mwilcock

[mwilcock]

Dead Last

One week on from my crazy, way out of my comfort zone adventure and how am I feeling? 

Hmmm you would think completing an event like this would give you a sense of super powers, like WOW look what I just did, I can do anything now, but no I’m actually feeling like I can’t do anything well. I know everybody’s going to say don’t be so hard yourself what you achieved is huge and I agree but what’s got me down is that I’m not strong at anything, I don’t have a natural ability for anything sporty or athletic. Which actually really sucks because I really enjoy it and I work really really hard it. I get frustrated because I work so hard but I’m still so far behind everybody else. Is it possible for me to ever catch up or do I have to accept I just won’t get there. Actually my natural ability is tenacity, I will not give up.

I sent an email to the organisers of the event and expressed some feedback earlier this week about how I felt out there being the last one by a long way and they basically said they do everything they can to accommodate every athlete but they have to think of the impact on the other 150 competitors. To be honest I was angry but since then I’ve come to realise that I have to accept my experience as a back of the pack/last competitor is going to be different from everybody else. I’m probably not going to get as many photos, I am going to witness things getting packed up while I’m still out there, there is not going to be as many people if any on the sidelines cheering me on. I will however get the best out of the Marshall's, because they love the last athlete. 

So I have a decision to make, am I prepared to keep getting out there and having a go at things that are hard for me and accept and not have expectations that my experience will different to everyone else. Or do I do things where I know I’ll be the middle of the pack, where I can hide and be like everybody else? I guess this is why there are not many slower athlete’s in these events, this is why they don’t enter, they don’t want to be last, they don’t want to see everything being packed up before they are finished. It’s a catch 22 isn’t it, if more people like me entered we would have a larger “back of the pack” and then we wouldn’t feel so lonely, so vulnerable, so exposed. It’s a state of mind though isn’t it. I can chose how I feel out there, I can chose if I want to focus on my own personal achievement or I chose to get angry because I’m not getting the same experience as everybody else. 

I know I might be having the above feelings because I have now come off my high but it’s still all very real. 

Stayed turned to see what I decide to do next. I’d love to hear your thoughts. 

[mwilcock]

THE DAY FINALLY ARRIVED

Lets get the stats out of the way first, the event was a 30k Mountain Bike Ride the 10k trail run. My total time was 4:15:22, bike leg 2:53:22, run 1:22:00. 

This was so much harder than I expected, I underestimated the ride. The hills were steeper than I had ridden, the ground was looser than I had ridden on, it took so much out of me but I had a ball riding it. I had done a reconnaissance ride the day before (because that’s what serious athletes do right) and I had a game plan, walk the hills and ride my heart out on the flats and descents (and try not to kill myself). My average riding pace in training was less than 10k per hour. Yep it’s slow, I’m a slow climber, especially if I’m walking those hills. I looked at what time presentation was and I figured if I could do the ride in less than 3 hours and the run in less the 1 1/2 hours I was going to finish before they did presentations. However that meant I was going to have to ride faster than I had ever ridden before. I was going to need to make up so much time on the flats because I couldn’t ride the big hills.  Big breath in, Game on! 

On the start line for the Duathlon (the Tri athletes had just finished their swim and were on the bike course). There are 3 of us. 2 women and 1 man. The other woman was in my age group. So if we both finished we’d get a medal (no medals for just finishing in this event). The start was on the side of the lake/dam (they called it the beach but there was just dirt) and we had to run to transition to get our bikes. Honker starts us off, my legs are shaking with nerves, once I got on my bike I felt relatively comfortable but it didn’t take long to realise the other lady was a much better rider than me, I lost sight of her very early. Oh well it was never about the other competitors anyway. 

I promised myself during the week that I was going to make sure I took in my surroundings, it had taken me 5 years to get to the start line of this event I was not going to take it for granted. I engaged with all the Marshal's, and the other riders, I took in the beauty of the bush and kept saying how lucky am I. 3/4 around on my first lap a rider needed assistance with a bike pump, sure here you go, not sure why such an experienced rider wouldn’t have his own but hey what do I know. I finish my first lap under target, woohoo only 2 more to go, oh boy but they got tougher, I’m sure those hills got steeper. I caught my leg on the same broken branch twice in exactly the same spot, DORH! Did not do it a 3rd time. On my 2nd lap another rider needs some assistance with her flat tyre, no pump or canister?? She says to me “I was inline for a podium and all” I wanted to say so am I but I didn’t. 

By the time I get to my 3rd lap I am the only rider on course. The Marshals are yelling and cheering me on, offering all the support they could, always happy and engaging. Surprisingly I still had energy to ride the last little bit flat out (my flat out). According to Strava my fastest speed for the day was 27.7km/h, I told you I had to make up time. I knew the run was going to be tough and I still wanted to complete this in under 4 1/2 hours. When I got to transition one of the Marshals asks me how I’m feeling, “I’m cactus” I reply, “Well what do you want to do about the run?” she asks. I look at her with a confused look and say “Well I’m giving it a go” but in my brain I’m saying “I’ve waited 5 years for this I’m not DNFing (did not finish)”. 

Off I go on my run, there is no-one at the first drink station, it’s abandoned, (insert sad face), that’s one way to make someone not feel welcome or important. Oh well I’ve got my hydration vest on so I’ll be fine. OMG I thought the bike leg was hard, in parts there was no track at all just orange ribbons in the trees to mark the way, there was a massive collection of logs that you were supposed to run/climb over, I didn’t bother, there was no camera there to capture my effort so why waste the energy. I saw no-one on the run course until I had almost competed my first lap, it was the aid station, 2 guys and 2 kids and they were so friendly and chatty and making sure I had 2 drinks and wished me luck and said I’ll see you on your next lap. I now have to run through a dried up creek bed with sharp slate type rocks (there was no running). I survive the first lap and I’m heading towards HQ and I can hear they are starting the presentations, WTF, I’m still here, it’s too early, I’m not behind schedule. I was still on track to make it back on time. My husband walks down to meet me a give me a pep talk, I ask him what’s going on, he said they so excited they are running so far in front of schedule..... But hey I’m still here. He tells me later that when they presented my age group and called my name they said “Oh she must have gone home” my husband said “no she’s still out there”. How the hell can they not know I hadn’t finished. I had a timing chip on! If I haven’t come over the finish line, I’m still out there, maybe laying on the side of the track, but hey you guys just pack up and go home.

OK deep breath in, I tell myself not worry about them, this is my agenda, I can’t control who enters these events, it’s not my fault that there is a major gap between me and the rest of the pack. I came here to do this event for me, no-one else. And then just around the corner a snake slithers across in front of me, of course that would happen now, because there is no noise on the track, it’s just me. So now I’m trying to deal with the anger, the fatigue and a bloody snake and I still have 4k’s to go. But remember I didn’t come to DNF!

Now one of the best things happens, before I even see the aid station I hear the marshal, he is cheering for me, he is clapping and he’s coming to meet me on course, he starts tell me how bloody amazing I am and that I’m inspiring him, after seeing me he wants to enter. I tell him I have to vent, I’m so bloody angry. I tell him about the presentations, I tell him there is no photographer on course for my run leg so there will be no photos of me running (walking/dragging my heals). He said right I’ll get in my car now and race to the finish line and make sure I get a photo of you crossing the finish line. As I’m approaching the finishing straight he is flashing the lights and waving and cheering me on. The straight was the longest straight line, it went on forever and didn’t feel like it was ever going to end. I did a run/walk until I was closer enough to run over the finish line. I’m hearing on the PA my name and people cheering and clapping and as I come over the finish line there are cameras flashing and people coming up to me tell me how amazing I am, there are hugs and I’m centre of attention, I don’t have a chance to catch my breath, it’s so overwhelming after spending so much time on my own with my own thoughts. Then I’mm whisked off to get presented with my medal for coming 2nd in my age group. I was the last competitor over the finish line but I still came 2nd in my group. It’s all too much and I cry, cry from relief, cry because I did it, cry because I’m exhausted, cry because it’s over.

