msbelagomez - Tumblr blog

[msbelagomez]

I was raped/survival mode

My virginity was stripped away. I was walking trying to window shop at the arden mall in Sacramento. A somewhat looking attractive tall light skin mixed guy offers me a ride back home. We go to a nearby gas station and he buys me a bottled water, I thought he would be different. Instead, he drove me all the way to greenback or greenlane? it was a long road to where my parents' house was. It was a terrible experience, I screamed, he overpowered me. I bled and went to the bathroom and cleaned myself with new baby wipes, he had kids. Disgusting. He said he would drive me back home, I pretended to go back to his car. He said he was going to shower. I waited and once I heard nothing and saw him disappear, I try to escape and leave through his front door that I didn't even know was there. I remember seeing a shorter lady and she saw me crying and she helped me by purchasing an uber to a nearby starbucks. I was out trying to survive the whole night. It's unfortunate that we live in a world full of scummy people who get mad over the truth or dumbest reasons and people who ignore the helpless. If I get banned on here, this just proves my point.

[msbelagomez]

I hate how it says "say something someone else said" on here. My story is real!

[msbelagomez]

“I can’t breathe” - sex worker

As a sex worker, it did come with it’s consequences. I remember walking near a rite-aid where my parents’ lived. A black guy stopped his car, and showed his money to me. As usual, I believed it was going to be another day making money. I got in the back of his car. It smelled like marijuana and smoke, men tend to be less clean. I don’t like it. I made it clear that I don’t smoke, or do any drugs. He drove me to an empty parking lot, behind some stores. There was something inside me that told me this was not a good idea. I just really needed the money for ffs. I got in his passenger seat, and he started becoming too aggressive to the point where he was being disrespectful. I am a kind spirit, but I was strong. Even if he was sweaty and so stinky, I was able to make him cum, loosing my breath. He called me a bitch, he told me I wasn’t sucking him right, would shove my head down his gross dick, and treated me like I was less than human. He said he would pay me, and I believed him because I was naive. Instead, after he came, he told me to get out of his car or he would beat me up. I told him I needed the money. I was angry, upset, and hurt. He still threatened me and was a complete jerk. He even had the audacity to tell me to fix his tires, like I was a construction worker. What muscles do I even have on my arms? Some cisgender people can be delusional. This is why I want to learn taekwondo or at least carry a weapon with me. I get out of his car, my throat felt like it was collapsing. I call him “a fucking nigger” if those were the last words I said before he kills me. I slam the door, I thought he would run me over, but instead, he drove away scott free. This is why I like animals better than human beings.

[msbelagomez]

Working at the postal office (prior Trump election)

If it were up to me, transitioning from a male to female would be free, but unfortunately, I had to work for it. I was employed at a postal office back in the year of 2016. The job that was required was fairly simple, which consisted of folding envelopes and organize the votes prior to the election between Hilary and Trump. I was a fairly young trans girl at the time, so I would have conversations with cisgender folks that did not understand what I would say. If I were to rewind time, I would stay quiet, because when I did have conversations with them, it turned into an issue where I was later removed from the job. If I really wanted to be a bad ass, I would have ripped all of the Donald Trump votes, made a mess in the office, and rig the election. However, the conversations I would have with them would be appropriate and I recognized I was not being problematic at all, I was kind. After I was removed from postal working, my cousin Evelyn sent an email to them defending my right for employment. I remember posting a video on Facebook telling people to spread love and that anybody should have the right to work, regardless of their background or where they came from. It was emotional, but bittersweet because I felt like at least one human had my back.

[msbelagomez]

Bulimia

Growing up, I never felt like I fit in. I grown used to the feeling of being alone. As I transitioned and started to turn my transition into my own, my mother began to respect me in her own way. However, she never instilled confidence in me. She would at times tease me and made me feel insecure about my transition, I still have love for her though because at least I have a room of my own.

Especially being a trans woman, society applies pressure on how a woman should act or look like. We are constantly bombarded with these nearly impossible beauty standards that pressure many young girls and women.

I remember gaining a lot of weight five years later of taking hormones, but I knew it wasn't the hormones that made me gain weight. It was these damn pills that they gave me because somehow, these therapists thought that I wasn't mentally capable of maneuvering through this heteronormative world. I started loosing weight when I rebelled against that. I knew I wasn't crazy.

There are times when I put about two fingers in my mouth after I eat ice cream or anything that has sugar, such as cookies. It's now a trained instinct that I have, my gag reflexes just throw up anything I eat that somehow isn't good for me.

I try to eat healthy, but I know that it's the bulimia that's killing me inside.

[msbelagomez]

This is a preview to my true story

I was born on June 16, 1994. My parents originally were raised in "La cuidad de Mexico", translated as "Mexico City" in English. They traveled to the United States and ended up moving to Sacramento, California for a supposed better life. Little did they know, the government in the U.S.A is just a whole other system. Luckily, things could be worse, because in other countries, people are not as free.

 I was originally born as Ricardo Gomez Hernandez Jr., named after my biological father. Before I was born, a doctor told my mom that I was going to inherit down-syndrome. They detected missing chromosomes and they classified it as "unusual", the doctor told them they get rare cases like this. My mother debated whether she would abort me or not, because she did not want to have to deal with the burden of having a child to provide extra care. After a long time of making a decision, she ended up not aborting me and my father was convinced he was going to have another girl. My dad said they were going to have "tres Marias", which I'm assuming was 3 girls in his way of putting it. My mother was hoping for a boy. To their surprise I was born a baby boy. I'm assuming they were ecstatic because I was the only one who was born male out of two of my siblings. This sounds delusional to many people, but for some reason, before coming out of the womb, I remember seeing a blue tower and street lights. I am a believer of past lives, and after life. I am convinced I was an attractive looking lady in the past life. A woman who seduced men, but cared for them at the same time. Fast forward to the year of 1997 or was it 1999?  I'm not quite sure. As I started to become a child, some people noticed I was obviously not born with down-syndrome. However, I knew in my spirit that I wasn't intelligent either. They would also notice my femininity and serenity when I dressed in boys' clothes. As soon as my hair started to grow, I was so excited. I couldn't wait to have my hair long enough to style it. 

Unfortunately, my family did not understand me and were hoping for a fade type of hair cut, to somehow show my cute boy face. I hated it. I remember family members saying "it's just hair, it's going to grow back", while that was true, I was little, I wanted to be girly and feminine. However, I just sat back and let the hair-stylist "do her job". Of course, I was a submissive boy, but somehow, I felt like she was not doing her job right. She would have listened to the customer if she really wanted to get the job done. 

 Slowly, I started coming out of my petite turtle's shell, that's how I called it. I came out to my middle sister at first, who later sat down with my oldest sister and my mom when I was 11 years old. First I told them I liked boys, I could see that my mother didn't take it well, but was good at hiding the truth. After an emotional session of tears, my mom ended up calling me her "pelonsita", which means "bald haired girl" in Spanish. As crazy as this may sound, I pretended to be a pretty girl with cancer.

Coming into my femininity started to become an issue to my sisters. I was sensitive, they really weren't. To this day, my middle sister feels a way when I try to express myself. But for some odd reason, I feel deep down, she still loves me in her own way. Being with girls like my middle sister made me become petty. However, I would go back to my sweet senses when I was alone. I knew that if it came down to it, she would defend me if anybody tried to hurt me. And so would my other sister, in her own way. Usually, when cisgender folks see a strong human, they take out their emotions on that human. People also to this day, laugh at me, which at times, could make me feel sad.

Next on my true story: Sex Work <3