mschiko

[mschiko]

Settled Confidence

“When they hurled their insults at Him, He did not retaliate; when He suffered, He made no threats. Instead, He entrusted Himself to Him who judges justly” – 1 Peter 2:23

I’m learning so much about conflict, so far it sucks. The year 2017 so far has been rich in teaching me the ways in which I was and still am ill equipped to deal with conflict. It's been an amazing journey so far of asking for mercy, celebrating God's goodness, cataloging His grace, repenting of my impatience with His sovereignty and getting a better awareness of how sinful I am and how gracious God is.

I will be the first to admit I used to think that being in a lot of conflict said a lot about who I am and discredited my faith in so many ways. Hear me, don’t lose me I’m not saying to seek out conflict and thrive from it; I’m saying that conflict is the very fiber of our lives. Conflict can be referred to as being at odds with/ disagreement/ diverge/collide. If you a human you will have opinions, mechanisms and believes that inform who you are and how you interact with the world and the people around. Because of this you will be at odds with other people and it is inevitable that you will sin against someone and someone will sin against you.

It is important that we understand that I would like the exegesis of 1 Peter 2:23 to be as it relates to conflict of the adhominem kind, as I know that there are different types of conflict that cannot be tackled within this context. Nuances, semantics and contexts keep us from applying a one size fits all approach to all conflict, however I would like to submit with this piece that, this is a possible response we can apply as it relates to adhominem conflict.

I have seen conflict can be evident in many places for example when in our homes we can’t agree on what to have for dinner or to have lights off in rooms we are not using, that can be a source of conflict. Conflict is in the church when a brother or a sister has wounded us and refuses to repent, when we are that brother or sister refusing to repent; when the pastor says something problematic. Conflict is evident when you’re in that car with siblings and friends and you cannot agree what music to listen to. Conflict is in the work place when the other department will not submit budgets on time so everything for you is delayed. Conflict is at the heart of my faith when I live in a world that insists King Jesus didn’t die nor is He King. Conflict is when you believe there should be reparations paid for slavery and your friends do not agree, conflict is present when looking at doctrines you subscribe to are you Calvinists or Armenian? and if you happen to be Charismatic (awkward!!) LOL

You get the point that I am trying to get at, which is that at most turns in your life you will deal with conflict, in everyday relations with others there will be conflict.  Conflict is a reality and the sooner we accept that the sooner we can see how God in His kindness has provided for us ways of dealing with conflict especially the adhominem kind.

“You can't develop character by reading books. You develop it from conflict”. – Leonard Ravenhill

If we want to love like Jesus, be humble like Him, be wise and faithful like Him then conflict is one of the means God will use for our sanctification. We will experience brokenness and people’s broken pieces will cut us, and sometimes we will be the people cutting others.The bottom line is if you are human then you will be hurt and you will at some point do the hurting. In 1 Peter 2:23 King Jesus showcases a way to deal with conflict, the type where you face opposition.

The root of most conflict is pride that is to say we think our way of doing things is the right way and when someone tries to mess with that we have a problem. As I go into the end of 2017 I'm amazed to have seen how King Jesus dealt with opposing voices in my life and I’m still truly praying for a settled confidence like that of King Jesus in 1 Peter 2:23; Jesus didn't succumb to the temptation of proving His identity by false standards. It wasn’t displays of power (ultimately), but sacrifice. When He was insulted; He didn't clap back; when He suffered, He didn't threaten but entrusted Himself to the one who judges justly.

I have prayed many times this year like Henri Nouwen "Dear God I am so afraid to open my clenched fists! Who will I be when I have nothing left to hold on to?" and to that He has continually and consistently shown me it's Him I will have and it's Him who will have me; as I am. I don’t have to prove to people that I am not feminist or why I affirm the humanity (not choices) of LGBTQ people, I don’t have to prove why I think that rape culture is unacceptable or why I think that some small groups do not serve as accountability groups but cliques. I can have a settled confidence like that of King Jesus and I hope humility and confidence would be what I emulate in dealing with conflict of the adhominem kind.

Signed,

 ready to be brave in the face of opposition.

