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msby · 6 years

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Tumaba ka na

By Ruby Descalzo

Sa tuwing bibisita ako sa aming mga kamag-anak, pare-pareho na lamang ang aking naririnig. Kamakailan lamang ay bumisita kami sa Makati, sa lumang bahay ng aking Papa. Pag-akyat na pag-akyat ko ng bahay, binati ako ng aking pinsan at tita ng pangungusap na

“Wow Regine, tumaba ka ah!”

Hindi naman talaga ako conscious sa aking sariling katawan. Wala akong pakialam kapag dumoble ang bilbil ko, o di kaya naman lumalapad na ang braso at hita ko. Pinapabayaan ko na lamang ang balakang ko. Ngunit, kung ang sarili kong pamilya ang nagsasabi na ‘pangit’ ang katawan ko, paano ko iiwasang magbigay pansin sa mga naiipong taba sa aking katawan? At bilang lubos na mas bata sa kanila, hindi naman ako p’wedeng sumagot ng,

“Kayo rin po tumaba! :)”

Lagi’t lagi kong kakailanganing umarte o magpanggap na ayos lang sa akin ang mga ito– ang magbigay respeto sa nakatatanda, at tumawa sa kanilang ‘joke’. Ito ang tinatawag ni Goffman na front stage. Dito, tinutupad at sinusunod ng actor ang mga kumbensiyon, norm o status quo kumbaga. Upang maiwasan ang gulo, pababayaan ko na lamang ang mga ito. Idadaan ko na lamang minsan sa tawa, ngiti, pakiki-ride sa joke nila– ang aking performance at manner. Pero minsan, hindi ko talagang maiiwasan ang pagkulot ng aking noo, ang aking pagsimangot, o ang aking pagiging ‘cold’. Dito makikita na hindi talaga sumasalamin sa aking “totoong sarili” ang aking inaarte, na totoo naman talaga sapagkat lahat lang naman ng pagpapanggap na iyon ay para lamang makamit ang katahimikan.

Dahil sa mga pahayag nila hinggil sa aking katawan, hindi ko na ring maiwasan ang magbawas ng pagkain o di kaya naman ang hindi pagkain talaga. Magugulat na lamang ako tuwing ninanais kong mag-ehersisyo, isang aktibidad na hindi talaga para sa ‘kin. Sa kahit anong paraan, naaapektuhan pa rin ako kahit na piliin kong hindi maniwala sa mga sinasabi nila– na ayos lamang ang aking katawan, ang aking sariling katawan (bagaman mali ang pahayag na ito ayon kay Calasanz at iba pang mga pilosopo).

Paano nga ba nakaaapekto ang mga pahayag na ito sa aking loob? Ayon kay Alejo, ang loob ay dulot ng pakikipagtalaban sa mundo, sa katalagahan. Ito ang konklusyon ng mga karanasan sa pisikal na mundo. Dahil sa aking pagiging laging nasa daigdig, ako’y dumadanas. Lahat ng aking nararanasan ay bumubuo sa aking loob, sa aking sarili. Kung iaayon din ang mga sinabi ni Reyes sa Man in Historical Action, ang sarili talaga’y dulot ng mga pagkakataon. Dahil ang aking tatay ang aking tatay, at ang aking nanay ang aking nanay, hindi ko talaga maiiwasang hind imaging kamag-anak ang aking mga kamag-anak. Dahil pinalaki ako sa kulturang pinahahalagahan ang pagbibigay respeto sa nakatatanda at ang pagtitimpi na rin mismo bilang isang nakababatang tao, at siyempre bilang isang babae na mismo, hindi ko talagang maiiwasan ang pagdadalawang isip na sumabat sa kanilang mga biro, ang hindi na lamang magkunwari. Nagkataon lang talaga. Ngunit, katulad ng sinabi ni Alejo at pati na rin ni Reyes, palagi tayong binibigyan ng pagkakataon, ng oportunidad.

May kakayahan ang sariling pumili ng kung ano ang gagawin sapagkat tayo’y sumasakatawang diwa, tayo’y nag-iisip, may katwiran!

Hindi tayo tinatanggalan ng karapatang mag-isip para sa sarili. May kakayahan akong piliing intindihin ang kanilang pinaggagalingan. Sila rin ay mga taong nasa daigdig. Ang kanilang loob ay nabuo dulot ng mga karanasang iba sa akin. Nanggagaling ang bawat isa sa atin sa iba’t ibang pananaw. Isa sa mga pananaw na ito ang social media.

Sa kasalukuyang panahon, hindi talaga maiiwasan ang paggamit ang social media. Hindi ring mapagkakailang nakaaapekto ang social media sa pagbuo ng loob. Siguro ang mga pahayag na tulad ng mga sinasabi nila ay dulot ng pagbago ng konsepto ng kanais-nais na katawan. Maaaring kadahilanan dito ang mga nabubuong konsepto ng kagandahan at ng pagiging babae sa social media– ang pagkakaroon ng thin frame, long legs, atbp.

Subalit, hindi ko sinasabing ayos lamang ang patuloy na ‘pagbiro’ nila. Hindi naman p’wedeng magpanggap na lamang (bagaman ito na mismo ang norm). Lagi’t laging kailangan ng pakikisama. Lalong lalo na sa ngayon, mahalaga ang pagkilala sa kapwa. Sa huli, mahalaga ang pakikipagdiyalogo– ang pagtawid sa tulay na nagkakabit ng mga loob.

Alejo, Albert. In Press. Ang Loob ng Tao. Social Transformations: Journal of the Global South.

Batja Mesquita, Michael Boiger, Jozefien De Leersnyder. (2016). The cultural construction of emotions, Current Opinion in Psychology, 8: Pages 31-36, ISSN 2352-250X, http://dx.doi.org/10.1016/j.copsyc.2015.09.015.

Calasanz, Eduardo Jose E. “Ang Aking Katawan.” Sa Magpakatao: Ilang Babasahing Pilosopiko, ika-2 ed., pinatnugutan ni Roque J. Ferriols, S.J., 37-55. Quezon City: Office of Research and Publications, Ateneo de Manila University, 1999.

Goffman, E. (1991). The presentation of self in everyday life. In J. Henslin (Ed.), Down to Earth Sociology (pp. 98-108). New York, NY: The Free Press.

Reyes, Ramon C. “Man and Historical Action.” Sa Philosophy of Man: Selected readings, ika-3 ed., pinatnugutan ni Manuel B. Dy, Jr., 109-114. Quezon City: Goodwill Trading Company, 2012.

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msby · 6 years

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Lady(doesn’t)like.

by: Ana Pamintuan

“Don’t sit like that, it’s not ladylike.”

“Don’t whistle, it’s not very ladylike.”

“It’s not ladylike to laugh like that.”

“Ladylike.”

Good manners and proper decorum are things parents usually want their children to practice. I have been being told to sit straight (with my knees together!), to control my mouth movements (and make them as demure as possible) and to tone down my guffaws into mere giggles, for as long as I remember. It is not just me who is subject to this kind of upbringing, with my sisters also being advised on how to act by our parents, our titos and titas, and even our household help. I suppose what all these people have in common is how they grew up in different times, and how they are of an older generation.

Without putting much thought into it, I would associate words such as “demure,” “feminine” and “decorous” with “ladylike.” If I had to define it off the top of my head, being ladylike would have to do with a woman conducting herself with good manners. But further reflection on this word I had constantly heard while growing up, I started wondering why these specific traits had to be associated with the ideal girl’s demeanor. Why was it alright for men to sit with their legs apart, but the same cannot be said for a woman who is clothed in trousers? Why was it acceptable for my male peers to talk loudly, while I had to speak in a refined manner?

THE LADY AS “CULTURED”

If all women were expected to act in a ladylike manner, would this sort of behavior become feminine culture? Would it direct how any and all women should live their lives? Sir Edward Burnett Tylor argued over a century ago that culture is learned and it develops over time. It happens through enculturation through our parents while we are young, and acculturation when culture diffuses through our socialization with our peers. The anthropologist argued that culture involves acquired capabilities from being a member of a society.

This, in turn, leads me to ask, what sort of society presents these “guidelines” or prescribes this specific way of life for women? Culture is not only seen in a society’s language or beliefs, but its norms as well (Henslin, 2007). And in our society as people living in the modern age, the expectation for women to act in a ladylike manner has become a norm. Society teaches women to be modest and proper, and any behavior that doesn’t match that is considered deviant. Any deviance results in being called things such as “coarse” or “uncouth,” despite only slouching, cursing or failing to conceal one’s belch.

