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ms-unicorn14 · 6 years

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Vine References: MCU

Tony: I’m a bad bitch you can’t kill me!

Steve: did you just curse? Because we don’t talk like that in this god damn motherfucking house. Shit.

Thor: what the FUCK is UP [Thanos]

Bruce: is there anything better than pussy? Yes a really good book.

Natasha: *kicks cereal boxes on shelves while innocently pushing a trolley*

Clint: 🎶 fuck this shit I’m out 🎶 *leaps into a bin*

Nick: Bitch I hope the fuck you do, you’ll be a dead son of a bitch I tell you

Maria: I hate boys. Even though they’re nice and stuff I still hate boys.

Loki: Hey everyone, today my brother pushed me so I’m starting a kickstarter to put him down. The benefits of killing him would be that I’d get pushed way less

Bucky: do you ever like wake up or…do like do something and you’re just like “what the Heh-fuck is going on?”

Peggy: [you have a beautiful smile] thanks. You’re not that handsome.

Sam: so I’m sitting there, barbecue sauce on my titties….

Rhodey: uh I’m not finished…let’s get started. First off - oh my god can you let me do-

Pepper: Chris is that a weed?

Wanda: oH mY GoD whY cAnt yOu jusT tAkE tHe frEAkinG coMpliMEEEEEEEEEEENT

Pietro: *zooms up on a bike* Penis! *crashes into something*

Vision: that is not correct! Because according to the encyclopaedia of *weird tongue noises*

Scott: [hey how much did you pay for that taco?] aye yo you know dis boi got dis free taco-

Hope: Dad look! It’s the good kush

Hank: This is the dollar store how good can it be?

Shuri: WHAT ARE THOSSEEE???

T’Challa: They. Are. My. Crocks.

Okoye: Nah they usually tell my I look like Shalissa [who the fuck is that?] Me!

Nakia: Go back to sleep, and starve.

M’Baku: fuck it up, Kenneth. Kenneth, Fuck it up. Fuck it up, Kenneth.

Peter: It is Wednesday my dudes *tortured screaming*

Ned: Don’t fuck with me! I’ve got the power of God and Anime on my side.

Michelle: people say I can’t do what I love without college. Well I don’t need a degree to be a clothing hanger!

Flash: Stahhp I could’ve dropped my croissant!

Karen: ahaahahaahhhahahahahhhaahahahhahahahha laughin my fuckin ass off

Dr. Strange: *slides in* Good Evening

Wong: I’ve got to go home because I forgot to vacuum my room.

Peter Quill: Bop it! tss! twist it! nuagh! Pull it! hoooooot!

Gamora: You’re Not My Dad! You always wanna hear something! Ugly ass fuckin’ noodlehead.

Drax: Road work ahead? Yeah I sure hope it does.

Rocket: gIve mE yOu’rE fAckInG MonEY *dun dun*

Groot: *singing in Groot* you are my dad. You’re my dad! Boogie woogie woogie

Mantis: Look at all those chickens

Nebula: you ever play that game where your siblings are sunburnt and you put some spoons in the freezer, take them out and then hit them with it so it rips their skin off?

Yondu: what’s better than this? Guys being dudes.

Valkyrie: [hey can I get a sip of that water] it’s not water [vodka! I like you’re style-] vinegar. [what?] It’s vinegar, pussy.

Korg: …like 0 grams of Trans Fat and OH MY GOD cholesterol!

Grandmaster: Oh my gawd they were roommates

Ebony Maw: What if my nose was- lol I’m Squidward *hysterical wheezes*

Cull Obsidian: MY MAiN GOAL iS TO BLOW UP AND THEN ACT LiKE i DONT KNOW NOBODY

Proxima Midnight: this coffees bitter, like my soul. I need something black, like my soul. Fuck it’s cold, like my soul.

Corvus Glaive: *There’s only one thing worst than a rapist…boom!* A child?

Thanos 1: this bitch empty, YEET *yeets Gamora off the cliff*

Thanos 2: We all die you either kill yourself or get killed *dancing* whatcha gonna do?? Whatcha gonna do??

