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ms-unbekannt · 2 months ago

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The Ballad of the Broken Birdies

Part 3 / Part 2 / Part 1

Small Deaths are the Saddest (Or the One with the Second Night)

‘I have crossed oceans of time to find you’ Dracula whispered in the most hauntingly passionate rhythm ever attempted in cinema. She suddenly realized that maybe it hadn’t been the best idea to watch this movie on the plane because it might be hitting too close to home, she should have settled for Lord of the Rings, all three of them and the flight would be over. She suffers from that hated curse named not being able to sleep on long trips. She paused the movie and looked through the window, unable to shake the heavy anxiety she had been feeling since the airport, where she finally let herself sink into the realization he was going to be there and it was going to be impossible to avoid greetings and casual conversation. She felt like a college student again, too nervous to sleep the night before a big test. No one knew about what had happened that night over a year ago but she already felt like being on display to the whole world, deciding what approach would be better, how to speak, what to say, when to say something, when to remain quite, when to do anything that wouldn’t let people know how distant they are now. The last everyone knew they were friends; some would say best friends. She would certainly say best friends. He had agreed, at least in the past.

“You know you can tell me anything” He reassured her “You’re like one of my best friends” He turned to face her when a light breeze brushed in between them, reminding her of the almost nonexistent distant between their bodies. They had been standing side by side in the farthest point of the greenest garden she had ever seen in a property, the faint music and laughter a merely far away background. They both had felt transported into another world where it seemed they only had each other. It had been like that since the very first night, some had thought of it as strange as there had been gossips going around about them getting together that night in his room. It took several months after the party for people to actually believe they were only friends.

“Yeah I know” She sighed with a nervous smile on her face. It hadn’t been until that very morning that she had decided to tell him. Soon their precious little isolated world was going to end, adulthood was around the corner lurking at every possible path, spying on her intentions and decisions; it was impossible to keep ignoring the reality, impossibly tangled in her feelings towards him. For a second, she wished she had had more time to think about a mental essay before dragging Luigi all the way over here, where they could be alone and unbothered. That was really the only part she had thought through.

He must have sensed her mind working at full speed, in occasions like these he would always try to talk about anything because he knew she would eventually speak her mind. Everything he has as an over doer she has as an over thinker.

“So Beth and Matt, ha?” He asked casually “We were there in that party where they got together, remember?” He knew perfectly well she remembered, they talked about it all the time. Not about the contents of their conversations but about her drunkenness, it was the special tease he held over her.

“Of course I remember, some of us get drunk and others meet their future spouse” There had been only one time that Beth had felt brave enough to ask her what had actually happened between them and how did an overnight conversation changed their previously polite relationship into a full-blown “friendship” Beth had actually gestured the air quotes. She had explained they both understood each other quite well, omitting the perfectly well she had labeled their interaction with. She secretly wanted to keep the intimate Luigi she knew all to herself. If the trust he had given her had taints of selfishness she did not blame herself for it.

“To be fair they knew each other already” They were both leaning on a beige half stone wall by the edge of the property, the dim garden lights barely illuminating their faces. Their shoulders brushing at each other like so many times before.

“Well, they met intimately then” She said while eyeing up at him. He was looking particularly handsome that night, wearing a navy suit, white shirt and a loose blue and white tie that had been undone after a serious dancing session. It was right after that dance that the music had surprisingly died down leaving everyone with curious looks in the middle of the dancefloor. At first she hadn’t noticed Matt approaching Beth from behind, even though she had been sitting right beside her in one of the tables. When she turned around she immediately stood up and joined the rest of their friends observing from the outside what was about to happen. Although she knew Beth and Matt had been a solid couple since that first hook up she hadn’t thought the proposal would come now, but it makes sense and the timing is absolutely right for both of them. Matt had secured a job in New York and Beth was pursuing a PhD in NYU so it only makes sense for them to move in together as an engaged couple now.

Her mind had uncontrollably wandered to what her own expectations were, all of them were still locked safely behind seven locks unavailable even to herself. She had prospects to choose from and she was ashamed the decision was going to be based on the outcome of this night. That was the lie she had told herself to appear more human but deep down she knew perfectly well the decision was made and the confession was merely that, a goodbye to her dearest friend. Sometimes she is unsure whether she’s doing this for herself or for him. A disturbing way to show him how much she felt for him, love is love. Because she had never let herself fantasize with him she has no idea if they would be a good couple, the self-preservation sentiment weights heavy above her heart.

If he felt anything romantic for you he would have told you already. With that sentence she would shut down every tiny spark of hope nesting in her soul.

“Luigi” She whispered sternly and turned her body to face him. His kind eyes made her smile softly, looking down at her shoes for an embarrassed flustered instant

“What is it?” It was impossible to feel disconnected from him, he had held such an intense grasp over her for years now, that imagining a world where his presence wasn’t the main energy around her was going to hurt more than anything before and she did know very well it was going to take a lifetime to undo his soul from her blood.

“I’ll say this and then I’ll put it away” She had wanted to avoid his gaze but it was her own body involuntarily asking her to face him “I-“ Hesitating for the mere second he grazed at her bare shoulder “I don’t need an answer, I’m not looking for or expecting one. I just need to say it” She exhaled heavily stroking her shivering hands against one another.