Personally, these norms society has imposed on women, as well as those taught to me by my elders are deeply ingrained in how I conduct myself. I feel self-conscious when I accidentally speak too loudly, and I lament when my posture does not look good in pictures. I do understand that the path to creating my own definition of what it is to be a “lady” takes time, especially when dealing with a patriarchal culture and its norms. Although, it has been much easier after realizing that docility and (traditional) femininity do not determine how much of a woman I am. I, with my tendency to curse and dislike of sitting up straight, can define what it means to be a woman.

THE LADY AS “CULTIVATED”

Cultivated refers to two things; one as a synonym of the word, “ladylike,” and the other as a product of development. Erving Goffman’s dramaturgy, as explained in The Presentation of Self in Everyday Life (1991), involves a front stage (where people act or present themselves in a less sincere manner), a backstage (where people present themselves in a certain way to those who know of their front stage persona), and the offstage (where a person can truly be themselves). Over time, we cultivate our own stages; they change and adapt based on the kind of society we live in and what it expects from us.

In my personal “performance” of being ladylike, I still find myself acting according to the manners and habits I was taught; I tend to speak softly and avoid strong language when I am around elders. My backstage self would be the peers who know of my tendencies to slouch or laugh loudly, but are still exposed to how I repress these tendencies when “performing” for others. Lastly, my offstage self would refer to my true, personal definition of myself as a woman, where I can unapologetically reject society’s expectations for me and choose to be my truest self. I need not be cultivated by my parents’ expectations of me as a “proper lady,” but I can cultivate the way I conduct myself towards others and to myself.

THE LADY AS “POLISHED”

Despite everything I have said up until this point, I physically present myself in a stereotypically “ladylike” way; I wear makeup almost everyday and I take into great consideration each outfit I wear. It is something I see as a privilege; a cisgendered female who does not need to worry about the way society sees her as deviant from the “typical” image of a woman. What I do resent about placing importance on my appearance is how this can come off as something I do for others, not myself.

The stereotypical gender role of a woman involves her appeasing the male gaze with her appearance. My own interest in makeup and clothes subverts this traditional point of view; I wear makeup and nice clothes because it makes me feel good about myself. Similarly, a woman’s traditional role as the appearance-concerned, subservient sex does not dictate the way she can live the rest of her life. Especially in society’s understanding of SOGIE (Sexual Orientation, Gender Identity and Expression) becoming more and more widespread, women need not be subject to archaic, patriarchal standards for women (being limited to household and child-rearing work). That is not to say that women who choose to stay at home are any less empowered than those who do not. Rather, empowerment as women and as human beings, in general, comes from the ability to choose the way we live. The fluidity of our individual identities cannot be contained to a male-versus-female binary and its traditional roles. Gender ideologies are constantly changing, and with this, our own manifestations of how we understand and express our identities are also changing.

With all of this being said, I try not to cringe as much when I hear the word “ladylike,” or when I am being reprimanded that I am anything but. To understand my own identity means to understand how I define myself. I can choose, or at least learn, to affirm myself by my own standards, not the ladylike standards society has imposed on its women.

References:

Goffman, E. (1991). The presentation of self in everyday life. In J. Henslin (Ed.), Down to Earth Sociology (pp. 98-108). New York, NY: The Free Press.  

Henslin, J. (2007). Down to Earth Sociology (14th ed., pp. 259-268). New York, NY: The Free Press.

Moore, S. & Rosenthal, D. (2007). Gender, sexuality and romance. In Sexuality in Adolescence: Current Trends (Ch. 6 pp. 132-155). New York, NY: Routledge.

#ana

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msby · 6 years

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Who am I loyal to?

by Joseph Litam

Socialization: Goffman’s Presentation of the Self:

It is through socialization that different roles, practices, characteristics, meaning and identities are impressed upon the self. This refers to a lifelong process that goes beyond the household. We are socialized in values and develop in different ways of thinking. We are influenced by media in how we depict different races, different values – to what is right and what is wrong. This is better understood through Goffman’s “Presentation of the Self” wherein he provides a framework for understanding life-in-society or simply, what we do in our everyday life. He refers to this as performance and makes a distinction of the two types of performances: sincere and contrived. Sincere refers to people who invest their true selves in the impressions they give off. Contrived, on the other hand, does not reflect their true selves rather, only play their parts in achieving their desired end. How this relates to identity can be seen in two ways. The first includes the nature of this perspective wherein we are left to live by interferences. This can be viewed as “I am acting this way because I am…” or “you ought to treat me this way because…” which are examples of how identity is practiced via impression management. Lastly, and where the significance of Goffman’s concept comes in, is to view the identities people make and try to maintain in public and compare it with how it differs from when they are more relaxed and out of the public eye.

Loob from Alejo:

Alejo describes the loob or the self as something that cannot be defined but rather, something that encompasses your daigdig or how you are in relation to not only yourself but to people around you as well as the context you are in which makes up your social location. This loob continues to change so long as we continue to experience this world. It is manifested by our actions, as he mentions, through the presence of the abot-malay at abot-dama which all contribute to the abot-kaya. Through this, he explains that we only move according to our abot-kaya or until what we can reach. This points out important characteristics of ourselves that we only move according to the beliefs we have formed based on how we understand the world. But with this, comes limitations such as to the extent can we accomplish our motives given the limitations of our body. With this limitation comes the idea of formation of the self. We are made clear of our own limitations but it is only when this is presented that we see the different possibilities. All of which is dependent on how we choose to see the different situations presented to us. As such, while important, the formation of the self is not just about understanding and experiencing the world but is rather a prerequisite to the process. It is only when we understand the situation that we can see where to proceed.

Emotional Regulation from Gross:

Emotional regulation is a kind of process in response to a situation. This involves a stimulus and is judged in terms of pleasantness or unpleasantness. There are different strategies that Gross enumerated as found in his process model of situation, attention, appraisal and response. The overall importance of these distinctions is to determine which of these forms would work best for different situations that we experience daily. These strategies differ per person and some may prove more useful that others. This is also about identifying your goal as you try to regulate your emotions.

In the formation of the self, Alejo provides a kind of framework rather than a technical definition. Our self or loob is not something that can be given a definition as it is always expanding. This is seen in his definition of abot-kaya or culmination of all experiences which we can refer to as our center. We only move in response to our center. This is where the formation of the self comes in. It first requires us to understand our own world, not in the literal sense but more of how we experience our daigdig to be precise. After understanding, we then form our center. This is linked to the goals we set, following the intention of our formed center. This is why he explains the importance of looking at the outside in order to the understand the inside, mainly in our actions which is a manifestation of our abot-kaya.

Abot-kaya is then expressed in the two concepts mentioned. Socialization focuses on how we are formed based on the people we interact with. Goffman used this idea and contextualizes it through the use of performances. How we perform can either by an expression of our true self or something completely different. This is dependent on the goal we set. The same goes for how we regulate our emotions. In identifying our goal, we are able to manipulate how we see different situations in order to achieve what we want. This is all dependent on our own perspective (uniqueness) as such, we all have our own different ways of processing emotions. These two concepts will allow us to understand how our goal determines how we want to be seen by others and is crucial in understanding identity formation.

There were two instances in my life where I was called to be someone who was not loyal. The first instance was from my ex-girlfriend who I was in a relationship with for five years. The second was from my best friend that I had met in college. The friendship lasted all the way till second year. The context comes from the fact that I would often close myself up when things were getting tough. I was considered an introvert at that time and when I am faced with challenges in the relationship, I would respond with silence. I would hide from my problems. Another response was I would approach other people and consult with them instead of the person involved. It was not as if they had meant it in a literal sense. Looking back, they said it out of concern. I was the type of person who grew up to please even if it meant doing so to people who were just using me for what I had. While driven by anger, their intentions were towards helping me realize this. In that context, they do not mean loyal in how it was defined rather, only a portion of the definition concerning how I chose who to commit myself to.

This phrase was something I would always look back to. After class, it was common for my friends to come visit me in my condo in Berkeley. We would often study, play videogames, talk about what goes on in our life. In fact, it seemed to be the go to of everyone for whatever reason they can think of. At that time, my condo became a home for these people. It was where they could feel safe. But, it was always at the back of my mind whether I was doing this for my friends or for myself. Was I loyal in the context of how the two people wanted me to be or was I wrong again? It took me a while to finally see which of them were actually there for me.

