msvega79

[msvega79]

I don’t know

I don’t know if I’m angry with u

U go on and on about the things ur going through

Most of which u brought unpon ur own

life

But fail very craftily to realize or confront the strife

Of which u inflicted within me and my life

U rarely touch me in love unless I’m the aggressor

But never the less had no problem opening up with her

U did things with her things I guess not meant for me

And then when I get twisted and confront u i sense annoyance

I have to listen calmly and hold it inside killing my happiness n boy it’s

Not right u never once asked how I feel

I’ve told u things that is honest n been so real

Opening up with u like I never have with anyone before not ever

U tried to hide the truth u claim u thought u were clever

I’ve seen these actions from everyday ppl it’s a crock

I expected more from u but I guess it’s my fault

I wanted to keep u from my life n put this to a hault

But u narcisstitcly tried to comfort me instead it was control

But this I have already foreseen ya know

....finish later

[msvega79]

You tyrants you jealous envious ppl of cliques

You lie u steal and tell me I’m strange cuz I’m for real

No lies no jealousy happy to live life even when pillars of the community lie and cause u strife

You tried so hard to put out my fire but as u know

I held on as tight as I could the last of the glow

And now I’m away in a quiet wonderland

Ive built my self back up again I’m finally showing u who I am

It’s not luck or talent or who u know

Its steady ling being true to yourself and never letting go

For all of you when u tell me I cant

It makes me show u i can H

a I CAN

Can will and done did n u still wont shut ur fucking kid

I laugh when u try to bully me snd call me crazy

If it werent for ppl with big dreams

The whole world would be a clouch potatoes sittin in their jeans

I’m a dream imabeliever I’m a liver I’m a doer

When u gonna stop hating me cause I’m brave enough to do what I want to do

You need to find your own dreams snd your own life

Cause once I rise back up I’m never gonna stop

I’m not about revenge ir gossip or get tem even

I’m just telling myy story that u happen to be in

It’s scary brave ppl hmm well if we make u afraid

You should have known that we’d be brave

Enough to step up n shout out the truth infect ppl with happiness and and pass it on to the youth

But u wanted to challenge me and you’ve think your done but I got news for u ive just begun

Along with every lie there is a flaw

Those flaws is my job to find and I’ll raise to ur call

But be prepared when u hassle and harass I’m bigger than my bark imma ready to kick some ass

[msvega79]

Your standing there your wanting me

I’m a vibrant glow a flame that flickers too much

Even though I want u too u afraid ill burn too much

You’ve built urself in a cage of dark cold blocks of ice

But my flicker it stands strong if you melt n my light got gone I’d be happy anyway because i took the chsnce

Fire snd ice both burn and can be painful too much

But equal parts of cold snd heat is where life lives it’s causes thunder lighting too rain and helps grow the the things that live

You say u love me and u tell u me u believer I love u back but to me I’ve heard it all words are words n nothingness is black

I finally found a man I love never in my life have I felt so bright

But like I said ur afraid no passion no touch just words it’s not feeling right

I gave up my son and is only happy home to try n leap without looking n live wo fright

Instead of all that we gave up we had lost even more Andit’s u my dear brought my fire bsmackto light

Pkease i wont burn u n u dont frostbite

I don’t k ow why your fighting it hard we’ve already broke physics

Fire and ice should never touch but wo both

The world cannot exist love me show me ur r world ill welcome u to mine I promise never to burn u or leave ever I’ll always be here if u steady try to make the time but what ever u do dont tear us apart over something that’s going on in your mind

I will be the light n lookkinside n the problem I’ll help u find

Fire and ice the hardest things just like have ong roots and wings as long as u show me u love me too i promise I will never leave u

[msvega79]

Im standing here alone at the shores of this beautiful crystal bay

The sun is high and hot upon my shoulders id say its about mid daymy beautiful white dress flowing in the breeze

The ways are swishing smacking my knees

Behind me i hear the children laughing as they are playing in the sand

I skso hear the lovers talking as they are walking hand in hand

Im here to tell u my story hoping to be forgiven

I dont see the point if not together why even go on livin?