My lovely Marshal friend hugged me and sent me the pic he took, the Marshall who asked me in transition if I was going to continue, she came up and congratulated me and said you also helped out 2 other riders on course didn’t you, “yes, yes I did” well let me take a photo of you and I’m going to have a talk to the race organisers about that... whatever that means. 

I finished my race 15 mins under the time I had set myself, I achieved my goal. I am so super proud of myself, there would have been a time when the old me would have bailed at transition, because I would have felt I was holding everyone up, but the new me believes I deserve to be there, just like everyone else. Yeh I’d like to be faster, stronger, fitter, but hell this is where I am at right now. If I had of waited until I was “ready” I would have never go to the start line ever!

When I was out on course I swore I would never do this again, but not even 24 hours later I was looking up the dates for future events, it’s a bit like labour, you forget the pain very quickly and the reward and the exhilaration I felt at the end was so worth it. 

2 days post event and i’m not really even sore, maybe I gave up on those hills too early, maybe I’m physically stronger than I think, maybe it’s my brain I need to work on.

I hope me sharing my story encourages other women to get out there, to aim for something that scares the shit out of them, for them to say maybe I could do that if I just had a go. My biggest piece of advise though is don’t expect to be perfect, don't expect to have it all together straight away. The consistent training and the perseverance is all you need. Ask for help and don't be afraid to share your dream with other people, you will be surprised how many people will stick there hands up to help you. If you are feeling nervous or apprehensive reach out to me and ask me anything you like on insta @livinglifesadventuresmyway or Facebook Margaret Wilcock. 

[mwilcock]

Getting edgy.

2 days out from my big event and i’m a mess. I can feel my insides are bouncing around, I’m short with people, I’m tired, I have no tolerance, I’m basically a cow. I tried listening to an inspirational podcast, but I couldn’t just sit still, I had to keep checking my phone, so I wasn’t fully being present, so iI got my yoga mat out and laid on the floor with the phone on the bench so I couldn’t get distracted, then my mind started wondering all over the place and I decided I probably needed to journal. Normally I do this in private and I don’t share, but I thought that maybe what I have to say may resonate with someone else and maybe it will in the very least make them feel normal, or not abnormal. 

So my mind is wondering to the event and thinking about what I’m about to embark on and what might unfold on the day. (yes I know this is out of my control but I can’t help it if my brain keeps going there). These are my thought: 

* what if i am the only person on the start line for the Duathlon? 

* What will people think of me because I decided to drop the swim?

* What do people think of me full stop? 

* It’s not like i’m super fit or a super fast rider or runner!

* i don’t look like an athlete (got to love this one, what does an athlete look like?)

* What the hell am i doing here anyway? 

* I should be doing more, trying harder to encourage, inspire other women to get out there and have a go, but i’m not good enough, fast enough, fit enough, no-one would care. 

The voices in my head are having a field day fighting over the above.

As I write these thoughts down I find it interesting that I am not questioning my ability to do this event, I can do this, i know this, what my stupid little brain is worried about is what others think. Outwardly it appears I don’t give crap what others think, but internally I care a lot. Why? Is it about acceptance? Is it about acknowledgement? I know I’m not alone here. Is this a woman thing, or do men feel this way too? What are the strategies to get these thoughts out of my head. I have been looking forward to this event for so long I don’t want to minify my accomplishment on Saturday because of these rubbish thoughts, this is huge and I want to enjoy the elation afterwards I don’t want to down play my achievements. 

Go away bad thoughts and let me have the excitement back, you’re not welcome here. 

[mwilcock]

I’m as ready as I can be!

5 sleeps - How do I feel? 

This event, or a version of it has been in my sights for 5 years, I can’t actually believe it is happening. The last couple of weeks my mind has been trying to tell me stories, stories that aren’t true. To be honest I did get drawn in, I know I shouldn’t have but that damn brain is a powerful influencer. It’s also very negative, so negative I don’t want to be friends with it any more. However I have turned a corner and I am feeling happier and more confident this week. 

5 years, why has it taken so long? Well hip surgery, broken ankle, bulging disc, anaemia, adrenal fatigue, anxiety and a host of other obstacles were thrown my way. Some days were dark. I could have given up on it, it’s only an event right? What’s the big deal? Well the big deal is I fell in love with this event because I get to do to the 2 things I love, in the environment that makes me feel connected to my soul. I get to play on my bike and run in the bush, it’s not every bodies cup of tea but it stirs an excitement in me so strong that I couldn’t let it go. I’m a list writer and when I was injured I would right down all the events that I wanted to do when  I was recovered, and every time this come up I felt excited, so I felt there was no choice, it was calling me. 

I am proud of myself for sticking it out, I am proud that in 5 sleeps I will stand on the start line to what is an epic adventure for me, it won’t be my last, I know that there will be more, but for now this is huge. To be honest I thought I would be fitter, stronger, faster by now but I am where I am and there is nothing I can do about it now. All I can do is go out there and race to the best of my ability and enjoy the surroundings. I promise I will take in the scenery and the smells and the noises that are unique to the bush, I am not/will not take this for granted, it has taken me too long to get here I will make sure I savour it. 

That little voice in my head “others have had stuff happen to them and their still fitter. faster, stronger that you, stop making excuses you haven’t trained hard enough or consistent enough” FUCK OFF! voice. In  the last 12 months I have worked so hard on my training, my recovery, my nutrition, I have turned my life inside out to try and be the best I can be. I’ve visited many health practitioners, I’ve done mediation retreats, I stopped drinking (no-one noticed by the way) and  I am now as prepared as I can be, it is in the hands of the gods/Buddha/mother nature now and I’m excited to see what unfolds on Saturday. 

Stay turned. 

[mwilcock]

Finally I get my Off Road Tri done

WOW so where do I start? Feels like I’ve been training for this day forever. The crazy idea to do an Xterra (long course off road triathlon) popped into my head years ago, when I was sitting around waiting for that hip surgery. I don’t know what it is but every time I write my goals down this thing just just keeps coming up and it stirs an excitement inside me. I think in some ways it’s a metaphor for my life. Jump in the deep end and swim, get up and over the obstacles anyway you can, wait here’s another one and some twist and turns and lumps and bumps then just keep running. When you finish you will be exhausted. Yep that pretty much sums up my life so far. But seriously I love the bush. It is my happy place, it’s where I feel at home, it has a calming effect on me and it’s almost spiritual. Some get that feeling at the beach I get in the bush. I could write a whole blog on how and why but for now I will simply say it’s because it makes me happy. 

So that seed was planted more than 4 years ago now. I knew I had a long way to go, especially since I could not run at that time and had never really done any serious mountain biking and my swimming was my worst leg, so that was really saying something and gives you an idea of where I was starting from. I thought all my problems were going to be solved once I had that surgery. I was going to be back running just like I used to in no time….I am still no where near that now and I have huge issues with that, but that’s another story. I have looked at the calendar of events and chosen my date and course that many times but the universe had other ideas for me. Lets throw plantar fasciitis at you, a broken ankle, a scary superman stack that knocked my confidence for a very long time, then finally this year all was travelling reasonable well until I was hospitalised with 2 bulging disc in my neck. Throw into the mix 30kg weight gain in 4 years and some very negative voices in my head. 