Thanos 3: Someone being annoying? Try Out of My Life. Works great on siblings and teachers! GET OUT OF MY LIFE!!

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ms-unicorn14 · 6 years

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It’s The Avengers

Loki x Reader Avengers The Office AU

Warnings: Arrghgh!! I have no idea how this happened? My memory of this day is a blur. A colourful daydreaming blur.

Word Count: It’s 3am and I still don’t know how this happened

A/N: Help me!

MASTERLIST

Time: Events post the Infinity War

Everyone is alive and healthy. Everyone survived. Earth is dying slowly; the usual. Government around the world still sucks. The Avengers still don’t give a flying fuck. The latter cannot do much to control the heroes of the hour as when last Monday they tried to declare them hostile and ‘to be taken under government surveillance’ people took to the streets in protest everywhere for an entire day, hampering the global economy within hours.

Now it knows better than to meddle with the 'fan-favourites’ and have declared that they’ll create a peace force branch to work with the heroes. It is definitely going to be directed by Everett K Ross.

Everyone has gathered in the new avengers facility one by one as it is finally ready to house all of them apart from being their training palace, tactical playground, therapy address, experimentation hub and, in Tony’s words, 'a new place to bond at with the fam’.

Natasha and Bruce are sitting in the wooden floored living room, chatting and smiling-one would even say blushing- as they see a group of people carrying camera and sound equipment walk into the huge hall.

Steve and Bucky follow them and look at Natasha and Bruce with questioning eyes.

“Do you know what’s going on?” Wanda asks as she comes out of the kitchen.

Everyone shakes their head all the while staring at the people setting up their equipment, directing the cameras towards them.

“Woah!” Sam exclaims as he enters the scene, “are we being interviewed?”

“What are they going to interview you about?” Clint commented as he joined the rest, “whether your metal wings shed or if you’ll migrate to the Poles?”

Sam quirked up an eyebrow as his eyes followed Clint. “Still better than being called a hawk with arrows. A harrow! Oh that’s catchy!”

Clint chuckled as he poured himself some coffee, eyeing the Falcon all the time.

“Aw look at you guys,” Scott called from the fridge door, his mouth full of choco-chip ice cream, “birds of some feather and all.”

“But seriously though, what’s happening?”

“History is happening, folks,” Tony announced as he entered the hall with his arms wide open as Rhodey followed him with a sharp exhale.

“Something to be witnessed and shared by all of us gathered h-”

Rhodey cut him short. “He’s hired people to film us- all of us- as we go about our daily lives. He’s pulling 'The Office’ on us.”

Tony sat down in the brown chair by the window side in one the rooms marked 'BTS (not reserved for the K-Pop group)’ and smiled at the camera.

Tony: Hey! You know me. You know the Avengers. We’re pretty much really popular here on earth. We just finished the big fight with that Titan and are taking some days off, you know. Pepper and I are getting married next month. So that’s the highlight of my life right there. As for this whole documentary thing, I felt we should have a piece of something nice to show the little one on his way. What? Yes, Pepper and I are pregnant. Very pregnant. A month pregnant. You guys are to film everything here as it goes for as long as we feel like it. This documentary is only to be seen by me and the people I authorise- which is pretty much all the avengers and other people that’ll be staying here. If this goes outside the facility I swear to God no one on this planet or any other will hire your ass. You hear me? Good. *the signature over the glasses glare*

“Before all of you settle down…like Scott,” Tony looked at the Ant-Man-who was on his second bucket of ice cream- with sheer amusement, “I have something to tell you.”

Rhodey opened to speak his mouth but was stopped by Tony.

“Bup bup bup. Let me speak,” he objected before turning to the confused and somewhat tired faces, “Alright. Almost all of you are here. Wanda’s brother is coming over in a while and Thor is done settling his subjects somewhere in England in the 1500s I hope. He’s coming here with his brother right about now and they’ll settle in the east wing and there is an-”

“Wait, what?” Everyone around him fluttered in surprise as they heard 'Thor’s brother’ was coming here.

“Please don’t tell that asshole’ll be staying here.” Clint stood up, skipping his coffee mug and going straight for the pot, knowing full well what the answer was.

