mydearlybeloathed

[mydearlybeloathed]

me when i have to put proper citations: ugh this is so annoying who even cares what i do in the footnotes

me when i can't find a source because it hasn't been quoted correctly: i am going to track down the authors and they will answer to me. i will find out who caused this suffering. there will be blood.

[mydearlybeloathed]

Sons and War

Your action now will not relieve the guilt of doing nothing then

[mydearlybeloathed]

I had this truly awful lady I worked with many years ago. She was rude, callous, and generally pretty unpleasant. She was exceptionally homophobic to my face. She told me incredibly upsetting stories about animal abuse.

But even with all that negative karma I don’t think anyone deserves to have their boyfriend literally die on them while having sex.

Which is what happened to her.

He orgasmed and apparently that ruptured a blood vessel somewhere important can’t remember if it was brain but I think so and he died with his dick still inside her which I’m pretty sure is the kind of thing that should guarantee you free therapy for the rest of your life.

But the craziest part was that she performed CPR and actually managed to restart his bodily function which is absolutely mind boggling. Can you imagine going from mid coitus to life saving procedure? The presence of mind she must have had. It’s bonkers.

Ultimately, he didn’t live. While she’d gotten his body going his brain never resumed function and he passed a few hours later.

But because she’d kept his heart beating he was at the hospital when he died and he was an organ donor. They were able to harvest his organs under ideal conditions. Even though she didn’t save him she did save three or four other people by resuscitating him.

[mydearlybeloathed]

hate when people think the only archetype possible for a male sidekick to a female protagonist is a soft boi and/or himbo. like the implication there is that the only reason a man would ever defer to a woman’s authority is if he was a bumbling idiot. love male supporting characters who are smart and strong and confident and can step up when necessary but still kind and humble enough to let someone else take the lead most of the time

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good news i'm the most fuckable person at this vehicular manslaughter

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being doomed by the narrative is cool and all but i like when a character is doomed just by being a fucking idiot. sorry that happened to you but it is entirely your own fault and you could have just chosen to not do all that

[mydearlybeloathed]

everytime i find a fanfiction i like, a star is created and the world takes a step towards peace

[mydearlybeloathed]

BANG CHAN ⋮ NYC D2 SOUNDCHECK — 250619 (© tinychannie1003)

[mydearlybeloathed]

[mydearlybeloathed]

daily affirmations:

i am kind

i am in control of my emotions

it does not bother me when someone is in the kitchen while i was planning to be in there alone

everyone in the house has the right to be in the kitchen

i am kind and in control of my emotions even when someone is in the kitchen while i was planning to be in there alone

[mydearlybeloathed]

By Chris Vognar

Publisher’s Weekly recently reported that book sales for the first half of the year are down once again, continuing a trend that has accelerated since the pandemic.

As usual, I seem to be out of step. After a few years of joining the Kindle cult, I am back to my old bibliophile ways of buying more books than I will possibly have time to read. I do this not just out of compulsion, but aspiration (and, more practically, for research on various writing assignments). When I go to a great bookstore, which, to me, is like a cathedral, I feel the need to tithe. Some might call me a book hoarder.

I once read that buying books represents the illusion of buying the time needed to read them. That sounds about right. But these personal inclinations usually stem from a personal story. Here is mine. It takes a few turns.

I grew up around books, which is one of the few good things I can say about how I grew up. I remember opening my parents’ dusty hardcover of James Joyce’s “Finnegan’s Wake” and thinking: How do people read this? (OK, so I still think that about “Finnegan’s Wake.”) I remember my mom’s rows of paperback Dorothy Sayers mystery novels. Even then, I could sense the magic contained within two covers, and I carried that sense of magic into adulthood.

In a former life, in another city, I had hundreds of books in the house. They lined shelves, and they sat in unruly stacks. Then, suddenly, that old life ended. My life partner, Kate, got sick and died. I lost my job, and, to some extent, my mind. I was sort of exiled to another city, Houston, with most of my old Dallas life, including the books, left in storage, where they remain. I started packing lightly and adhering to minimalism. Hence the Kindle, which I had sworn off for years as a not tangible enough reading experience. I fell into a rather spartan existence.

