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my-souls-leaving · 3 years ago

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◇Angst prompts◇

"I'm nothing like you! I will never be like you!"

"I'm sure it will be fine. I mean, I'm fine, arent I?" "If you can call behaving like a lost soul fine."

"I'm sorry, but excuse me? Where did you get my diary?" "This? This is your diary?" "Yes now give it back."

"I hate you." "Yeah. . .I figured."

"What did you just call me?" "You heard me. I called you a bastard!" "You will regret calling me that!"

"I'm sorry but. . .what are you talking about? I did nothing to stop [name] from leaving us. [Pronouns] left us on [Pronouns] own."

"I didn't make it in. It doesn't matter, just leave me alone." "You seriously going to give up like that?" "Yeah. . .I mean, what am I supposed to do?"

"What if I don't want to sleep?!" "Why not?!" "I don't want to be in a endless cycle of nightmares! You wouldn't know so why do you even care?!?"

"Trust between friends is strong. I know that well. But my trust for [name] is long gone after [Pronouns] betrayal."

"Don't you get it? I don't need you here anymore. I can take care of myself and my cat!" "And your roommate, [name]? You can barely do so anyway."

"Oh [name], what have you done?" "I did everything for you." "This. . .this isn't what I wanted." "What did you want then? Please, I'll do anything for you, sweetheart!" "I want to break up with you." ". . .What?"

"Why are you always ignoring me?! Is it because of [name]?! Is that it? Are you. . .cheating on me with [name]?" "Who says I'm cheating you? You haven't figured it out yet? I only used you."

"Use me for all I care! I will never stop loving you!" "Then why not change that, shall we?"

"What have I done?" "Damnit [name]! I told you to stay here and now look at what happened! And you did this! Why am I even using you anyway?! You’re clearly no match for [Name]!" "I - I'm sorry. . ."

"Don't cry sweetie, you know I would never hurt you, right?" "Y - Yes. . ." "And you know that I only wanted to put you back in your place, right?" "Y - Yes. . ." "I love you. You know that?" "I - I love you too."

"How am I the manipulative one?! You’re the one that used me to become popular and for money! You clearly were thinking about turning me into your slave--no--your goddamn pet! I can't believe I ever loved you!"

"Guess I was wrong. I know you loved me, and I loved you. But not all love stories have happy endings. ." "We can fix this!" "Go ahead, but be ready to meet failure in the end [name]."

"You betrayed me for them! How would you feel if I betrayed you for someone else?!" "Don't care. Now, are you gonna continue to yap like a dog? Cause it's annoying."

"Don't forget who's in charge, darling." "Oh, I know you aren't. I know I am. Why did I ever trust you in the first place?"

"Don't touch me. I don't want to see you or your new family in my face ever again. So leave me alone!"

"I could've done better. . ."

"I trusted the wrong [species]. . .and now, I messed up even more."

"I hate you but at the same time I love you. Why am I like this? What we have isn't love. I don't even know anymore! My heads all kinds of fucked up!"

"This couldn't get any worse." "[Name] is dead." "What?" "You heard me, someone accidentally hit [Pronouns] with their car." "N - No! That can't be true! It just can't be!" "I'm sorry for your loss. [Name]."

"I gave my world up to be with you and now you're just leaving me now? How could you?!"

"I hate you. I hate them. I hate myself and my life." "But-" "But you can't change how I feel about you. I never even liked you as a friend. You'll always be my enemy."

"I'm tired of this. I'm so fucking tired of all of this abuse, can't we just. . .stop for a moment and think about how bad we are towards each other?" "I rather do the opposite. You know we can't stop ourselves from loving each other, right?" "That's the thing. . ."

"None of this makes any sense! You want me to go to war?! I'm just a 16 year old and I'm scared! I don't want to die! I don't belong here! I should be out in the real world, living a normal life!"

"Life isn't fair. Life is not filled with fairytales. Life is something you can't always escape from unless you decide to end it, such as myself. . ."

"I never trusted you to begin with, now, leave me the fuck alone."