Emotional regulation played an important role in masking my insecurity in relationship building. Times wherein I would change my outlook on something in order to override my previous negative emotions. The danger lies in the fact as to what extent will I attempt to overlook times of being used. Having to view a situation in a different light will remove any doubt I had placed in them. All that was important to me was to make sure they never saw me as someone that could be discarded so for that to happen, I just needed to be useful. There was a time wherein I continued to overlook the disrespect I had received from my closest friend. For a long time, I chose to overlook his actions despite of being aware with his real intentions.

The phrase then comes to my mind in all my friendships. I am always asking myself to re-evaluate the people I choose to build relationships with. Over the years, I had become more selective as to which people I would allow to enter my condo, more so my life. I consider the condo as the backstage/offstage wherein my actions are less calculated and more relaxed in terms of what I do. There I realized which people could accept me outside my front stage. Slowly, I learned to confront people as to what I truly felt. Through this, they were able to see me for who I am rather than who I tried to be.

At the end of the day, I first had to accept myself. I needed to understand what I wanted and what my true intentions were. I’m always moving in reference to this phrase. Have I become someone truly loyal? I had to consider not only the loyal they wanted me to be but also how I wanted to be loyal. How I understood this concept was very different from how they did. While there is no definite answer, there is something to gain from it. In trying to understand their concept, I shifted from what I was expected of to what I believe was best for myself. My friends did decrease in number but it did allow me to spend more time with the people that actually deserved it such as my family. Every now and then, I look back. But, rather than finding approval from others, I’m learning to be fine on my own.

Sources:

Alejo, Albert. In Press. Ang Loob ng Tao. Social Transformations: Journal of the Global South.

Goffman, E. (1991). The presentation of self in everyday life. In J. Henslin (Ed.), Down to Earth Sociology (pp. 98-108). New York, NY: The Free Press.

Gross, J.J. (2008). Emotion regulation. In M. Lewis, J.M. Haviland-Jones, and L.F. Barrett (eds.), Handbook of emotions (pp. 497-512). New York: The Guilford Press.

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msby · 6 years

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“You’re such a bitch pala?”

by Cara Rosete (161732, 2 AB Communication)

People would say, genuinely surprised every time this five foot tall girl opened her mouth to say either her opinion or dark joke.

I would hear this phrase constantly- from my family, friends, and sometimes nowadays, even myself. You would think that someone that seems wholesome, someone physically weak and short, someone that came from an all-girl Catholic school would only be associated with the words such as cute or friendly, yet somehow, I have earned the title of classic bitch- with a hard and rash B.

But why?

And more importantly, why does it not at all bother me one single bit?

According to Goffman and his Dramaturgical Model of Human Life as the Conceptual Framework for the Conception of the Self, we are all actors. We all have roles, which are basically the context we operate in. The audiences are obviously those who observe our actions, and attach meanings to any verbal and non-verbal cues we give them (whether it be international or unintentional). Clothing and dialogue, as well, are important factors that help the audience infer your character. Through these sign-vehicles, we create an impression that we both give and give off (Goffman, pp. 98-99).

Goffman distinguishes the two by saying that an Impression that we Give is one that is thoughtfully and purposefully constructed with intentional and voluntary actions. This is because we are aware of the meanings that are attached to these cues, henceforth, if we want to present ourselves a certain way, we are more likely to engage in that action (Goffman, pp. 100-101).

An example for me is that I come from a very educated background. I grew up in a very disciplined All-Girl Catholic school and am currently studying in one of the prestige collages in the Philippines. My class hence has me obligated to play a certain role in order to achieve coherence. I would intentionally do and say things that I know people associate with being disciplined, proper, and well-schooled. I make sure to always be mindful of my manners. I make sure to dress up accordingly and appropriately for a student. I make sure to always maintain a proper and efficient work ethic, without raising my voice or disobeying any orders. I make sure I do all that I can do to fit the ideals and values of being an Atenean and Povedan inside my identity.

But is that who I truly am? Am I someone that is so well-behaved that I would obediently follow orders without any single objection?

Growing up, I would hear the word bitch being associated to women of power- females who assert and command themselves. This would connote her to being bossy or bitchy. It was something that I was told to avoid while growing up by my parents. I was always told to be compliant, respectful and full of grace. But how was being an opinionated and heart strong female the complete opposite of being courteous and feminine?

Goffman also talks about the Impression that you Give Off, which are the involuntary actions symptomatic to the actor. These are the actions you do unintentionally when you think no one is looking. These are the smaller gestures and more whispered words that you do not necessarily want other people to perceive you as. And this, I guess, is how I earned the title as “bitch” (Goffman, pp. 100-101).

Because I know, from the bottom of my heart, I am not meek. I am not coy. I speak my mind and defend my beliefs (even when I know it’s wrong). I am prideful. I am competitive and assertive, and have the guts to disagree and oppose. I secretly want to roll my eyes when someone says something I do not agree with or forces a statement on me without any justifiable reason. I push for debate when I believe I am right, and am disappointed when the other party simply surrenders without a single conviction. I breathe in passion, I breathe in ferver. And for some weird reason, being opinionated and commanding and a girl is not ideal.

I always assumed that “bitch” was used for someone that is rude and uncaring of whether or not their actions and words hurt other people’s feelings. So how is being commanding and assertive automatically being a bitch? Even my family says that I’m the devil trapped in an angel’s body. I have the face of a anghel, but the heart and soul of a demonyo.

According to Grovetant and Cooper’s Model of Individuation in Family Relationship, child development focuses on the interplay between individuality and connectedness. There are four dimensions of the model: self-assertion, separateness, permeability, and mutuality. This engenders identity exploration. This model reflects a parent-adolescent relationship, and is vital interplay in order to transition from kid to teenager (Grovetant & Cooper, pp. 415-416).

Relating such concept with my life, I believe that there is a push and pull between my individuality and connectedness with my family. Most of the time, my individuality dominates my connectedness with them, thus me being labelled as the “independent” or “non-conformist” in our family of five. I was always the deviant growing up and had a hard time blindly obeying any orders from higher ups. I would always ask for reasons or explanation, and push for debate- which they absolutely hated. They thought it was me being disrespectful, I disagreed and said it was being tough.

To add to the concept, I as well prefer to distinguish myself from my family. Both my parents are doctors and pushed for me to be an architect. However, being the rebel that I am, I went against their wishes and entered into Communication. When my family agrees on a consensus, I normally am the one that voices an opposing opinion. They find it annoying, I find it fun. And I guess, this won me the word as “bitch” in the family.

The last concept is New Media Relationship Development. Gesellschaft states that individualism does not equate to individual isolation. Humans by nature are social beings who live in social organization, which requires cooperation. However, as one’s individuality increases, individual priorities, personal goals, and interests triumph over that of the collective social group’s. In a highly individualistic society, individuals still forge interdependent relationships that are based under the following assumptions. The one assumption, however, that stands out to me the most is that one engages in an interdependent relationship mainly due to personal choice. One befriends someone because one wants to, not because they are being held at gunpoint and are forced to make friends (Greenfield, et al. p. 254).

I acknowledge such a concept, and this has allowed me to grow and shape my identity. I used to surround myself with people who were congruent with my role as an obedient and wholesome Christian. They thought I could do no wrong and would not go against any order given to me. In short, they perceived me to be a push over. This helped in shaping my identity further because the suppression of who I really was engendered the deviant in me to grow even stronger.

People did not expect a voice out of me. In projects in Grade School, I would always watch passively and let someone else lead in fear that I would be viewed as too demanding. However, eventually, my real self gave way and peaked its terrifying head out. So you can imagine their shock when I finally opened my mouth to let out an opinion.

Now, the people I choose to surround myself with are those who understand and accept me for who I am. Most of them, actually, are pretty similar in character. They know me beyond the goody-two-shoes I would normally be perceived to be, and know that I am willing to circumvent around rules and orders just to get things done. Surrounding myself with such accepting and similar people has encouraged me to continue being who I am today. They praise me for being efficient and leaderly. They admire and encourage my drive and passion. They do not disregard it and disguise it as being bossy or bitchy.

