my-honor-is-to-try

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the secret to life is to always use more spinach and less rice than you think you’ll need

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when you have a cat you can experience sensations! some of them are soft. some of them are painful. many of them are wet

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shout out to all my middle school weird girls who grew up and are still weird but are no longer girls

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aren't you tired of being nice. don't you just want to go rabid and bite someone

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on a dark & stormy night, there was a creature . & you’re never going to beleive what it did next

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tomorrow i will get my life together. if i’m not sleepy

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"oh homeless people are just gonna use your money to buy drugs" and? and?? the government uses my tax money to buy bombs and cops, you think I care if someone in a shitty situation uses money I gave them to feel marginally less shitty? fuck off!

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no phone i did not “miss a call” i watched it ring the whole time

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mr j, may i see your toe beans? are they freckled like your nose?

オレのにくきゅうは ブチなしです

I don't have any freckles on my toe beans

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i love when a cat meows at you and you're like "yeah tell me about it" and they're like "meaarow" and you're like "that's crazy man" and they go "rrraow" and you both continue in that manner for quite some time or until the cat decides to bite you

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lower the retirement age to 3. im sick of this shit

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Ok, God, I am fucking wheezing, I got trained to work with mice today since I’ll need them for some experiments and the guy who trained me was like, “Yeah ok so if there’s a day where you just absolutely cannot get your mice to cooperate you can always do this” and picks up this cone-shaped bag and just put the mouse face-first into it and shows it to me and I lose my shit because deadass it was a piping-bag of mouse. Like, the whole mouse was pressed into this cone, fur and ears and feet all pressed up against the plastic, tail sticking up absurdly out of the top of the thing. It was so unimaginably fucking funny but like the mouse was perfectly ok with it, there’s a hole for air at the bottom so she could breathe and all but it was genuinely the most absurd thing I have witnessed in months

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laughing that so many people’s (correct) response was ‘well now i just cannot show my face ever at the library again’

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yesterday I got the “are you a boy or are you a girl” question from a six-year-old, and I told her that some people aren’t boys or girls (like me!) I was expecting her to be a little confused, but she nodded thoughtfully and said, “wow, just like snails.”

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