Those of you who follow me probably think I’m a happy go lucky girl who gives anything a go and doesn’t give a fuck what others think. I wish. It is true I give anything a go but I fight those damn voices every day and those damn voices have been holding me back. I post pics of myself out there doing because i hope that it inspires someone else just like me to have a go. To know it’s ok not to be perfect, or fast or slim. I have a go because it’s bloody fun and try really hard to ignore the voices. Sometimes the voices win and I don’t get out and when that happens it’s really hard to get out the door next time, but some how I  do. It’s for this reason that my progress has been slow. Training has been stop start and not consistent. But last Saturday I had a moment that I think will change my outlook forever. 

I am a week out from this event and I still have not swam more than 50m without stopping and not without flippers. Despite having swimming lessons and getting in the pool regularly I was not progressing. I would be desperate for the edge of the pool to arrive so I could stop and have a breather. So last Saturday I gave myself a good talking to. I did my warm up then I stopped and said the following, “you need to tell your brain you can do this, you have to keep swimming no matter what, even if it’s breast stroke, just keep swimming, you can do this” I took a deep breath and I swam the 200m effortlessly, WTF how does that happen? So I needed to go back the next day and do it again just in case it was a fluke. and I dd it again, effortlessly. So I learn my damn brain is my enemy, it doesn’t want me to succeed it doesn’t want me to take the risks. Well you know what that taught me, my evil voice is nowhere near as strong as my Will. So finally I felt “ready” 

But wait….. lets make you as sick as dog with the dreaded lurgy 5 days out from your event. That will test your Will won’t it. So 5 days and nights of coughing and splattering and not much sleep. I’m exhausted, but I really don’t want to pull out. I have missed this opportunity so many times in the last few years I didn’t want to do it again and it was an important piece of the puzzle. I wasn’t dying and I thought lets make this a challenge, lets shut that voice up well and good, let’s use all the positive self talk and self love you can muster. 

Now these off road tri’s a bit different in that the course is adjusted to fit the surroundings. Then lake is a little way from transition and it’s a rocky path, we are allowed to put some shoes at the exit of the swim so we can get to transition (in standard tri’s you run up the beach and maybe on a footpath then the grass into transition). I look at the water and think to myself you’ve got this, but I’m a basket of nerves, everything is new and don’t know anything. Simple things like do I have to wear a bib in the swim? If so how does that work? Race briefing is going on for ages, it’s getting close to my start time, do I wonder off and get dressed or is there going to be enough time for that when he finishes talking? I brought my MTB shoes and my trail runners, but I can’t run in my MTB shoes so do I put my trail runners at the exit and then change them in transition or do I  just ride in my trail shoes. aargh!! so many thoughts, so many unknowns, so much anxiety, heart rate too high. 

It ends up being quite a rush to the start line. OMG more anxiety, more elevated heart rate. Finally I get in the dirty slimming water, I’m trying to swim and I’m just wading through reeds it’s weird really and kind of gross but then not really also. I can’t get into a rhythm, I can’t relax….just keep swimming…it doesn’t matter how… just get this bit finished….cough..splatter…I make it out of the water…now to put those damn shoes on. I have towel, I dry my feet…I have a wetsuit on….i can’t take it off until I get to transition because that’s wear my clothes are…water running down my legs off wetsuit on to dry feet…feet wet again…try putting sock on…I’m huffing and puffing and can’t balance and putting sock on wet foot doesn’t work…I keep trying…then a lovely lady says just sit down….oh derh!

Ok I’m off and running into transition, getting wet suit off with shoes on proves harder than one would imagine, especially with heart rate racing and breathing heavily, anyway I manage it some how. Ah..I’m on the bike, my comfort zone. try to bring breathing into control, try to bring heart rate down…I’m good…but I’m on a track I don’t know, and it looks awfully like the track I road on when I broke my ankle..I decide to err on the side of caution and take it a bit easier on the descents than I normally would. The track is gorgeous, I rode the whole MTB leg without seeing another rider. The track was not steep and there was nothing technical.

Back into transition and get out onto the run. I’m coughing and splattering and a bit weazy so I walk, I get to the top of the home stretch which is probably about 800m straight, the finish line looks so far away so I decide I need another talking to. “it does not matter what time you do, it does not not matter what other people think of you, (actually I said who gives a fuck what others think) you can run this whole way, just break it down to white poles, don’t look at the end, look at the next white pole, you know you might just even inspire 1 lady out there to give it go next time” then i did it, I was not going to allow that voice in my head to make me stop running, so I filled it with positive messages and thoughts. 

And that was that, I finished my first off road tri. It was the teaser event (I’ve stopped saying “only” the teaser) and on paper it looked a lot easier than it actually was. There were 2 people in my category, the other lady used the teaser as her warm up for the other event, WTF. Anyway I came 2nd. I am owing that podium finish because I  have worked hard and I have faced some pretty sucky stuff to get here and I deserve to own it. Anyone who thinks I don’t I challenge you to come race with me next time, I don’t mind giving up podium if more women race.

I have so much to learn about nerves and what to do when. How to settle in and find the rhythm, but I know i can do this. I will get better and I will one day compete in an Xterra. 

I’d like to acknowledge how amazingly friendly, supportive and encouraging the marshals were and In2Adventure did an awesome job, I swear you should have a go, it’s an amazing experience, hopefully your journey to the start line is not as long as mine.

Oh as a side note - there were 3 young girls who swam out to a pontoon in the middle of the lake and they danced and sang and laughed and jumped back into the water and I thought wouldn’t it be good if girls never lost that confidence, if they always went through life not caring what anyone else said and just living right in the moment and loving life. Made me smile.

[mwilcock]

My First Tri

Best laid plans...... well everything started to go off course from the moment I went to pick up my wet-suit (custom made). I was supposed to  pick it up on Friday, lucky I called because it wasn’t going to be ready until Wednesday (3 days after the event) so they prioritized it and I was able to pick it up on Saturday mid day. The plan was pick it up and go for a practise swim, it’s not ideal to be picking up your wet-suit the day before and going for you first swim in it and it’s not ideal to have only swam in the open water once before, but hey that’s what it was. 

Drive to the location of the event and it is choppy, packing myself, “I can’t get in there, I can’t swim in that”. Now my nerves were already playing such havoc with me that I felt ill and I couldn’t eat, now I started to worrying about turning up to the event never having tried swimming in a wet-suit. Deep breath it is what it is. Home I go. By the time I get home I don’t have enough time to do the other prep work, like ride the bike, test the legs, have a little run off the bike to see what that feels like (another thing I didn’t have a clue about). Another big breath it is what it is. Pack what feels like a million bags, 4 in reality. Alarm set for 3.55, need to get there nice and early, as I was feeling overwhelmed that I had no idea what I was doing and where I needed to go. 

RACE DAY - rollover 4.36am aargh alarm didn’t go off!!! Lucky I had everything packed and laid out in order at the front door with notes of what was left to put in the each bag. We get there with plenty of time of course. I’m tagged and ready to go with 45 mins to spare, now we wait for race briefing. So race briefing was to be at 6.35 with the event to start at 6.45 with my wave to go 12 mins later. I’m across this I know what I’m doing. Plan is listen to race briefing, go get suit on, go in water and and get familiar with what it feels like and also so I’m not shocked by the cold, then make my way to the start line for my wave. 

Best laid plans...... race briefing is delayed by 15mins....ok everything just gets delayed by 15 mins right? ......NO! and this I don’t realise until I have missed my wave start, so I am in a little but of a panic now, all good I can start with the last wave. ok ok big breath it is what it is. Line up on the line, 30 seconds to go, put goggles on....oh no I can’t see out my goggles because they are fogged up...I can’t see the buoy... ok just follow the others right... oh god the first wave hits me where is everyone, where’s the buoy, where am i going, ok i see...next wave hits me...can’t see the buoy again....everyone seems along way from me...try to see the buoy swallow more water... life guard asks do i need help... no i’ll be fine just need to get to first buoy then I’ll be swimming away from the waves and not into them....why am I so far away from everyone else....try swimming...try seeing...more water in my mouth...still can’t see....WTF am I doing here?.....life guard comes up are you ok....no, no i’m not...i get in the boat...