Henceforth, call me a bitch all you want, I don’t care. If I get things done quickly and right, your ignorant comment will surely be the last on my mind. Actually, being called a bitch makes me work even harder now to be even more commanding and resilient. One thing I have said over and over again throughout this blog entry (which I will continue to repeat for good measures) is that I am stubborn. I am stubbornly in love with who I am. I am driven, opinionated, and filled with dark and offensive humor. I am not and was never the wholesome Povedan people peg me out to be. So, it is alright that people are surprised that I actually hold opinions and are not afraid to voice them out. This statement and their attitude towards me has shaped me to be even more competitive and strong-willed.

And I’m not sure if it’s the deviant in me or me outright just being stubborn, but I like it just that way.

WORKS CITED:

Goffman, E. (1991). The presentation of self in everyday life. In J. Henslin (Ed.), Down to Earth Sociology (pp. 98-108). New York, NY: The Free Press.

Grotevant, H., & Cooper, C. (1985). Patterns of interaction in family relationships and the development of identity exploration in adolescence. Child Development, 56, 415-428.

Manago, A., Guan, S.A., & Greenfield, P. (2015). New media, social change, and human development from adolescence through the transition to adulthood. In L. Jensen (Ed.), The Oxford Handbook of Human Development and Culture: An Interdisciplinary Perspective (Ch. 32, pp. 519-534). NY: Oxford University Press.

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msby · 6 years

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Education is the key to success

By Christine Tiamzon

Being an only child, my parents wanted me to the very best version of myself- the smart one, the sporty one, all kinds of bests- name it. In each activity they had enroll me- be it piano, voice lessons or even up to swimming and tennis, they would always say that this for a brighter future, which is to make me learn and gain more kinds of abilities. They were always there for me- since day 1 and I would say that they are my “identity agents”. According to Schacter and Ventura, parents are your identity agents because they are one of the major roles as to why you have become you. My parents were my role models and since young, I aspire to be like them- how to be such selfless parents and good citizens. They have been nurturing me since young and for the past seventeen years of my existence, I have followed and adapt their teachings, attitude, personality, culture and basically, their way of life.

One of the main teachings of my parents was that education was the key to success. As a quote says, it is only knowledge that can’t be stolen from you. I wouldn’t say that they were pressuring me, but those constant daily reminders of how education could decide what opportunities would open for you, made me grade conscious and studious.

Now that I am in college, especially to my senior friends, I would often hear their struggles of having the best attracting resume up to slaying their interviews to their dream company to serve for. After learning about Goffman’s teaching, I realize that I actually apply two stages. At home, I am a nerdy student but at school, I seem to be a carefree person. One thing for sure- I am very thankful for my parents for instilling me to study and study because there’s more work opportunities and companies opening their doors to you if you have high grades as to being average.

However, it is in college that I realize that it’s somewhat not a norm to be a nerdy kid compared to high school where most people look up to you and you are the ‘cool kid’. You’ve got to be someone who says “hindi rin ako nag-aral” or “grabe, wala pa akong nasisimulan sa project na yun”. It’s quite unlikely that there’s someone being open about being an A student. In fact, I see most nerds in school being isolated because it’s seen to be not within the norms. The typical student would be in ideal, facing problems with school work and is at the stake of failing the semester due to bad habits which includes procrastination and too much partying.

Because of the breakthrough of social media where it seems to be the anecdote of every poison in life, many people opt to earn money, establish their own businesses or work even in small stores and stop schooling. This is because money, whether we like it or not, has become a necessity to survive in this modern era. Education doesn’t seem to be as highlighted as other aspects like celebrity life and political corrupted issues, but the truth is, the current millennials are facing the real power of education as of the moment. The more educated, the more work opportunities you could have. With new knowledge and theories comes with new machines and with new machines comes with the fast pacing technology. And that was the problem. It was only in 2nd year high school when I started using Facebook, primarily because Facebook group chats and groups became the buzz in school and all power points and important announcements were there.

Through learning Miller’s point about the effect of social media and technology, could see that we have different profiles, personalities and even “selves” in our different online accounts. We go for different looks and indirectly, form a different “person” or “self” within ourselves in those accounts. One point that made me think about deeply is the kinship cutting. People posts most of the time with their friends and not with their relatives because they feel that they are being ‘watch’ and the so called ‘freedom’ is gone since there would be restrictions and limitations, mainly dependent on their parents’ prerogative. However, one thing for sure is that, this ‘online selves’ has entered the ‘real world’, making us apply into our daily life cycles. We may not notice it but the different ��selves’ we want to practice has become part of us already, and is being applied right now, by ourselves.

Overall, I am very thankful for having my parents as one of the greatest blessings God has ever give. I am thankful for them pushing me to study and do well in school so that I could have a better and brighter future. I am thankful for them accepting all of my imperfection. And most specially, I am very thankful for God’s gracious love of letting a “Christine Tiamzon” live in this world, that I am constantly amaze of. Withstand this imperfect life and selves, I have found God and my parents as a continuous source of happiness who would always be beside me, ready to face another challenge life throws. At the same time, it’s all about thinking the chain reactions of the situation you are into to produce the best outcomes in our lives and maybe, we will all see each of our true “selves” genuinely happy in whatever position and direction we may be.

Works Cited

Goffman, E. (1991). The presentation of self in everyday life. In J. Henslin (Ed.), Down to Earth Sociology (pp. 98-108). New York, NY: The Free Press.

Miller, D; Madianou, M. (2012). Should you accept a friend’s request from your mother. And other Filipino dilemmas, International Review of Social Research pp. 9-28.

Schacter, E., & Ventura, J. (2008). Identity agents: Parents as active and reflective participants in their children’s identity formation. Journal of Research on Adolescence, 18(3), 449-476.

#christine

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msby · 6 years

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Module 2: Development of Self and Identity

The identity of the daughter is based on Goffman’s concepts of idealization, wherein one acts to reflect ideal cultural standards, or at least give off the impression that one is doing so. This involves following the norms, specifically folkways, since it manifests in casual interactions.

Ideally, a child would act according to the values and principles taught by his or her parents. In our case, the daughter presents a front of obedience, respect and helpfulness; her stage may be at the dinner table (or any instance when the family is all together), and her audience is the family. She sits properly and uses respectful words (e.g. please, po, opo, etc.), and dresses according to what her parents deem “appropriate.” She does what her parents expect of her, such as the chores, practices her religion and pursues things her parents want her to do or study.

Conversely, the daughter’s backstage self can be found when she is alone, and/or in her room. This is where she can truly be herself, due to the absence of a judging audience. It is here where fixation in one of Freud’s psychosexual stages may manifest; she could have the tendency to use swear words due to oral fixation, or she may have a messy room because of anal-expulsive tendencies. These fixations are the aspects of oneself that are hidden because they are not “likeable.” The redefinition of norms can also happen backstage; in our case, the daughter does not conform to gender stereotypes. These norms are based on the roles assigned to us by society through socialization. In a backstage setting, wherein the daughter is able to reveal her true identity, she may manifest deviance to the norms she grew up with. It is also here that she deems these instances of “deviance” as something that is a part of her, consequently viewing these norms as irrelevant. Of course, she cannot present this deviance to her parents, due to the cultural norms they have instilled in her, and so it only manifests when she is alone.

Front Stage - Formal Class Hours

Dramaturgy:

Front - The student follows certain actions to conform to the society of the Ateneo de Manila University. This works under the principle of moral character of projection wherein Goffman explains that anyone who possesses social characteristics has a moral right to expect a certain treatment. Goffman explains this as a type of response that can be manipulated in order to present the student in a good light. These meanings of what is respectable is determined through social processes and is arbitrary in nature.

Performance - Performances are often done in a calculating manner as to project a certain impression from others. Majority of these actions are developed from what Goffman refers to as definitional disruptions in a sense that the student develops appropriate preventive practices in order to avoid embarrassment.

Posture - To be respected, the student sits in an upright manner. Back firmly flat on the chair support. Feet always on the ground. Shoulders firm and head upright. No slouching. Smiles frequently to be seen as friendly. Bad posture is commonly noticed by teachers as a sign of disrespect.

Voice - The voice is projected in a way that it can be heard but not too loud as to be seen as a know it all. Unexpected projection of voice may result to what Goffman explains as projected disruptions.

Settings - Classroom, school, or university. In the classroom, a space that dictates the authority of the teacher, it is expected for a student to listen attentively to the teacher.

Appearance - The appearance will try to depict an impression that is respectable and professional. The guide to this will be the school dress code as well as specific guidelines made by different teachers which may require the student to dress formally during presentations.