Do u remember that spot at this bay we’d pack up a lunch lay on a blanket and youd read to me and sayyou loved me just me forever only me

Youoil my skin caressing my hair i never had a wall up all my love was there

It was naive truly so i really had a hard time letting go

I had to hide in the shadows once u left i became a different person dark adrift

One summer day i finally thought id be ok ill take an uptown walk

Ppl windiw shopping and outside brunchers then i seen u with her u mother fucker

Her red flowing hair her body so snall she even had a southern dynasty no fkaws

I wanted to run i needed to hide i got in my car and i took a drive

I ended up at a spot unlnown i guess u shouldnt have listed urself in the telephone

I told myself id just peek in but wiw what a mansion u lived in

Funny fir such rich living if u loved her u shoulda got protection

I walked through ur walls imiagining i was her i wore her clothes n did my hair

What the hell do i see i just wanted to die right there instantly

Your wedding picture as if ur biggest glory

Oil painted as if to reach both storys

Downstairs and up and then i seen you lil curio hutch

What will it hurt to look hmm to touch there it was silver and big ur wedding cale knife i cant believe shes ur wife

I really didnt mean it it all happened in a flash but when u two came home n found me u both were frantic i with ur knife in my hand began to panic

I burned ur bodies in the fireplace as if it were hell packed ur ashes in a bag and left a suicide note on ur granite nightstand

And theres nothing keft to say except i dumped u bith here in this bay ur ashes washed away like the sand

I have to confess but ill never be forgivin im coming to u love thats all i got to say

Now its time we reunite over again

Im going fir a swim never to return from this beautiful crystal bay

[msvega79]

Just like a play at the theater watching them act on stage

Some are happy some are tragic and some u dont engage

Life is like the plays that are written

Its inked in the paper ur end ur beginnng

U cant go back and rewright the script

Because like God the creator copy-writ it

It makes more sense if u just get one

Story per person what’s done is done

U cant erase and redo ur wrongs

So best be smart and write ur lines from ur truest heart

So when the ending comes as they always do so

You will have no regrets to painly face

And turn to the audience will full of disgrace

And then take a bow as if u have never wronged

Snd brought them into a a tragic ending where they dont want to belong

[msvega79]

LOVE oh my what exactly is it?

Its a treasure that can never be defined

So how do we know if we ever been deep in it?

A reality shared between just two :uniquly designed

A lifetime of childhood dreams coming together ?

All of the laughter ones had all measured toit?

A sawan, an eagle, a wolf how do they know

They just let nature take control

Asking no questions and never care why

Only to know they will love until they die

Our grandparents fromway back when

Did they too ask these same questions then

How can it be so possible everybody

Claims to have felt this etheric feeling supposedly

Yet fall apart and refuse to open up for fear of a biggerbroken heart

I know ive never fell for a person this deep

Where if i lost them id never my sanity keep

I only once had a feeling it was a spark

Niw ive had that I dont want to be left in the dark

Even that spark has opened my eyes

To wonder what happenes when u get to the prize

Now ive felt a feeling so close ill never give up

And if theres no feeling as that itll never measure up to size

So ill move along alone again if it doesnt fillith my cup

But i have loved inother ways well just one

And this is the person who

Is the only reason i know loves true

The person the one i love now and forever :my son

[msvega79]

Hello!!! There is something wrong in this town

Hello!!! Can anybody hear me is anyone even looking around??

This aggressiv tactic is no ploy for me

Take ur motives somewhere else so selfishly

Everyone needs roxy they want a proxy

Where are u when my backs against the wall

I give up on ppl i give up on it all

Thisplace is like a magnent u can leave

Only to find u open ur eyes and ur right back here

Innur mind and in ur dreams

Is the only place i get to travel n be free it seems

No no no u aint gettina away

They play ppay play

Everyone has their mutha fuckin breaking point

I could smash glass ima start taking nsmes and kickin ass

They hastle u they hustle u they tirture an old soul

Let a traumatized poor girl go

Im not crazy i just dream big

Go back in ling where u neling u aint gettin this gig

They tear at ur heart they tear at ur soul like ghouls n zombies u know

Hello!!!

Hellooo???

Heellloooo!!!!!!

