musingsofsarasate - Tumblr blog

[musingsofsarasate]

The victims that have spoken up against Neil Gaiman must be taken very very seriously and it's great that people are rightly pointing out other predatory behaviour that the man has exhibited BUT saying "he literally wrote stories where underage characters had explicit scenes" or that "he advocated against banning fiction that has underage characters in an explicit context" and implying that these things were somehow symptoms of him being a predator is extremely harmful and takes the focus off of the actual harm that he has done to real people.

Being anti censorship and writing stories about sexual assault does not make you a rapist, harming real humans with your predatory behaviour and exploiting the power you have against them does.

[musingsofsarasate]

Neil Gaiman Allegations final thoughts: trigger warning for this entire thing/SA but there are no graphic descriptions here.

Thank you to those of you who found my writeup of the podcast to be fair and unbiased. I hope these final thoughts will live up to that. This will be my final engagement with the situation

Regarding Neil Gaiman:

Neil Gaiman is not innocent. This is not a smear campaign. However the circumstances are so much more complex and nuanced than they appeared in the article. The headlines and article were misleading. At best, he is an irresponsible BDSM partner who did not create a safe environment for these women, exploited his position of power/fame over them, and has at least two specific credible allegations of SA. At worse? Well, it's not good.

Did this rise to a criminal/prosecutable level? No. The police refused to take up the victims complaint due to lack of evidence and text messages of consent she sent. We can never know if it was true or false consent (and that obviously doesn't cover every circumstance), but there were messages of consent.

The fact of the matter is, yes he's a creep. He messed up. He made bad choices. Is he a monster? No. Is he a good person? Also no. He's just a man that we don't know, who made some terrible decisions and hurt people in his personal life. Beware of posts that will tell you he is either a irredeemable monster or completely innocent.

Regarding the Victims:

There is no such thing as a perfect victim and this is crucial in this case. These are two women who now feel traumatized by their relationship with Neil, and make no mistake, they are victims here. There is one undisputable instance of SA with K, and Scarlett's first encounter with Neil (assuming Scarlett's version is truth) was also SA. There is no getting around this fact. While age gaps are not inherently bad, these two, coupled with Neil's fame, created an environment that was harmful to them.

However, it is not true that they had no agency in this. They did make decisions, however understandable, that create a case that is complex and unclear. There are multiple times where they knowingly lied about consent during acts they did not actually want, and both verbalized it in writing and in their own words on the podcast. This does not negate their trauma about these events, and this not mean the consent in those moments was freely or unproblematically given, nor does it imply blanket consent. But in the end, consent was given at the time for some acts they now regret, and no concerns were voiced to Neil directly until after their relationships ended. (This is a separate point from the two specific SA allegations)

We do not need to blame them, condemn them, or dismiss them. But we also don't need to purify them and ignore the responsibility they had in how some of the situations played out. (Some not all)

Beware of people calling their allegations false because of revenge, as a political plot against Neil, or fame. And beware of people refusing to look critically at this at all. These are complex, hurt, scared women. I feel so deeply for them and understand their regret and pain on a personal level. But in my case, my hands weren't completely clean either, and it's not victim/self blaming to discuss this aspect.

Regarding Tortoise Media

It is important to discuss that this was reported on by a conservative publication with ties to TERF activists. This is an undisputable fact and does play into how this entire situation has been shaped.

Their political bias absolutely impacted the way this story was told, presented, and investigated. This is not a fully credible source. There are multiple times they refuse to ask follow up questions and leave things intentionally vague. They are not open about sources, haven't provided proof of any of their claims outside of the podcast, and consult extremely politically biased experts. I do not believe this story would have been run by another publication.

As I said in my write up post, the fact that they view BDSM as impossible to be consensual (and in their words criminal in the UK) has an impact when talking about a relationship that included BDSM. They view this aspect as inherently abusive no matter the context and it's part of their main allegation.