[mschiko]

Dear God....

I found a new knot where I least expected last night. I’m so scared that this one might just choke me. I believed You when You said we’re going deeper this year, I thought You would ease me into it though. You said You’re going to let Your glory fall and I know it will really fall and majestically overflow to ink past this façade until I’m at a place of true vulnerability. Transformation will happen only there when You meet and heal me in our quiet place. I’m trusting in Your love to untangle me. Will You love me to freedom in this place? Will You kiss the scars I have learned to hide? Will You remind the little girl inside that Your love is relentless? Will You let me feel the pain I’d rather numb?

Your answers are yes and amen! (2 Corinthians 1:19-20

Signed,

Ready to move freely towards grace and joy!

[mschiko]

When church is so frustrating! 🤒

Before we get it twisted this will not be a post of me bashing the church. Get me right; church is a safe place and church is a place where I was introduced to so many things that have shaped me in the most tender way. Church has equipped me for the work of ministry and to have a greater grasp of who Jesus Christ is and what it means to follow Him.

However for the for the past year I have been fighting the church(people in the body). Yes I’ve been at war with the rules and laws that I felt were deeply legalistic and straight up lame 😒 y'all there was moments I was so mad at the church I simply didn’t want to attend (I still did with an attitude though; lol can’t even rebel properly 🙄🙄)

I disagreed with rules of dressing, choosing leadership, how the church uses it’s social media pages, who gets employed y'all I was ready to dismantle the whole thing and join a prophetic ministry near me (never; it’s never that serious 😂😂😂) but yes I was unsettled and unimpressed by it all.

I was also deeply hurt 😭 by the church couldn’t fathom that a place primarily meant to be safe, gracious and loving could be this symbol of oppression and so cold. Also couldn’t fathom how there could be people preaching God’s holiness but they themselves live wicked lives (yes I know how judgmental and mean that sounds 🙈😱😳, I was in a difficult place y'all).

But by Gods grace I have found comfort in God’s correction and I believe that I am healing from it all and I thought I could share three lessons from the work the Holy Spirit in His wisdom and grace has been doing on my heart to mold me and change me.

1: Jesus highly regards the church He actually views it as His body. In Acts 9:1-5 Jesus identifies Himself with the church. The apostle Paul (When he was Saul) was persecuting the church and when Jesus appeared to him right before His conversion in verse 5 Saul asks who King Jesus was and He replied “I am Jesus whom you are persecuting” woah that threw me off that Christ so identifies with His church that when you persecute the church you’re persecuting Christ Himself. That threw me back and shook me like my feelings towards the church are my feelings towards Jesus. 🙀😞This is not to say the church cannot be questioned or asked to be accountable but this means that I had to view the church the way Christ views the church. I was basically separating Jesus from the church which is contrary to what King Jesus does and by having a dishonorable view of the church I was in turn having a dishonorable view of King Jesus. My issue with the church is my issue with King Jesus. Pain has a way of governing my perspective and thought patterns towards what or whom has hurt me. I was regarding church as my enemy y'all.

2: As a human being I’m going to get hurt and offended and I’m going to be both on the receiving end of hurt, pain and offense; and I will be doing the hurting, causing pain and offending at some point. The problem is not church or my enemy is not the church it is sin which affects us all. Now pain from the church comes because individuals who are part of the church are growing and being sanctified so we all struggle with sin so yeah we will hurt one another and cut another with out our broken pieces. Sin is the problem. I needed to give grace and change my extreme thought processes.

3: Sanctification is a community project. We need the church and the church needs us. God uses His people to help us grow and help us be more like King Jesus. The need for church is so apparent that through out the Bible the church is a foundation for growth in Christ. My pain had me thinking that I have the right to separate myself from the body of Christ because it didn’t feel safe. That’s simply not true; true safety is found in Christ and He has trusted and commissioned the church to help in our growth and in the knowledge of Him.