Manner - Study, follow the rules of the school, goes and participates actively in class, learns, engages with his/her classmates and respects the teacher (authority figure), submitting requirements, note taking

BackStage/Off Stage - Interactions in between or during classes

Front - In this stage, another kind of response is seen in the small interactions of the student during these class hours. These actions may affect the validity of the impression that the student is trying to give off in the front stage. These evidences are classified under the variables that cannot be taken account of or as Goffman explains, what is given off. This is often noticed indirectly and may be a product of the conflict between the id, ego, and superego in response to the situation which may reflect the true morals of the student as opposed the impression he/she wishes to give in the front stage. It then becomes a question of morality which can be considered an indirect reveal of the persona.

Performance:

Actions such as slouching, yawning, chewing gum, fanning rapidly, coughing. These small actions may be a result of boredom from the lectures of fatigue from restless nights. This can be considered a conflict between the the id and the ego which focuses on gaining access to society’s expectations and standards versus that of the superego or the internalized moral code of a person. In this way, rather than a calculating thought process of determining which is right or wrong, the student simply forgoes this and acts.

Additionally, different forms of deviance may be seen suppose the student is not in agreement with what is being thought mainly seen in the raising of voice, interruption of the lesson, talking to seatmates or non-attendance.

This may also include the act of cheating in which, when done constantly, can be labelled as redefinition as a result of changes in context.

Setting: Overlapping - refer to Front setting.

Appearance: The appearance is heavily influenced by the superego of the student. This decision made more towards id and the superego. The id for example, may be to relieve stress brought about by intense heat during hot days by wearing lighter clothing. The response of the superego is based on principle and inhibition of urges. Overall, the decision here is an indirect reflection of the principle of the student.

Example of Off-stage: Running into your teacher and entering the classroom together.

#joe #ruby #cara #christine #ana

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msby · 6 years

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Ugnayan ng sarili, silakbo ng damdamin, at daigdig

ni Ruby Descalzo

Ang sarili ay nasa daigdig, hindi lamang pagiging nasa loob ng espasyo kung hindi ang pagiging sangkot o bahagi sa karanasan ng mundo. At dahil dito, nagiging hugpungan ang sarili ng mga pangyayaring dulot ng mga aspektong pisikal, interpersonal, panlipunan, at pangkasaysayan. Ang ako ngayon ay dahil sa mga pangyayaring naganap, kumbaga itinakda ang ako. Ako ay isang produkto ng mga “nagkataon lamang”. May sari-sariling social location ang mga tao, at samakatwid iba’t ibang paraan ng pagpapahalaga, pagbibigay kahulugan sa mundo, at pag-uunawa ng mga bagay na matatagpuan sa daigdig.

Ang sarili at pagkakataon

Ang tinutukoy kong ako ay isang anak, isang bunga ng pagmamahalan, ng dalawang Filipinong nagkakilala sa ibang bansa at doon na rin nagsimula ng kanilang pamilya.

Babae, panganay.

Iyan ang ilan sa mga maaaring gamiting pangtukoy sa akin kung iuugnay ang sarili sa aking pamilya. Dahil sa aking social location, kinailangan kong mabuhay ayon sa mga pagpapahalaga ng aking mga magulang, na ayon na rin sa pagpapahalaga ng kulturang kinalakihan nila.

Kailangan marilag. Kailangan masunurin. Kailangan nasa honors. Grabe, da pressure.

Sa pagdaan ng halos 16 na taon, dumating ang panahong kinailangan kong mamili kung saang kolehiyo ako dapat mag-aral. At, pinili kong mag-aral sa Filipinas. Mula sa bansang aking pinanggalingan, sa bansa na kung saan ako’y iniluwal mula sa aking ina, ako’y umuwi. Umuwi ako nang mag-isa upang mag-aral at saka manirahan sa “tahanan ng aking lahi” ngunit dayuhan sa aking paningin. Naging mahirap ang unang taon ko rito sapagkat hiwalay ako sa aking pamilya, at hiwalay din ako sa mismong tinitirahan ko. Wala rito, wala roon. Nasa pagi-pagitan lamang ng dalawang nagtatagpo at nagbabanggaang kultura.

Hindi ko ipagkakailang naging mahirap na karanasan ang makadama ng pagiging homesick, lalo na kung ito’y sa unang pagkakataon pa lamang. Naging mag-isa ako sa isang panibagong kapaligiran, naging malungkot: sa tuwing kumakain, parating naaalala ang luto ng aking ina at ama, parating ginugunita ang sigaw, tawa at iyak ng aking mga kapatid. Ninais kong bumalik, tuwing may long weekend o wala, ngunit kinakailangan ko pang tumawid ng dalawang dagat upang makamit sila. Minsa’y iisipin ko na lamang bumalik sa aking pamilya, o di kaya naman umiyak hanggang tumuyo ang huling patak ng luha sa punda ng aking unan. Ngunit higit sa lahat, naroon palagi ang hangad na maghanap ng mapanghahawakan. Maaari ito maging taong malapit (literal man o hindi) sa iyo, o di kaya naman isang mahalagang bagay na naging bahagi ng isang pangyayaring higit ang naiambag sa ‘yo.

Ang mapanghahawakan ng sarili

Natagpuan ko ang isang film point-and-shoot camera sa aming bahay noong ako’y nag-iimpake sa aking paglayag. Napagitaw ang isang madamdaming paggunita as aking kabataan.

Kailangan ko itong dalhin.

Kahit na wala akong kaalaman tungkol sa film photography, o kung ano man iyon, kailangan ko itong dalhin. Ang camera na ito ay dumaan na sa tagal ng panahon. 16 anyos na ako noong araw na iyon, at narito pa rin ito, nasa daigdig– naghihintay na maging bahagi pa rin ng mga karanasan sa mundong kinabibilangan ng sarili. Kaya ayun, dinala ko nga ito. Ngayong 18 taong gulang na ako at medyo malaya na, nagkaroon ako ng mga pagkakataong maglakbay. Sa bawat paglalakbay ko dito sa Filipinas, sinisikap kong kuhanan ng mga retrato ang mga tanawin, tao, bagay, pagkain, at kung ano pa mang makitang kong interesante at kabighabighani. Katulad ng ginawa ng aking ina sa panahong bata pa kami, naging paraan ng pagtatak at pag-alala ang camera na ito, lalong lalo na sa panahong ito na makikita sa kultura ang halaga ng mga konkretong materyal sa paggunita. Para na ring nagtatatag ako ng koneksyon sa pagitan ng aking ina at ang sarili. Sa bawat pagkuha ko ng retrato, nariyan ang alaala ng aking pamilya, na para bang kasama ko sila sa aking paglalakbay.

Sa tuwing ako’y naglalakbay, dala-dala ko parati ang aking malong. Ginagamit ko itong kumot lalo na tuwing nilalamig sa bus. Ginagawa ko rin itong bag sa tuwing kailangan maggala. Katulad ng aking film camera, marami na itong lugar na napuntahan. Kaya’t sa tuwing iuuwi ko ito sa aking pamilya, nabibighani sila sa dami ng aking mga paglalakbay. Napapakwento ako tungkol sa mga lugar na akong pinuntahan– sa Batangas, Laguna, Banaue, at marami pang iba.

Sa aking paglalakbay, unti-unti akong nagkaroon ng kakayahang makayanan ang mga silakbo ng kalungkutan sa tuwing hinahangad na umuwi. At sa aking mga paglalakbay, nakukuhanan kong mapahalagahan ang kulturang Filipino na aking sinusubukang kilalanin at tuklasin upang lubos ko pang maunawaan ang aking sarili, at ang lipunan.

Pag-unawa sa sarili, sa kapakanan

Kapakanan ang pinakamalapit na pagsasalin sa salitang well-being. Ang salitang ugat nito ay paká, o interes sa madaling sabi. Makikita dito ang pagbibigay halaga sa pagmamalasakit. At sa aspektong ito, masasabi natin na ang kapakanan ng sarili ay tumutukoy sa pagtuon ng pansin sa sarili, katulad ng sinabi ni Foucault. Ngunit, hindi lamang sa antas na emosyonal o panlipunan ang dapag pagtuunan lamang ng pansin , kundi pati na rin sa pisikal.