All good I can still do the rest...try running to transition...water in lungs feels like I have asthma.. coughing..walking to transition...OMG I’m stuffed already...get bike and gear on...ok ok I’ve got this now... try running again in cleats...tricky...finally make it to the start of the bike leg...oh now I feel comfortable, bike ride was awesome, I felt strong, I was trying to push it, thinking I've lost time in the swim I need to make up time....WTF was I thinking, who did I think I was competing with? Funny now, it’s my competitive streak, all along I said this was just a training event now I was taking the bike leg so seriously. But it felt good to push, and I was feeling fantastic, then I started to think about how hard the run was going to be when I got off the bike because my legs would be cooked, oh well the run was going to be pretty ugly anyway. 

Dismount bike, legs feel good...transition... some Bastard is in my spot! What the hell the numbers are not even close...aargh...squeeze my bike in.. change shoes...crap crap I’m stuck on the right side when the bikes are on my left and we have to go the opposite direction...wait for a break in the traffic and I am on my way....

Run is ugly, my heart rate is through the roof, it’s more of a walk than a run it doesn’t matter how long I walk for the heart rate is not coming down, the elite athletes are passing me now on their first lap.... geez they look good. I finally make it to the finish line and I run over the timing chip pad with a big smile on my face. (why I was smiling I haven’t quite worked out, maybe because it was over)

I have received my results and like I said I was not doing this for results but I am quietly happy I was not last in my age category. 

When I was running I was thinking well as much as this is ugly and I didn’t complete the swim I can’t give up on this sport, I’ve just bought a fancy new bike and a custom made wet-suit. 

I have a lot of work to do, no question about it, I will be back and next time I will be better than today, only way is up. 

Just so you know this was so out of my comfort zone it’s not funny, I was scared, I was/am really uncomfortable about my size and then my damn wet-suit is so bright it might as well have been a flashing light. Do I feel empowered, do I feel more positive about my size? NO I don’t. So why do this? Because each day I train I am getting fitter, each day I do something that is uncomfortable I am growing, I am giving myself confidence to try things that are scary, I am having adventures. If I waited until I was “ready” I would miss out on so much fun, I’d miss out on making new friends and actually I’d never be ready, we’re ready.

[mwilcock]

The recovery plan for the recovery plan

So how many people have to have a recovery plan during the recovery plan? 1 year ago I had a hip arthroscope - I waited 2 1/2 years for this surgery because I didn't heave private health insurance. Prior to the injury in Jan 2013 I was a long distance runner, running gave me so much joy and much needed escape from the real world. I found it meditative. I was lost without running, I tried to find substitutes but nothing came close until I found red wine. Red wine did exactly what running did, it helped me stop for one and it relaxed me. So here we have a double edge sword, no exercise and increased consumption of red wine and the food that goes with it. As a consequence I put on 25 kgs. I was depressed, I didn't like what I saw in the mirror, I didn't like who I had become. While waiting for the surgery I discovered that I could ride with no pain, so in 2014 I decided to do the Ride to Conquer Cancer. For 6 months I trained, I had 1 ride each week that increased in distance (probably should say here that I was riding a $500 flat bar road bike on bike paths and trails only as the roads scared me to death) I was slow, these long rides took all day. 1 month out from the event I was done, I hated the sight of my bike, I was over it, I just wanted this whole thing over and done with.  I did the event, I enjoyed the event but I wasn't in love with it. My bike was never comfortable, I also thought I was doing the riding because I couldn't run. It was my plan B and I didn't love it. So after the event the bike went into the shed and there she stood for I don't even know how long, 6 months maybe. So back to the red wine drinking I went, until I got the phone call mid 2015 that my surgery date had finally arrived. Oh wow, something clicked inside of me, all of a sudden I wanted to take of myself, this was the DAY I had been visualising for so long, after this day all would be great with the world again. The surgery would fix everything. How wrong I was. There's months of rehab, and then when I could run again it was hard work, I was heavier, I was unfit. I got plantar fasciitis. I was disheartened, all was not right in the world. So I sat down and wrote a list of things that I loved doing, what was it that made me feel warm and fuzzy on the inside, what really resonated with me. I needed to throw myself into something that I loved and enjoyed.  What came from this little exercise was that I really want to do a X-Tri, I love the bush, I dislike the road. I love mountain biking, I love trail running, so there it was my goal was born to do an Xterra. When I looked into my heart actually realised I did love bike riding I had been acting like a spotlit child and refusing to see what was actually right in front of me, I was focusing on what I couldn't do instead of what I could. Anybody that knows me knows I love epic shit and I love to stretch myself and test myself.  So now I had a goal, Xterra in Nov 2016  - I recently found out that there had been a miscommunication and I needed to qualify for this event, oops, my goal quickly got downsized to a sprint X-Tri. I was devastated but to tell you the truth I don't think I would have been ready. This now meant I could focus on technique and speed and proper recovery. A week ago I was still at base with all disciplines, I mean I still was not running very far and I still had calf issues and foot pain. The swimming is very poor, I have good technique but lack enduarnce. The mountain biking was going ok except for fitness. Lots of work to do but still plenty of time right??  Um well I hit a road block on Saturday when I broke my ankle on a mountain bike ride, not sure if I need surgery yet,so not sure how long the recovery is going to be. Yesterday all I could say was this suck, this is shit, I feel like I'm at -5, but today, day 2 of recovery I'm a little more philosophical. Everything happens for a reason. I was ignoring some pretty important messages from my body and trying to solider on. Ha! The universe had other plans, it is telling me to stop and listen and do something about these messages.  So with that am going to work on: my glute and core strength my cardio fitness getting my legs strong doing the foam roller and stretches and yoga losing weight looking forward not back So even though the universe has thrown me some curve balls over the last 3 years I ACTUALLY CAN COME BACK STRONGER AND FITTER THAN I HAVE EVER BEEN AND I ACTUALLY CAN COMPETE IN THE SPRINT EVENT IN NOV THIS YEAR. Watch this space

[mwilcock]

1 Week and 3 days post op

AARGH!!! This sitting around and waiting is doing my head in. Can not wait for next Wednesday. I thought it was all about the surgery, "Once I have the surgery i will be able to......" No once you have the surgery you sit and lie around waiting until you see the surgeon, who will then tell you when you can ...... I never anticipated how long 2 weeks would feel, most of us would be grateful of a 2 week break right? No I just want to get onto my return to running plan. When can I swim? What is my Physio exercises, when can I get on the wind trainer? How long do I have to avoid bending over? I feel amazing, no pain, a little stiff bit that's because I'm not using anything, everything is freezing up. What will be my first event? What is a realistic expectation? Can I aim for 5km at Melbourne in Oct? That's a little over 3 months, or 5km at Marysville in Nov? Or something in Dec? Aargh come on this is killing me!!

[mwilcock]

6 DAYS POST OP

The click seems to have stuck. I seem to be listening to my body and not over eating. I've had 2 glasses of red wine on 2 separate occasions (1 each time) and not really enjoyed it. I am asking myself, what does my body need right now? What do I have available in my fridge cupboard that is the best choice? And guess what? I'm feeling pretty good, the digestion is better, no pains in my gut, no cramping. bloating or wind. And without going into detail everything seems to be functioning the way it should. NO more shaming, NO more guilt. I respect my body and the job it does for me. I need the mind and body to work together for me to be the best version of me. I need them to get along because I have some big asks coming and I need them both on the same side. So excited.