Listen 👂 I’m not saying that all church is safe and we shouldn’t remove ourselves from the different local churches that do not preach Christ and His resurrection or important doctrines that the Bible shares with us (even then we ought to leave in a way that is honorable and gracious) I’m saying we ought to be careful how we regard the church and our attitude towards the church. We can leave a local body but we can’t leave the entire body in general.

We need to forgive the church for the hurt it has caused us as it is made up of men and women who are being changed into the very image of God. A simple look into our individual lives we will see that we ourselves do not love King Jesus as we ought or surrender ourselves to the Holy Trinity as we ought. We can’t use our pain or hurt inflicted by the local church body as an excuse to dishonor and disobey God’s church.

The church hurts but it also heals we are to honor His people as Christ honors them. There’s good shepherds in my church and great mean and women who love God and share His word right. In my pain I believed the lie that this was not the case anymore.

I’m convicted and still learning from my foolishness. Learning that I need process pain in healthier way and I’m deeply Greatful that God is committed to my growth and He longs to “ sanctify me, having cleansed me by the washing of water with the word, so that He might present the church (me) to Himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing that I might be holy and without blemish.” Ephesians 5:26-27

Signed, learning to give grace and show mercy

CM

[mschiko]

To say this more...

Things I hope to say more often in 2017 "I am truly sorry" "I don't know" "How did that make you feel?" "Please forgive me" "I love you" "Thank you" "You are amazing"

[mschiko]

Happy New Year!! My 2017 prayer is that I would be molded and re shaped! Lord, teach me more about yourself than I already know, humble me again with all that I do not know, and make what I do know more alive and real in my heart and life.

[mschiko]

You are my heart, my life, my one and only thought.

Arthur Conan Doyle, The White Company (via thelovejournals)

Dear God, ....

[mschiko]

Take me to You....

There’s a little girl buried under those tears and she’s dying to be loved. I'm proud of you and how you choose to honor her by demanding the protection she deserves, by fighting to let her dream. Knowing He loves the parts of you, you are not brave enough to love frees you. He is gentle enough to nurse your wounds and to cover the scars that caused you the most pain. The lover of your soul, the one who sweeps you off your feet may you look into His eyes and see Him marvel at the beauty He is making out of you.

[mschiko]

A little smashing of patriarchy never hurt anybody......

I almost missed this awesome story in Numbers 27:1–11 It basically describes the actions of five women who dared to challenge the law in order to have the rights of all women increased and reevaluated. Mahlah, Noah, Hoglah, Milcah, and Tirzah are the real MVPs. So basically after the death of their dad, by law, all of his possessions would go to his son, except the dad had no sons. The only legal alternative was for the inheritance to be given to another male family member like an uncle or cousin. Rather than silently crying and moaning their fate, they went to the tabernacle and pled their case before Moses and all the leaders of the nation. Instead of deciding in that moment, Moses took the case before God. The sisters won their case! God changed the law on behalf of women because of the voices of women. A) Of course the property rights available to women because of the sisters’ efforts were still not fully equitable. The right was only available if there weren’t male heirs. Yet it CANNOT be denied that this step toward equality must have had major ramifications in the hearts and minds of the people of Israel. B) Look at God; what a God!!! C)When women break glass ceilings of patriarchy I'm cheering! woohooo!!! D) If you can objectively ascertain the evils of patriarchy over the children of Israel, you can objectively call out patriarchy here & globally. E) "CULTURE," "TRADITION," ETC These are the methods SOME of you have used to avoid naming names. No more. You are not doing anyone a favor when you are complicit to patriarchy and toxic masculinity.

[mschiko]

Misogynistic undertones...

I’m angry about a few things lately. I’m angry about racism. I’m angry about rape and rape culture. I’m angry about misogyny and patriarchy. I’m angry at the systematic dehumanization of women. I’m also tired.  I find myself routinely calling up journalists and requesting they justify their problematic positions on issues, their use of language, their angles and how they reinforce problematic ideas. At work I’m constantly having to assert and clarify. In the church I’m dodging respectability politics and assumptions that God is okay with fixing structural. Bored by the idea that systematic oppression of women can be fixed by hugs and prayers. (I SAY THIS NOT BECAUSE I THINK PRAYER IS INEFFECTIVE BECAUSE I KNOW FIRST HAND IT IS POWERFUL AND EFFECTIVE, I’m just not impressed by using it as a tool to pacify while we refuse to ask God how we deal with misogyny or how opposed He is to oppression of every kind or even to reveal to us the parts of us that purport this system. We are happy to throw around words and not name names or call a spade a spade.)

