muttslife

[muttslife]

fucked up knitting ribbing using a mohair and had to go back like 2 1/2 rows (156 stitches each) and then when i told my partner 'i fucked up' he went like 'do i care' ,or 'did i ask' or smth...then wen i obviously reacted badly cos i was alrdy sad he was like 'it was a joke'..woah funny one

this was like 2hrs ago and i still thinking about it and ive now unknitted all the stiches but when i started going forward again i didnt look right and i just want to cry...am currently in bed trying to wind down but im sad im sad im sad

[muttslife]

genuinely so proud of what ive made of my life, like every day im still improving and im working to become a better person to be around. its sososo hard but when uve fluxed between the most selfish egocentric pos and a submissive wet dormat of a person i think ur BOUND to find a median and some point in time and im floating around that area i think.

within less than 2 years ive completed my apprenticeship, been promoted to a full-time employee and am now moving to a team i feel way more passionate abt. ive got friends that i love, a boyfriend, cats, a second family, and im MAINTAINING these relationships bcos finally im like...setttled, my place here is permanent (or at least as permanent as it can be). im reading for pleasure, ive got hobbies and am starting to exercise again.

hopefully coming off the antidepressants will do good and the propranolol helps me with the anxiety of all this LOL

[muttslife]

being like diagnosed officially is a fucking emotional journey + im coming off antidepressants whoch is gonna make it harder

like there are so many things ive beaten myself up for over the years that i can now kind of give reason to. i only wish i had known earlier to have had more time to work on this shit + hurt fewer ppl. the weight is not off my shoulders completely but its coming off bots at a time.

trying 2 not get angry abt not being diagnosed but i was a girl and # masking ✌️🤪 soooooo

[muttslife]

finished my apprenticeship 2day and had the cat offering emotional support throughout the day - i think he cud sense my vibes

[muttslife]

been a lot 2day with some rando in my dms being pass agg over something im willing to have a convo and admit culpability 4 and then a funeral tomorrow that i cant go to cos i have to travel 2 a new location 2 deliver some training and i havent really acknowledged it yet but its my first time im doing it ughhh

[muttslife]

on annual leave rn and it makes me yearn 2 be a house husband ughhhh

[muttslife]

worked until 11:30pm on thurs, was in for 10am the next day, then went straight to a 3day conference with a 1h30 train journey (ALONE), talked about organising for 3 days straight without break, spent the train journey home with ppl who work 4 my tenants union that i bumped into. i am so exhausted nd overstimulated, every sensation is feeling bas rn. and now im finally trying to get some rest and sleep early one of the cats is deciding its the perfect time 2 attack my feet thru the bed covers (summer duvets dont offer much protection against teeth and claws)

[muttslife]

god i miss academia when can i escape the 9-5 please please please please pleaseeeee 🙏🏻

[muttslife]

hi all im ill and losing my voice... will come out the other end with my voice deeper i think..its always happened since i started t (its my 3yr anniversary today ^w^)

ive survived my 14hr shift on thurs and work on sat too and im using the bank holiday to just chill and recuperate. worked on my bday too but got some nice prezzies and hung out with some of my boyfriends fam

i spent today repairing the holes in my jeans..as usual not the prettiest but its baso all hidden in the crotch area anyways LOL! ive got a few pigeon patches that im considering putting on these jeans my im not sure...debating putting them on my backpack instead but havent reached a decision yet

oh! my boyf also built half my work desk and i finished it off yday so i just need my chair to arrive, PLUS buy a bed and shelves and then the room will be all set up!!

[muttslife]

i just need to stop for while...this week is gonna be so busy i am not ready for it

[muttslife]

sewed on both these patches and rearranged + added some pins..my index and thumb feel so tender i might actually need to get a thimble

[muttslife]

who is my ghost follower i love you i wish i could see you my beloved

[muttslife]

wow you've adapted to the society we live in but express the desire for a different type of society????? cunt

[muttslife]

mad at libs at my job 2day theyre just so unaware of the actual social need talking about 'anti social behaviour', car meets and travellers like hmmm have u considered meeting these peoples needs rather than punishing them for YOU not meeting their needs??

[muttslife]

went 2 a lgbtq+ history month archive event 2day and also looked arnd the museum it was (cried seeing a guy teaching his daughter abt trade union history)

got a karaage ricebowl and read at lunch

went 2 book store and popped into a friends work to say hi and pick up some macarons

got my hair buzzed and now im going to a 21st bday ahhhh good day busy day idk how long ill last

[muttslife]

sleeep deprived so today not going smoothly has really been amplified and ive been on the verge of tears all day and nearly had an anxiety attack/meltdown at union training this afternoon hehe ✌️🤪

[muttslife]

volunteering was nice and chill today! managed to read the intro and nrly finish the first chap of decolonising photography whilst on the welcome desk ^^