Ayon kay Alejo at iba pang mga pilosopo, hindi mahihiwalay ang loob at ang katawan. Nabubuo ang loob sa pangangatawan. hindi ka maaaring maging bahagi ng daigdig kung wala ang loob at ang katawan. Dito makikita ang importansya ng kalusugan sa kapakanan ng sarili. Dahil may katawan ang sarili, naaapektuhan ito ng paligid. At, makikita rin dito ang kahalagahan ng ugnayan ng sarili at lipunan sapagkat tulad ng nabanggit kanina, ang sarili ay holistiko. Dulot ako ng iba’t ibang pangyayari, aspekto ng daigdig, at kabilang dito ang lipunang aking ikinabibilangan. Sa aking pagkilala sa dahilan sa kung bakit ako narito ngayon, kinakailangan kong unawain ang mga sitwasyon na nagdulot sa akin dito. At sa pag-uunawa ng mga ito, mas nakikilala ko ang aking sariling dumarama, tulad sa sinabi ni Williams. Mas napagtutuunan ko ng pansin ang aking kapakanan at hahanap ako ng mga paraang magdudulot ng ikabubuti sa sariling kapakanan.

Kaya siguro naging mahalaga ang aking paglalakbay at ang mga materyal na bagay sa pagkakaroon ng kakayahang makayanin ang mga sandaling nais mo na lamang umiyak, sumigaw nang walang tigil. Dulot na nga ng materyal na kultura na kinabibilangan ko ngayon, laging naroon ang paghangad sa mapanghahawakan. Laging naroon ang mga bagay na tulad ng aking camera upang gunitain ang mga alaalang nagdadala ng kasiyahan, o di kaya naman ng kalungkutan na maaari maging pagkakataon ng sariling huminga muna sa mundong walang tigil sa pag-ikot. Nariyan din ang mga bagay na katulad ng aking malong na handang magbigay init sa aking damdamin, isang pagnanasa sa kaginhawaan mula sa mga pagod na nararanasan. Sapagkat, ako ay isang tao lamang, at hindi makina. Ayon kay Gross, ayos lamang ang makadama ng mga ganito, mga silakbo ng kasiyahan, kalungkutan, galit, at marami pang iba.

Ang kapakanan ng sarili ay ang pagkilala sa holistikong sarili– ang sariling nangangatawan, dumarama, bahagi ng daigdig, at sariling hugpungan ng mga pangyayari.

Mga Sanggunian:

Alejo, Albert. In Press. Ang Loob ng Tao. Social Transformations: Journal of the Global South.

Foucault, M. (1986). The cultivation of the self. In The Care of the Self (Vol. 3 of the History of Sexuality, pp. 37-69). NY: Pantheon Books.

Gross, J.J. (2008). Emotion regulation. In M. Lewis, J.M. Haviland-Jones, and L.F. Barrett (eds.), Handbook of emotions (pp. 497-512). New York: The Guilford Press.

Reyes, Ramon C. “Man and Historical Action.” Sa Philosophy of Man: Selected readings, ika-3 ed., pinatnugutan ni Manuel B. Dy, Jr., 109-114. Quezon City: Goodwill Trading Company, 2012.

Williams, M., Teasdale, J., Segal, Z., & Kabat-Zinn, J. (2007). Part I: Mind, Body, and Emotion. In The mindful way through depression: Freeing yourself from chronic unhappiness (pp. 11-49). New York: The Guilford Press.

#ruby

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msby · 6 years

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The Hills are Alive with the Sound of Spiralling Loneliness and Crippling Anxiety

by Cara Rosete

You will never feel any smaller than when standing at the centre of the muddled streets of a new city, such as New York— all by yourself. You can stare at a map all day, find your way to Time Square or the Statue of Liberty, but still end up feeling lost, tiny, and completely out of your element. The daunting roads of Manhattan glare straight into your eyes as you muster enough courage to wave it a timid and forced hello.

Thoughts race around your head of being judged by the locals or being mugged in Central Park. Timetables, train schedules, and hourly traditions that you have yet to adjust to keep you up at night. Your head is bombarded with feelings of isolation and ostracisation. When complete strangers pass you by and ignore you on the streets, you automatically feel as if it’s because you do not belong in their city. This unquenchable homesickness and loneliness eventually lead you to worry and overanalyse every situation.

It’s not that the place isn’t beautiful. Actually, it is more than you could ever ask for! The wind is cool and crisp, carrying the rich and strong fragrant of Starbucks roasted coffee beans. You hear the divine sizzle of New York footlong hotdogs musk the thundering roar of Taxi cars and train tracks. You feel the crooked cobblestone with every tap of your boot. But the decadent taste of New York Pretzels, the alluring gleam of cheap Carnival lights, and the melodious sound of 60s Jazz on Broadway still won’t mask the fact that you, in one of the biggest and brightest cities in the world, are alone.

Similar to what Williams, et al. says, these situations in itself are ambiguous. It is when we think, assign meanings, and overanalyse or interpret, where we start to develop these negative thoughts. This is what leads us down a spiral of depression and anxiety. This in turn affects how we react.

It is quite weird how one may interpret a situation completely different from what it actually was.

For example, you are in a foreign land and the locals are eyeing you as you walk through the busy streets. What may really be happening is that they’re intrigued with people (like you) visiting their own country, and would like to show you some local straight-from-the-heart hospitality. Perhaps giving you their undivided attention as you ice skate along Rockefeller Centre is their way of New York endearment. However, you immediately assume it’s because they discriminate against your foreign nature, and don’t want anything to do with you. This tingling sense of humiliation and timidness overcomes you as you slowly and shyly shroud away from the crowd into a back alley, where no one can see you (and where you can potentially get mugged by some alleyway gang). You then feel this growing pang of what it really is like to be lonesome. You never felt this back at home, and you wish you can return… But the sad reality is: you cant.

But then, somewhat like a gift from the heavens, a box appears suddenly right in front you. You pick it up to open it, and inside you found two items.

One is keepsake of your choice to take with you from home, hopefully to help with your well-being. Additionally, beside it, you have a photo of another item that left behind hopefully to have someone remember you by. You stare deeply at it as urges of nostalgia slowly seep in. What do you see?

If it were my box, I would have a picture of my Sound of Music VHS Tape as a token for my family and friends to remember me by.

This movie has influenced me in so many ways. This is because, when I was young, I would go around and sing all the songs from the movie at the top of my lungs until scolded. I would imitate one of the Von Trapp kids in my own rendition as I sing myself to bed. This movie taught me music. Julie Andrews was the one who inspired me to first sing, which honestly is such a big part now of my life. Maria’s bubbly and carefree personality is something that I have chosen to emulate still till this day, especially when faced with any particular problems. Surely, I cannot sing my way out of it, but she has taught me to grin through the process.

I hope that this token will help my family easily remember me every time they so much as see it on our living room shelf, collecting dust. It is a timeless classic that will surpass even me. I hope it brings feelings of warmth, whimsy, and fun back into the lives of my family even when I’m not there to bring it to them myself.

Next, my keepsake would be the DSLR Camera.

My father bought it for me when I turned thirteen. It is the only thing we ever had in common. Additionally, according again to Williams, et al.,

We only compound our feelings of depletion if we deal with them by giving up activities that normally nourish us, like getting together with friends and family who might be a real support for us. (p. 18)

Hence, those who suffer from high levels of depression, loneliness, or sadness tend to distance themselves from hobbies they use to enjoy doing. Furthermore, because I cannot access any support from my loved ones, my DSLR (filled with old photos from past trips and events) will easily remind me of the times I had with them to, in some way, make me feel as if they are still with me. For the sake of my own well-being, I feel as if engaging in a hobby will distract me from spiralling into this cycle of homesickness, loneliness, and self-hatred. It will keep me motivated and feel loved even, especially in this terrifyingly large and uncharted city.

Well-being, simply put, is defined to be the state of being comfortable, healthy, and happy. It’s especially difficult to achieve proper well being in a foreign area, where anxiety and stress levels are so high. Try imagining that these these negative emotions have somewhat of a domino effect, where one bad thought leads to another (which leads to another, up until you are just an emotional mess on the floor). It is important, especially in a anxiety induced area, to prioritise your well-being amongst other things.

Additionally, I believe my DSLR will help me in protecting my well-being by allowing me to practice mindfulness. When capturing photos, you must always be present in the moment. Williams, et al., says to “[g]et out of your heads and learn to experience the world directly, experientially, without the relentless commentary of our thoughts” (p. 46). To capture the perfect shot, you must have the readiness for any giving opportunity. You should not bombard yourself with overanalysing and overthinking. You have to use all your senses to take in the new environment and encapsulate it into your own photos.

This practice of mindfulness while integrating it with photography forms this amalgamation of peace and composure, perfect to deal with negative thoughts and experiences.