A couple of weeks ago I had had enough I broke down and mourned I was weary from fighting structure daily. I was tired of trying to define my womanhood out of patriarchy, it’s such a struggle.

Allow me to tell you about a 10 year old girl(Let’s call her Rhi Rhi) I know who I failed dismally because I didn't fight for her like I should have, instead I cried and mourned that this is what she'll face at almost every stage in her life and if I’m honest probably every day for awhile. This lovely little girl reminded me why the ideas of every institution need to be interrogated, why reparations, restitution and redistribution only comes after UPROOTING AND REPROGRAMMING first.

We were at a wedding rehearsal together because we were part of a bridal party while we were orally going through the bridal party entrance and the logistics of it, the man leading the rehearsal asked who would be carrying the bible  Rhi Rhi stepped forward because she had been on the plan for months to deliver the Bible to the officiating clergy of that wedding. The man seemed a bit taken back and proceeded to say she can't be the one to carry the Bible to the pastor and I inquired as to why that could be.

He said it's customary that a boy is the one who carries the bible (I was at this point mildly irritated) I remained calm and inquired further (respectfully of course) as to why she cannot carry the word of God because such basic answers, void of logic are difficult to interpret. He responded again and said traditionally boys do and it would be awkward (YES AWKWARD he said) for the girl to carry the Bible (At this point I was rather bored by this blatant and lazy display of ) Long story cut short we went back and forth a bit and I established that her gender is what was stopping her from playing this role designated to her. We then begun to move to plan B which was equipping my lovely nephew (He really is the sweetest, most intelligent, respectful and well mannered 7 year old I know) to carry out his role as well as this little girl's role....let's just say I lost it there.

1: Inequality and assault on the girl child's heart comes from a lot of angles(Anti-Woman systems are everywhere; STAY WOKE) even in what seems like simple "harmless" rules like only boys carry God's word in a wedding. You are teaching the young woman that HER gender is a problem and her involvement must be policed; indirectly teaching her that even institutions like the church feel the need to box her in.

2: She had to oblige and accommodate this illogical rule at her expense. She possibly learnt what a lot of women know that she can be expandable for some people's (often men) comfort. This is after ensuring that she was committed to a role.

3: The ideas like "Traditionally men have done it and not women" are direct descendants of misogyny. You cannot request that women be managed for your comfort and aesthetic pleasure, that’s very problematic.

4: Women fight structure daily, you don't know the misogynistic undertones in the streets, home, work place, church that women face or what it feels like to have to be in combat mode every day. On top of that she probably learned that she wouldn’t be fought for that she should just accept that, that’s how it is and will be.

5: If your view of the struggles women face daily is a puddle and not an ocean; you are part of the problem. If you think quick fixes are remedies for structural problems you're playing yourself. Society has been programmed to hate women in word, deed and even in kwacha terms. We need to unlearn and repent of all the narrow-mindedness we've taken in as gospel truth at the expense of one gender, women.

6: If you think King Jesus's view of women and definition of womanhood forms the basis of pseudo-intellectual patriarchal misogynistic rhetoric and is the basis on verses you quote out of context; you're playing yourself. Be more creative.

7: I didn’t stand up tall enough for her that day, I should have insisted we reach at a logical conclusion or that this decision be overturn by reason and logic. (Won’t happen again on my watch) I encourage you to stand up against oppression of any kind; if you can ascertain objectively without difficulty Roman supremacy over the children of Israel; you can definitely call out oppression of any kind especially of women in your home, work place and even church.