Tony crossed his arms over his chest as he waited for everyone to take in the silent nod and go beserk for a second. Everyone except Bruce.

“Okay, everyone needs to calm down,” Bruce pleaded, “he helped us all with the…with the thing and we all know it’ll be better if he stays under our scrutiny considering he will be staying on earth whether we like it or not.”

No one spoke anything as they looked at Natasha pass judgment on to him.

“You knew about this?”

Bruce looked at her and then at Tony, who pretended to be busy in his phone for as long as it took. “Maybe?”

The sound of the elevator arriving made everyone turn towards the entrance as they stood with their most intimidating, heaven’s judgement powerposes as the elevator doors opened.

You walked out and looked at the camera’s pointed at you before turning to the people looking like they were already planning to kill you.

“You’re not Loki,” Scott emptied the second box as he pointed at you with his spoon, “you don’t have death defying cheekbones.”

You looked at them with confusion and uncertainty, not knowing whether to step forward or go back where you came from.

“No, I’m not…what?”

The elevator doors started closing as Tony caught them and gestured you to come out in the hall.

“No. She’s Y/N. Everybody, meet Y/N. She’ll be living with us here. So, get to know her already. Legolas and Elsa already met her.”

Clint looked up from where he stood and his furrowed brows turned up as he smiled at you.

“I remember you. So you finally agreed to become an avenger?”

Before you could answer, a barrage of questions were thrown at you.

“Do you have powers?”

“What’s the range of your powers?”

“Do you use weapons?”

“What’s your choice of weapons?”

“Have you had any previous training?”

You felt your heart race faster at every new question as you stood there sweating through your palms, not allowing yourself to breathe.

You: *panicking* Nothing! I don’t know anything! I still don’t know why I’m here in the first place. And who the hell are you guys?

Wanda: She’s so small and cute. The moment she entered the hall, I could see fireworks go off in her mind. Not my mind. Her mind. No, not the good kind. The kind that blow buildings. And there was a soundtrack going on in the background.

*pauses as she stares into a void before turning back to camera* Are we sure she’s definitely an adult? I think Pietro will like her.

Natasha: *looks at the camera with the most unreadable expression, her arms crossed across her chest* why do you care if she’s an assassin or not?

*good ten seconds of uncomfortable dead silence*

Bucky: *looking at the camera and then at the crew standing behind it and then back at the camera* what am I supposed to do here?

Scott: Are we sure this girl’s not Loki? I know that guy can shapshift. You never know. I once disguised Antwanette as my pet sheep. No one noticed it for a month. A month.

Tony introduced you to everyone as Rhodey took your bags despite you insisting on carrying them to wherever it was that you were staying while Tony filled everyone in. “She’s just here till she completes her college. She’s an old friend’s daughter who we’ll be taking care of,” he stated looking at everyone for a positive response.

“Who are you adopting now Stark?” A voice thundered from the entrance. Thor and Loki entered the hall, the latter taking cautious but composed steps towards the crowd gathered together staring daggers at him.

“So good to see you too, everyone.” He sang with a smirk over his face.

Half the eyes rolled so hard in the room as they tried to show their discomfort at the idea of the God of Mischief staying with them.

“Relax, little spider.” Loki piped at Natasha, “I’m not happy with the arrangement either.”

“Don’t flatter yourself, greasy,” Clint said as he smudged his knife clean, “we’re devastated to point of committing a murder in broad daylight.”

Loki was about to say something, as Thor’s hand came forward to stop the brewing squabble when the elevator spoke again, hurried steps coming out of them.

“Oh hi everyone! I’m Peter-Man. Parker! I meant Parker.” the high-pitched voice of the breathless and adrenaline dowsed boy announced. Tony looked at him with concern as his eyes settled on the tiny brown coloured puppy in his hand.

“Kid, what are you doing with that pup?” His voice turned soft enough for Peter to calm down a bit, not letting it go unnoticed by the others present in the room.

“Ned and I were volunteering at this pet shelter yesterday that MJ works at. All other animals were adopted except this little one.” Peter’s own eyes turning into that of a little pup, making everyone shift to look the young spiderling in concern. All except Loki, who was confused at what was going on.