[mwilcock]

3 days post op

So that elusive surgery has finally happened. Got the phone call Monday you’re going in Wednesday, bang! Wow what a whirlwind. It’s funny though I literally felt a switch in my head click over. I have been struggling and having an internal battle with myself for I don’t know how long and then as simple as that it’s gone. I will try to explain it as much as I can, but a Psychologist probably will be needed (actually to be honest I tried that and it didn’t help).

I have put on 25kgs approx since Jan 2013, 15 kgs in the last 18 months. I felt like I was spiraling out of control. I know that weight is 80% about what you put in your mouth, but common sense did not help me here. I have felt ashamed and embarrassed by my weight gain. I’m a long distance runner, a former state level squash player, a lover of the gym and the pool and the great outdoors. How did I become the sloth on the couch who eats chips and chocolate and drinks red wine every night. I tried the modified training programs, I tried doing the epic bike ride, I tried the body building coach, in the hope that one of them was going to click something over in my head that would put me back on track, but none of them did. So off I went to a Psychologist to find out what was going on in my stupid little head. (to date now answers)

Funny thing is, if I didn’t look in the mirror I still felt like me, I was still an athlete, I still had so much knowledge about nutrition and training and I still got excited talking about adventure races and past events I’d done, but then I would get a glance of me in the mirror or I’d try to put something on that no longer fitted the self loathing would set in again and I felt like a fraud, because how could someone with so much knowledge look like me. I stopped seeing my running friends, because I didn’t want them to see me this way. Was this depression?

So why? Why if I was feeling so miserable about myself was I not doing anything about it? Why was I not throwing myself into things that I loved doing? I love being outdoors, I love the water, I love riding my bike but I just couldn’t get myself out there. I know I feel crap if I eat grains or stodgy foods. I know I have a foggy head if I drink red wine. So here I was doing everything to myself that made me feel crap and nothing that made me feel good. aargh how frustrating and ridiculous is this.

But then when I got that call the click in my head came. I made a decision, no it was a natural reaction to make sure I ate well, the foods that help heal the body and support it. I was thinking about all the things that were going to help my recovery. The massages to help break up the scar tissue, and the foam roller and the hydro pool and making an appointment to go see my chiro as soon as I can to get onto my post op care. Yep I did have pre-opp exercises I was supposed to be doing that were meant aid my recover, I had heaps of things I could have done to help the recovery process, but I again I just couldn’t do it.(pre-phone call). I packed my own teas for hospital, I wanted to have things that would nurture my soul. (again I wasn’t concerned with my soul pre-opp) When the breakfasts came around I just couldn’t tolerate the plastic food they gave me (been alright eating this crap food for months now). So what was it that clicked when I got that phone call? The only way I can describe it is that I got my life back. That phone call I had been waiting for for over 2 years had given me my identity back. I hadn’t realised it until that point that I had had a stand in for the past 2 + years and I was so excited and happy to back. We can all talk until we’re blue in the face about how stupid this is and how illogically this is but what can I say this is how it felt. Perhaps I had been using the surgery as a road block or an excuse, I don’t know, but what I do know is I feel back, I feel like I have been woken up, I feel alive again and it feels amazing, and I’m not even running yet.

Above is Jan 2013

June 2015

I like to think of these photos as my before and middle photos, the after is coming. 

[mwilcock]

Update

I’ve been eating and drinking poorly for a few weeks now and I feel crap, I’ve had enough. I know I can’t drink every night of the week and eat garbage snacks, I’m not recovering from rides well I’m not sharp at work, I am not bounding with energy and I hate it. On top of all that I’m sick of no clothes fitting me, I don’t like what I see in the mirror. I have had some really busy weekends which have not allowed me to do my food prep and that has been one of my down falls, but my biggest is using alcohol to wind down and switch off. I get nothing else done and I’m sluggish the next day. My rides are getting longer now and I can’t afford to write 2 days off recovering. So I am going to keep a diary of my food and exercise regime and timing of my food and how I’m feeling. I have to change something because this is not working for me

[mwilcock]

Monday

So today I am going to record what I eat and drink, I'm gong to try and drink 2lts of water plus green tea as my hot drink of choice and back to no grains, dairy or refined sugar. And definitely no alcohol. I expect I will feel crap for a few days as I detox, but I'm hoping that my recovery for the long ride on the weekend will be better. I am also going to focus on my shut down time by going to bed early, charging the phone down stairs so I am not tempted to check it.

[mwilcock]

EPIC SUNDAY RIDE

Today’s ride deserves a blog all it’s own.

Today started with Geoff not feeling the best and decides to pull out just in case he couldn’t make the distance, lucky he did. I was going to change the route but then thought no I’ve mapped it, I know how far I need to go and it fits with where I’m at. Hahahah little did I know.

Firstly i’d like to share with you a photo of my loyal training partner, she’s not the pretties, or the newest, she sometimes struggles to do as she’s told, she’s a but clunky sometimes, but she’s mine and I love her. Occasionally I rest her and take her boyfriend out for a squirt in the bush, this is where I get in touch with my manly side. Love the trails, love the challenge of just staying on the bike. Fun, fun, fun.

So I got to Westerfolds Park and I was ready to ride by 9.45, no need to leave any earlier as I was doing about 60km today. Should be about 1 1/2 hrs there and 1 1/2 hours return, with a stop for lunch and coffee. Ha! Someone had other ideas for me today. Off I went, beautiful morning, beautiful bike track with glorious sites. I saw junior footy, puppy school, amateur fun run, got to Yarra Bend Park in about an hour, a little behind schedule, but I was just in awe of all the beautiful things I was seeing, so I wasn’t rushing.

Make it to Richmond and Main Yarra Trail is closed and there is a detour. I have no idea where I am on the map and I have no idea how to get to the detour, so I wing it. First rookie mistake. I end up having to ride on the ROAD in RICHMOND, aargh!! I made it and with no scratches. Phew. If nothing else happens today I have stepped out of my comfort zone and I am building character. :) oh forgot to mention I went one way for a while then realised that didn’t feel right, quick check of the phone and get my bearings. Make it  back on the bike track and continue on to Federation Square. So I’m riding along and all of a sudden there’s a 3 way fork in the road. One way says Capital City Trail, the other 2 aren’t labelled. I start to go one way, no that doesn’t feel right, I start to go another way, no that doesn’t feel right. Check the phone, can’t work out where I am and where I’ve come from..only thing left to do is ask a stranger of cause. So I learnt something today. The Main Yarra Trail is the same thing as the Capital City Trail, it just depends on the council your in.

I finally get to Federation Square it took me 2 1/2hrs, an hour behind schedule. All good though, I’ll know where I’m going on the way back, easy to make up time.

Interesting protest happening in the city something to do with Chinese in Vietnam and Borneo, I know I should know more but hey I don’t watch that much TV.

Trip back is all going well, get to the detour and find out how wrong I got it, I went about 3 blocks out of my way on the way there. So it’s looking good to make up that time. I’m merrily riding along and find myself on the opposite side of the river than on the way there, how did I do that. Missed riding back past Collingwood Farm, I was really looking forward to that too. So I think I know what road I’m on, I think I have my bearings right, so I take a left and head down towards Yarra Blend Park, I find myself crossing a bridge I don’t recognise, but all good I’ll get back on the Main Yarra Trail at some point…….come across some beautiful spots.