N.B I’m not opposed to rules I love and respect structure that logically represents of all and not naïve that structures take time to dismantle but historically rules are not just rules. They have depth and layers to them for example slavery was a rule, woman not being allowed to vote was a rule, women being policed and told not to speak is/was a rule, in South Africa apartheid was a rule. It’s obvious that some rules and societal norms are tools for dehumanizing the girl child. (Think of the Aniva story and how “culture” among other things is sexualizing kids and making bizarre things normal and I believe it’s because there are men and women who believe that women solely exist to please men.  Misogynistic undertones are everywhere.)

[mschiko]

Grace for every season...

“He who fails to find me injures himself; all who hate me love death.” — King Solomon in Proverbs 8:36 writing about wisdom [ I would much rather interpret this as him speaking for God it’s more fitting lol]

Lately I’ve discovered God in the most oddest of places. I've found Him in conversations, in songs and even book titles. I've been looking for Him in the most dark and painful places. I've been searching even in places I didn't know my heart had. I've looked for Him in desires and hopes. I've looked for Him in teardrops and sighs. For the past couple of weeks I've searched for God in the aftermath of broken relationships. I’ve been looking for Him in the awkwardness and pain of acknowledging that letting go hurts and sometimes in the guilt of what I’ve said, done/not done, expected and not gotten over.

I looked for Him in the places that clam up when I'm reminded of wounds inflicted and lack of love I've seen.

But the thing is God has always been there reminding me of His promise that before I call He answers. My oh my! God has been here. The best part is He will continue to be here, to allow me to find Him in the wrestling, fear, pain and reconstruction. He is caring, performing surgery, asking me to trust Him, coming through even when I don’t. Showing me that He redeems my worst moments and offers me His life changing grace.

God is making His reality on grace His narrative on mercy more than mentally real for me. He is making all this goodness emotionally real to me.

Grace has meant in many moments to Learn to be unweighted by the opinions of others. To be unruled by my reputation. Oh what a sweet surrender! It has also meant forgiving others and myself and living in that love.

Praise be to God whose grace heals, renews and brings clarity to every season.

Signed,

Eternally: Grateful. Loved. Forgiven. Free.

[mschiko]

Scars and stories....

Momma, I’ve never ever seen the moon and the stars looking so lovely as the night I saw them with you summer of ‘03. You shared you with me when you carried me those 9 months; even now you share you with me when I look in the mirror. Until I see you in heaven, I know it will be lit and the energy will be healing! I can’t wait to meet our King together, until then rest in peace knowing your light is shining; your little girl is shining all your light.

[mschiko]

Think for yourself!

Fascinated by the apostle Paul’s rhetoric in 1 Corinthians 2:2 specifically these words “ I decided…” In a world filled with ideas on how and who to be and how and who to act like I’m encouraged by this sense of independence.

This endeavor to live life on his own terms. He decided, he thought for himself he decided for himself to live a life worthy of the gospel of Jesus Christ.

What an undertaking, in a world that makes all forms of purity especially sexual purity a fallacy, that redefines God’s ideal of marriage, that distorts and deceives so much of the creator's narrative. A world built on relativism that gives a variety of options as a basis for creation and existence, Paul encourages and impresses upon us to think for ourselves and decide on a narrative that is truth.

As Christians Charles Simeon says we must “En devour to be as different from the ungodly world around you, as a verdant and fruitful tree is from one which is withered and dead.”

I think that can only be done when you can think for yourself. I believe there’s no deeper proclamation of freedom than to choose to be who you truly are in a world that insists, you show up as anyone but you.

Here is a prayer for us today:

Dear God in a chaotic world that is constantly giving me reasons to be bogus and silly, fearful and unwise, may I become even more stubborn in my authenticity and wisdom, in my hope and resolve that is given only from you. Thank you for creating me to uniquely express You and all Your glory, help me live out Your purposes for me.

Amen

[mschiko]

No deeper proclamation of freedom than to choose to be who you truly are in a world that insists, you show up as anyone but you.

CM

[mschiko]

When you find that you're no longer part of the #Squad

“ You are those who have stood by me in my trials.” - Luke 22:28

I have learned some very difficult lessons and taught even tougher lessons to others.

