multiplebountifulreasons - Tumblr blog

[multiplebountifulreasons]

Glowring

I was buying clothes from the internet.

I thought about getting something for you

I remember on my birthday, you gave me a ring

and on yours, I gave nothing that's equally great

it's months past your special day

but I still wanted to give you my special gift

I chose another ring

it bears shapes of stars, open ended

so you can change its size to fit your finger

I have never gotten to see how big your hand was

compared to mine

I long for our fingers to intertwine

but perhaps it is not time. it's never the right time. I'm sorry.

please

forgive

.

anyway

It glows in the dark, with those little stars

it's silver and blue, your favourite colors

they said

for it to work, leave it in the sunlight

so before I give it to you tomorrow

I'll leave it on my window

and the first morning rays will power it

take it as my heart for you

.

my friend, whose name means sunflowers

you look towards the light

and I'm behind

looking at you

you're gazing at the sun

while my eyes are on you, my sun

.

if only I could have gotten you something better

if only I could have been better for you

if only we could have been us

if only I had opened up-

so, in my best efforts

I bring you a gift

with the hope

even in your darkest days

there'll still be a light in you

and I'll be waiting for you in the back

a dim little flicker on your finger

always welcoming you back into my arms

[multiplebountifulreasons]

i am sorry, mama. i know you did your best but i turned out wrong. i only ever sharpen my teeth on my own legs. i can't hunt and every song in my chest sounds more like a siren call. i tremble at every loud noise. i fear i am unlovable. you used to tell me to bark back and bite hard. i let every hand muzzle me and consider it gentle. touchstarved. i'm sorry. you wanted to raise a wolf but i am just a bad dog.

[multiplebountifulreasons]

[multiplebountifulreasons]

Caitlin Bailey, from Solve for Desire: Poems; “To G, after the party”

[Text ID: “I wonder / what it would have felt like to / have a choice, to choose love, / to hold anything with both hands. / It’a taken me this long / to say I want I want I want,”]

[multiplebountifulreasons]

Which one is your favourite? @thoughtstherapy

[multiplebountifulreasons]

I had no understanding of family life. I had no idea that you could like your parents, or that they could love you enough to let you be yourself. I was a loner. I was self-invented. I didn’t believe in biology or biography. I believed in myself. Parents? What for? Except to hurt you.

Jeanette Winterson, from Why Be Happy When You Could Be Normal?

[multiplebountifulreasons]

Caitlin Bailey, from Solve for Desire: Poems; “To G, after the party”

[Text ID: “I wonder / what it would have felt like to / have a choice, to choose love, / to hold anything with both hands. / It’a taken me this long / to say I want I want I want,”]

[multiplebountifulreasons]

one thing I actually like about periods is that I get to see blood and human tissues without actually having to you know. slice open a person

[multiplebountifulreasons]

mhm…personal stuff goes here helped my younger sibling with studying today for his test; for context: both of us have horrible memories for lengthy paragraphs lol

there's something i noticed when i studied with him, is that we were laughing and working together, without being forced and afraid

back then, for me, i was alone on this matter (memorizing lessons). and my mother would check if i had learnt it all or not. it was scary because mother would easily get angry and shout if i get a word incorrect or unable to answer. combine that with my oversensitive mind that would pick up even the most little gestures (breathing sounds, eye movements) to analyze whether i got it right or wrong. Full of anxiety and contributed to my already growing fear of being shouted at + my avoidance from my mother. consider it a floor full of eggshells and one mistep could lead to a dynamite blowing up.

and then, today, we were laughing about those horribly long and difficult paragraphs that my sibling had to memorize. I picked up references he could understand and related them to the words (though i didn't know how much he actually applied all that…). the air was light and it was much more comfortable, compared to the tension when mother checked our memorization.

idk, i felt like i have given him some sort of safe space? we have been shouted at and scolded plenty throughout our childhood, but seeing him getting at least a silver of support, whereas past me would be holding back tears and learnt to emotionally detach, gave me a sort of lightness, i guess.

overall, good for him good for him

[multiplebountifulreasons]

[multiplebountifulreasons]

[multiplebountifulreasons]

Two moods

[multiplebountifulreasons]

Intimacy is about safety. the peace you feel in someone's presence. The ease in their voice even when you disagree. Someone's attentiveness when you are struggling. Their language when they speak about you. Someone's curiosity to learn you and the surrender when it comes to you.

[multiplebountifulreasons]

we were meant to live slowly!!!! we were meant to savor moments and feel unabashedly lazy and frolic and smell the flowers and laugh with our entire hearts and love with our entire souls!!!!! don’t ever feel guilty for resting!!!!!! don’t ever feel guilty for slowing down!!!!!! enjoying life shouldn’t be something you’re ashamed of

[multiplebountifulreasons]

so. bad news. we have to keep going tomorrow. good news is that I’ll keep going with you

[multiplebountifulreasons]

"No one remembered my birthday-" Well, but did YOU tell anyone it was coming up and you wanted to celebrate it with them?

"I wish someone would see through it when I tell people I'm fine-" Well, but have YOU considered not lying when people ask you how you're doing?

"I am so resentful of my friend because they keep doing this thing that really bothers me-" Well, but have YOU directly communicated that the thing is bothering you?

"I am burning out because my friend keeps expecting me to help them with serious struggles-" Well, but have YOU tried to establish the boundaries you need to feel okay?

"No one ever asks me about this thing I really care about-" Well, but have YOU brought it up yourself?

"I miss my friend but they haven't texted me-" Well, but have YOU been reaching out to them?

Sometimes people are mean, uncaring assholes, in which case you get to be mad. But sometimes you just need to communicate better. Try communication before you assume someone doesn't care!

[multiplebountifulreasons]

someone with a major in literature and/or poetry tell me what's so poetic about this that it captivated me because i have no idea honestly