[msvega79]

Ive lived ive cried ive bled ive died

Only to come back and return to tide

Ur iorn claws torn straight through ur own childskin

Where do i turn to how can i begain

Again

Time marches on to its own song

I cant find what station i belong on

Hell wont take me then heaven never will

Its like a curse as if i cant die

I can only live on and go through pain sgain again and again

My skin before my eyes turned me from beauty to the beast

My burns blisterd and crispy i hope u enjoyed ur feast

It cost u nothing to be my mom except my life

And through it all i still came to ur beck and call

Darkness im not the monster but u will never here

Ive had enough shit im changing my space im gonna get outt here

A lie that is a lie

I keep feeding my brain n hopes just to skate by

Another hour another day another week another year

This place should be nuked im gonna get out of here

But ur claws so deep through my brain in my dreams in my memorie in my fear forever no matter where i go ur claws are here

[msvega79]

My soul is black my heart is ash

Most pplneed vanity or greed n cash

I just want the untakeable ungiveable

U accepted mine took credit from my actions

Gave me credit for ur hate to watch my reactions

U showed up at my door trying to play some more

As if my heart were a guitar the string out of key

Leave my life my soul my memory

Karma is such a bitch they say

Well why cant the good I'foword pay

Every come back around to lift me up

Instead it weighs me down

They say $ cant buy happiness that's so wrong

Alone and in a mansion obvi.where I belong

I can buy trust for a day wo giving back

I am so lost since I got my mind taken

But the heart n mind are still baking

I can never forgive u for what u done

But on the upside I'm free to run

[msvega79]

Haters fakers liars n snakes oh my

Did u really think i didnt see u calculating ur try

I already counted for that carried the i

Yup me cuz i knnew ur the loser heres why

When u point a finger a me accusing me if lies

3 of ur fingers hunny r pointing back atcha letting me know not to cry

It took me 41 years to say this n it hurts deeper than the teeth of a great white

But im actually lonley and i miss being a wife

Oh but not to u let me clear up the phrase u nasty bag of fleas like on some poor strays

I fucked up i didnt live my life for me i blame that on my parents n false love regrettably

But when u dont know how to have self worth or self confidence

It all boils down to just wsnted to be accepted for once

Once turns to shit so two time twice

Its a never ending battle like the 3 blind mice

I had the chance right there so close i coulda given my son a father and been in love coast to coast

But i fucked it up there was no manuel for a womsn who raised herself nthen add a nother life to that

I hate myself for all thats gone wrong n it pains me to say i could blame n point my fingers too all day long just like u

But even though u have evolved into believing everything u hear

Even though u felt it u seen it n u shoved it out the honesty n faith i had tried for godsakes when i pulled u near

Life is full of tests n trials but why should i even go on n fucking try snymore when i hsvent met anyone in denial

Im no saint but definitely try not to be a sinner and it sucks being middleaged crippled up as a child i truly thought

Maybe noone understood me i was different a large imagination big dream n be a winner

Its worse thsn my dreams worse than my nightmares im not even average

Let alone the world got to me im loding myself maybe i just thought id br soecisl to get the heartache out of my chest n reach for hope

But instead u got the good life the good wife u pay no attn to reality n those u hurt i have become a recluse an introvert

Lifes not over yet but if im at the gates of heaven and hsve to flip a coinnto get in heads u lose tails i win

Theres got to be a way to end the pain the lonlieness n i have such s big heart but all ppl do is chase me down earn my trust then

Do everything they csn to keep me under thrir thumb i may as well have been my mom

[msvega79]

Well well 20 people tell me i got a tail

Then them are the 20 blind ppl that fail

I been through powerfull endless tasks snd tests

I dont give into other pples rudeness in some way im blessed

Not in a way i see today maybe not tomorrow n certainly not yeaterday

But over the years even with no rest i have learned to love myself the best

You werent there for me when i was falling there was no trust there never was lust and for the rest of thevlemmings that follow u like plastics snd robots do

Youll never make me feel bad sgsin ive learn u gotta let go even if u dont win

Its sad i feel like a loser everday stuck in this town but then my son is my light thst shines in me to keep me thrivin and to keep on survivin

Never having been in love intimatly i kniw love still exists to the point that i have ckenched my fists

Spit bullets the size of tree trunks

Who tried to tear us apart n thats ended up another bkack spot on my heart

I proved u bastards wrong and u know u dont belong on my porch house life mind blouse

And when i won that day n my boy csme home for years i had to let the ang go or itd continue to grow n consume