Ok I’m feeling nervous so I employ the help of another stranger, he says just ride up there and turn left and stay on the track. Oh how funny, there is more than one track. Yep I took the wrong one. When I get to Clifton Hill I realise I’m on the wrong track. Turn around and back I go. Figure out where I went wrong and I’m back on Main Yarra Trail finally. Ok so full steam ahead now, can’t get lost now can I? Wrong. Find myself going through a tunnel I don’t remember. How can one person make so any wrong turn in one bike ride. I just want to get home at this point. I’m done, my saddle is not as comfortable as it was at the start of the day. I finally make it back to Westerfolds Park.Come across some young girls, probably about 20 in total, going around on these thingingies that look like skis with wheels, they were having a ball and giggling their heads off, then I ride past a tandem bike with the boyfriend on the front going flat out and the girlfriend on the back with legs in the air screaming with joy. Made me smile and took the edge off how tired I was. So I’m now here, 4pm, now where did I pack the car?

Despite the wrong turns and the extended day, I really did love this ride to bits and can't wait to come back and do it again (might get it right next time)

And this is a pic of how I recover

Geoff has warned me that I may get inundated with "special offers" by sharing this pic.

[mwilcock]

Week 4, 5 and 6 of the 6 week challenge and week 2, 3 and 4 of training for that epic bike ride

Planning is everything - lesson for today. The time I head out on my bike ride influences what food I will need and at what time, having breakfast at 8.30 and starting my ride at 11am means the 2 little snacks I put in my back pack that were still frozen are not going to be enough when I stop at a cafe at 12.30. So not a lot of options available. As I said this is a lesson, can’t do anything about it now and I’m not going to starve myself because there are no “good” choices. Next Sunday I will leave earlier and plan to be home for lunch. Simple :)

So proud of myself for sticking to the plan, now going into week 4 and yes I still want to sleep in but the excuses are getting less, I’m just sucking it up. Last night before I went to bed I put a status in the Facebook page of this 6 week challenge I’m doing “5.15am alarm set, going to be tough, suck it up princess it’s one morning and rest day is Wednesday” so when I woke up this morning, soooo tired, what do you think was the first thought of? Worked a treat. Pushed it hard at cycle and left feeling sick, job done. This arvo was my home workout (resistance), I worked from home today so I set my alarm in my phone for 5pm, I could of worked more, I could of started dinner, the thought of working out in the back room where it’s cold wasn’t appealing, but I just did it and I’m glad I did. You can never make up a missed session, it’s just missed. I think I am being a little bit complacent about my nutrition but I certainly have not dropped my bundle. Feeling proud :)

It has been playing on my mind that there might be some people that think I’m stressing or worrying or wasting energy on this fitness journey. There might be some people that think I’m reasonably fit and not grossly over weight. Maybe I should be grateful for my health and my lot in life. Because there are a lot of people out there that are battling cancer, physical difficulties, mental health issues etc. Well to start with I don’t care what other people think, but I do want to explain my motivation for my fitness journey. I want to live a long, healthy, active life. I want to trek and ride and swim and run well into my retirement. I want to experience life, I want to touch and feel things, I don’t want to see my holidays from a bus or train window. I don’t want to be struck down with disease or an ailment. So I am not on this fitness journey because I want to wear a bikini or get into a size 8 pair of jeans. I value my health and I want live life to the fullest. I want to know I have done the best I can for this vessel I am privileged to walk/run/ride/swim in. :-)

Tried my first quinoa porridge this morning, it needs work, but I know I can do it. :)

Got my first donation this week, it’s from a business name so I don’t know who it is to thank, but thank-you whoever you are. Another cycle class done and dusted, I’d like to say they’re getting easier, but they’re not. Still tough, still feeling weak in my legs, time more time.

Saturday - yesterday was a mess, I had so many things to do and I didn’t have a plan, so as a result I didn’t get it all done. I missed my excercise, I didn’t have nutritious meals (didn’t “fall” off) just didn’t have enough veggies. So tired, chose to have red wine while watching the footy, only 2 but enough to make meal feel ordinary this morning. Went to bed at 11.30 had set alarm for 6.15, but couldn’t get up, so didn’t get the weight training in. Aargh just no planning. So today I rest. Doing my cook up so I have snack and meals on hand in the freezer. Big bike ride tomorrow so early to bed and gear needs to be organised before going to bed. Previously this little hiccup may have derailed me, but I haven’t lost the plot and life happens some times, so all good. Weight loss has been steady and consistant over the last 4 weeks and I’m starting to see my shape changing, I’m not dropping my bundle now.

Been awhile since I’ve updated. Last Sunday’s long ride, well where do I start, woke up and looked at the sky and the radar, did not look nice at all. Now I’ll be honest, if I hadn’t have signed up and committed to Ride to Conquer Cancer I would not have gone. So I layered and we were on the track at 9am, we road Warby trail from Seville, stopped in Warby for coffee and snack, then the heavens opened up, we checked the radar again and there was not really a break coming, so we waited until the rain eased a little and got back in the saddle. OMG I was freezing, going downhill, it’s raining, mud is spraying up onto my glasses, I couldn’t care less what was happen at the back of me, but I had a fair idea from the other riders I saw. It didn’t look pretty. So I was trying to ride as fast as I could so I could warm up. Despite my gloves and my explorer socks, my hands and feet were freezing. All I kept thinking about was I need better gear. Finally the rain stopped and we continued on to complete the 55k’s. I was smart enough to pack a complete change of clothes and shoes, yep even the underwear. So there we were on the side of the Warby Trail with the car doors open so we had a “change room”. Clean dry set of clothes and a lovely warm lunch at the Carriage cafe was in order. Well earned. :)

Sunday arvo I decided I want a “cheat” meal. Haven’t really had one since I started. So my idea of complete comfort was Pringles, red wine and spa. Suffice to say I didn’t wake up well the next day, missed my Monday morning weight training. Results for week 4 Weight was up a little, measurements up here down there, so not much change really. I’m not surprised that the weight was up because I had such a huge loss the week before and that was after the food poisoning, so I should see it balance out this week. Like I said earlier in my blog, I feel complacent about my nutrition, haven’t lost the plot, but just letting little things in. I need to record everything I eat, I just find it hard to find the time, with running my own business, training and domestic duties. It is important though, I think it will make a huge difference to my final results. So starting tomorrow morning I will record everything until the end of this program, which is about a week and a bit.

Feeling like I have achieved what I set out to with the 6 week challenge and that was, drink less wine, establish an exercise routine that fits in with my lifestyle and that is easy for me to maintain, the other thing that I set out to achieve was balance. I have missed some training sessions, I have eaten and drank some stuff I shouldn’t have, but that’s ok that’s life. I haven’t thrown my hands in the air and said I’ve failed because I haven’t stuck to the “program” to a t. I am proud of myself for getting back on with it. This blog is helping too, I just need to do it more often. Maybe if I record my food and exercise diary here I will post every day so that there’s not so much to read in one hit….not sure I have the time for that, we’ll see.

Well another week has passed, as work is getting busier I am finding less and less time to write the Blog, I do have access to it in my phone, and I could just jot the notes in and edit it later. I really need to do this. I have learnt a valuable lesson this week. As my business gets busy, which is what I want I still need to find to for me, and Red wine after a tiring busy day does not help. The wine is the root of all evil for me. Everything falls apart. I don't choose the right food, I don't exercise I don't plan. aargh!

Anyway update:

Last Saturday's long ride was horrible, it was wet from start to finish, I was on my road bike and I was just uncomfortable the whole time. It was my worst training ride to date. The gears got clogged up with crap and I lost Grandma gear on the way home, not good. Finally decided to turn the bike upside down and fix it, then I had dirty gloves and could no longer clean my glasses. OMG I could not wait until I got home. Finally home a Spicy Pumpkin soup and a hot spa fixed me.

I have missed all my weight training sessions this week and I have only done one cycle class. lets just call this a rest week shall we.