However you cannot use these facts to dismiss these allegations all together. Most of this was told by the victims themselves in their own words speaking on the podcast. The issues with the publication does not negate these allegations. It is another piece of the puzzle. Be critical of their presentation, as I absolutely believe they exploited and sensationalized this story, but that doesn't mean there is no truth at all to be found here. Be critical of ALL MEDIA

What's Next

Finally I'm asking that we all divorce ourselves from Neil the person. If or when he returns to tumblr, do not engage. Do not follow. Do not message him. Messages of support or fury will do nothing to help solve the problem, and we will be the ones hurt by it. I do not believe any of this negates his body of work, or the many other people that have a hand in his stories. We are not responsible for things that happen in his personal life. I would also advise against comparing this to JKR. They are completely different situations and the net of harm that JKR casts is vast. These are not comparable.

Please please stop viewing this case in extremes and remember there is so much we don't know. I'm sure there is so much more context that is both damning and redeeming that we will never know. We don't know these people and it is not our job to figure this out.

I love you all, my heart goes out to all the fellow survivors that have had to watch this unfold. Please take care of yourself during this moment. I did not expect my write up to go so far outside of my circle and I think I felt a bit of an unhealthy need to finish what I unintentionally started for myself. I'm begging everyone to remember that no situation is black and white. Everyone is flawed, everyone makes mistakes, everyone gets hurt, and everyone has hurt someone else. That is human.

I will no longer be answering any messages about this situation

[musingsofsarasate]

On the discussion of book accurate depictions of Sherlock Holmes, one thing I really want is accurate Mycroft. In the books Sherlock is very… autistically coded. At least to me, an autistic person. And Sherlock basically states that Mycroft has more “severe” autism. Sherlock says his brother is more brilliant than he is but absolutely cannot function in society and hates social interaction so much he founded a society for the purpose of minimizing it as much as possible. In addition it’s implied he becomes overstimulated so easily he has to curate his environment to be devoid of disturbance and noise.

Give me the autistic brothers but one has it much much worse

Enough of this Mycroft as the more sociable of the two who is a powerful politician. This man would have a meltdown if he had to be that social!!!

[musingsofsarasate]

[musingsofsarasate]

u know ur fucked when u skip every song

[musingsofsarasate]

genuinely one of the worst things that’s happened to television in the last few years (exacerbated by streaming services) is death of Filler. going from 20 episodes to 8 because “we didn’t really need that episode where the main characters went to the beach right? it had no long lasting effect” but we DID!!! we needed to see how they act without the Big Bad Plot and to establish the dynamics between the characters and lay in the sun (do they forget sunscreen? how do they react to a thieving seagull? do they get buried in the sand or do they do the burying?). the plot isn’t everything. the action doesn’t hit as hard without the quiet moments. give us character development and our little scenes back

[musingsofsarasate]

is the tgirl wearing a collar doing it because she has a fetish, or just because it's a cute accessory? is the gay man in leather and a pup mask actually being "indecent" or is he just dressed up like a dog because it's fun? are drag queens doing it because crossdressing is sexy or because drag is an expression of who they are as a person? does the furry walking around in full suit have a boner under their outfit or do they just like cosplaying as their cute cartoon squirrel oc?

you will never know. you can never tell. sometimes even the people doing these things won't have an answer. is it a sex thing? is it kink? who fucking knows! there is no line! public expressions of sexuality aren't immoral to begin with, but if you make any attempt to suppress them, you have to decide what is and isn't allowed, and you are going to get it wrong. there is no way to untangle kink from personality and hobbies and interests. kink does not even necessarily involve sex. sometimes it's just self-expression and vulnerability and sharing a particular dynamic with another person. sounds a lot like (checks notes) literally every other human experience that exists.

i'll say it again: the person wearing a leash in your vicinity is not sexually assaulting you. they're just wearing a leash.

[musingsofsarasate]

[musingsofsarasate]

So you write a story. A story about two male presenting characters who are bound together. One has been rejected and cast out by his 'family' the other is a black sheep in his 'family' who goes against the status quo, who hides the truth of himself from his family, who desperately wants his family to change to accept him.

You take those two characters and they are in love. They are soulmates, two halves of a whole, yin and yang, they're each other's comfort and safe place. They crumble without the other. They walk through literal fire for the other.

They fear being discovered. They fear that their love for each other will ultimately get one another killed. They'd do anything to stop that from happening, including switching places for each other's punishment, not even knowing what that punishment will be.