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my-souls-leaving · 4 years ago

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the only thing consistent in my life is my suicidal thoughts

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my-souls-leaving · 4 years ago

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tw

i want to preface this by saying i dont expect anyone to ever see this other than myself

the mirror feels like a photo, where if i catch it at the right time and angle, i would frame it, but the other 99.99987% of the time, it makes me gag. it makes me feel like im living a double life, where the person i think i am is completely different to the person everyone else is seeing. trying to find other girls my age and size and weight just to try and ese some of the disgust i have for myself and my body. but im scared that if i find someone who looks exactly like me, with the same measurements, eating habits, weight and size clothing, i’d find them ugly and say ‘thank god im not actually like that’

my life and personality balances on a point, where one side is narcissism, god complex and believing i m truly better than everyone and the other side is suicidal thoughts everyday, not having a reason to be sad, trying to find the right motivation to stop eating, hating every single thing about myself.

trying to figure out how i feel at any given moment is such an exhausting task, and i cant bare to watch anyone else try and figure out what im doing or feeling or thinking.

i am certain that my body is the reason that i will kill myself one day

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my-souls-leaving · 4 years ago

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jokes on you i already know what my cause of death is

its gonna be suic*de 😎

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my-souls-leaving · 4 years ago

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a second??? diary entry???

i dont know if its because i just finished eath note and am bawling my eyes out bc it made me so incredibly sad, or because i was left n read by one of my best friends, or that ive been left of delivered for 2 hours, but i can feel that this is te start of my next decline. ITs scheduled because i’ve been hving a good week i guess. im not sure if ive pisssed her off or have made her upset so shes distancing herself from me, or if i actually have a valid reason to be upset andhurt that this happpens almost dIly. shes the type to obsess over snapmaps and being left on delievered, i feel like theres a personal aspect to this. otherwise i a just overthinking and have decided that my feelings arent valid. unless im playing the victim again?

idk all i know is that im morbidly depressed and my end is sure to come any day now, does anyone have a deathnote lying around?

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my-souls-leaving · 4 years ago

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a diary entry i guess

this is a way to express everything because no one i kno will listen and treat me the way i treat them, im so tired of sending everyone healing energy and receiving nothing but a blank screen, no responses, a read receipt, a like but no comment, being left on delivered while theyre still active. i intend to talk to an audience that supports me and wants to help me, but its a void im talking to. now im talking to a void with no response expected.

every conversation or interaction i do have is all the same. everyday is the same, literally. and not as an artsy trope. time stands still and speeds past me with each breathe i take, and each breath i hold as a way to past time and test my limits. feeling nothing half the time and feeling everything the other half of the time is such am exhausing feeling, i dont know what im feeling, im searching and diagnosing aand lying to myself and my friends and family and therapists. i lie bout whats happening, what makes me feel upset or happy, what i know and dont know, changing my story to suit every individual and ensure that they think im an interesting and complex when in reality im just like every other mundane person who lives a boring meaningless life, who doesnt even understand why she cant process her emotions, or stay with a boyfriend for more than 5 months. to not start a conversation with ‘im so tired’ ‘its so cold’ ‘this is the worst’ and to actually have reason behind why im talking, rather than to just fill space.

love is something im never going to find. im not even sure i want to find it. i dont even like saying the word. it sounds like a made up thing for boring people to look forward to in their boring useless meaningless lives because nothing else will ever happen for them. if i do find love, i wont be happy because i change ky mind so often and am terrified of anyone finding out how and what i think. i dont even care about having sex. i can go years without it, it just means nothing to me, perhaps its because i have a horrible self esteem and have never had a positive thought about my body. if anyone ever sees my body without me spending weeks preparing for them to see it, i think i would actually rather just drop dead right there and then. for anyone to see me the way i see myself is the most terrifying thing i can even begin to fathom.

i feel like im living a constant lie, and i dont know if it changes rapidly, or if that is the only thing that is consistent thing in my life.

i really dont blame my friends for anything, after reading this i wouldnt show myself any emotion or support

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my-souls-leaving · 5 years ago

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