Then id be a nothing like u

U tried to keep me down but my bond with my son is pure love snd love that strong is like magic but magic only works if u brlieve in it

Love sadly works the ssme wsy in the world todsy

Too many ppl backstab and topple down

And then the ehole era of magic n love is lost becase of the cost of forgivness n reality eing true to u so tell me i got a tail i sure dio its just spelked tsle snd its msde from u

[msvega79]

Black As Night but no shining armor

Black as this midnight sky and as the crows wonder why they fall from the shadowy canvas and wonder why all the sickness and sadness grows

I too have been there before falling and falling and falling in the dark deep depths of nowhere

It’s like a

I guess because the blindness of everyone during the Light of day even though there’s light then the night is when the thieves come about

Taking their chances their jeweles taking their chances and love and romances are that comes with their thievery especially peoples doubt

But without that love of the boys ShadyI am most certainly would’ve went crazy I felt like I was landing on a double edge sword nothing to come out nothing to care dead to the world go to the air but he brought me back to life as well as it did god they give me the strength that I need to go forward I’m not being a complainer i’m not being a crow by the and this time I am the shininess of the night the one the brave that they can’t even see in the light there’s no more losingdon’t fearno more no more worrying no more it’s clear I say scream for ice cream at the top of my alarms take it from me my happiness my love my prosperity but you can never take what is truly mine I’ll never let you so many people have tried before and failed I guess it’s like when they hungJesus by the cross and he was nailed i bear my cross to you I just trust in my son I trust in JesusAnd I’m hoping to fall in love and find something new

[msvega79]

This isnt any kind of country song

In fact the country isnt close to where I belong

T

Every thing I love everyone I know is dead and gone or left me lowthats the kind of shit and or ppl I cant spare but when I go anywhere everywhere here I remember you most

The perfect friend the perfect host the perfect guest the truest n most close ur gone in a minute I lost it all I was angry n lost lies came from everywhere n it cost it cost me big time 4 days of anger rain thunder no no no sunshine I was stupid and wrong in a world left alone n csn find nowhere to belong I fucking miss u so much your words even your touch all though i was always uptight n got sometimes upright get mad and say I'm not ur baby now no way but you were my best friend u gave me a home for 11 years no matter where i gone matter what i had ir what the news youd be there and you'd shake out my blues I can handle the husband that left me he was untrue in fact the mother fucker always sent me to u do u remember it's you where I felt safe I felt myself felt I could cry and noone would ever k ow you were my rock through my marriage through my motherhood through the years youd love to hunt n fish zndin the summers I'd teach the stars and wed make a wish well I guess my wish wss dumb on my part cuz I'm left with a shattered heart in my life when I needed you the most my wish for u came and it wasnt a coast I found u dead after 4 days of not talking to u that's the most days we ever went wo talki g n j hate myself for not answering my phone but aam at that time I felt like stone pleas know if I could go back I would I'd give so much to see u lived but I wished for ur pain and uf problems to go away n my wish came true when needed not st that ti.e sober careful what u wish for n watch the curves in life u could follow the road ahead n not watch the sides but mostly in the middle is where the kindle of a true friendship lies. I'm miss u it sucks but your at rest now my very own hands closed your beautiful lovingbocean blue eyes

[msvega79]

[msvega79]

LOST. I'm lost what can I do about this? Nothing it seems

I cant even believe who I've become in my subconscious or in my dreams

I'm a wreck wreckage beyond fixing far from fix

I should've let go long ago n stopped ur bag of tricks

It's too late u know me now but I know u better but how unfair is it

When I scream the truth to the top of my lungs or even write ur lies in the blue skies

I'm lost where am I where do I start where should I go

Will or can anyone help me do they want too it doesnt seem so

Night after night I dream maddening little picture shows

Morning after morning I'm still stuck with the images of those

Some, help me see clear for a moment...I think??

Others make me cry scream why wonder n go towards the brink

Madness I am lost trusting comes with such an unfortunate cost

I had so much than it all just dissapeared

Kinda like the guy who slept for a hundred years

I'm lost it seems I'm dizzy standing looking up arms out spinning n spinning

I've never been one to give up but insanity is where I'm going by thinking I'm winning

Lost

[msvega79]

[msvega79]

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