my-mental-blog

[my-mental-blog]

“Yes, be patient with me. My heart is heavy.”

—

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[my-mental-blog]

the “I’m coping” checklist:

• impulsively changing your hair

• never finishing the book you tried to write

• alcohol

• writing rants on your phone

• accidentally watching movies/playing games till 5 am

• forgetting to eat

• cynicism/dark humor

• weed

• imagining yourself venting to someone

• materialism for serotonin

• breaking down and then saying you don’t need a therapist

• random spikes of a false god complex

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My Instagram

[my-mental-blog]

I can’t picture anyone daydreaming about me. I can’t picture someone thinking about me when they’re laying in bed before they fall asleep. I can’t picture anyone telling their friends about me. I can’t picture anyone getting butterflies because I hugged them, or even just because I made eye contact with them. I can’t picture someone smiling because my name lit up their phone. I just can’t.

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i don’t know how much longer i can wait

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who else is a member of the “you’re not thin enough to have an eating disorder” club

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i used to only hate my body but now i hate who i am as a person too lol

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I want to be my passion project,

I want to like myself.

Lost my personality long time ago,

All I want was someting to feel accomplish for.

Moment after moment everybody liked me more,

I got addicted to who they see me as.

Lovely, tiny girl, beautiful and skinny.

Something to be praised about,

Showing ribs and toxic brain its what I end up with.

[my-mental-blog]

10 Reasons Not To Relapse:

1) Withdrawals. Those weren’t fun, were they?

2) The mental torture and anxiety of realizing the dope is almost out…

3) …and having to experience that feeling every single day.

4) Your freedom will be lost once again. The dope will be making all the decisions now, and it doesn’t care how its choices will destroy you.

5) Do you really want to lose your clean time? Even if it’s a day, so many people will never be able to achieve a day of sobriety.

6) Oh, but you might not get an opportunity to ever get clean again, because there’s a good chance you’ll O.D.

7) You’ll go back to the same lifestyle that brought you to get clean to begin with.

8) Think you feel shitty now? You’ll feel even shitter when you relapse.

9) Think of your worst drug run and double it: that’s what you’ll have to look forward to.

10) I may not know you personally, but I know you don’t deserve to relive the horror that is active addiction. You may question your worth, but let me be the one to tell you that you deserve SO MUCH BETTER than having a needle in your arm, powder in your nose, or toxin in your lungs.

Now, don’t be ashamed or feel hopeless if you relapsed, because relapse is a part of lot of people’s stories, including mine. Relapse doesn’t mean you can’t get clean again; in fact it’s a big incentive to say “fuck you addiction!” And try again!

** This post is for the addicts who are about to pick up. I just wanted to try to prevent at least one person’s relapse, because as many of us know, relapses are miserable. **

[my-mental-blog]

I've gotten so low since I was last here. I love drugs more than ever, doing good without alcohol though. I sucked dick for blow one night... I didn't mean for it to come out that way but the words came out of my mouth before I could rephrase them. I feel gross, but I want the drugs so bad I'd do it again... the fuck is wrong with me

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Me: *gets heart broken*

Also me: “I’ll still be here if you need anything though”

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If you’re having a hard time putting effort into things like your relationships with people, your work ethic, your art etc. because your energy is constantly being drained. You are not alone and I completely understand. It is okay, take time to yourself to gather some energy, you will get there, keep going.

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please stop telling trauma survivors that it “made us who we are”.

it’s a huge disservice to us and implies that we needed the trauma. we didn’t.

some of us don’t want to be defined by it. some of us haven’t become better people because of it. some of us stayed who we are despite it. don’t give the trauma credit for us being able to make it through and survive.