Tomorrow is a 60km ride. Geoff is accompanying me tomorrow and we're riding from Templestowe into the city and home again. Looking forward to a dry ride. :)

Back on track now and I promise I will update more often.

[mwilcock]

Day one of the 27 week training plan to Ride to Conquer Cancer

Tuesday - chaos and madness is this day, not happy Jan. Putting it out to the universe that I only want peace, love and harmony in my life, I don’t have time or energy for anything else.

Wednesday - pretty much Tuesday continued Thursday - oh dear a bad case of food poisoning I think, up all Wednesday night, horrible, just horrible, spent pretty much the whole

Thursday on the couch, my joints were aching, my head was aching. Aargh

Proud of myself for not succumbing to the usual comfort foods/drinks over the last few days. I am learning that I am the only one that suffers in the end for that, it’s a short term escape and that is all it is, short term.

Friday - I hope I have had enough sleep now and I can start to fuel my body with good nourishing food to build up my strength, I was supposed to do my long ride today, but thought better of it considering I didn’t eat much other than some rice biscuits yesterday. I have a trek planned for tomorrow so I will do the long ride on Sunday. Fingers crossed

Saturday - the 4hr Trek turned into 6 hrs, it was tough, steep climbs, and I don’t think I was fully recovered from the gastro/food poisoning thing, my legs just felt weak. I plugged away, rested when I needed to and kept going. We stopped for a coffee and a bit of a snack at 11.30 and the. rains came. Walking back down the slippery red mountain was not much fun. The guides were taking us on a “short” cut, not entirely sure that’s what we got. Arrived home finally wet, tired and body aching and so so hungry. I have to be careful when this happens because I think I can eat anything and everything in sight, but no I have to stick to the plan. Which kind of worked. Didn’t convince myself I could order a pizza and go stupid.

Sunday - oh my body hurts, my hamstrings, my back, my hips. My plan today was to go for my long ride, having missed it in Friday, but seeing yesterday was so epic, I’m actually just going to take my bike to the bike path and do a leisurely Sunday ride, just turn the legs over, my legs couldn’t cope with any hills today.

End of week 3 results: Lost 1.5 kg this week, and 7.5 cm loss in one week! ( I have had negative thoughts in my head this morning, trying to tell myself not to get too carried away with the results because it could be just fluid due to the gastro. But then another voice says, no you have worked hard, you have not succumbed to the normal vices and gastro was days ago now, and besides last week was PM, so the loss is a loss, you’ve earned it. Isn’t it strange how quickly we want to pull ourselves back and knock ourselves done a peg or two.) We are our own worst enemy

P.S just had any amazing breakfast, pancakes (1egg and one banana, mixed together) with raspberries, goats yoghurt and chai seeds on top. Yummy

[mwilcock]

Week 2

Monday - Despite having massive DOMS this morning I forced myself to go to the gym, I must admit I did allow myself a sleep in until 7, there was no way I could of dragged myself out of bed early this morning after the weekends activities. I went through the motions pushing through the pain, and I did my cool down on the rower, even though it is my most hated machine in the place, but I figured I need to move all the muscles in my body, as all of them were sore. Now come evening I am glad I did, I am feeling great and pumped. Bring on Tuesday cycle class :)

Post cycle class - worked so hard I got the sick burp - told you I would share the good, the bad and the ugly - my pleasure :) Spoke with the cycle instructor and another lady from the class about whether there was any beginner women’s riding group in the area, went on to discuss how I struggle with the hills and I’m just not conditioned and I just need to spend more time on the bike, to which they replied “have you had anyone check the set up of your bike? Are you using the right technique? There’s a place Mitcham that you can pay to check everything out for you” WTF I just thought you got on a bike and road.

Found some answers about the portion sizes:

Each main meal should contain 1-2 portions good fats with 2 portions protein with up to 2 cups of salad/vegetables. 

To follow the nutrient timing principle we have discussed, complex carbohydrates are eaten as 1 portion in the post exercise window.

"Portion" refers to the size of your palm. 

Aim to eat intuitively, but no longer that 4 hours in between meals to naturally assist portion control and food choices.

Now what Nutrient timing means is eating 30-60 mins post exercise, so to translate the above, I can have my complex carbs such as rice, past, bread, potato etc in this window time frame. the whole concept of the above is to train your body to use fat as an energy instead of relying on carbs. The reason for this is that the body can only store a certain amount of carbs at any one time. So what you thought you knew about carb loading is BS really. The other thing is that during endurance events you need to fuel about every 90mins. I have some natural options for this which I have found on The Natural Nutritionist website. When I get up in the morning now before I exercise I make a black coffee (plunger) and add 1TBL spoon of butter (grass fed) and 1TBL spoon of coconut oil, this is known as a Fat Black or a Buller Proof. This helps tell my body we’re going to use fat to do this workout.

Commitment made to Ride to conquer cancer, feeling exciting about it, I have something to train for, something that is out of my comfort zone and something bigger than I have done before. And now I can finally get that other “r” word out of my head. So the deal is, it’s on 25th and 26th Oct. it’s 100km each day, and I have to raise $2,500. Big targets but I can do this. Wednesday - couldn’t get up again for aquanauts, you should have be a fly in my head, his morning. The conversation went like this, “oh that’s the alarm already, I’m tired, I’ve had 2 nights of less than 6hours sleep, hubby kept me awake with his snoring, I’m stressed about my youngest, yeah right they're good excuses, GET UP, but I’m tired I need my rest, you know they’re just excuses, GET UP, but I don’t want to, I’m scared, WHAT ARE YOU SCARED ABOUT? I don’t know, then GET UP. No I don’t want to, you’ve argued with yourself so long you’re wide awake now, GET UP.” But guess what I didn’t. So what’s that about? I do find aquanauts really challenging, and I am the slowest in the class, but everyone is friendly and I really enjoy it when I go. Fear of failure, fear of being uncomfortable? Aargh….work in progress Wednesday arvo - more drama on the home front, but no more excuses, came home chucked on music videos and hit my home workout, got on the wind trainer and I think I have finally found a comfortable set up. So smashed out my workout, pushed out more push ups than I did last time, had sweat dripping on the floor, that’s when you know you’ve hit it hard. :) Just so you know I’m not missing out, I’m eating a raspberry and coconut muffin (from last Saturdays cook up) with coconut yoghurt, chopped almonds and chai seeds, yummy!! Love Thursday morning sleep in :) Easter tomorrow, and I’m looking forward to 4 days of riding, hiking, reading and some more riding, we don’t really do chocolate in this house so nothing to worry about there. I actually can’t remember the last time I got given chocolate at Easter. Thursday lunch - when you know how this style of eating is amazing, having toasted zuchinni bread (from Saturdays cook up), avocado and poached eggs, yum :) and a home made coconut milk coffee (plunger coffee, coconut milk and rice malt syrup, in the blender) Drawn up my training plan for the Ride to Conquer Cancer - 27 weeks, building up to 210kms per week over 5 sessions. 2 cycle classes, 1 session on the wind trainer and a Saturday and Sunday ride, as well as cross training, like gym, aquanauts, walks etc. going to be full on, but it’s exciting. :) Friday - bush walk with he dogs Saturday - road to the gym in the rain, not pleasant but never is Chemo Sunday - rest day and lunch with the In-Laws, then off to a movie with the Hubby. Now here's where I would normally beat myself up about "falling off" but no I am human and I enjoy an indulgence every now and then and if I keep to my 80/20 rule all is ok. But it is interesting to observe what happened. I decided to have a glass of wine with my meal before the pictures, mmmm nice so I have a 2nd (it is very difficult for me to stop at 1), then we go to the movies and I have a craving for chocolate, aargh it's the wine talking because I have been around chocolate all day and not wanted any. So I buy a packet of pods and pretty much eat the whole thing. They were so good. Hey like I said I'm not going to beat myself up over it, so what one day in 2 weeks, I'm doing pretty well. Monday - mountain bike ride in Buxton, 1 1/2 hrs, hard work, but fun. Then we go to the pub for lunch. Another lesson learnt here. I ordered Lamb cutlets, yummy, but no-where on the menu did it say they were crumbed :( they whole meal was very disappointing Results for week 2 are: I have lost another 700grams and a few cm off waist, bust, hips. A good result Feeling like I have been a little complacent with things this week (not talking about Sunday) I've let a few more soy caps in and I haven't been recording everything I eat, I think some minor tweaking and I might just see some bigger numbers this week. Oh also with all is extra cardio I have to make sure I am still doing my weight training, very important for metabolism and the strength training will help avoid injury. Bring on week 3 and the first week of my 27 week training program for Ride to Conquer Cancer

[mwilcock]

So it begins

Day 1 of the 6 week challenge p>I’m not sure if I will update everyday but feeling I need to pat myself on my back for a few things today.

