can someone please be proud of me like fuck I’m trying
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hey google how to make friends online in 2024
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you know what really gets my goat?
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ow.
this fucking sucks. this fucking hurts.
i kept thinking, too good to be true, too good to last, i hate being right.
i thought for just a second, oh, this is love, this is what its supposed to feel like, this is what being loved is like.
i wish i'd done something wrong, to deserve it, but this is worse. this praise and careful phrasing, this polite civility, it almost burns.
maybe someday i'll appreciate how quiet and clean this end came.
i feel like i'll look down and see my entrails. i realize, i've never been on this end before. i've always been the one to cut it off before it could hurt. i've always picked and clawed the wounds long into infection, only severing once healing fails, or else i've seen a papercut and dismembered the whole limb, but this, this intangible pain, this impossible wound,
i wish i were dying, at least then it'd make sense to hurt this bad
but i don't blame you. you were good. you were kind. you were sweet to me and taught me so much in that short time. i got better for it.
i'll get better someday for this too. maybe. i hope so.
oh but i wish you'd been cruel.
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and on the eighth day god made rise tmnt and turned leo into a little meow meow bitch who gets put into the shake jar and passed around. and it was good
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telling myself they don't have enough of me to hurt me, realizing it's not true
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