mugknife

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[mugknife]

Remember children—this tactic is really annoying to the police, so YOU SHOULD NOT become floppy—it’s frustrating to them and makes them look bad and is a waste of resources and no one wants that…

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I do hate that people say “I suck at standing up for myself haha” as a cutesy personality trait thing. as someone who sucks at standing up for myself. it is something we should all be working on comrades. it is my number one flaw and it causes problems both for me and for others and I am trying my best to be better at Having The Conversations. like idk maybe my autistic ass is misreading what people mean but it frightens me a little to see it played off like. it’s a) funny or quirky, and b) permanent and unfixable

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Cats are great because you can just be like "I'm bored and I'm going to make that your problem now", and they get it, because they did the same thing to you three hours ago.

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I think its funny that as a teen ppl were like "ew ur like 20 why are u on tumblr" and then in my 20s everyone was like "ew you're 30 why are u on tumblr" and then now in my 30s seeing posts like "ew you're 40 why are you on tumblr" stop being scared of aging now its the only thing on earth u have absolutely no control over at all. U will grow because u are here sorry

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One year on my birthday when I was struggling with money (earned £6.70 an hour, slept on a mattress on the floor), I had friends visit for a party.

We went to an aldi to get food, and everyone insisted on paying for their own food, buying full bottles of fizzy drink, their own snacks and so on. Some of the friends brought their own baked goods too. Later, one friend covered a Chinese takeaway order for me and everyone ordered lots of food to eat with no hesitation, only to mention that their eyes had been bigger than their stomachs when the food did arrive.

I didn't realise what was happening until the next day, when each person left my flat with the same "oops, bought too much food to take home with me— I'll just leave it with you!" farewell.

I think about it a lot. I don't know if it was planned or not, but they all made sure I didn't need to worry about food for a good few weeks. Back then, I had to freeze loafs of bread to ration them out, and I had an iron deficiency from not being able to afford good food. But alone in my flat, I realised that I suddenly had a kitchen full of reminders that my friends loved me.

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i think we need to bring back calling people internet famous instead of calling them influencers like there needs to be something borderline derogatory injected back into it

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why did my neighbors name their wifi network this

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Everytime I see something gay in a tv show and I say to myself ‘wow that might be the gayest thing thats ever happened on tv!’ I have to remind myself that the actual gayest thing that has ever happened on television was the time on Xena Warrior Princess that Xena got Sappho to write Gabrielle a poem for her birthday and they used Sappho’s actual poem.

Which means that in the Xena universe, one of Sappho’s most famous remaining poems was one dedicated to Gabrielle from Xena.

And that’s pretty fucking gay.

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One of my brothers has this thing where he likes to be included on sibling movie night but he will not sit down or actually join us, he’ll just wander around the house and periodically show up to lurk in the doorway or lean on someone’s seat

And *I* have this thing where I always always know when he’s there, because every time he’s not wandering around like the ghost of bob marley and isn’t immediately visible it’s because he’s stopped moving to watch the film from directly behind me, which makes the back of my neck tingle like a dog sensing an earthquake

Which has on more than one occasion resulted in me interrupting the movie to tell him to just sit the fuck down and stop lurking in the shadows, Jesus Christ, it’s like I’m being haunted by the memory of ancient sins

Which has in turn been shortened to just “ancient sins”, every time I feel him doing it again

So to summarize, sometimes when my siblings and I get together for a movie night, we’ll all be sitting in the dark in complete silence until my ass deadpan announces “ancient sins” and a 90 pound 5’11” Slenderman looking motherfucker emerges from the shadows behind me like a jumpscare incarnate in Batman pajamas pants and informs me that we are out of orange soda

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The screaming 20s are here, are you screaming?

this is actually my favorite ask

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fuck me i guess 🥰

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I would not accept a "cure" for my autism. I WOULD, however, have liked a diagnosis when I was much younger, so in certain situations I could have been like, "Oh, I'm reacting this way because of the 'tism-inherent thought-rigidity, and things will go better for me if I take that into account, realize that neurotypicals don't think the same way I do, and perhaps make this decision with my long term financial well-being in mind instead of going with my knee-jerk response."

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Types of local restaurants:

That one diner you can only seem to find when you have a person over the age of 52 with you for some reason

Local small chain that constantly has a line out the door whether their food is actually good or not

Pretty standard and clean spot that’s been coasting on its reputation for a while. Whenever your friends come to town to visit you take them there because it’s part of the local experience but it’s never as good as you remember

Gentrified coffee shop or bar with industrial stools made of fake rusty looking pipes

Big dick’s epic crab fuck: you sure can get food there

One of those places middle class people go when they wanna have a “fancy dinner” but they also put glass over all the tablecloths

That place next to a gas station where the floor is dirty and most of the lights don’t work but the food is so good you don’t question it. There’s probably a grandma behind the register and a six year old doing their homework in the corner

The One Place That Has This Specific Type Of Food So Just Accept Whatever They Tell You To Pay Them

Food truck with weird grilled cheese

Food truck that’s good but weirdly expensive

Food truck that’s inexpensive. Quality is irrelevant.

That weird restaurant you only go to once on a date or something to check it out. May or may not also overlap with gentrified coffee shop genre of restaurant.

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I dunno man. I found out today that a subway sandwich is $14 now. A shitty subway footlong sandwich that isn't actually 12 inches long and is occasionally made with expired ingredients and was never a great option to start with. I ate those in high school because I was broke and at the mall a lot.

There are poke bowls in my city from a local place for $16. Super fresh fish and veg, warm rice, more than I can eat in one sitting, for the price of a sandwich and a drink at america's most mid-tier sandwich shop.

Someone in another post said (paraphrased) you used to be able to get something mediocre for cheap, but now the mediocre things cost as much as the nice things so why would you?

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Xena & Gabrielle + kisses