But something happened a few months back. I’m not exactly sure what it was, but I can trace the steps. I made my maiden voyage to Ikea, a story in itself, and I bought a bookcase, which had a strange domesticating effect on what I still think of as my temporary lodging in a friend’s townhouse. I figured I needed to fill that bookcase. And I slowly returned to the pleasure of holding a book, reading a book, and, yes, buying a book.

Since my work is to write about books, I have some form of excuse. But there’s more to it than that. I remembered how much I love books as physical objects: their smell, their feel, the sensory reading experience they offer. I like getting them in the mail. I am interminably curious, and unrealistically ambitious. It’s a dangerous combination. I’ll be watching an Elia Kazan movie and suddenly I’ll remember that Richard Schickel wrote an acclaimed biography of the great director, whose legacy was tarnished when he named names during the Hollywood blacklist. I don’t own that biography. One thing leads to another. Again and again.

The books get in the way sometimes. They pile up on the arm of the chair where I sit to watch TV. They take up the space on my ottoman where my feet are supposed to go. The stacks of galleys I receive as a book reviewer have taken over a whole table, organized by publication month.

On the table, at the moment, is the Penguin Classics edition of Dickens’ “Bleak House,” which I’ve always wanted to read. There’s Haynes Johnson’s ’90s postmortem “Divided We Fall,” because I’ve been tinkering with the idea of writing a book about the decade. There’s Kai Bird and Martin J. Sherwin’s “American Prometheus: The Triumph and Tragedy of J. Robert Oppenheimer,” because the movie is coming out soon and I might write something about it. There’s Mel Watkins’ “On the Real Side: A History of African American Comedy From Slavery to Chris Rock,” because it’s a great overview of one of my favorite subjects.

In buying books, I’m feeding the delusion that I will get to them all. Because, from my cockeyed perspective, it’s the noble thing to do. And perhaps it takes me back to better times. Yes, book sales are down. But I’m once again doing my part to right the ship.

[mydearlybeloathed]

If you see this post, you're obligated to tell me what scenario in your selfship you're currently thinking about 🥺💕

[mydearlybeloathed]

brb. going to do something stupid

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☀️

[mydearlybeloathed]

Felix / THE FIRST TAKE♡😠

[mydearlybeloathed]

Clueless Masterlist

Just eight boys and their very chaotic group chat.

Part 1: Clueless

You and Jisung are colleagues, and he's in love with you. But he's so nervous and clueless about how to win you over. And in come his brothers, to help out.

Part 2: Wrong Chat

Hyunjin, your best friend, drops you off for a coffee date with your colleague Mingyu. It's not a date at all, but Hyunjin thinks it is. And he rants in the wrong group chat - completely jealous and unhinged.

Part 3: Baby Bang

You've been distant lately, and Chan can't understand why. Because this is very unusual for the two of you as you two are on each other all the time. And Chan panics as you guys are getting married in a few months, and this sudden change is unraveling him.

Part 4: Smitten

You and Jeongin go to the same MMA class, and he is absolutely smitten by you. And you two are good friends too. The problem? You treat him like a child, when all he wants is to ask you out. And that's where his unhinged gang enters.

Part 5: Just Friends

You and Minho used to be friends with benefits. Until you caught feelings, and you both called it off. But Minho obviously misses you and is miserable even though he doesn't want to admit it. And his brothers have had enough of his moping.

Part 6: Peek-a-boo

You and Felix live on the topmost floor of your buildings - apartments facing each other, with long windows giving a glimpse into each other's lives. And then one day, everything changes.

Part 7: Plus One

You and Changbin work in the same office and are work besties. He's so in love with you, but he's totally afraid to cross that line. And then you ask him to be your plus one for a wedding.

Part 8: Arranged

You and Seungmin were best friends since childhood - both heirs to your separate family businesses. Your parents are trying to get you married, and Seungmin for once, is absolutely losing it.

[mydearlybeloathed]

a good sailor will always return to the sea