“I think I might be in love with you” Pausing for an invisible flicker “Minus the think and the might” Her voice never sounding as vulnerable as now.

She didn’t know if he had attempted to speak at all, his expression and usually very expressing eyebrows not showing any feeling that she could recognize. He stood there unemotional but unable to part his gaze from her. Feeling the sudden rush of truth, she had stepped a few inches from him anticipating the passionate explanation she sensed was coming.

“Since when do you feel like this?” Just when she was about to continue he jumped with a question, still unwilling to look anywhere but her, he frowned lightly genuinely curious for the answer.

“I’m not sure how long but I do remember they day I realized what it was” She turned around facing Matt’s distant birthday party, too ashamed now to keep his presence in front of him “It was that day Beth asked us to pick up the Christmas presents” Not even bothering to ask whether he remembered the day, she was sure he did “We went to the city, to all of the stores we needed to go. Something about it felt so intimate, I forgot for a minute that we were still in college, it felt like a future I never had thought about before” Flinching at the emotion threatening to rebel through her tears she paused to collect herself.

He knew better than to interrupt, standing still in the same spot she had left him in.

“We had managed to get that last gift in the toy store, you had promised to get me hot chocolate later because I had pushed through my complaints you said” She smirked “The waiting line to pay was infinite, we waited for so long and then when it was almost our turn to pay you overheard this lady speaking over the phone. Something was urgent and she needed to rush home but didn’t want to leave empty handed. You didn’t even look at me; you didn’t need my approval to make a kind gesture. In a way that said so much about you and about me too, you had made me kinder than I ever was and I hadn’t even noticed. It was impossible not to drift into the extent of your presence in my life. You took my hand and told her that we could exchange spots” His fierce gaze had not left her frame for one bit. It somehow felt like he was in a dream; unable to move, barely able to breathe, unfit to utter any reliable thought but one, the reminisce of that first night together where she had managed to confess a hidden piece of herself while avoiding to look at him entirely. He refused to give way to any other less bright sentiment threatening to burst.

“She wasn’t elderly; she didn’t look particularly exhausted or physically unable to wait, she was just like the rest of us but you didn’t hesitate, you didn’t stop to think about it. It’s in you, it’s your nature” In a bold movement she looked over her shoulder and found his still unreadable expression “I thought I couldn’t possibly love you more” She wasn’t able to hide the unstable crack within her soft voice but her proud stare was unwilling to withdraw from his handsome face. He didn’t dare to move, his body had yet to create a reaction for words of that kind.

Defeated and weak she walked slowly towards him, returning to her former spot beside him.

“I don’t really know what to say” His whisper tearing her soul into a thousand unmendable little pieces. She had thought about the prospect of suffering but feeling it was a whole other story.

“You don’t have to say anything, like I said I’m not looking for an answer because I’m not asking for anything. This was something I needed to say and you know what? I think I needed to tell you, not because you are the recipient of my feelings but because you’re my best friend and I’ve felt like I’ve been hiding something from you, like I’ve been lying to you” He glanced around aimlessly before tilting his head to the side incapable to find that which had made him frowned involuntarily.

“Because I can tell you anything, you’re the one person I can tell anything to and my feelings, they’ve been choking me, I’ve been drowning in them” In you, she had thought.

She rubbed her own arms, trying to swallow the ocean of feelings away, far away from any further shameful demonstrations. A heart can only take so much pain and the ego can’t be silent forever.

He can certainly be silent; she never knew before this blank side of him. Having missed his earlier involuntarily frown, she had not seen an inch of emotion or expression in him, burying any silly insignificant hope she had denied herself to have. You always do hope they love you back.

“Lya” His voice utterly distant from his previous relaxed self. She had died a little when he moved his body slightly away from hers, facing her now but from a thousand miles away. She couldn’t look away, like a monster under the bed, she was unable to avoid knowing if it was real and what shape it had if it was “I really don’t know-“

“It’s okay, Luigi” She had cut him off permanently after that last sentence. She had never been one for voluntary pain. Her heart blessed with tenderness could not endure any more sorrow. She put it away.

“We should go back to the party” Her proud voice had taken over any other wild sentiment threatening to cause an outburst. She had only taken a few steps when he talked.

“Go ahead, I’ll go in a second”

With her eyes closed pressed against the uncomfortable plane seat she could still smell his presence, that last breeze carrying his scent. She swears she can sometimes outline the features in his handsome face although she never knew how he looked when he told her to go. His voice had sounded rough and somehow uneven but she did not know in what way and at that moment she hadn’t wanted to know.

Life got in the way so it has been very difficult to find the time to keep writing this story but it is very dear to me so I'm gonna try my best, if anyone actually reads this (?) Anyway FREE LUIGI.

(If you like the story I would check the song Habits - Maria Mena & Mads Langer, kinda part of the soundtrack of this story)

#luigi x reader #luigi mangione x reader #luigi fanfiction #luigi mangione fanfiction #i know this is the worst kind of support but well #he's just very inspirational?#still prayiing everynight for this freedom and #for him t have his life back #luigi imagine #luigi related?

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