I have been deeply wounded over the last couple of months to be exact by people I valued and referred to as friends and to be honest because of my humanity I suspect I’ve inflicted a fair amount of pain in the form of cold shoulders and dead silence.

Not proud of it and I have repented and I have to the best of my knowledge sought forgiveness and have apologised to some offended parties. I have clarified words and situations. I have sought forgiveness from God for my words that may have hurt.

This is should be a sad sad rant about how I’ve seen life and I’ve had to release some people(which I’ve had to do and it was so real). Instead this is actually a testimony of how in the chaos and mess God blessed me with Himself and amazing people who have been consistent through my hard times and good times.

Jesus in the key verse today reminds me there’s deep love from people who are present. I have experienced this and basked in this reality, for that I’m grateful. It’s so easy to get bogged down with the negatives and not see the holy work God is doing. Even though it was a difficult season I’m grateful for the hard moments that brought me to my knees. I see that God was preparing me for far deeper bonds that express Him. I’m grateful for the hearts that are consistent in my life, God uses their consistency to remind me of how He is unchanging(Malachi 3:6). I have learned that my King is God of provision. He gives grace to carry on even when you’re ready to give up. (1 Kings 18:4-8) I was ready to give up on community, I was ready to close up and build even higher walls around my heart. I was ready to hide because I was told in my face people sit down and discuss me. I was insulted and accussed of the most ridiculous things. But God did not allow me to believe this narrative. He didn’t allow me to take on shame. He didn’t let me hide! What a great Friend King Jesus has been, what a great truth teller, what a great lover of my soul. I remind myself often and delight on this truth that I worship a great God! (Your ways, God, are holy. What god is as great as our God? Psalm 77:13) Here’s my hope for you and I, may we never lose our faith & hope in God. May our moments of rejection, fear, shame, torment, anger, hurt, loss & even protest be the reason we’re closer to HIM.

Signed, Forgiven. Loved. Celebrated and Healed

[mschiko]

Oh magnify the Lord

Today I've been praying for us as individuals to be in consistent and constant worship of God. I like King David’s definition of worship in Psalm 34:3, “O magnify the Lord with me, and let us exalt His name together.”  Worship is the act of magnifying God, enlarging Him and focusing on Him. Obviously His size doesn’t change, but our view of Him does. The closer we experience God the more the reality of who He is dawns on us. He gets larger and more tangible and I think that's exactly what we need. We live in a world with huge problems, large numbers of unreached unsaved people, in a world where our worries are big for so many things. We need a view of God that is large and I believe that's what worship allows us to do. We draw nearer to God and we get to experience more and more of Him. How can we sing to the King of Kings and not have our vision expanded? How can we exalt Him and not be energised? All through out our days and navigating throught them may we worship God honestly and earnestly! Signed, In awe of Him

[mschiko]

The truth about growth...

The more I agree to speak and serve, the more I share God's word and lead, the more mediocrity, uncertainty and disappointment I create, the more I see and feel that ministry cannot justify me. Only Jesus.

[mschiko]

HE is my everything!

11 years ago today I found a joy that leaps over sadness, a love that lights up every room & a peace that reminds me whose I am. Since then He has been disregarding what I deserve and giving me glories I don't deserve, for His sake. I'm more open than I've ever been because "He came to them(ME), walking on the sea" (Matt 14.25). Everything that would drown, destroy, swallow me over the years, Jesus is and has been effortlessly sovereign over. He promises "The meek shall obtain fresh joy in the Lord" (Isaiah 29:19). An endless supply, a surprising place. I'm continually adjusting to this and asking Him to break my pride in whatever form it manifests. "The LORD makes firm the steps of the one who delights in Him; though he may stumble, he will not fall, for the LORD upholds him" Ps 37.23-4 You see, HE is still teaching me that in a chaotic world that is constantly giving me reason to fear & despair, to cling to the cross and become even more stubborn in my joy & peace & hopefulness in Him. I'm finding out more and more that it's about a reorientation of desire than a squelching of desire. Praise be to God! Here's to the miracle that is salvation and the journey that is regeneration. By His grace 116 for life!!! Signed, Loved, Chosen and redeemed.