mxamalgam

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What if I'm not self conscious about it?

Girls, if you're self-conscious about the way your tum and thighs jiggle when you walk, you need to know that you have unimaginable power over the rest of us creatures beneath you

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Little miss whos shy until she trusts you then she becomes the biggest slut on the planet.

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Social media kinda sucks. I'm gonna go now

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umm i need reassurance that my presence is wanted but i can’t ask for reassurance because that’s really Embarrassing and it wouldn’t feel genuine if i asked for it

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Aliko Dangote, the richest man in Africa, has been tormented by a Brazilian man named Osvaldo for the last several years.

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White man makes up a bunch of stuff designed to make people go "Yes, that fits into my framework of thought. Integrating that now." And achieves fame for it Number #283809283

"don't go grocery shopping when hungry" doesn't work for me because Not Hungry Me cannot conceive of a universe in which food is needed so she buys like a cup of pomegranate seeds and some fancy cheese and thinks that'll get us through the week.

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"You can't ship that!"

lol what are you gonna do, climb inside my mind and shut off the imagination switch?

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Silly Game Time: WRONG ANSWERS ONLY! How do you win a football game?

Put the ball up your ass and run to the goal. Gets them every time.

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Star Trek: Deep Space Nine "Past Tense, Pt. 1"

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oh, so you like dogs? name one dog

this is the dog, you can name them :)

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Awesome

How would you die in Willy Wonka’s chocolate factory?

this is a great question because it narrowed my soul! i would choke on regular chewing gum on the steps outside before even entering the factory. willy would make no attempt to perform the heimlich maneuver and would leave my corpse on the concrete

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mlp movie review

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👏🍾🎉

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I understand why a lot of fantasy settings with Ambiguously Catholic organised religions go the old "the Church officially forbids magic while practising it in secret in order to monopolise its power" route, but it's almost a shame because the reality of the situation was much funnier.

Like, yes, a lot of Catholic clergy during the Middle Ages did practice magic in secret, but they weren't keeping it secret as some sort of sinister top-down conspiracy to deny magic to the Common People: they were mostly keeping it secret from their own superiors. It wasn't one of those "well, it's okay when we do it" deals: the Church very much did not want its local priests doing wizard shit. We have official records of local priests being disciplined for getting caught doing wizard shit. And the preponderance of evidence is that most of them would take their lumps, promise to stop doing wizard shit, then go right back to doing wizard shit.

It turns out that if you give a bunch of dudes education, literacy, and a lot of time on their hands, some non-zero percentage of them are going to decide to be wizards, no matter how hard you try to stop them from being wizards.

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You shouldn’t date or become serious friends/partners with someone if you can’t stomach the thought of being stuck in a car or train with them for 16 hours.