1. Went to the gym - big tick, but I also chose to use a machine I hate, so I stepped out of my comfort zone, huge tick 2. I didn’t buy any soy caps even though I was dog tired being first day back at work, I did drink 3 black coffees though and plenty of green teas 3. 3 Lt. of water drank as well (you can guess where I have spent the most of today) 4. I gave away 2 chocolate frogs and a kit Kat that was on my desk, left over for the expo before I went on before hols 5. When the tiredness hit this arvo I didn’t go and attack the chocolate sitting on the lunch room table

Well done me, good start, oh I also didn’t eat my calories, which is actually a bad thing, but i missed calculated my last appointment and hadn’t brought my dinner in, so my snacks kind of lasted the day. My food was a really good balance of nutrients so I was satisfied. The water, coffee and green tea probably helped to keep me full too.

Going to bed early as I have to get up at 5.15 for a 6am cycle class. No late night working tomorrow so I must make sure I use the time wisely (relaxing)

Great start, I’m happy with that. :)

Tuesday- Slept terrible last night, got worries with my 17 year old son, felt like I was awake most of the night, thought of skipping the cycle class, but hey I wasn’t going to get any better sleep from 5.15 to 7 that I hadn’t already had, so up I got. Tuesday cycle class - OMG I was watching the time from the 20min mark, tough, but I guess I’m pushing the boundaries and that must mean improvements. Didn’t mention yesterday that my hip was playing up, when this happens I ask myself, why? And a lot of the time there is no explanation, maybe because of the 4 hour car trip on Sunday, maybe something I did at the gym? Who knows. The journey to fitness must be about balance and sustainability. Feel like a fraud just saying those words, I know this is the case but in the past I have very rarely achieved it. I’m an ALL or NOTHING kind of girl. I tend to throw myself at something 110% to achieve my goal then once I have achieved it I stop. So this being a new beginning is going to change. I must find an exercise routine that I can sustain, that that fits in with my busy life and that I enjoy. So I might find myself tweaking things from time to time until I get it right and that’s ok. I also am very aware I need to look after my soul and my nervous system, so yoga and quiet time is a necessity. Part of my 6 weeks challenge is that I need to – Twice a day I need to say in my head at least 1 thing i like about myself, something i am proud of, something I want to achieve, something i have achieved for the week. So I am proud that I got up for cycle class despite the terrible night sleep, I will establish good exercise habits/routine and we are only 2 days in so haven’t finished the week, but last nights update shows what I was proud of achieving yesterday 6pm sooooo tired all I can think of is going to bed, I know I should cook a proper meal but I just can’t be bothered, so it’s 2 chicken legs Again even though I was so tired and I really wanted the comfort of my Soy cap or the Easter eggs on the lunch room table I still didn’t have any and I have drank 3lts of water again. Wednesday - 11.5 hrs sleep OMG I haven’t done that since I was about 16. When the alarm went off at 5am I was still tired, tired in a my head is spinning way, so I didn’t get up for aquanauts, I will do a workout at home tonight Thursday- So yesterday didn’t improve, I felt like crap all day, head achey, foggy etc, it was pouring with rain all day and I finished up at work at 6, so I just couldn’t be bothered. Ah so what am I bad? No just start the day new and get on with it. I ate well yesterday, I only managed about 1 1/2 lts of water but quite a few green teas, so not too bad. I did go,out and myself a soy cap in the arvo. 1 in 3 days is not bad considering I normally would have had at least 1 per day. Early to bed again last night and I feel much better this morning. So 1 thing I like about myself and I’m proud of. Despite feeling really crappy and tired the last 2 nights I haven’t given into red wine, which is what I would normally do. I have made a pack with myself no wine until my cousins wedding in the 30th of May and if I feel like a drink on the weekend it is to be vodka lime and soda. When I did alcohol free in Jan everything just fell into place, I had more energy, I got up and got the exercise done and that made me feel better too. I also felt like my body was “clean” I know that’s a weird way to describe it, but it the best word I can find. My head was clear, I was more organised, I was more motivated. Now I know it’s not just the alcohol it’s the clean eating as well. If you don’t already know I roughly follow no grains, no diary, no sugar and definitely no numbers in my food. I say roughly because I occasionally have soba noodles, or rice cakes/crackers and sometimes there is a little cheese in my frittatas, so it’s a rough following of the Paelo diet, with a twist :) So it’s Saturday now and I’m feeling disappointed in myself because I haven’t done a scrap of exercise for 3 days (I have good excuses) but that’s just what they are aren’t they. But what’s the point in beating myself up about, I’ll just feel crap about myself and then say why bother and throw my hands up in the air, but remember this is a new start and that’s what I used to do. So I’m going off to the gym and I’m gong to smash it. I’m going to combine my cardio and my strength training program’s together, I’m in no hurry today so why not. Nutrition has been pretty good, but I am trying to determine what the daily requirements/ breakdown of fats/protien/sugars etc should be on the Paelo style diet. It seems a hard question to find the answer to as the concept is if you eat a balance meal you won’t feel hungry and you won’t have cravings so you should only eat what you need. That’s ok but if you are so used to over eating what is the correct amount to eat? I will continue to research and see what I find. Post gym- OMG eye opener, I am not as fit or as strong as I used to be, but I have a bench mark don’t I. Feeling so much better for having exercised, now I know that if I feel crap exercise always makes me feel better so why don’t I do it when I’m feeling crap? That is the question isn’t it? Today is day 7 of no alcohol, and I am pretty cool with that, really looking feeling to feeling pumped and energised, hopefully that will come next week. Off to do my cook up now- chicken soup, zuchinni bread, nut slice, raspberry and coconut muffins and egg cups. Lots of snacks prepared for next week. Sunday - road to the gym (1hr), swim 20mins, Body Balance then road home. OMG Felt like I'd done a half marathon when I got home. Don't be fooled into thinking that Body balance is all relaxed and carm, it was hard work, broke out into a sweat and everything, but the mediation bit at the end was so relaxing so I didn't want to then have to ride home, but I had no choice I had to go. 1st weeks results, I lost 900g and a whopping 9cm off my waist!!! My 2 Achilles heals are Soy Caps and alcohol. I only had 1 soy cap and I had no alcohol. Well done me!! I exercised 4 out of 6 planned training days, but I did a double on Saturday and Sunday is my endurance day and I think I pretty much covered that. I am proud of many choices I have made this week, I am not going to give any attention to what I didn't do that I should of. I had 3 days of feeling pretty crappy but I think I'm past that and I am excited about what the next week will bring, especially with having 4 days off to do long bike rides and bush walks, we don't really do the Easter thing so I won't have any issues with chocolate. Bring on week 2 :)