, and Doğuş Technology, ŠKODA, Volkswagen Doğuş Finansman for supporting Archive Dreaming.

Location : SALT Gatala, Istanbul, Turkey Exhibition Dates : April 20 – June 11 6 Meters Wide Circular Architectural Installation 4 Channel Video, 8 Channel Audio Custom Software, Media Server, Table for UI Interaction

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[mrnevernote-blog]

my power in vain

from my sin in fame.