The queer community latches on to this story. They say "this is US. This is all of us! This is the story most of us are living! Rejected by or hidden within our families! Those guys ARE Gay. We finally have a story about all of us!"

And you say "no they're not gay they're not human so they're Not Gay™️"

Oh yeah, did I mention you're a straight man?

Then that community says "this scene is an example of homophobia! We've dealt with this in real life! When this character says/does this thing that is homophobia in a fictional form"

And you say "no you're wrong that's not homophobic you're seeing what you want to see."

Um... sorry sir but I don't think you get to decide what is or isn't homophobia - that's reserved for people who have to experience it.

This story is deliciously queer. It illustrates the queer experience in a whimsical way, using Christian theology (our biggest oppressors) to do it. It's healing. It's important. It's incredibly meaningful to many of us. We see ourselves in this story. And when you say "no, they aren't gay," its kind of horrible. I get that they aren't literally gay because they aren't human males, but in the grand scheme of things, their story is Gay. Their story is the story of so many queer people. Some of whom didn't make it through the story. And being upset that people see it that way is.... kinda.... erasure of that experience.

[musingsofsarasate]

So Australia has a yearly tradition going back over 20 years, that every Australia Day we all gather round our screens to watch an ad for a certain product. It's so ingrained in our consciousness that the ads don't even really relate to what they're supposed to sell anymore, we all just know.

This year the ad broke containment, and non-Australians are having their brains melted by this bizarre tradition, so international followers, lets see if you can work out what this is trying to sell before the last few seconds.

[musingsofsarasate]

"'It’s an expression that you only ever hear in the media. You’re never at a party and you say, "This is my openly gay friend…"' Why, he wondered, is 'openly' always attached to that adjective? 'We don’t say you’re "openly Irish." We don’t say you’re "openly left-handed". There’s something in it that’s a little near "shamelessly." "You’re open about it?" You know what I’m saying?' He proposed that 'it’s time to just sort of park it.'"

[musingsofsarasate]

My therapist just told me my problem is that I need to write more fanfiction.

[musingsofsarasate]

me when sherlock & co.

[musingsofsarasate]

I originally started listening to Sherlock & Co for the plot and everything but do you guys understand how healing it is to hear a really healthy relationship between a canonically autistic guy and a neurotypical guy where they both just… accommodate eachother. Neither is played for laughs, both work really really hard to understand the other it’s just. Perfect. Yeah man I’ll give you a hug to help you ground yourself, yeah I’ll try and make jokes around you to show you I’m working hard to understand you, “You bring your ear defenders?”. FUCK man, I’m so used to seeing these kind of relationships get written so poorly and I end up feeling so let down, yet here I am grinning in public whilst I listen to these guys oml

[musingsofsarasate]

John Watson lying: I'll edit that later

[musingsofsarasate]

don't use "ftm" it's outdated and offensive. it implies that the trans person was their agab, which we never were. i was always a boy, never a girl who became a boy.

i'm 35 years old. i've been IDing as trans or something similar to trans for nearly 20 years. i was probably calling myself FTM while you were playing tag during recess, anon.

i WAS a girl. i IDed as a girl early in my life. i recognized myself as a girl, called myself a girl, lived as a girl, and was a girl. who then IDed as a man. hence, F t M.

spend more time worrying about yourself instead of strangers on the internet, anon.

sorry not sorry if this comes off as needlessly hostile, but i've been getting a lot of shit from a lot of teenage trans kids about the language i use to describe my own goddamn experience, and i'm growing real fuckin weary of it.

i have elder trans friends who call themselves transsexuals and transvestites and trannies. are you going to seriously go to a 60-year-old trans person who survived the reagan years and tell her she's not allowed to use certain language to describe herself because it might offend the delicate sensibilities of some teenager on the internet?

do yourself a favor and log off, find some real-life trans people who are over the age of 20 or 25, and spend time talking to them instead of getting all holier-than-thou at random strangers on tumblr.

[musingsofsarasate]

“He’ll grow up to be a fierce predator some day. Today, he’s just a muppet.”

(via)