Loki: I take the words I told Black Widow back. I forgot there was another puny spider in here. He’s so tiny why is he even in the same room as these psychopaths?

*pauses*

I’m a sociopath.

*camera zooms into Loki’s dark stare*

Update your dictionaries you dolts.

Just when Peter started explaining, you and Rhodey walked in.

“I decided to take him with me and foster till he finds a home. But Coco hasn’t eaten anything and he just keeps lying in the corner of the house.” Peter stroked the little pup’s hair, who really looked sick.

“The vet at the shelter ran some tests and said he is fine but I don’t feel he is Mr Stark. He is not even wagging his tail. So I brought him here hoping Dr Banner could help.”

Scott: *tears welling up in his eyes* he’s so cute. So sad and so cute. *wiping the tears away* And the dog too.

Everyone started quipping in suggestions to get the little pupper excited. From 'liquid diet’ and 'chewable toys’ to 'bad stomach’ and 'chilly weather’, everyone had pitched in their side while Loki leaned over the table and looked at the camera with disinterest.

Loki: *sighed* Of all the damaged people in this building, you’d think at least one would know what the tiny animal could be craving for.

“How long was he at the shelter?” You asked with genuine curiosity as all eyes turned to your voice.

Peter looked at Tony and then back at you. “Uhh…two months. His mother died and he was left at the shelter by his mother’s family.”

You raised both your hands in the direction of the little curled up ball of fur looking at you through his wet brown eyes. “May I?”

Peter hesitated for a bit before carefully putting little Coco in your hands. You cooed at Coco in your high pitched but soft voice as you patted his little body and swayed him around in your arms, cuddling and playing with his ears as you slowly made your way to the kitchen to fix a bowl of lukewarm milk for him. Setting down a towel over the kitchen island, you put the pupper and his bowl on it and sat down beside him letting him take in his surroundings. He made a whimpering sound, making Peter and Scott wince with new found joy in the distance. Coco looked at you, sniffing your hands that you kept beside him for assurance and went for the bowl nose first. He came back up to look at you again. You cheered him up and watched as his little tail sway for a movement, making him go for the bowl again.

Loki: *smug face* And it still wasn’t one of them.

*camera zooms in a little as his brows furrow* who is she?

Y/N: I’m Y/N. I’ve really come here to resume my studies in psychology. Mr Stark was kind enough to open his…avengers facility for me. I still don’t know why here though but I’m not complaining. Wait, who’s asking about me?

Tony: She not only made Clint pay for his coffee and my coffee but also made him go round the block in search for something that wasn’t a food truck or the next avenger recruit when we first met her. And if that wasn’t enough, *camera zooms in* she made Sargent Fancy Hair smile. She, who is NOT Steve, did that. Smile.

*pauses as he takes in a long thought with a gulp of air before whispering*

This girl has unspeakable force over these men. *camera zooms in closer* he smiled.

Y/N: Oh so he’s Loki! Loki? *snickers* what kind of name is that? That sounds like something you’d call a boring green vegetable.

*ten seconds later*

Oh my God! There is a vegetable that’s called Loki!! Look! *raises the phone to show that camera the search result while laughing hard in the background*

Loki: What did she say about me?

*shocked and disgusted on hearing the answer*

Everyone came around you, complimenting your effort as you told them you had taken care of lots of abandoned stray dogs when you were little. Of course, everyone but Loki, as he stood in the background, appearing bored and uninterested, all the while stealing glances at you.

Loki: well, I guess I’ll have plenty of time to show little Y/N what this green vegetable is capable of doing to her.

*a devilish grin creeps on his face*

TAGLIST:

@greenarrowhead @magiclolipopqueen @choke-me-sweet-pea @classy-swiftt @smexylemony @hazzastyles2471 @lokis-lady-death @lokixme @l0kisbitch @bambamwolf87 @itheoneofmanyfandomsi

(I don’t know. Should this go ahead? Should I this stop here? Tell me. It’ll be treated as a bad memory anyway. Use my ask if you’d like)

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