murdacloak-blog

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after my dreaming, i woke with this fear what am i leaving when i’m done here?

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Nobody Likes Me???

I just got to fuckin get this off my chest, something thats been giving me constant panic and over thinking in the last 5 years. Why is it so hard for me to make friends? I try to hang out with people in real life, and it just hasn’t been working out AT ALL lately. i’ve been TRYING to make new friends. and by “trying” i mean BEING MY FUCKING SELF. isnt that what friends are supposed to be able to do? be them fuckin selves around eachother? i recently tried hanging out with a person and they told me i have “bad vibes” or i dont “vibe” with them. okay. fuckin’ whatever thats cool...then i hung out with this OTHER person and they acted COOL TO MY FACE, but after talking to them online they told me that i “dont know how to talk to people” and that what i say “isnt right” or what i say is “inappropriate.” this is something i dont understand. like how the fuck am i supposed to talk to people? i realize i may come off as a bit obnoxcious or free thinking and say whatever the fuck i want at all times but  WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT FROM ME. this same kind of incidents have been happening for the last 5 fuckin years whenever i try to meet somebody. i’m about to give up. I feel like nobody loves or ever will love me. Maybe i should stop talking to people and just dissappear....or maybe i should do as they say and get “HELP” or “LEARN to be a BETTER or normal person”...idk i’m so fuckin done. if i wasn’t sick i’d go smoke a cigarette and go for a walk. but all i can do is rant on tumblr for now, and listen to music.. i attached a song below that made me feel better. the lyrics in the song fit perfectly how i feel right now. like nobody likes or accepts me for who the fuck i am. anyway, i fuckin LOVE this song. and i LOVE me some Dark Lotus. peace MCL 2 whoops

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babe <3

it’s almost 4 in the morning, and i’m still really muhfuckin sick, (cough, runny nose, sore throat, mild fever) i should be sleeping actually. but unfortunately i just cant go the fuck to sleep right now. So i figured i would try to maintain FRESHNESSS and Karma and write about something great that happened tonight for a change. Lately (and i mean in the last 5 fuckin years) i’ve been struggling to find happiness, or “REAL” happiness. whatever that means...or maybe i do know what it means? Because i must confess that i have a fuckin mega, uber, super fuckin duper, ultra, big-ass fuckin CRUSH on this girl. No, i havent met her in person, yes i’ve only talked to her on facebook. thats how we met. But i really like her. She still makes me nervous when i write her, i want to write her every day but fear coming off as annoying. I get excited when she messeges me, sometimes im drunk and my courage will get super high and i will say some super dumb embarrassing off the wall crazy shit to her, but she will actually sometimes fuckin LIKE it. or atleast be okay with it! I can’t tell you how many people i’ve freaked out or scared off with my personality alone. Anyway let me give you an example of why this girl made me happy on this night in particular...is that even a word? idk im really sick and tired right now. back to the fuckin’ story!!.....So she messeged me tonight, and i got really excited because i been having a rough week. and i decided to gather my courage and call her “BABE” tonight. you know like, “fuck it, just call her babe, you know you been wanting to for awhile, who cares if she rejects you for calling her that, you think she’s beautiful. you like this girl. it needs to be said, all or nothing! just. fucking. do. it! ”so yeah i did, and she wrote back and told me “you can call me that anytime!” and she even called me babe back! which is fuckin super FRESH! not only that, but i got a crazy and told her i would cuddle the fuck outta her, and she liked it and sounded like she would be down!! and i also went on about how i would love to squeeze her titties or atleast see them. to be honest, the way she made me feel like she liked me back made me horny. but i tried to refrain from the sexual talk. even tho all i could think about is her titties and bangin her hahahahaha!! another thing i like about her is she’s a stoner. that makes me feel like i could trust her alot more for some reason. theres only one real thing standing in the way between me and her right now. she wants me to send her pictures of my face. which i might have sent her one before but im not sure (stoner memory here) i forgot. but she wants me to send her more. and i said i would....honestly, i’m just a little worried she wont like me back physically or whatever. It may seem like its not a big deal to her or anyone else, but i really do like this chick. So i guess i will write back later and tell you how it goes. Will i win her love and attention? or will she think im fuckin ugly and forget me like everyone other girl i’ve ever tried to like? I will update this shit later. i promised my immune system i would try to go to bed ASAP after i write this story. OH, and this girl, her name is Jessica. i will attach her picture below (she said i could) isn’t she fuckin sexy? I think she would make a good girlfriend. Like i legit stared and her picture before and imagined myself being with her, cuddling, being happy, kissing. all that good shit. that might have sounded creepy but owell. I hope after all this, whatever happens between us, that she will still let me call her babe <3 because i really like calling her that and it feels right. peace out much clown luv whoop whoop! -Lore

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The Killjoy Club

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quick introduction piece/test

What up all? my name is Lore but i go by “Murdacloak” as of late. it’s just a quick lil alias to help hide my identity, it’s also a bad ass song created by Insane Clown Posse (feat ABK)