It is okay to feel sad and lonely. It happens to everyone. When feeling down, it is normal to feel irritable and worthless. People, however, have the tendency to interpret situations to be more negative thus bombarding their heads with these loud, pessimistic thoughts.

You have your basic emotions, such as joy, disgust, sadness, fear, and anger, which actually serve practical functions for your own survival. They allow you to respond to certain situations appropriately, and will not go away until that certain stimuli (which triggered them in the first place) is no longer present. So when something sad happens, it is okay to feel down. Eventually, what triggered it will go away over time. The problem lies in how these emotions lead to thoughts of negativity, loneliness, and inadequacy. These are not as easy to get rid of. However, engaging in mindfulness will help clear your head and make you feel not so small and alone in this new, ever-changing environment. This will help you in the development of the self, to not be so critical and cynical.

This uncharted city doesn’t necessarily have to be miles away from home, in some foreign country you have never flown to before. You can relate it to even the smallest events here. An example would be entering into a college after being so used to your previous school.

Everything felt so big, while I felt so little. I felt somewhat alone. I did not have my old support system that I used to count on during high school.

My photography, eventually, opened so many avenues for me and helped me build connections with other people who as well took interest in. It also distracted me from feeling useless and worthless. It also helped me practice to not stray away from the present moment.

The two objects in my box (my DSLR and the VHS tape) both are concretised means of my identity. They show this duality of the self because the VHS represents home. It is what is safe. It is what is sentimental. It is what I know and love. While, my DSLR, on the other hand, represents adventure and challenges. It is a hobby that I constantly challenge myself in so I become better and better. It takes me out of my comfort zone; it is the thrill in my body epitomized in a device.

I'm very thankful because, now, I have fully adjusted to college life, and I rarely get any thoughts of isolation and worthlessness. I can now spend my remaining 2 and a half years in college bettering my self. I can walk through campus with a sound mind and carefree spirit— kinda like Maria von Trapp, just without the singing.

References:

Gross, J.J. (2008). Emotion regulation. In M. Lewis, J.M. Haviland-Jones, and L.F. Barrett (eds.), Handbook of emotions (pp. 497-512). New York: The Guilford Press.

Hermans, H. (2015). Human development in today’s globalizing world: Implications for self and identity. In L. Jensen (Ed.), The Oxford Handbook of Human Development and Culture: An Interdisciplinary Perspective (Ch. 3, pp. 28-42). New York, NY: Oxford University Press.

Mesquita, B., Boiger, M., De Leersnyder, J. (2016). The cultural construction of emotions, Current Opinion in Psychology, 8: Pages 31-36, ISSN 2352-250X, http://dx.doi.org/10.1016/j.copsyc.2015.09.015.

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msby · 6 years

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My Perspective

by Christine Tiamzon

Entering college would mean that there would be different groups of people who I would encounter with, who has different beliefs and views in life. Since kinder garden up to high school, I was with the same classmates in all of my classes. With this, I got used to be being in cliques or in short, a term called “homophily where in people who has the same values and insights are in a group” (Hermans 2015). Before the first day of college, I told myself to be open-minded because not everybody is like me. As a result of being open to new beliefs, I saw “heterophily as a possible idea where in different people who has different views are in a group” (Hermans, 2015).

With this question of what object would I bring to college, I would definitely bring a cellphone. Since this would be the first time I would be away from home, I wanted to have a line of communication. It is in my “system 1 that automatically once I go home from school, I would greet my parents and talk to them how’s my day” (Kahneman, 2011). Now that I couldn’t talk to them right away, surely, I’d make sure to bring my cellphone to college because with this it comforts me that they are just one call away.

For me, I would leave a paper that contains my schedule to my parents. This is because since I would be entering a new environment, at least they know where I am and what class at that specific time I’m taking and so with this, they would feel rest assured that I am in a safe place. In addition, knowing my parents, they value my studies so they wouldn’t want me to be disturb me during class hours and I know that they miss me a lot so by giving my schedule, they know the time I don’t have class. At the same time, as any parent would be, I am sure that there would be times that they would think if I’m doing well and if I have adapted to the new environment easily. I wanted to make sure that they would not worry and would feel at ease. In this case, “system 2 is being applied since even though my parents miss me, they have to analyze first if it is the right time to call me” (Kahneman, 2011).

Entering college was one of the biggest milestone in my life. I learned different views of people that gave me new learnings and insights. Truly, there’s a different culture each one of us grown that makes our individuality. We have all develop to have different state of well beings: that is, for me, being happy and enjoying life despite of the different milestones we encounter, whether good nor bad. Definitely, we are all brought to be distinct beings but once thing’s for sure; we are facing the same processes and milestones in life.

Works Cited

Kahneman, D. (2011). The characters of the story. In Thinking, fast and slow (Ch. 1, pp. 19-30. New York: Farrar, Straus, and Giroux.

#Christine

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msby · 6 years

Text

the duality of selves

by: Ana Pamintuan

Situation: It’s mid-August in the year 2016, inside the Ateneo de Manila University campus. My first week of college classes has rolled around, and I find myself in an incredibly unfamiliar environment. In my pencil case, I have with me a pink Mongol ballpoint pen; and about to be sent back to my family is my OrSem 2016: Sibol nametag.

College brings about the opportunity of a new identity, or a new layer of (my)self. My OrSem nametag is the first thing I received from the school in my first day as an Atenean. I choose to send this specific item back home to show my family a bit of the culture I am discovering. Being the first of my siblings to go to college and the first of my family to go to Ateneo, I think the school’s OrSem culture is a good representative of my first few experiences in college.

Along with this new environment comes the discovery of which self I will project throughout my college journey – am I to be the overachiever I was in high school, or will I be my very introverted self, or is there another aspect of me that is yet to be seen? This is a matter of getting to know myself at a deeper level, to access the loob that Fr. Albert Alejo, SJ, describes as the call to action to understand oneself. The self I present in college may not even be a single aspect of me, but as a society of selves, a sum of the different parts of me that make me who I am.

Before college, I had spent fourteen years of my life in the same school. Throughout preschool, grade school and high school, I called home a community of around 1,500 persons. The university includes thousands more people than I am used to. For someone with homophilous tendencies, being surrounded by many different kinds of people can bring about some worries and some sort of culture shock. I feel as if I am still viewing Ateneo as an outsider, as someone trying to understand the dynamics of student life, org life and anything else college life has to offer. Yet now, I have this nametag that proclaims me as a part of this community, that welcomes me into its culture and life as a student of Ateneo.

Knowing myself as someone who is sentimental and avoids big changes, I would not send something I’ve owned for a long time back home. The new environment is jarring enough, and I’d prefer to keep familiar, comforting objects with me as I adjust to my surroundings (which is why I chose to keep my pink pen, but more on that later). There are also few tangible things I can send back, especially objects I will not need for day-to-day school life in Ateneo. The nametag signifies a start to the self I will create throughout my college life.

If I send back something new, I keep something old. This pink ball pen is a tool I’ve used throughout high school (e.g. the model, if not that specific pen itself). The color/ink was something I became known for among my friends, and in college, its purpose is a reminder of the self I presented in my high school environment.

So much of what I bring physically with me to college is new – a new bag, civilian clothes (as opposed to a uniform) and new school supplies. The pen serves to curb the anxiety and worries I face in this new environment; that as much as things change, some things stay the same. I am still the same person I was before college, but in a new place with different people. I may act differently and present different selves, but nonetheless I am still me.

Knowing my mental processes, it can be easy for me to slip into a darker, more anxious mindset in this new environment. There is so much (for me, at least) to worry about; new blockmates, new professors, figuring out the ins and outs of all the buildings and even knowing the school’s unwritten rules, to name a few. Consequently, there is my own need to make sure I don’t make a fool of myself in my first few weeks in college, and to be able to blend in as soon as possible. While irrational, these worries control the way I perceive my new surroundings, making it seem foreign and unwelcoming. This is why I keep the pen with me – to snap myself out of such a negative though process, and begin a more positive emotional experience.

The pen is something I can use every day, as often as in each class I attend. It serves as my reminder to be mindful and to regulate my emotions as I start becoming more anxious.

