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The unthinkable happened the other night. A skunk was walking along up ahead. I clapped to notify it of danger nearby (as is custom for all small animals, or so my Gangrel friend tells me) and it started. Running. Towards me.

So, nightmarish scenario, now I run into the street to avoid being sprayed and I scare the living daylights out of some poor woman just trying to get into her car. I try to calm her down but just babble incoherently about the skunk, which doesn't help things. Eventually we go our separate ways, the skunk having run off by this point, and her being nearly as pale as I am (and I didn't even have a sip to do it).

This is genuinely the most embarrassing thing to have happened to me in this century.

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I should call her

Partied too hard last week. Drank from a baddie so fucked up and crossfaded that shit knocked me into torpor

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Partied too hard last week. Drank from a baddie so fucked up and crossfaded that shit knocked me into torpor

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Dude fledglings are so cooked istg. I refuse to believe I was ever like this

I mention Ventrue blood dolls offhandedly once, then I'm having to give context and explain. Now they're looking at me like I'M weird??? Bitch don't look at me, not my fault your clan does that shit. Maybe give some side-eye to your sire, I'm just the messenger.

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My "Not a Vampire, Just Weird" shirt is prompting a lot of questions that I feel are answered by the shirt

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Hi, sorry all, one of my wretched little ghouls got on my phone (wanted to play games) and started rebloging shit on my account. He doesn't have phone privileges anymore. Or tech privileges. Or life privileges because I drained the little fucker

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I hate targeted ads but I also hate the untargeted gambling & ozempic ads (I dont like gambling and if I lost 10 pounds I'd die of malnutrition) maybe the truth lies somewhere inbetween... all ads are bad

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Anti-piracy ad from 2004

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oh no , the dog is drinking the wave equation

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Got my hair done for an event, now I wake to find it flat. Again.

The reflection thing may be a load of crap but it might as well be true because why even use it. Fml

"You'll stay as you are forever, my love," yeah and it sucks. Screaming at my past self to say no to that bitch like Walt through the car window

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Okay so one of my ghouls keeps saying 'glorp' and 'yerp' to everything??? Does anybody know what this is? I feel like I should put him down or something

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Hey. Hey. Relax. Look at me. Hey.

You and me, kissing. You agree. Reblog.

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Pros of vampirism: cool commissions from over 100 years ago. Cons? You have to pay to see them.

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Fell asleep yesterday morning after a hookup and forgot to throw my sheets in the wash. Fuck my unlife dude this shit is never coming out

follow me if you have a thing for domineering women who might kill you or if you want to know how to get bloodstains out of your sheets

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Reported Bigfoot Sightings

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I have not heard from my good friend Jonathan Harker in days, I say, distraught, as if I do not know the plot of Dracula. I do hope he’s okay—I am ever so worried, I continue, as if I am not perfectly aware that he’s currently experiencing The Horrors.