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guy trying to sell me a spear: Are you absolutely SURE you wouldn't touch that man with a ten foot pole? 🤔

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Hey man, ahead of this heatwave I'm gonna go ahead and rip the veil off of something for you:

The reason American Southerners have the luxury of saying that 90 ain't that bad and it's not unbearable until it's 100 is 1) prolonged exposure to high temperatures over multiple decades 2) our mindset for these living conditions.

You don't have number 1, and you can't just acquire it, so I need you to adopt number 2 immediately. How do you live like a Southerner in the heat?

Don't be a hero.

Stay inside. Buy a box fan, put it next to a bucket of ice, and wrap your arms around it like a lover. Do not leave the shade under any circumstances. If a dude makes fun of you for getting out of the sun, don't get mad, just think of a funnier insult to call him while you flip him off and go stand under a tree.

Southerners love nothing more than to exaggerate and lie to each other. Like I think we got off on the wrong foot when you walked in on us saying things like "It was only 110, I didn't even take my damn jacket off" when really, last week it was 95 at 10 PM and we were on the bed buck nekkid in front of the fan moaning incoherently and praying to die. So yeah, we can take extreme heat. We also want you to think we can take ludicrous heat. You must learn to talk shit and then be a hypocrite and a coward in your actions, because this will serve you best.

It sounds like I am joking but I cannot express to you how much I am not. Do not fuck with Mother Nature, because that bitch will kill you. Take every opportunity to lower your body temperature and drink water, because that is what all of us in hot climates are doing all the time, and that is why we are not dead, even when it seems like we should be.

(And yeah, we do go through like two and a half ugly weeks in April every year where everyone wants to absolutely just goddamn drop dead because none of us have our heat tolerance back, but we must go to work anyway, which must be a crime. And yes, when it gets below 70 we really all do short circuit and cover ourselves in seven jackets, except for Shorts Guy.)

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marketing guy: hmmm yeah we need to make vodka soda branded as “gay water.” make sure the packaging looks like diaper packaging.

other marketing guy: maybe we should add funny little stickers, like–

both at the same time: racism is small dick energy!

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check out the mourning doves’ new single “hooOOOO hoo hoo hoo” if you get the chance. sound of the summer.

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*dies hundreds of years ago as the village fool* well that fucking sucked lol let’s try again *reincarnated as a tumblr user* FUUUUUUCK

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always thinking so so much about human cas. like imagine you're cas like circa s6. and there's this human who's like. you think about him a lot. the two of you have been through so much together and he occupies at least a small part of your sizable angelic cognitive capacity pretty much 24/7. and you wish you could spend more time with him even though you're so busy... and you want him to think well of you. you want him to say thanks cas, we couldn't have done it without you! you want him to say wow cas, you looked so cool smiting all those demons. and maybe you want him to worship you just a little. and maybe you want to worship HIM just a little which you're pretty sure is a high order of blasphemy but god is gone so it's fine probably. whatever. it's fine that you have this weird fixation on your favorite little human.

and then all of a sudden your entire otherworldly extradimensional angelic being is compressed into a human body and your entire perception of the world is filtered through human senses and neurology and cognitive processes. and you run into your favorite human guy and he's talking to you and his lips are moving and you can't stop looking at his lips. and you see his little wet pink tongue peek out from between his teeth and for some reason the tips of your fingers are tingling? and then he turns his head and he hasn't shaved in a couple of days and there's stubble and it leads down his jaw into his neck and then right underneath there's collarbone... white undershirt collar..... what would that smell like if you pressed your face into it. he's been wearing it all day. humans sweat into their clothes. what would his neck smell like right now. why is my face so hot. what does he smell like. my face is so hot

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in the US we only have 3 genders. american beauty, american psycho, and american pie

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I assure you: somebody, somewhere, is on the exact same wavelength as you are.

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hysterectomy should be an informed consent procedure full stop. it should be illegal to deny someone a hysterectomy based on their age or based on them not having kids or based on their spouse/partner not signing off on it. anyone over 18 should be allowed to make that decision.

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supernatural reboot should have an episode where chatgpt becomes haunted and starts telling people to kill themselves or something and the only way they can save the day is dean has to shoot the computer with his gun

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like a stranger to yourself

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ummm guys i love u btw, i think it's so sweet that we come on here and rb each others posts and create a little community of words and images