The duality I feel is best described by these two objects. On one hand, there is the nametag that signifies a new journey, and a new layer of myself to understand. But on the other hand the pen represents the anxieties (e.g. the process of dissolving these worries) brought upon by the same, new journey. I believe I need both to navigate college life in a positive manner. While it may not be easy to completely rid myself of worries, I have to remind myself of where I am, at present. I am merely someone who has just started in college; with countless possibilities to join orgs, make friends and make the most out of my four years in Ateneo.

I believe that my anxiety stems from worrying too much over either what others think of me, or what can happen in the future. I also believe that my well-being is changing the perspective of these worrisome thoughts with positivity. Instead of being too aware of what people may think of me, I can seek friends who I can relate to. Instead of worrying about the rigors of Management Engineering, I can look forward to the opportunities this course offers. I practice well-being by simply being aware of when I start negative thinking patterns, and I remember where I am at present and the things that lie ahead of me.

In a nutshell, I can connect my own perception of well-being to the positive outlook represented by my OrSem nametag, and the self-awareness brought about by my treasured pen from high school.

References:

Alejo, Albert. In Press. Ang Loob ng Tao. Social Transformations: Journal of the Global South.

Gross, J.J. (2008). Emotion regulation. In M. Lewis, J.M. Haviland-Jones, and L.F. Barrett (eds.), Handbook of emotions (pp. 497-512). New York: The Guilford Press.  

#ana

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msby · 6 years

Text

Finding Familiarity

by Joseph Litam

How we define something is based on our overall experiences as a person. Reyes claims that how we develop as people will determine how we see the world. This is unique to every person as we all differ in our experiences given our difference in social locations. In how this relates to definitions, we formulate our concepts (our definition or understanding of things) based on how we see the world. It is not something that is presented the same way to everyone.

This works in the same idea as Alejo’s in a sense that he tried to understand the loob from the outside. Additionally, as long as I have a body, it is impossible for me not to be part of this world therefore, impossible not to experience it. In today’s blog post, I will attempt to define a very relevant concept in my life known as well – being. How I will define this concept will be done through object elicitation wherein I will pick two representative objects which I believe represents my answer to the question “what is well - being?” by serving as catalysts to meaningful human experiences. This is in response to a certain situation wherein I am to bring one of these objects with me to a place that is far away and the other object I will bring back as a pasalubong. This will be done by first explaining the processes in choosing these objects. As mentioned, it is through the different experiences in my life that I am able to view the world in a certain way. As such, it is important to explain these processes in order to see how my experiences relate to my concept.

I. �� Assessing the Situation – No more training wheels [“Hu u?”]

I always feel anxious whenever I am introduced to new things without having someone to explain them. This stems from fear of not knowing how things work or perhaps, not knowing what to expect. Rather than fear, in which I am aware of what I am afraid of, the more appropriate term to use is angst. Because of this, I am always finding myself home or if not, at school because these are places I am familiar with. These are places I grew up in and places wherein everything was explained to me. There were always people there to guide me in what to do either my parents, teachers, or friends.

To be introduced to this new environment would mean being introduced to something completely foreign to me. Despite the processes being similar given that college is also an education institution, my attention would be directed at the things I do not understand. This may cause a feeling of anxiety, leading to a certain train of thought towards a certain response. This is portrayed by Gross in his Modal Model wherein our emotions start from a certain stimulus. This is reflected in my emotions or what William refers to as the experience component of sadness and fear in response to me being unable to understand the situation. This is reflected as well through my behavioral component reflected through my worried face. Lastly, it is also reflected through my bodily actions of increased perspiration, lost of appetite and increase eye twitching which is the physiological component. These all make up what William refers to as emotions. This feeling of discomfort has led me to avoid situations such as these but, I am simply avoiding the inevitable. Considering this, I have chosen to bring my earphones as it evokes an emotion and a process that I associate well with well – being. In order to try and regulate my emotions and hopefully, create a better response towards these new things.

II. Emotional Regulation – How long should I play my music?

Figure 1: Earphones

In Williams work, he tried to enumerate different strategies towards regulating these emotions. One particular strategy I have used in this situation is called Attention Deployment wherein I am already in the situation that I perceived is uncomfortable, so I try to redirect my attention. This is done when I listen to music through my earphones. In this way, the music because the focus of my attention. This is also a form of Cognitive Change wherein I try to change how I think of the situation. By playing music I often play at home, I find a sense of familiarity which gives me a bit of ease and allows me to relax. This is reflected in my response afterwards as well as giving me time to calm down and assess the situation. How this works is explained by William in that the purpose of emotions is “to push us to act, do something to rectify the situation”.

III. The Concept of Well – Being: Space Created by Music

This leads me to how well – being is defined given my choice of the earphones. My concept of well - being is similar to some of the insights that Foucault mentioned. The first is to recognize the need of self – care. He explained this in an urgent tone,

“Recognize the need for self care: Hasten then to the end, discard vain hopes, and if you care for yourself at all, rescue yourself [sautoi boethei ei ti soi meier sautou ] while you still may.", as quoted.

Similarly, I recognize that self-care is constituent to well – being and that it must first be recognized before acted on. By recognizing my fear of the unfamiliar, I am able to think of actions to counter-act this mainly through the use of music to make the unfamiliar, familiar. The next step is to recognize, as Foucault mentioned, that this is labor intensive task. He explaines this through the use of the Latin word epimeleia which he used to show that this labor is not merely a preoccupation but a whole set of occupations to give emphasis on the type of effort we are to expect. How this works in my case is that recognizing the need for self – care does not equate to actions leading towards this. This requires long periods of understanding the self as I have to figure out which actions work best in given situations. Additionally, I would also require being in the right state of mind which means determining the times wherein I need to take a break from the social world and find time for the personal. The beauty of the earphones is that it can be split for another person to hear. In this sense, I am, as Gross explained, implementing emotional regulation not just to myself but to those around me. This allows me to transition from an isolated state to a social one therefore, creating connections. I personally believe that music is a great way to connect with people. They get to see a glimpse of who I am based on my preferences.

Before I can devote all my attention towards my soon to be daily activities, I must first familiarize myself and get comfortable. To reach this, I must devote time of my day to myself in a sense that I must sustain myself, as Foucault emphasizes, to be able to regulate my emotions corresponding specific situations I may encounter in college.

IV. From Personal to Social - AKA Pasalubong

Figure 2: Instax Photo

The pasalubong I chose represents the social aspect of how I define well – being. Well - being is not limited to what affects me but rather, what also affects those important to me. As such, considering the social aspect is also crucial in how I define well – being. I chose to bring home a picture, preferably sent digitally as to save paper or via instax. How I chose this is similar to how I chose the earphones. I wanted my family and friends to be at ease knowing that I was getting well acquainted with the area. In a sense, this is also a form of familiarity that I want them to experience. Foucault explains this as the integration of the self with the social. He considers this as a beneficial exercise for the well-being because by revealing one’s soul, there comes what is referred to as re-actualization of the self. This is mostly done through communication and my way of giving a photograph is a way of revealing my state to others. Finding the right strategy allows us to create shared value with the people around us. In this way, I do not have to face situations alone. I am creating a response that lessen this burden.

Feelings are there to incite action. These feelings were brought about through object elicitation. This is unique as my use of these objects, which allows me to remember relevant memories regarding well- being, are specific to me. I am able to see this correspondence of objects to situations only because of my own experience. In short, they serve as the stimulus for different emotions. I can attribute these to college as this new environment may compromise my overall well – being. Given the context of this challenge, I have come to an insight that well– being is finding the right tune. Balance between the personal and social aspects of myself as well as balance in my emotions through the right strategies. These tools I consider as how I would explain the concept of well – being and a way to reach well – being.

References:

Alejo, Albert. In Press. Ang Loob ng Tao. Social Transformations: Journal of the Global South.

Foucault, M. (1986). The cultivation of the self. In The Care of the Self (Vol. 3 of the History of Sexuality, pp. 37-69). NY: Pantheon Books.

Gross, J.J. (2008). Emotion regulation. In M. Lewis, J.M. Haviland-Jones, and L.F. Barrett (eds.), Handbook of emotions (pp. 497-512). New York: The Guilford Press.

Reyes, Ramon C. “Man and Historical Action.” Sa Philosophy of Man: Selected readings, ika-3 ed., pinatnugutan ni Manuel B. Dy, Jr., 109-114. Quezon City: Goodwill Trading Company, 2012.

Rodriguez, Agustin Martin. “Ang Multiberso ng Katwiran.” Sa May Laro Ang Diskurso ng Katarungan, 91-126. Quezon City: Ateneo de Manila University Press, 2014.

#joe

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